I'm really annoyed right now, and here's why...

For about a week my father-in-law had been telling us that he'd been planning to take the family out for dinner to celebrate his grandson's  birthday.  The dinner was scheduled for last night.

Well we got to the restaurant, ordered our food, and had a very nice time.  Then the check arrived and I watched, stunned, as my husband took out his wallet and paid for the meal.  I didn't want to cause a scene so I decided that I'd ask him about it in private later that night.  Finally I asked him what was going on with his dad and why he didn't pay for the meal.  He told me that his dad had called him earlier that day and said that he didn't have the funds that he'd expected to have, and that he wouldn't be able to pay for the meal.  My husband is also quite displeased with his father, but not nearly as much as I am.  I'm just seething right now!!!  >:(

What makes this situation worse is the fact that this isn't the first time that my father-in-law has pulled this kind of stunt.  I'm really getting fed up with his crap.  >:( >:(

Oh, and get this....he never even thanked us for the meal.  I guess he was too embarrassed!  ::)


Has anybody else had things like this happen? 

 

Well, the phrase "people who promise but don't deliver" reminds me of school projects, mainly.  You know, when you're working with a group of people, and, say, you're going to each work on your section of the project over the weekend so it will be done?  Well, I hate the irresponsible people who never do their part of the project or assignment, and then you did your part but it doesn't matter anyway. >:( >:( >:(

We are all on the outside looking in, so bear with us.  How are you father in laws finances?  Is he on a pension or Soc.Sec. and have to wait for a check to arrive? How often has this happened?  From the outside, if it was one of my family members, I would be inclined to sit down and have a heart to heart.  People on a fixed income sometimes appear to be better off than they are, and the last people they tend to go to is their children. If he had mutual funds, or problems with a pension health care fund which is all to common these days, this could be a backdoor way of letting you know that maybe things are not as well as they seem.  If you can absolutely rule out financials, I would say if you and
your husband can afford it, then let your husband handle his father, I wouldn't want to get in the
middle of something like that.  If you can't afford it, then next time decline and suggest that you all
do something else together instead.

Maybe this isn't fair for me to portray my son Brian this way....but here is what happened. My girlfriend and I asked him if he's like to go out for his Birthday. He said yes and before meeting my parents at the restaraunt, we took him to the mall and bought him an atheletic shirt. At dinner he was beaming. When we dropped him off where he is staying (It's nearer to his school) I asked my girlfriend to take a picture of us. After that he made the sweetest request, he asked Me to take a picture of him and my girlfriend. He thanked us again and at that point I asked if he would like to come over to the house on Sunday for a day of food and football. He was thrilled and said yes! Well, I just got a call from him yesterday and he was very withdrawn. He asked for my football picks for this Sunday (My sons and I have been doing this for years and even though we are scattered around we still do it). He then informed me that he had changed his mind and would rather beg off for the visit. After his call I sat on the front porch stunned. Then I became very sad and wondered if we'd done something wrong. Brian lives with Jacks parents (Jack was Blaines best friend) and I've never gotten along with the dad...the mom is very nice but Brian told us the other day that they argue a lot. Jacks father AND Jack shaare the feeling that Blaine would still be alive today if I'd worked more and spoiled Blaine like Jack was. Jack is in college and has never had to work a day in his life. Anyway, I was talking to my ex wife last night and she said that after we dropped Brian off he called her (In Utah). After thier conversation John got on the phone and told Ella that Brian had planned on coming to visit me....he assured her that he would have a "Talk" with my son and make sure he didn't! She told me that he had no right to do that but obviously the damage has been done. I could make Brian come live with me but then he would have to attend a different school...and it would be strressful to just throw him into a new situation. I think Brian feels caught in the middle and is trying to please everybody. I think I need to have a serious talk with him...maybe the ex and I should arrange a conference call so we can both help him at the same time. Right now I'm feeling pretty low....I realize that John and Jacks beliefs that I basically killed my son are ludicrous (John's wife likes me...maybe that's why they argue so much) and I just wish Brian could stand up to John and be himself. I also have wrestled with thoughts of my marraige being a failure and I've hurt my boys....but my ex has assured me that we BOTH did what was best for them. We actually get along better now than before. After Blaine died we started to drift apart and finally realized we just had too many differences to happily co-exixt. I'm not sure what my next step will be but THAT is my life lately :P

BTW Karen, I'm really sorry to hear what you had to go through :-\\

Well, the phrase "people who promise but don't deliver" reminds me of school projects, mainly.  You know, when you're working with a group of people, and, say, you're going to each work on your section of the project over the weekend so it will be done?  Well, I hate the irresponsible people who never do their part of the project or assignment, and then you did your part but it doesn't matter anyway. >:( >:( >:(


I understand, lebeiw.

We are all on the outside looking in, so bear with us.  How are you father in laws finances?  Is he on a pension or Soc.Sec. and have to wait for a check to arrive? How often has this happened?  From the outside, if it was one of my family members, I would be inclined to sit down and have a heart to heart.  People on a fixed income sometimes appear to be better off than they are, and the last people they tend to go to is their children. If he had mutual funds, or problems with a pension health care fund which is all to common these days, this could be a backdoor way of letting you know that maybe things are not as well as they seem.  If you can absolutely rule out financials, I would say if you and
your husband can afford it, then let your husband handle his father, I wouldn't want to get in the
middle of something like that.  If you can't afford it, then next time decline and suggest that you all
do something else together instead.


Hi DanootaAndMe...

I appreciate your thoughts on all of this but there is a lot more to my situation than what I stated here.  If this 'bailing out' happened only once then I would be more understanding.  But it's happened a number of times.  That's what really upsets me.

Maybe this isn't fair for me to portray my son Brian this way....but here is what happened. My girlfriend and I asked him if he's like to go out for his Birthday. He said yes and before meeting my parents at the restaraunt, we took him to the mall and bought him an atheletic shirt. At dinner he was beaming. When we dropped him off where he is staying (It's nearer to his school) I asked my girlfriend to take a picture of us. After that he made the sweetest request, he asked Me to take a picture of him and my girlfriend. He thanked us again and at that point I asked if he would like to come over to the house on Sunday for a day of food and football. He was thrilled and said yes! Well, I just got a call from him yesterday and he was very withdrawn. He asked for my football picks for this Sunday (My sons and I have been doing this for years and even though we are scattered around we still do it). He then informed me that he had changed his mind and would rather beg off for the visit. After his call I sat on the front porch stunned. Then I became very sad and wondered if we'd done something wrong. Brian lives with Jacks parents (Jack was Blaines best friend) and I've never gotten along with the dad...the mom is very nice but Brian told us the other day that they argue a lot. Jacks father AND Jack shaare the feeling that Blaine would still be alive today if I'd worked more and spoiled Blaine like Jack was. Jack is in college and has never had to work a day in his life. Anyway, I was talking to my ex wife last night and she said that after we dropped Brian off he called her (In Utah). After thier conversation John got on the phone and told Ella that Brian had planned on coming to visit me....he assured her that he would have a "Talk" with my son and make sure he didn't! She told me that he had no right to do that but obviously the damage has been done. I could make Brian come live with me but then he would have to attend a different school...and it would be strressful to just throw him into a new situation. I think Brian feels caught in the middle and is trying to please everybody. I think I need to have a serious talk with him...maybe the ex and I should arrange a conference call so we can both help him at the same time. Right now I'm feeling pretty low....I realize that John and Jacks beliefs that I basically killed my son are ludicrous (John's wife likes me...maybe that's why they argue so much) and I just wish Brian could stand up to John and be himself. I also have wrestled with thoughts of my marraige being a failure and I've hurt my boys....but my ex has assured me that we BOTH did what was best for them. We actually get along better now than before. After Blaine died we started to drift apart and finally realized we just had too many differences to happily co-exixt. I'm not sure what my next step will be but THAT is my life lately :P

BTW Karen, I'm really sorry to hear what you had to go through :-\\


Yours does sound like a very sticky situation, Mark.  I really wish Brian could live with you so that you wouldn't have to deal with someone who seems bent on keeping you and your son apart.  :(

Hmm! This situation could be a little tricky Ceramics (or may I call you Karen?). How much do you know about your father-in-law's finances? Maybe your father-in-law has real financial problems and is the kind of person who promises, with good intentions, but fails because of unforseen events.

However, if that was me in your father-in-law's situation I would just ring to cancel the meal and not lead people up the garden path. It may be a little dissapointing at first but people would get over it eventually. To do this more than once must be unsettling for you and the fact that he didn't even thank you for the meal must add insult to injury. Maybe he just doesn't want to acknowledge what has happened and speaking less of the event would make him feel better.

Please hold your temper until you have talked it over fully with your husband. If you can do that, it would save any embarrassing situations.

You certainly have a right to be angry.  :)

Hi Karen! This has happened to me or should I say, my daughter actually.  My nephew has asked my daughter to babysit a couple of times and always said he would pay her.  But, when he would come to pick up the little one, he would leave and end up not paying her. Now, in my family, we help each other out alot and babysit one anothers kids and don't ask anything in return. But, that's when I watch them, but when they ask my teenager they know she usually gives up doing something else because she is trying to earn money for little things she wants to buy or whatever. So they always give her a little something. But, he has done this to her more than once, first time we thought he might have just forgotten, second time we knew what was up.  So, now, she just tells him she's busy and can't do it. If he can't pay her then he shouldn't say he is going to, no big deal.  But if he says he is going to, then he should. Don't you think?  :-\\

Hmm! This situation could be a little tricky Ceramics (or may I call you Karen?). How much do you know about your father-in-law's finances? Maybe your father-in-law has real financial problems and is the kind of person who promises, with good intentions, but fails because of unforseen events.

However, if that was me in your father-in-law's situation I would just ring to cancel the meal and not lead people up the garden path. It may be a little dissapointing at first but people would get over it eventually. To do this more than once must be unsettling for you and the fact that he didn't even thank you for the meal must add insult to injury. Maybe he just doesn't want to acknowledge what has happened and speaking less of the event would make him feel better.

Please hold your temper until you have talked it over fully with your husband. If you can do that, it would save any embarrassing situations.

You certainly have a right to be angry.  :)


Hi Bobby,

I did not mention this earlier, but my father-in-law lives with my family...so I know a fair bit about his financial situation.  There were no unforseen expenses at the time or I know I would have heard about it.  He knew this was coming up and he should have planned accordingly (i.e. save his money for the dinner instead of his beer).  I don't approach my father-in-law regarding money issues because it makes me uncomfortable.  My husband is the one to talk to him.  What irks me is that he always manages to wiggle his way out of situations where he is supposed to pay for something.  >:(

Thank you for your thoughts...I really appreciate it.  And just to let you guys know, I am feeling somewhat better than I was when I first posted this thread...but I'm sure that the old man will do something to upset me again before long.... ::)

Hi Karen! This has happened to me or should I say, my daughter actually.  My nephew has asked my daughter to babysit a couple of times and always said he would pay her.  But, when he would come to pick up the little one, he would leave and end up not paying her. Now, in my family, we help each other out alot and babysit one anothers kids and don't ask anything in return. But, that's when I watch them, but when they ask my teenager they know she usually gives up doing something else because she is trying to earn money for little things she wants to buy or whatever. So they always give her a little something. But, he has done this to her more than once, first time we thought he might have just forgotten, second time we knew what was up.  So, now, she just tells him she's busy and can't do it. If he can't pay her then he shouldn't say he is going to, no big deal.  But if he says he is going to, then he should. Don't you think?  :-\\


Hi Rhonda,

Your daughter was smart to decline babysitting for your nephew since he seems to think that he doesn't have to pay her all the time.  If he says he is going to pay then he definitely should pay...not sneak off without rewarding her in some way.  I totally understand about teenagers needing money for things...I was there once!  ;)

Unfortunately, this sort of thing happens a lot. I hate to be cynical, but I've come not to expect much from certain people in my life. I've found in the past that when I get my hopes up, expecting a certain result from a certain person, I'm almost always disappointed.

I hate that, but it's just the way it is. I deal the best way I can.  :-\\

Unfortunately, this sort of thing happens a lot. I hate to be cynical, but I've come not to expect much from certain people in my life. I've found in the past that when I get my hopes up, expecting a certain result from a certain person, I'm almost always disappointed.

I hate that, but it's just the way it is. I deal the best way I can.  :-\\


I understand, KimberIndy, and thanks for responding to this thread. 

Yours does sound like a very sticky situation, Mark.  I really wish Brian could live with you so that you wouldn't have to deal with someone who seems bent on keeping you and your son apart.   :(


I wish that also, Karen. But hey, thanks for the reply and I hope nothing but the best for you and yours....always :)

Hi Bobby,

I did not mention this earlier, but my father-in-law lives with my family...so I know a fair bit about his financial situation.  There were no unforseen expenses at the time or I know I would have heard about it.  He knew this was coming up and he should have planned accordingly (i.e. save his money for the dinner instead of his beer).  I don't approach my father-in-law regarding money issues because it makes me uncomfortable.  My husband is the one to talk to him.  What irks me is that he always manages to wiggle his way out of situations where he is supposed to pay for something.   >:(

Thank you for your thoughts...I really appreciate it.  And just to let you guys know, I am feeling somewhat better than I was when I first posted this thread...but I'm sure that the old man will do something to upset me again before long.... ::)


Ah! I see. I understand your frustration. On the plus side, Karen, at least you have cooled off now and letting your husband sort this situation out is the best thing to do.  :)

If your husband doesn't sort this problem out, and it gets progressively worse, you may have to say something before it really gets out of hand.

And just to let you guys know, I am feeling somewhat better than I was when I first posted this thread

Excellent...(she scares me when she's like this...!!)

...but I'm sure that the old man will do something to upset me again before long.... ::)


Ah! Admit it...that's what you married him for...!!

My son is 13 and has developmental delays.  In a lot of ways he is just like any other 13 year old,
but given his delays he isn't and it makes it hard for him to have friends.  A family moved in next
door and they have a 15 year old who seemed like a nice kid during the summer when he was
coming with us to use the other neighbors pool.  Since we are at the end of a dead end and there
aren't any other kids there age in the neighborhood, I thought this was great.  I asked him if he
could set aside maybe an hour or two during the week to play video games, or if he was going to
watch the football game if he could have my son over and he said yeah, no problem, he'd love to.
So my son was there thinking he had a friend and looking forward to it, and he hasn't called or
come over.  During the week I understand, he goes to school the next town over, and plays on
the football team, (I told them to let us know and we would go to a game or two).  But even on
weekends he seems to be too busy.  I'm pissed off. >:(

I would be mad too, Danoota.  At 15 he should understand that you don't promise something and not follow through. 

I would be mad too, Danoota.  At 15 he should understand that you don't promise something and not follow through. 


I approached his parents first, and they said they would ask him if he wanted to do it, and were
there when he happily agreed.  I am mad at them, too.

Excellent...(she scares me when she's like this...!!)

Thanks for being so caring, Paul.  :)

Ah! Admit it...that's what you married him for...!!

You're outta your mind!  :D 

>:(  My husband's ex-wife.  She is NEVER where she says she will be when she says she will be there.  She rarely calls to say she is going to be late.  It's bad enough that she treats us like that, but to me that sends a message to her children that she doesn't care enough about them to be there when she says she will.  Not to mention that she is teaching them to be irresposible and inconsiderate. 

On My Birthday,My Uncle promises he's gonna get me gifts but he never delivers at all. >:(


Howard

I'm really annoyed right now, and here's why...

For about a week my father-in-law had been telling us that he'd been planning to take the family out for dinner to celebrate his grandson's  birthday.  The dinner was scheduled for last night.

Well we got to the restaurant, ordered our food, and had a very nice time.  Then the check arrived and I watched, stunned, as my husband took out his wallet and paid for the meal.  I didn't want to cause a scene so I decided that I'd ask him about it in private later that night.  Finally I asked him what was going on with his dad and why he didn't pay for the meal.  He told me that his dad had called him earlier that day and said that he didn't have the funds that he'd expected to have, and that he wouldn't be able to pay for the meal.  My husband is also quite displeased with his father, but not nearly as much as I am.  I'm just seething right now!!!  >:(

What makes this situation worse is the fact that this isn't the first time that my father-in-law has pulled this kind of stunt.  I'm really getting fed up with his crap.  >:( >:(

Oh, and get this....he never even thanked us for the meal.  I guess he was too embarrassed!  ::)


Has anybody else had things like this happen? 

 


Oooh I don't blame you - that would really annoy me too!  He should have waited 'til the day before to see how his finances were before asking you all out for a meal.  I'm very lucky my family and in-laws are wonderful when it comes to birthdays, etc.  They are very generous. :)  It's just a shame that something you were looking forward to, and should have been a pleasant evening, ended up putting you in the foulest of moods. :(

Oooh I don't blame you - that would really annoy me too!  He should have waited 'til the day before to see how his finances were before asking you all out for a meal.  I'm very lucky my family and in-laws are wonderful when it comes to birthdays, etc.  They are very generous. :)  It's just a shame that something you were looking forward to, and should have been a pleasant evening, ended up putting you in the foulest of moods. :(


Thanks for your reply, jaytee.  Yeah, I just don't know what to think about my father-in-law anymore.  I'm sure he knows I'm ticked because I haven't been talking to him as much as I normally do.  If only he'd get his act together!

People who say they are going to pay us their rent and then don't. At first it was because he was laid off-ok, we helped him out a bit. But then he started working again and we made a deal, the rent plus $50 extra a month for back rent. At first it was fine but then there were other excuses. They now owe us over $2000 and haven't paid rent in many months. Part of it is our fault because we were being nice, trying to help them out because we like them. But now, it is not fine. Everytime we call, we get excuses. We have decided to start eviction action. We don't want to do it but at this point, we really don't have a choice. This is reason why we don't want to be landlords anymore!  >:( >:( >:(




Cat

Cat, I can certainly understand why you and your hubby decided not to be landlords anymore.  What is it with some people thinking that everything is a free ride?!  >:(

Cat, I can certainly understand why you and your hubby decided not to be landlords anymore.  What is it with some people thinking that everything is a free ride?!  >:(



He came down last night (with more excuses) and said that he will get us some $$ by the end of the week. He said that he knows we have been more than generous and kept saying that he will pay us everything he owes us. After he left, I turned to Carlos and asked him if he believed him. He said he didn't know. We WANT to believe him but... He also said that he is trying very hard to find another place to live. We shall see.




Cat

People who say they are going to pay us their rent and then don't. At first it was because he was laid off-ok, we helped him out a bit. But then he started working again and we made a deal, the rent plus $50 extra a month for back rent. At first it was fine but then there were other excuses. They now owe us over $2000 and haven't paid rent in many months. Part of it is our fault because we were being nice, trying to help them out because we like them. But now, it is not fine. Everytime we call, we get excuses. We have decided to start eviction action. We don't want to do it but at this point, we really don't have a choice. This is reason why we don't want to be landlords anymore!  >:( >:( >:(




Cat
I have always tried to be helpful to others...it just sucks that sometimes people aren't appreciative of kindness. I'm truly sorry for your dilema :-\\

Well, the phrase "people who promise but don't deliver" reminds me of school projects, mainly.  You know, when you're working with a group of people, and, say, you're going to each work on your section of the project over the weekend so it will be done?  Well, I hate the irresponsible people who never do their part of the project or assignment, and then you did your part but it doesn't matter anyway. >:( >:( >:(


Luckily some of my teachers mark individual effort, rather than the whole thing on some major projects. But only SOME!  >:(