In that time-honored American tradition of unoriginality and cheap knockoffs, I bring to you my own thread, which is kind of like a cross between "Ask Apricot" and "Dear Abby." I call it "Dear AL-B." (I'm gone a lot, so sometimes it may take a few days for me to get back to you.)

Dear AL -B,

How do you do that thing you do?

Sincerely,

The Dude

Dear AL -B,

How do you do that thing you do?

Sincerely,

The Dude
I learned how to do that voodoo that you do. ;)

Dear AL-B,

Do you do the dew? And if you do, are Lou and Stew the ones that knew?

Sincerely,
How does F--... me.
Dear Frozen,

I used to do the Dew, but Diet Coke is what I now hold true. Lou and Stew I never knew.

AL-B

Hey Al-B,

what is grosser than gross?



Erin :)

Hey Al-B,

what is grosser than gross?



Erin :)
OH! OH! OH!...I know this one :P  ;D

OH! OH! OH!...I know this one :P  ;D



hey now...this isn't "ask Jimmy" is it??


Erin :)

Dear AL-B,

Have your parents found out that you are not a piano player in a whorehouse?

Sincerely,

Chrissy

Hey Al-B,

what is grosser than gross?



Erin :)
Dear Erin,

There are many things that are grosser than gross. Some of them include:

-When your grandpa kisses you goodnight and he slips you the tongue
-When you sit on your grandpa's lap and he gets a hardon
-When a cheerleader does a split and five class rings fall out
-When a cheerleader does a split and she sticks to the floor

I know there's more things that are grosser than gross (Jiminy, perhaps you could share some of them with the rest of the class) but that's all I could think of for now.

AL-B

Dear AL-B,

Have your parents found out that you are not a piano player in a whorehouse?

Sincerely,

Chrissy
Dear Chrissy:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! And whatever you do, don't tell them either!

AL-B

Dear Chrissy:

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! And whatever you do, don't tell them either!

AL-B


;) :-X

;D

Dear Erin,

There are many things that are grosser than gross. Some of them include:

-When your grandpa kisses you goodnight and he slips you the tongue
-When you sit on your grandpa's lap and he gets a hardon
-When a cheerleader does a split and five class rings fall out
-When a cheerleader does a split and she sticks to the floor

I know there's more things that are grosser than gross (Jiminy, perhaps you could share some of them with the rest of the class) but that's all I could think of for now.

AL-B
You bite into a hotdog and find a vein

You bite into a hotdog and find a vein



bleh  :-[

You bite into a hotdog and find a vein


Only jiminy! ;D

You bite into a hotdog and find a vein
You open a jar of mayonnaise and find a condom!

You open a jar of mayonnaise and find a condom!
That can put your off condoms for the rest of your life?

That can put your off condoms for the rest of your life?
Not necessarily--it's always nice to get something for free!

Not necessarily--it's always nice to get something for free!
No comment!

Dear AL-B,

Have your parents found out that you are not a piano player in a whorehouse?

Sincerely,

Chrissy
Actually, I AM a piano player in a whorehouse. On Tuesday and Thursday nights I play piano in a four-piece jazz combo at Daisy's Spa and Korean Massage Parlor just outside of Fort Leonard Wood, Mo. We call ourselves "La Sine Pesroh and the Terrific Three."

Actually, I AM a piano player in a whorehouse. On Tuesday and Thursday nights I play piano in a four-piece jazz combo at Daisy's Spa and Korean Massage Parlor just outside of Fort Leonard Wood, Mo. We call ourselves "La Sine Pesroh and the Terrific Three."


Are you serious? ???

Are you serious? ???
Yes! And I can do a mean Sinatra impression. If you have any male friends that want to get lucky, bring them along and tell Daisy I sent them and she'll give them half off. This week there's a special on "Around The Worlds."

Actually, I AM a piano player in a whorehouse. On Tuesday and Thursday nights I play piano in a four-piece jazz combo at Daisy's Spa and Korean Massage Parlor just outside of Fort Leonard Wood, Mo. We call ourselves "La Sine Pesroh and the Terrific Three."
What are the favourite requests played?

Yes! And I can do a mean Sinatra impression. If you have any male friends that want to get lucky, bring them along and tell Daisy I sent them and she'll give them half off. This week there's a special on "Around The Worlds."


I suppose you get a lot of Army guys through there.

Dear AL-B

What does AL-B stand for?

Sincerly,

Jamie

What's it all about Alfy?

What are the favourite requests played?
Sometimes if it gets a little dead in there--if there's a good sized crowd that's kind of lethargic and I want to liven things up a little bit we'll get away from the jazz and play some harder rocking stuff. I have this cool old Hammond B3 organ that really I play a lot more than the piano, but I can't tell people I'm an ORGAN player in a whorehouse, that'd just be wrong. But I'll fire that thing up and just start jamming on it. "Hush" by Deep Purple is a crowd favorite, it really gets everyone fired up. You get 50 drunken G.I.'s singing, "Nah, na na na, na na nah, na na nah!" they're just ready for some action. Daisy loves it when I play that song, it's great for business.
   Every now and then I'll get a colonel or even a general in there. They tip well, but they can be real egotistical bastards. Seems like they always want to hear "My Way" by Sinatra.  :P

Dear AL-B

What does AL-B stand for?

Sincerly,

Jamie
Dear Jamie,

They're my initials. It just so happens that my first name is Alan, which can be shortened to Al, so it works out kind of neatly that way.

AL-B

use the word "BLOW" in a sentance

What's it all about Alfy?
Dear Jiminy,

It's all about just trying to enjoy yourself, not take things too seriously, and help others out every now and then, while you're stuck here on planet Earth. (But I get the impression that you already knew that.)

AL-B

use the word "BLOW" in a sentance
Dear Jiminy,

Blow me.

AL-B

(I kid, I kid!)

Dear Jamie,

They're my initials. It just so happens that my first name is Alan, which can be shortened to Al, so it works out kind of neatly that way.

AL-B




Cool... my middle name is Allan.

Dear Jiminy,

Blow me.

AL-B

(I kid, I kid!)
That was a statement not a sentence  :P

Dear AL-B,

What kind of music do you like to listen to?


Jamie

Why does Tarzan do that scream he does?

What's your favorite sport?

That was a statement not a sentence  :P

Dear Jiminy:

OK, OK, you're right, that was too easy. Let me try again:

The Monica Lewinsky scandal dealt a serious blow to President Clinton's credibility.

Is that more along the lines of what you were thinking?

AL-B

Dear AL-B,

What kind of music do you like to listen to?


Jamie
Dear Jamie:

I like a little bit of everything, but I like my music a little on the raw and crude side. I would have to say that my favorite genre of music would have to be mid-60's garage punk, just before the psychedelic era. If you really pressed me, I'd have to say my favorite band is the Who.

AL-B

Why does Tarzan do that scream he does?
Dear Jiminy,

I'd have to say that it has to do with the primal environment in which he was raised. How cool would that be, just hanging out in the jungle and pounding on rocks and sticks and howling at the top of your lungs with a bunch of apes? (Sounds a lot like being a junior high shop teacher.)

AL-B

What's your favorite sport?
Dear Howard,

College football. Since I was born and raised in Nebraska, I was requred by state law to be a rabid Cornhusker fan. Although I moved away 6 months ago, I still follow the Huskers closely. 
(Mark, I am awaiting your flaming arrows. ;))

Also, although I don't follow it too closely, I really dig rally car racing.

AL-B

Dear Jiminy,

I'd have to say that it has to do with the primal environment in which he was raised. How cool would that be, just hanging out in the jungle and pounding on rocks and sticks and howling at the top of your lungs with a bunch of apes? (Sounds a lot like being a junior high shop teacher.)

AL-B
I once got myself caught in my zipper and I did a pretty good imitation of the Tarzan yell   ;D

I once got myself caught in my zipper and I did a pretty good imitation of the Tarzan yell   ;D
That's why I've always been leery of going "commando." :o

That's why I've always been leery of going "commando." :o


Guess you don't get the cool T-Shirt then.

Guess you don't get the cool T-Shirt then.
Actually, that shirt would be perfect for me if it said "I'm With Stupid."

Actually, that shirt would be perfect for me if it said "I'm With Stupid."


;) ;D