Anyone ever heard of this?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness

I wonder if this really applies to me or not.

Other interesting findings by Gilmartin:

    * Love-shy men often suffer more allergies and headcolds than non-shy men (Doesnt apply to me)
    * Many love-shy men feel women are more privileged than men (thats a feeling i've harbored for quite some time)
    * Love-shy men tend to be less interested in sports (i have ZERO interest in any of them)
    * They are not interested in male friendships (well, i do have interest in this, but not as much as most guys)
    * They develop interest in females at an earlier age than usual (yup)
    * A surprisingly high number of love-shy men surveyed said that if they were to have children, they would only want to have daughters, not sons (can't say that applies to me)

I think this could explain why I am so super-shy when it comes to women in real life. I mean I, like described in this article, have an EXTREMELY hard time even initiating conversation. All I ever manage is "hi" or perhaps a "how are you". Even if I get a positive response I dont feel comfortable enough to continue..

God, they'll come up with a name for ANYTHING won't they ::)


Your auto-insultocation is playing up again eh

Your kindness is overwhelming. My, what a bunch of bleeding hearts you are.

If you have or ever take a psychology class, you'll understand where I'm coming from.....they come up with a "name" for EVERYTHING.


Yeah, I've taken one. Of course they do..thats part of psychology, identifying problems. Labelling them is a means of organization..

...Tis Wack, yo.




Beth

...Tis Wack, yo.




Beth


PLEASE...leave me alone.

Thanks for the psychology lesson.


Why do you insist on always being rude to me? What vandetta is it you have going there?

Why do you think I'm being rude?  Because I'm saying things you don't want to hear?  If you're afraid of the answer, don't ask the question.  Don't talk to people like they're idiots and maybe they won't answer sarcastically....


Well since phsychologists are apparently such idiots then why don't you tell me what YOUR solution is to my anti-socialness?

At least you are being honest.

Oh, SHE tells you off and she's "honest", but I give you my opinion and I'm a "bitch"....nice ::)


I thought you were just messing with me. I mean I never even talk to you off the boards!

And when did I ever say you were a "bitch"?  ???

Dude, I know how you feel. However, here's an article I stumbled across last year which really enlightened me and started me on the path to overcoming my shyness with women. I'm no superstud by any stretch, but I have made a conscious effort to be more confident and the results have been encouraging.

http://www.sosuave.com/romance/david/art61.htm

(And no, I didn't buy this guy's e-book.)

Dude, I know how you feel. However, here's an article I stumbled across last year which really enlightened me and started me on the path to overcoming my shyness with women. I'm no superstud by any stretch, but I have made a conscious effort to be more confident and the results have been encouraging.

http://www.sosuave.com/romance/david/art61.htm

(And no, I didn't buy this guy's e-book.)


I'm checking it out now..wow..  :o :o :o

So far, a lot of what this guy is saying makes sense, and a LOT of it applies to me.  :-\\

I always come up with reasons why it won't work. Because I THINK THINK THINK, all the time.. I always try to plan to even if its superflous.

I don't think shyness has to be specific. If you have difficulty talking to people in general, it is only natural that you are going to have as much difficulty communicating your love for someone.

I don't think shyness has to be specific. If you have difficulty talking to people in general, it is only natural that you are going to have as much difficulty communicating your love for someone.


Well I am pretty shy in general. Today I was invited to sit with a group of people at a picnic table during lunch on-campus, and I didn't say much other than "hi my name is alex", I just sat there with my stomach hurting. It was a cold, sharp type pain. I actually got up and left after about ten minutes.  :-\\

Although I'd say in regards to women I like its a bit more accute.

I don't think shyness has to be specific. If you have difficulty talking to people in general, it is only natural that you are going to have as much difficulty communicating your love for someone.


Correct what Rob says...you can label and re-package it any way you want, but it can still be boiled down to 'shyness' - it takes many different forms...

Have another look at the first article you linked and notice how many 'related subjects' (the words in blue) there are...

Obviously, there are different levels of 'shyness', but at the end of the cliche, it's one and the same cause...

Good to see that you've identified your problem and appear to be doing something about it - although there's only so much psychologists can do...in the end, it's up to the sufferer to make the progress themselves...

And yes, before you say so, I know that's easier said than done...

Where did I say they were idiots?  I didn't.  My point is why isn't "shy" good enough"?  Why isn't "anti-social" good enough?  Why does everything have to be over-analyzed?


I totally agree with you, Kim.

You're just painfully shy. When it comes to girls, your scared you will look like an idiot before you open your mouth. You need to just relax and talk to them like you would your mom or a sister.

Start off with very small groups of people instead of jumping into a crowd. Learn some relax techniques. Take baby steps. Don't jump into reading this Mumble Jumble Psyco stuff. Half that stuff is utter BS anyways.  Just be yourself, and learn to laugh at yourself as well.

I'm just trying to help you. 

Well I am pretty shy in general. Today I was invited to sit with a group of people at a picnic table during lunch on-campus, and I didn't say much other than "hi my name is alex", I just sat there with my stomach hurting. It was a cold, sharp type pain. I actually got up and left after about ten minutes.  :-\\

Well there you go, your problems are more general than you realise. By being specific with your problems you are only tackling a specific area of it(it's like having a phobia of insects but just concentrating on the winged ones). Relaxation techniques before you communicate with people might help if you are experiencing stomach cramps (part of your body's 'fight or flight' mechanism) but one thing to do is, if you like him/her, enjoy being with that person and show the positive parts of your personality not the negative. It may also help to listen to what these people have to say (you would be surprised how many shy people don't because they are constantly concentrating on how awkward they feel). You never know, you may have more in common with people than you realise.

Although I'd say in regards to women I like its a bit more accute.

And I've told you before in respect to girls, lay off pouring out your intense feelings for someone if you not sure what their mindset is, lol. Would you appreciate someone being intense all over you as soon as they met you? I know I wouldn't because, to me, that's not love - that's infatuation and not based on anything real at all.  :)

...but one thing to do is, if you like him/her, enjoy being with that person and show the positive parts of your personality not the negative. It may also help to listen to what these people have to say (you would be surprised how many shy people don't because they are constantly concentrating on how awkward they feel).


I'll just reiterate/paraphrase my last few words...

(To a sufferer of shyness) that's easier said than done...

I'll just reiterate/paraphrase my last few words...

(To a sufferer of shyness) that's easier said than done...


And I will say 'practice makes perfect'. I was a sufferer too, Paul, and still do from time to time and what I say doesn't come from psychologists but through my own experience. How many times have I been around a group of people and have had braindrain or lockjaw because I simply couldn't think of anything to say to them or I was worried about the effect of what I ultimately said. It's only by attempting to break out of the vicious cycles that we put ourselves through that we can hope, not to beat it, but to cope with it.

Anyone ever heard of this?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness

I wonder if this really applies to me or not.

Other interesting findings by Gilmartin:

    * Love-shy men often suffer more allergies and headcolds than non-shy men (Doesnt apply to me)
    * Many love-shy men feel women are more privileged than men (thats a feeling i've harbored for quite some time)
    * Love-shy men tend to be less interested in sports (i have ZERO interest in any of them)
    * They are not interested in male friendships (well, i do have interest in this, but not as much as most guys)
    * They develop interest in females at an earlier age than usual (yup)
    * A surprisingly high number of love-shy men surveyed said that if they were to have children, they would only want to have daughters, not sons (can't say that applies to me)

I think this could explain why I am so super-shy when it comes to women in real life. I mean I, like described in this article, have an EXTREMELY hard time even initiating conversation. All I ever manage is "hi" or perhaps a "how are you". Even if I get a positive response I dont feel comfortable enough to continue..



Some of it applies to me, since I'm outwardly shy. I can be real bold at times, however(much to some of this site's user's dismay).

And I will say 'practice makes perfect'. I was a sufferer too, Paul, and still do from time to time and what I say doesn't come from psychologists but through my own experience. How many times have I been around a group of people and have had braindrain or lockjaw because I simply couldn't think of anything to say to them or I was worried about the effect of what I ultimately said. It's only by attempting to break out of the vicious cycles that we put ourselves through that we can hope, not to beat it, but to cope with it.


True...but there are those who find it an impossible struggle to break 'em...

Sufferers do vary...

We're agreeing to a certain extent, though...!

True...but there are those who find it an impossible struggle to break 'em...

Sufferers do vary...

I understand.  :)

Maybe I am very fortunate to be able to cope with this particular affliction.

We're agreeing to a certain extent, though...!


Oh yeah.  :)

Maybe it just takes smaller steps. A shy person can't simply be expected to be comfortable around a group of people. It might have to take many one-on-one situations first.

what's love shyness? ???

what's love shyness? ???


Dear Howard...

...see page 1 of this thread...!!

Anyone ever heard of this?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness

I wonder if this really applies to me or not.

Other interesting findings by Gilmartin:

    * Love-shy men often suffer more allergies and headcolds than non-shy men (Doesnt apply to me)
    * Many love-shy men feel women are more privileged than men (thats a feeling i've harbored for quite some time)
    * Love-shy men tend to be less interested in sports (i have ZERO interest in any of them)
    * They are not interested in male friendships (well, i do have interest in this, but not as much as most guys)
    * They develop interest in females at an earlier age than usual (yup)
    * A surprisingly high number of love-shy men surveyed said that if they were to have children, they would only want to have daughters, not sons (can't say that applies to me)

I think this could explain why I am so super-shy when it comes to women in real life. I mean I, like described in this article, have an EXTREMELY hard time even initiating conversation. All I ever manage is "hi" or perhaps a "how are you". Even if I get a positive response I dont feel comfortable enough to continue..

You know what? After reading the link to wikipedia, I have to agree with crazymom. I mean, it sure was nice of Dr. Gilmartin to include his solution to "love-shyness," wasn't it?  And I'm quite certain he'd be more than happy to give it to you, once you've shelled out tens of thousands of your hard-earned dollars for years of unnecessary therapy. I'm not trying to be insulting, but IMO this quack is no better than these crooks in the pharmaceutical industry who are trying to dope up each and every one of us with their latest miracle cures. It's a scam, man. Allergies and headcolds? Lack of interest in sports? How the f*** does that have anything to do with attracting women?
      I can tell you from personal experience that when it comes to being shy around members of the opposite sex, it's all too easy to fall into the trap of overanalyzing it. The good news is, I believe that everyone has the power to overcome their shyness. And the only way to do so is practice, practice, practice. I think that if you keep at it, you'll find that most women will be receptive and friendly towards you. And as far as wondering what the right thing to say is? Don't sweat it. By far the best piece of advice I can give you is when you're talking to a woman, just try and have FUN. Tease them a little bit (in a friendly way, of course). Keep at it and I think you'll be surprised at the results.  :)

To me, this affliction of love shyness doesn't apply to men, but women, too. So, in essence - it's something we all suffer from. I think as humans, we all have an innate sense of shyness in us. Even the most outgoing people have their areas where they are shy, too. Usually, the most outgoing people suffer the most from shyness because they come across as overcompensating for things they are nervous to reveal.

I think we can all relate to being shy in love. I mean, love is something we're all very prone to feeling our most vulnerable because we're revealing a part of ourselves that we rarely let known to others.

To me, this affliction of love shyness doesn't apply to men, but women, too. So, in essence - it's something we all suffer from. I think as humans, we all have an innate sense of shyness in us. Even the most outgoing people have their areas where they are shy, too. Usually, the most outgoing people suffer the most from shyness because they come across as overcompensating for things they are nervous to reveal.

I think we can all relate to being shy in love. I mean, love is something we're all very prone to feeling our most vulnerable because we're revealing a part of ourselves that we rarely let known to others.


Agreed 100%. :)

The first paragraph is extremely true, although I guess I never thought about it that way before. I definitely go back and forth - I mean, there's times I can be the life of the party or carrying on with someone like they were an old friend -- I find this is true whenever I feel comfortable with people. Not to mention I've also done plays and performances on stage, so same thing there.

However, if I'm NOT comfortable, or I feel like someone might not be interested in what I've got to say, I do find it harder to come out of my shell, so to speak. This was more true when I was younger (say, under 16), so maybe that's why I can kinda be on both ends of the extreme.

I imagine it's the same with others too.

Other interesting findings by Gilmartin:

    1. * Love-shy men often suffer more allergies and headcolds than non-shy men (Doesnt apply to me)
    2. * Many love-shy men feel women are more privileged than men (thats a feeling i've harbored for quite some time)
    3. * Love-shy men tend to be less interested in sports (i have ZERO interest in any of them)
    4. * They are not interested in male friendships (well, i do have interest in this, but not as much as most guys)
    5. * They develop interest in females at an earlier age than usual (yup)
    6. * A surprisingly high number of love-shy men surveyed said that if they were to have children, they would only want to have daughters, not sons (can't say that applies to me)

I think this could explain why I am so super-shy when it comes to women in real life. I mean I, like described in this article, have an EXTREMELY hard time even initiating conversation. All I ever manage is "hi" or perhaps a "how are you". Even if I get a positive response I dont feel comfortable enough to continue..

Yeah, 2, 3 and 5 apply to me on an extent as well if that's any consolation!

As for the Sports thing, I wouldn't say I have no interest. I mean, if someone else has the game on, I'll watch - and I think playing is fun to an extent, but I'm definitely not your typical "watch football on the couch" guy, LOL. ;)

#5 is the most true with me too. I never understood how some kids -- especially boys -- would say things like "girls....ewww, they have cooties, cooties". ;D

Even when I was a kid myself, I thought that was stupid. You could say I always liked girls/women, I was just afraid of talking to them at the time (hell, what am I talking about, I still am! LOL).

As for #6, I can't say I'd rather have a daughter than a son someday - I'd equally love both the same - but I can't really identify with guys who say they'd only want a boy.

Dear Howard...

...see page 1 of this thread...!!



Oh I'm sorry Paul.

I don't think love-shyness applies to me anyway.

I used to be painfully shy, and sometimes I still have bouts, but I found that usually it was a case of being with people
who I really didn't have any kind of common bond.  I just didn't have anything to talk about with them.  In order to
overcome it join in, or up, with people or groups who talk about the things you like to talk about.  You have to become comfortable with your own voice.  ;)

I never believed in cooties.  I actually had a girlfriend when I was five!

Damn, I wish I had a girlfriend now...

I never believed in cooties. I actually had a girlfriend when I was five!

Damn, I wish I had a girlfriend now...


Me too, man. ;)

BTW, I think that was more the stereotypical reaction of little kids back in the 80's more than today (that was also when "pizzaface" and "geek burger" were common insults! LOL) - but of course, everyone's different.

BTW, I think that was more the stereotypical reaction of little kids back in the 80's more than today (that was also when "pizzaface" and "geek burger" were common insults! LOL) - but of course, everyone's different.


In the mid 90s, as I recall, some of us were okay with girls and some of us weren't.  I don't know how the sexes converse on the playground these days.  :P

I'll definitely have to do some spying.

^ Me neither. But kids (say, under the age of 10) more often that not, seem to "grow up" alot faster these days, so I'd assume more of the boys are ok with girls.

^ Me neither. But kids (say, under the age of 10) more often that not, seem to "grow up" alot faster these days, so I'd assume more of the boys are ok with girls.


Especially the girls!  I was reading about how girls keep starting puberty earlier and earlier, a few at the age of two!  Meanwhile, the age for boys hasn't really declined that much.  I started when I was twelve.

Something in the water?

Especially the girls! I was reading about how girls keep starting puberty earlier and earlier, a few at the age of two! Meanwhile, the age for boys hasn't really declined that much. I started when I was twelve.

Something in the water?


I started at 10-11, but full blown by 13 (roughly 1991/92-94), but I've heard the same thing of girls. I've heard of early, but....

Age two??? That's freakin' scary!

Ten?  I haven't heard of boys starting puberty as early as ten.  I'm not calling you a freak or anything, pal, I just didn't know some people started that early.

And yes, I read about two girls who started their period at the age of two.  Really weird.

And yes, I read about two girls who started their period at the age of two.  Really weird.




I think I heard something about that too.



Beth

Found an article on the issue...

http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/biology/b103/f00/web3/ramon3.html

I'd hate to be one of those little boys twenty seven years from now, going to school with their female counterparts who are two feet taller than them.

Not to mention the girls would be cheated out of their childhood.  :-\\

Found an article on the issue...

http://serendip.brynmawr.edu/biology/b103/f00/web3/ramon3.html

I'd hate to be one of those little boys twenty seven years from now, going to school with their female counterparts who are two feet taller than them.

Not to mention the girls would be cheated out of their childhood.   :-\\



That's really sad, actually.



Beth

That's really sad, actually.


By the time the boys grew up, wouldn't the girls look almost middle aged or something?  I read something about their being estrogen in the air from discarded birth pills that are a likely cause of it.  Wouldn't that also cause boys to be girly?

I was just reading something about how it has to do with soy based infant formula.  ???

http://www.distant.ca/UselessFacts/fact.asp?ID=309



http://emotioneric.com/surprise-b.jpg

http://emotioneric.com/hysterical.jpg

I started at 10-11, but full blown by 13 (roughly 1991/92-94), but I've heard the same thing of girls. I've heard of early, but....

Age two??? That's freakin' scary!


Hmmm, puberty at age 2? lol. I wouldn't even know what that was at that age nor less remember it! I started puberty at a very normal age (around 11-12), and probably was fully mature by the time I hit my current height in 1995 (which is 5'1''). So, maybe there's some extra estrogen pills these pregnant mama's are taking that mom's in the 80's and early 90's didn't take - lol