I'm starting a real contest, post anything you want in this thread and in 30 days we will vote who made the most funny post and I will award a real prize, give your address and i'll send something worth at least $10 dollars, worldwide  :D

<---------Does my new avatar count?  ;D

<---------Does my new avatar count?  ;D


sure, post it in the thread, it will probably be gone in 30 days   ;D

hmm..can I post a pre-writen piece by myself that was actually written for another publication (and subsiquently published)?

It's official...... I lost all ready....  ;D

Let's see how many people put effort into posting something funny... only to see Howard win just by being Howard.

...

was that funny?

I'm starting a real contest, post anything you want in this thread and in 30 days we will vote who made the most funny post and I will award a real prize, give your address and i'll send something worth at least $10 dollars, worldwide  :D


Jim.. you realise that if you drop your load in a jar, to you it may be priceless, but to the rest of us it's just icky.

:) ;) :D ;D >:( :( :o 8) ??? ::) :P :-[ :-X :-\\ :-* :\'( :) ;) :D ;D >:( :( :o 8) ??? ::) :P :-[ :-X :-\\ :-* :\'( :) ;) :D ;D >:( :( :o 8) ??? ::) :P :-[ :-X :-\\ :-* :\'( :) ;) :D ;D >:( :( :o 8) ??? ::) :P :-[ :-X :-\\ :-* :\'( :) ;) :D ;D >:( :( :o 8) ??? ::) :P :-[ :-X :-\\ :-* :\'( :) ;) :D ;D >:( :( :o 8) ??? ::) :P :-[ :-X :-\\ :-* :\'( :) ;) :D ;D >:( :( :o 8) ??? ::) :P :-[ :-X :-\\ :-* :\'( :) ;) :D ;D >:( :( :o 8) ??? ::) :P :-[ :-X :-\\ :-* :\'(

--Funny enough?

Jim.. you realise that if you drop your load in a jar, to you it may be priceless, but to the rest of us it's just icky.

it won't be something icky

hmm..can I post a pre-writen piece by myself that was actually written for another publication (and subsiquently published)?

post what ever you want, you can find something on the net that isn't even yours, i'm not voting the members will vote

Sensitive men do exist.

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor,cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him ... they kiss...and then they make love.
After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks smiling, "Well, how was it?"

The guy says: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."

Sensitive men do exist.

A woman meets a gorgeous man in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to his apartment and she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with sweet cuddly teddy bears.

Hundreds of cute small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor,cuddly medium-sized ones on a shelf a little higher, and huge enormous bears on the top shelf along the wall.

The woman is surprised that this guy would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but she decides not to mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed by his sensitive side.

She turns to him ... they kiss...and then they make love.
After an intense night of passion with this sensitive guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow, the woman rolls over and asks smiling, "Well, how was it?"

The guy says: "Help yourself to any prize from the bottom shelf."


Yawn!

I had to wash the car today...

Some bird crapped all over my windscreen...

I'm not taking her out to dinner again!


(Probably a non-runner if you don't know what context I'm using 'bird' in!)

Ok, this is the first time i have EVER attempted a parody.  So get another yawn ready there, Andrew ;D


To the tune of

Touch of Grey - Grateful Dead.


It must be getting early
Maria's still awake.
Crazymom investigates to
See who's phony.

Howard's in his underwear
But nobody seems to care
We all know he's full of hair, but
It's all right.

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive.

Apricot has missed out
But he'll be back so look out.
Alex 2005 will have a fit, but
It's all right.

Harmonica will preach away
He will remind us all to pray
But we all end up coming back here
Every day.

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive.

It's a mystery to me
Jim photoshopping everything he sees
Now Rob & Ree,
they're sucking face.
Can't get enough of this d@mn place.

<long instrumental part>

It's a mystery to me
I wonder who that lesbian could be.
This place is where we all think of
When we just need a little love.

Chrissy's had too many beers
Andrew hasn't slept in years
It's even worse than it appears, but
It's all right.

La Sine's lawnmower's out of steam
Karen's shorts look just like jeans.
Paul imagines steamy scenes, but
It's all right.

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive.

Tam has called herself a b!tch
Cat calls herself a witch
It seems to be a perfect fit, so
It's all right.

Oh well, I think I'll stay
This madhouse suits me anyway
That was all I had to say, and
It's all right.

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive.

We will get by
We will get by
We will get by
We will survive.






(sorry for those i missed.. especially erin & beth, i WAS thinking of you guys but i couldn't figure out anything to say that would rhyme right...but you guys are all AWESOME!)

Ok, this is the first time i have EVER attempted a parody.  So get another yawn ready there, Andrew ;D


To the tune of

Touch of Grey - Grateful Dead.


It must be getting early
Maria's still awake.
Crazymom investigates to
See who's phony.

Howard's in his underwear
But nobody seems to care
We all know he's full of hair, but
It's all right.

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive.

Apricot has missed out
But he'll be back so look out.
Alex 2005 will have a fit, but
It's all right.

Harmonica will preach away
He will remind us all to pray
But we all end up coming back here
Every day.

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive.

It's a mystery to me
Jim photoshopping everything he sees
Now Rob & Ree,
they're sucking face.
Can't get enough of this d@mn place.

<long instrumental part>

It's a mystery to me
I wonder who that lesbian could be.
This place is where we all think of
When we just need a little love.

Chrissy's had too many beers
Andrew hasn't slept in years
It's even worse than it appears, but
It's all right.

La Sine's lawnmower's out of steam
Karen's shorts look just like jeans.
Paul imagines steamy scenes, but
It's all right.

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive.

Tam has called herself a b!tch
Cat calls herself a witch
It seems to be a perfect fit, so
It's all right.

Oh well, I think I'll stay
This madhouse suits me anyway
That was all I had to say, and
It's all right.

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive.

We will get by
We will get by
We will get by
We will survive.



(sorry for those i missed.. especially erin & beth, i WAS thinking of you guys but i couldn't figure out anything to say that would rhyme right...but you guys are all AWESOME!)


ROFLMAO!!

Good one, Andrea!  ;D

ROFLMAO!!

Good one, Andrea!  ;D


Thanks. :-[ :)

Paul imagines steamy scenes

At my age, that's probably just as well...!!

(sorry for those i missed.. especially erin & beth, i WAS thinking of you guys but i couldn't figure out anything to say that would rhyme right...but you guys are all AWESOME!)


You could've thrown in 'Megadeth', 'bad breath', 'nally's name is Jeff'...

You sell yourself short, Andrea...this must be in the lead so far!

Ok, this is the first time i have EVER attempted a parody.  So get another yawn ready there, Andrew ;D


To the tune of

Touch of Grey - Grateful Dead.


It must be getting early
Maria's still awake.
Crazymom investigates to
See who's phony.

Howard's in his underwear
But nobody seems to care
We all know he's full of hair, but
It's all right.

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive.

Apricot has missed out
But he'll be back so look out.
Alex 2005 will have a fit, but
It's all right.

Harmonica will preach away
He will remind us all to pray
But we all end up coming back here
Every day.

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive.

It's a mystery to me
Jim photoshopping everything he sees
Now Rob & Ree,
they're sucking face.
Can't get enough of this d@mn place.

<long instrumental part>

It's a mystery to me
I wonder who that lesbian could be.
This place is where we all think of
When we just need a little love.

Chrissy's had too many beers
Andrew hasn't slept in years
It's even worse than it appears, but
It's all right.

La Sine's lawnmower's out of steam
Karen's shorts look just like jeans.
Paul imagines steamy scenes, but
It's all right.

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive.

Tam has called herself a b!tch
Cat calls herself a witch
It seems to be a perfect fit, so
It's all right.

Oh well, I think I'll stay
This madhouse suits me anyway
That was all I had to say, and
It's all right.

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive.

We will get by
We will get by
We will get by
We will survive.




LMAO!!! ;D
now all we need is for you to sing it and post it in the voice thread..THAT would be too much!! ;D..great job girl!!! 8)

Ok, this is the first time i have EVER attempted a parody.  So get another yawn ready there, Andrew ;D


To the tune of

Touch of Grey - Grateful Dead.


It must be getting early
Maria's still awake.
Crazymom investigates to
See who's phony.

Howard's in his underwear
But nobody seems to care
We all know he's full of hair, but
It's all right.

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive.

Apricot has missed out
But he'll be back so look out.
Alex 2005 will have a fit, but
It's all right.

Harmonica will preach away
He will remind us all to pray
But we all end up coming back here
Every day.

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive.

It's a mystery to me
Jim photoshopping everything he sees
Now Rob & Ree,
they're sucking face.
Can't get enough of this d@mn place.

<long instrumental part>

It's a mystery to me
I wonder who that lesbian could be.
This place is where we all think of
When we just need a little love.

Chrissy's had too many beers
Andrew hasn't slept in years
It's even worse than it appears, but
It's all right.

La Sine's lawnmower's out of steam
Karen's shorts look just like jeans.
Paul imagines steamy scenes, but
It's all right.

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive.

Tam has called herself a b!tch
Cat calls herself a witch
It seems to be a perfect fit, so
It's all right.

Oh well, I think I'll stay
This madhouse suits me anyway
That was all I had to say, and
It's all right.

I will get by
I will get by
I will get by
I will survive.

We will get by
We will get by
We will get by
We will survive.






(sorry for those i missed.. especially erin & beth, i WAS thinking of you guys but i couldn't figure out anything to say that would rhyme right...but you guys are all AWESOME!)




http://users.pandora.be/eforum/emoticons4u/happy/1074.gif http://users.pandora.be/eforum/emoticons4u/happy/1074.gifhttp://users.pandora.be/eforum/emoticons4u/happy/1074.gif

BRAVA!!! BRAVA!!!!



Cat

Thanks for the compliments... :)

Not sure why it happened to be THAT song I was listening to when these things started popping in my head... i wish it could have been a more well-known one...

finish the story

i just took off my big red panties and i'm waving them in the breeze, charge you little wonky eyed bull... cum to mamma

*acting like a bull* and putting his fingers to his head imitating bulls horns, he stamps his foot once and charges    ::)

Thanks for the compliments... :)

Not sure why it happened to be THAT song I was listening to when these things started popping in my head... i wish it could have been a more well-known one...



After reading that last night, I had that song in my head for several hours. I like it. Well done!




Cat

After reading that last night, I had that song in my head for several hours. I like it. Well done!




Cat


Thanks!! :)
Touch of Grey is one of my favorite songs... but I've talked to a couple people on here already who don't know that song... so I just wish I could have used.. i dunno.. Thriller or something.. ;D

Thanks!! :)
Touch of Grey is one of my favorite songs... but I've talked to a couple people on here already who don't know that song... so I just wish I could have used.. i dunno.. Thriller or something.. ;D


I like "Touch Of Grey"... 8)

I don't.....that's why I have a good hair stylist :D



LOL-yup, me too.




Cat

How do I enter this contest? ;D

finish the story

i just took off my big red panties and i'm waving them in the breeze, charge you little wonky eyed bull... cum to mamma

*acting like a bull* and putting his fingers to his head imitating bulls horns, he stamps his foot once and charges   ::)


The bull races towards the large Pantied Hermaphrodite, but suddenly, Captain Phallic flys in to the arena beaming Porn from a Holo-Projector on his chest. Herman the Hermaphrodite's tame member suddenly springs to life, however this enourmous erection is bad news for the Bull, as he puts his eye out...

Pedro was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

Pedro looked up again and said "Never mind. I found one."

come on people, stop being so freaking boring  :D

I think maybe.. ya need to view all the threads for the funniest thing.

It would appear as though the harder one tries to be humourous, the less humour one actually has...

I think maybe.. ya need to view all the threads for the funniest thing.


the farting in church and howard farting on robin were two of the most funny things i ever read on here   ;D

the farting in church and howard farting on robin were two of the most funny things i ever read on here   ;D



Hey It was an accident,I didn't know it was coming. ;D

i still like the tight frankfurter line myself

and get it right, jim.. it was a funeral parlor not a church :D

i still like the tight frankfurter line myself

and get it right, jim.. it was a funeral parlor not a church :D



I kind of liked that line myself  ;D

Hey It was an accident,I didn't know it was coming. ;D


post it here

post it here


I don't know where it is right now.

I don't know where it is right now.


it should be in your memory. improvise ;)

Right then..

I was once at a funeral.. and i leaned forward and i farted. I had no warning and because it was in church it was on one of those wodden pews so it reverberated on the wood.

Right then..

I was once at a funeral.. and i leaned forward and i farted. I had no warning and because it was in church it was on one of those wodden pews so it reverberated on the wood.


I was right, it was in a church   :P

I was right, it was in a church   :P


ok you're right :-[

I don't.....that's why I have a good hair stylist :D


Mahahahaha!!!  ;D ;)

ok you're right :-[


;D In england they don't do the sheeshe with the corpse at the Funeral parlour. Well, they don't have everyone go.

Corpses don't bother me.. but.. still, i went to the Funeral Parlour before, it's boring as hell!

Right now I am totally not trying to be humorous

I'll probably regret this in the morning ::)



AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Have you ever seen the Episode of Malcom in the Middle where they get locked in the county fair with the freak show  ;)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Have you ever seen the Episode of Malcom in the Middle where they get locked in the county fair with the freak show  ;)



That's F'ed UP but we still buddies :)

Ok I withdrew my entry in this competition, I don't want to give eveyone nightmares LOL

That's F'ed UP but we still buddies :)

Ok I withdrew my entry in this competition, I don't want to give eveyone nightmares LOL


LOL!

How do you make your eyes go out like that??

I sooooooooo wanna do that

come on people, stop being so freaking boring  :D
Jiminy and Howard were talking one afternoon when Jiminy tells Howard, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different."

"The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.

Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant."

"Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again."

"Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."

Howard asks Jimini, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

Jiminy says, "This year I'm taking Earlene with me." ;D

Jiminy and Howard were talking one afternoon when Jiminy tells Howard, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different."

"The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.

Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant."

"Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again."

"Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."

Howard asks Jimini, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

Jiminy says, "This year I'm taking Earlene with me." ;D



;D ;D

Hello Hello people.

Well, considering Jim was kicked off I thought i would take it upon myself to announce that i was the winner of the contest. My Farting at a funeral appealed to Jim's sense of Humor (and rightly so) and i was awarded a prize. Jim thought that the prize should match the person.

So here we go. I took a picture.

Thanks a Lot Mate. I really appreciate it!!

The contents of the package i received are..

10 Cd's.
One Video.
One Cassette.
2 Magazines.
Over 100 Cards.
A Vulgar Pin  ;D
and the Contents of a Long Island Iced Tea.

Once again Jim, Thanks a hell of a lot!