I was going to do this as a poll, but there are too many answers and variances.

I am posing a question mainly to the ladies, but men can answer as well, about the amount of power/control that we give as individuals.

Here is the scenario:
My sister recently went through a really hard and devastating break-up with her partner. It was messy, and she was "torn apart".
I, on the other hand, was elated to find out that they were over! I know that seems very harsh but my sister is the kind of person that once in a relationship, she gives all power/control over to the other person. She loses herself, her identity, everything. Her departed partner was the sort that didn't like my sister to call family unless it was necessary, didn't like her to have friends outside of their little circle, wanted to know her whereabouts every minute of every day, read her emails, listened to her voicemail and read every single cell text message. But the thing of it is that my sister has done this in every relationship she has ever been in.

I guess I can't understand this because I am not like my sister.


Here is my question: (And I don't even know if I have formed it right)



Do you give all of your power/control to your partner? And if not all, then how much do you give to them?

Funny thing - I thought you might be the first to reply Kim! ;)

I am of course on the same wavelength as you. Thanks for your reply!

I'm the same as Kim.  I usually only give on major decisions.  Most of the time it's a power struggle between the two of us. ::)  I am friends with......and talk to.......who I want to regardless of how he or anyone*eyes fellow members* feels.  Of course I listen to his point of view and take it into consideration, but most of the time I stick to my guns.

My mother does this a little bit.....drives me nuts!

Not much.

I really don't let anyone control me.  My husband, luckily, is not the jealous/possessive type so he has never really tried to control me.  He is a big baby, though, he likes me to wait on him (bring me this, bring me that) but he does ask nicely.. he doesn't demand it.. so I usually don't mind doing it.

Not much.

I really don't let anyone control me.   My husband, luckily, is not the jealous/possessive type so he has never really tried to control me. 

Same here.  :)

Well, even though I'm not in a relationship - I'll say I probably give too much (both my male and female friends have joked with me about this too!).

If I had a girlfriend now, she'd be the boss of the two of us! ;D

My personality/tastes may be more like Marty, but of the McFly's, in that respect I'm more like the original version of George (pre-time travel), LOL!

You know, I guess I have issues understanding it all because I could never give all my power away.

Thanks for putting in your info as well McFly! ;) Nice to have both sexes input!

I was in a relationship before with someone that TOTALLY controlled me in every aspect of my life......now, I don't let anyone really control me....I compromise sometimes...but usually I get the last word.





Erin :)

I guess I sorta have issues when it comes to control.  I always believe that if someone makes me mad, or if someone hurts me then I am letting them control me in a sense.  I don't like that, so I tend to be pretty laid back about things. :)

hell no! My hubby knows I make my decisions on my own. I may consult him, but I don't ask for permission.

I've lived through that. I'm never going back to that situation.

Oh wow I can't touch this question right now...wooo

In some things my husband has control but usually it's more that its something I can't be bothered with or don't much mind what the final result/decision is.  Many decisions I will take on my own or we consult together and decide between us.  It depends on what it is really.

We jointly decide on the important things, otherwise, it's every "man" (woman)  ;) for him/herself! After 24 years, we don't worry alot about it.

Interesting topic, Tam.

When I was with my ex, I allowed her to control the finances and my social life. I guess at that time, I was fulfilled with things as they were.

We never had a joint bank account in any way, I still kept my own identity, lol and I was very balanced as to how I percieved her.

However, I loved her but wasn't really 'in love' with her.  :-\\

Ask me when I find somebody I am besotted with.  ;)  ;D

not one bit

It's more about compromise and harmony within our relationship. I don't feel the need to have power or control. Having said that, I do like to be 'in control' of what *I* do. :P :)

It's more about compromise and harmony within our relationship. I don't feel the need to have power or control. Having said that, I do like to be 'in control' of what *I* do. :P :)


That's exactly how I play things, Amanda...

With my ex, I let him control everything. We made the same amount of $$ but both paychecks went into the same account. He controlled the checkbook. If I wanted some spending money, I would have ask and get an answer like, "What happened to the $20 I gave you 2 weeks ago?" Every decision was up to him-like what furniture we are going to have. After I finally got wise and left him, I had to make decisions on my own. It took a long time to learn how to do that but I made some really good decisions and never regreted them. Now, I REFUSE to give up total control and Carlos wouldn't want me to. I keep my own checkbook. When it comes to decisions, we make them together. "How do you like this?" or "What do you think of that?"  Sometimes we make compromises. When it was time to replace the livingroom furniture, I found a futon that I know he liked but not exactly my style. I told him that he can have that futon if I get my Laz-y-boy. So that is what we did.  ;D  I have learned my lesson and it does bother me when other women (and men too) have not learned that lesson. It is VERY dangerous.




Cat

With my ex, I let him control everything. We made the same amount of $$ but both paychecks went into the same account. He controlled the checkbook. If I wanted some spending money, I would have ask and get an answer like, "What happened to the $20 I gave you 2 weeks ago?" Every decision was up to him-like what furniture we are going to have. After I finally got wise and left him, I had to make decisions on my own. It took a long time to learn how to do that but I made some really good decisions and never regreted them. Now, I REFUSE to give up total control and Carlos wouldn't want me to. I keep my own checkbook. When it comes to decisions, we make them together. "How do you like this?" or "What do you think of that?"  Sometimes we make compromises. When it was time to replace the livingroom furniture, I found a futon that I know he liked but not exactly my style. I told him that he can have that futon if I get my Laz-y-boy. So that is what we did.  ;D  I have learned my lesson and it does bother me when other women (and men too) have not learned that lesson. It is VERY dangerous.


I think joint accounts can easily spell the doom of many a happy relationship. I guess it's the wrong thinking that "we are in a relationship therefore we share everything" that causes people to have them in the first place.

I have learned that when you give your self to others you get burned. No man is ever getting anything from me again. No power, no control and certainly no $.

I have learned that when you give your self to others you get burned. No man is ever getting anything from me again. No power, no control and certainly no $.


It depends on what you mean by 'give yourself to others', Shaq. Relationships aren't about power but being partners in all ways. You work with and for each other in equal measure . Due to emotions being involved, relationships always have the potential to make you feel vulnerable regardless as that is their very nature.

It's just unfortunate that there are some people who are not nice and prefer to change the situation into something selfish and a power struggle.  :-\\

I guess that you could say that Robin seems to want to control me so she has most of the power and I rarely have any. ;D

I think joint accounts can easily spell the doom of many a happy relationship. I guess it's the wrong thinking that "we are in a relationship therefore we share everything" that causes people to have them in the first place.


That is so not true, Rob!  My husband and I have a joint account and have never quarreled over money!!

That is so not true, Rob!  My husband and I have a joint account and have never quarreled over money!!

Agreed Karen!

Hubby and I have joint account and have since before we even got married.

I give all of my power to my girlfriend ;D