I'll start.  :)

So one day I went over to my friend Caleb's house(back in High School), and we got in his car(along with his girlfriend) and went riding around. Well, later on we decided to go into Kroger's just to get out of the car but be someplace where its cool. Well we went inside of Kroger's, and as we were walking down the food aisle, Caleb's girlfriend, Babycakes(swear to god that was what everyone called her, her real name was Sarah I think..), I noticed she didn't look too good. So I nudged Caleb, and about that time she put her hand over her mouth and started to bend over like she was gonna throw up. Caleb saw it, and this is HIS girlfriend mind you, and he said to me "STEP IT UP, ALEX! SHES GONNA BLOW BEATS!" and we did, man, we hauled @$$ and left her in the middle of the aisle puking.  ;D ;D

About 10 minutes later she came out to the car all ticked, and said "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU LEFT ME IN THERE!" and Caleb looked up, smiled, and said "BABYCAKES..SOMETIMES ITS EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF".  ;D

Me awnd a few friends went down to San Diego. We went to a beach and was looking at tide pools. My friend came across a pretty shell and stuck it in her pocket. We walked around for another hour before we decided to leave. As we got into her car, she pulled out the shell and set it on her dashboard. We were driving for about a mile when I hear her screaming. The shell had a crab in it, and it was crawling towards her, it then fell off the dash and landed in the ashtray (missing her coke cup).  We were laughing so hard. She had carried that thing in her pocket for almost 2 hours and never felt a thing.  ;D

I have more but will add them later  ;)

Many years ago in my last year of High School, me and my friend were walking downtown on our lunch hour.  On one of the streets, we see this big husky looking university guy sitting on his doorstep.  He was looking at me kind of funny, so I flipped him the bird.  He gets up off his chair and runs into his house.  The next thing I know, he's running out of his house with a baseball bat chasing us down the street ;D

He gave up after a few blocks, but boy, I ran faster that day than the world's fastest man  ;D

Me, Gorm, Bailey, Scrim and Early were walking back from school one day in the snow. There was a big pile of snow by the side of the road and we saw a bus coming.. anywho we decided to get the bus to stop and pelt the walrus (a well known jerkoff bus driver) with snowballs. We did this and got a good laugh out of it.

Anyway, we then threw some at a passing Jeep.. HA HA HA!! He drove after us through the school fields and tore them up great. Of course we all ran in different directions and would be diving around and running zig zags so he couldn't get proper traction and it was brilliant, he ruined the school field for a while. ;D

Several years back when we had the old boat, we went out in early spring. Carlos was using the sunshower on the bow and said that he dropped the soap. Since it was Ivory, it floated. I said that I would get the net. I grabbed it and turned just in time to see him do a header off the bow. He came up and with a very loud yell because the water was very cold. There was another boat anchored close to us and the guy in that boat come up to see if anything was wrong. I asked Carlos why he jumped in because I had the net. He just looked at me (still in the water) with a disguested look on his face and said, "I didn't jump."  We still laugh about that (even though he wasn't laughing at the time because he was VERY cold.)





Cat

So earlier I was in my car, and as I pulled up to the intersection, the guy in the car in the next lane had the techno music pumping.  I had my radio off, but I turned it on then and cranked the volume to try and "out bass" him, but there was something I forgot.  I had the "Footloose" soundtrack in the tape deck.

I miss having my mp3 player in my car lol

This one from my doctor.

He to a female patient "Are you sexuallyy active?"

She "No I just lie there"

This one from my doctor.

He to a female patient "Are you sexuallyy active?"

She "No I just lie there"


;D

A while back a Japanese tourist approached me on the street. He asked for directions to somewhere.

"Excuse me....fast food.....em?"

It took me a few seconds to realize he was looking for the Big M, Mcdonalds.

I said "So, you are looking for McDonalds?"
He replied "Yeh, yeh...thank you...thank you..."

So I gave him directions to Burger King Mcdonalds.