I swear, I've made so many friends here. I've got people I consider close friends, some I even consider like parents to me! I've wanted to know more about the ones I've talked so much about, or to know new friends. Therefore, I've created a place where you can share what you want about yourself, anything and everything. Share only what you want, or don't share at all.

I'll start with me:

I live in a place where the winters are harsh and the summers are hot. I have often hated this place, but there is no where that could be much better, I imagine. So I stay here. I have strived for perfection, not for betterment of self, but out of fear, my whole life. I've been described as "the Next Ghandi", "Hitler", "a bleeding heart", and a "heartless bastard" so much that even I don't even know who I am. I have most frequently been called intelligent, sensitive, and entertaining. Many times I am called "unstable", but I have never been diagnosed. I have enough symptoms, but my parents don't really care enough to notice. They say they care, but it's more about their honor then my life.

I often feel as though I am simply a joke, amusing people until I'm not funny anymore, at which point I will slip slowly into obscurity....

For the first 13 years of my life, I was hated by nearly all I came in contact with. I had no confidence in my self, and still have little. In recent days, I was accepted and appreciated, but I do not know if it can last. The people I know in this physical world are often cold and bitter, so I turn to the only other people I have: this board. It really hurts when people get mad at me, or start fights. It hurts every time I have to defend my cause, I feel as though I'm losing a friend, even if we weren't friends to start out with.

I have never been very close to many people, so I hold on to those who I do let in and have a passionate nature none of the superficial people I am surrounded by will ever know. I have fallen madly in love, almost lost this love, and then got her back. I never want to lose her.

I do not have the best relationship with my God. I often feel as though he is not there, or he is mocking me and my sorrows. I embrace an idea I call Aborbism, although I feel is a very largely embraced concept, I have only named my personal system.

Isaac Brocks, the lead singer for Modest Mouse, is my hero. I have often tried to write music in their {Modest Mouse's} style, but do not write music well. I write stories and editorial essays quite well, but I have never been a poet.


That's about all I have for now. Anyone who wants to share, go ahead.

8)I love the Everly brothers.

I am shy
I am short
(5-5 high)
No good at sport

I may not be what I want
But I know what I am
And I know others who know me well enough
Like me for what I am

And though that may not always satisfy me

It sure helps  ;)

Sounds like a huge pile of teenage angst there, Apricot...

...however, with time, a lot of it does get better (it says here...)

Me?

P*ss-poor self-esteem, awkward in social situations (but much better than I was...), pushing forty, hair falling out...

...but, on a plus side, still breathing...!!

Sounds like a huge pile of teenage angst there, Apricot...

...however, with time, a lot of it does get better (it says here...)

Me?

P*ss-poor self-esteem, awkward in social situations (but much better than I was...), pushing forty, hair falling out...

...but, on a plus side, still breathing...!!


That's what I was trying to say Paul !

I just tried to take a different approach  :)

Pushing forty?  Half you luck  ;D

Ah, to be a young fella like you ....  ;)

Old
Ugly
Fat

That's  how I feel today! :(

Old
Ugly
Fat

That's  how I feel today! :(


Oh, Jaytee..... :(

Well, at least today has less than an hour left where we are  ;)

This may sound like a cliche to you, but you have to work on how you see yourself.  I see you
as bright, but searching.  I think you care very much for all around you so much that you don't
see them as caring as much, and translate that into their not caring at all.  It hurts to defend yourself
because you realy want people to understand and like you, and I think they probably do, you
just have to loosen up a bit and let them in, or maybe there are people around you just like you
that you haven't given a chance, just like there are people around you that don't give you a chance.
This is a great big world, and you are in the best place in the world to find anything you are looking
for.  In the words of Auntie Mame "Life is a banquet, it's only the poor suckers who are starving to
death."  I think you have a big appetite, go feed it.

Thanks for the advice. I don't really consider it teenage angst, though. I've basically felt that way since I was 9. I'm trying to work through it, I really am. My mom {my father refuses to admit his doing in my instability, or that I'm even unstable. He doesn't want to deal with having a "crazy kid", so he tries to shrug it off as "teen hormones". Have I really had them since 9? Have I, dad?} is now trying to tell me that school is supposed to be fun too, that life isn't all worry and work. For some odd reason, she couldn't get that philosophy until THERE WERE ONLY 4 YEARS LEFT. It's a bit too late to work on our relationship, a bit late to change. My dad has changed in his own way, with some stupid random acts of niceness, followed by constant criticism and threats of violence after I do anything even slightly wrong. Yet the other half of the time he complains that I don't "live", that I'm not kid. Hmmm.... You spent the first 14 years of my life trying to get the kid part over with as little error as possible, telling me if I did anything wrong you would kill me, now you say that I should "live a little"? Go to Hell.

Sorry, got off on a bit of a tangent there. But seriously, I will try to apply the advice you've shared with me.  :)

I'm no expert, and don't profess to be one, but it sounds like your old fella's got a shedload of problems of his own, Apricot...

I've no wish to get myself into deep water here but, take it from me, don't go beating yourself up with things that are not your fault - yes, easier said than done, I know...it only took me thirty-odd years...!!

You only get one trip around the block...do it your way and enjoy it...

Old
Ugly
Fat

That's  how I feel today! :(


**Big virtual hug to jaytee**

Say after me...'I am not old, ugly and fat...', then repeat ad nauseum...!

Seriously, hope tomorrow/today/whatever it is, is better for you...

Ok, Apricot, first of all, it's never too late to work on a relationship or to change. If you have a chance to work things out with your father, you should take it while you still have the chance. You might regret it later in life. And second, you are only 14, you really should try to enjoy yourself, believe me, it goes way to fast. You'll be out on your own before you know it, and will wonder where the time went.

-I used to take medications for 6 years and was finally off it completely in July of 1999 for my OCD.-



Howard

Oh, Jaytee..... :(

Well, at least today has less than an hour left where we are  ;)


Pathetic - aren't I :-[  Was feeling a bit sorry for myself last night.  Thanks Fuss :)

**Big virtual hug to jaytee**

Say after me...'I am not old, ugly and fat...', then repeat ad nauseum...!

Seriously, hope tomorrow/today/whatever it is, is better for you...


Thanks Paul.  Your post made me cry this morning when I saw it.  Yes - today is a better day - yesterday was a shocker :(  **Big virtual hug back**

I'm known in my household as being accident prone.From A-Z I at least broke almost everything and then trying to hide it from my Father the next day.Then,my Mother would be my saviour so she can help me figure out some ways to make up excuses for my Father not knowing the truth about what happened the night before. ;D


Howard

I'm short 5' 4 1/2"

I'm fat

I leave the eyes of the beholder to determine if I'm ugly

I'm alone more than I'd like to be

I'm shy

i have issues, lots of issues. i need a team of austrian psychologists to figure me out...

Thanks for all your posts (and a great thread Apricot).

Yeah I understand the problems you have felt Apricot (I went through a lot of what you have explained) and I appreciate that doesn't make you feel better - but it doesn't make you alone.

I'm not sure what to say really O.k - How about this?

Fought for almost everything I am/own - which isn't a lot but I fought for it.  ;)

Got chucked out of my parents homes three times (once from my dad, twice from my mother's). Dependency got the better of me the third time around.

Being told to 'grow up' and 'act my age' when I was younger has taught me the benefits of regressing back to feeling like a child.

Have an acute social phobia/neurotic tendencies.

To add, here is a virtual hug for Jaytee - Hope you are feeling much better today.  :)