A topic I've been thinking about posting for a while.

What little lessons in life have you learnt and want to share with others.  They can be serious or fun, it doesn't matter.

Here's one I'm still trying to learn.  No matter how many times you push the button the remote key to the car isn't going to open the front door.  ::)  (Please tell me I'm not the only one who does this sort of thing)

Kids know when you've hidden the biscuits and they haven't really "all gone"

Now, over to you

No matter how long you stare at the microwave, it doesn't mean your food is going to cook any faster. ;)

Just because you hit the elevator up/down button 10 times, it won't make the elevator come any sooner. ::)

Paper is strongest at the perforation.
If you're waiting on an important phone call, sitting on the toilet guarantees that the phone will ring.
Never let your parents and inlaws help you move.  Never. Never. Never. 

(and one just for fun:)
If you run out of wrapping paper and tape, contact paper is not a good way to kill two birds with one stone.

That no matter how good your are, no matter what road you choose their will be a price to pay at the end and a reward to take. Everything has a punishment and everything has a reward.

You can't look at a person and know how tough they are. The muscle head could be a wimp and the 90 pound weakling could be tougher than a box of nails.

Just because you hit the elevator up/down button 10 times, it won't make the elevator come any sooner. ::)


The same goes for pressing buttons at crosswalks.  I don't know how many times I've seen people press the buttons, expecting the light to change immediately!  ::)

Let's see...

The day you decide to wash a pair of pants that CAN NOT go into the dryer, your husband decides to go wash another load of clothes and will put those pants into the dryer.  >:(



The moms on the board will be able to relate to these...

The minute you change a pee-pee diaper, your child will do the other and you have to change it again.

The day you decide you don't need to pack a change of clothes for your child they either get car sick or the diaper will leak. 

The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction.

-Murphy's Law of Travel.



A serious one:

That which does not break you, makes you stronger.



Cat

That which does not break you, makes you stronger.



I live by that "rule" everyday.  ;)  Good one, Cat :)

The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction.

-Murphy's Law of Travel.


Cat


I like that one. ;D

That you should never judge a book by it's cover  :)



Howard

Things are not always as they seem.  Take for instance cousin's husband turning up at our place in brand new Alpha Romeo sports model  :o   last month I ran into cousin at supermarket and she told me that she is working three jobs to keep the mortgage paid and that her husband's business is not going too well and here's my family saying "why can't we have a car like that". ::)

The road to Hell isnt actully paved at all.  No, it's a dirt road, and its right inside Calajohalli, NY


You can lead a horse to water, but dont expect him to actully get in...on a related point, apparently, horses dont like getting splashed in the face...from behind them. 



As confident as I think I am with a joke, it will bomb. 



The person who said "Be yourself" has never met me.



Somehow Law and Order can be found on TV on some channel 24/7.  And theres no doubt that my parents will be watching it. 



The Baha Men are indeed Satan. 

Don't eat at my canteen at work. I had 'Toad in the hole' yesterday. I regretted that one. :P  ;D

Don't eat at my canteen at work. I had 'Toad in the hole' yesterday. I regretted that one. :P  ;D


Used real toad, did they...?!!

Animals do not have the gift or concept of human speech...so why on earth I sometimes talk to the cat is beyond me...

Won't I be surprised if she answers back one day...

Never wear your underpants backwards  :o

The person who said "Be yourself" has never met me.


That make two of us.

When I say Ill do something in a minute, I dont want that minute to be filled with your nagging(directed to my gf  ;D ::) she knows why)

if it takes more than an hour to cook a hot dog, the gas might be off

Dentists dont have to know what theyre talking about

The more new people I meet, the more I like my dog

Throwing an paper at the ceiling fan isnt always the best plot of revenge towards the person on the other side of the room

the more stupid someone thinks you are, the more suprised they'll be when you kill them (quoted to billys friend  ::) )

AA meetings are for alcoholics only

Bullfrogs dont like being poked in the eye

it takes a whole lotta straw to break a camels back, but jumping on it is usually a lot easier

Some people are just destine to fail, and your one of them

Ketchup and Mrs Dash is flammable

Some dogs dont enjoy the freezer

people wont give their arm for a cup of lemonade, and even if they did, no one will buy a human arm off of you

coffe grinders Hurt

Animals do not have the gift or concept of human speech...so why on earth I sometimes talk to the cat is beyond me...

Won't I be surprised if she answers back one day...


I'm sure she appreciates you communicating with her.  They may not understand speech, but they certainly know tone of voice!  :)

Used real toad, did they...?!!


It might have tasted better.  :-\\

I'm sure she appreciates you communicating with her.  They may not understand speech, but they certainly know tone of voice!  :)


She certainly did after she p**d on my bed recently...!!

She certainly did after she p**d on my bed recently...!!


;D

I think anybody who's ever owned a cat has gone through this!  ;)

;D

I think anybody who's ever owned a cat has gone through this!  ;)


Oh man. We kicked them out of the bedroom because of this.



Cat

Oh man. We kicked them out of the bedroom because of this.



Cat


As I did with her...which was supposed to have been her 'punishment'...

No less than three days later, where was she?!!

Another lesson of life...you never ever own a cat 100%...!

As I did with her...which was supposed to have been her 'punishment'...

No less than three days later, where was she?!!

Another lesson of life...you never ever own a cat 100%...!


Yes, our cat is a pain as well. At night, he lies on the bed and because he is quite a big cat, he manages to stifle any leg movement I can make. Needless to say, I just kick him off the bed before he cuts off my circulation.  ;D

Let's see...



The minute you change a pee-pee diaper, your child will do the other and you have to change it again.

The day you decide you don't need to pack a change of clothes for your child they either get car sick or the diaper will leak. 






LOL, Every single time  i forget the clothes, disaster!!!

And what about, when your running late, and you are locking the front door....thats when they decide to "do the other"

"Never look a gift horse in the mouth". :)




Howard

"Never look a gift horse in the mouth". :)


Very good advice from the days when people used to check horse's teeth to find out how old and how healthy it was.  :)

As I did with her...which was supposed to have been her 'punishment'...

No less than three days later, where was she?!!

Another lesson of life...you never ever own a cat 100%...!



Life lesson # whatever:

Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.



Cat

No matter what anyone tells you, a watched pot DOES boil. Boredom led me into solving that mystery.

Oh yeah, never ever look up at a passing flock of birds(especially seagulls) with your mouth open in awe. I saw a tourist get nailed right in the mouth with bird juice.

No matter what anyone tells you, a watched pot DOES boil. Boredom led me into solving that mystery.

Oh yeah, never ever look up at a passing flock of birds(especially seagulls) with my mouth open in awe. I saw a tourist get nailed right in the mouth with bird juice.



I knew someone who got nailed too. YUCK!!!!



Cat

"Always take the bull by the horns".



Howard

?Measure twice, cut once".

Actually it works the other way around too.  :P

Oh yeah, never ever look up at a passing flock of birds(especially seagulls) with my mouth open in awe. I saw a tourist get nailed right in the mouth with bird juice.


Oh, man, that is awful.

The Man who said you'll never learn anything by watching TV was an Idiot.

And the man who claimed, "TV is a boy's best friend, it gives so much and asks so little", a genius! ;D

The Man who said you'll never learn anything by watching TV was an Idiot.

No matter where you got it, how long youve had it, or what company it is, in every deck of cards the Jack of Hearts will ALWAYS look like Carey Elves.

And the man who claimed, "TV is a boy's best friend, it gives so much and asks so little", a genius! ;D




and the Man who said "TV's a vast wasteland" was just jealous

patience is a virtue.  ;)



Howard

Water is required to make Easy Mac.  I learned this the hard way.








..twice.

Water is required to make Easy Mac.  I learned this the hard way.

LOL!  My daughter did that once and the burnt smell of macaroni noodles remained in the microwave for a long time!  :o ;D

Practice Makes Perfect.... and yet.....Nobody's Perfect ???

and if Im nobody, and Nobody's perfect, then I guess that means that Im perfect! ;D

and if Im nobody, and Nobody's perfect, then I guess that means that Im perfect! ;D


That's clever reasoning, Mikey.  :)

Practice Makes Perfect.... and yet.....Nobody's Perfect ???



Good Stuff Mark. ;)



Howard

That's clever reasoning, Mikey.  :)


:)

When making a turkey-remember that there are THREE packages inside (I learned this one the hard way-TWICE!)  :-[ ;D




Cat

Don't stay up late watching dumb programmes on TV if you have to be up early the next day.  (or you have young children who are likely to get up early the next day)

Tomorrow never comes

Tomorrow never comes


Isn't that a James Bond movie?  ;)



Cat

Don't count your chickens before they hatch.



Howard

Tomorrow never comes



Nah, she does, you just got to give her some time  ;)

Two In The Pocket Is Worth Three In The Bush



Howard

Two In The Pocket Is Worth Three In The Bush


Would you like to follow this one up, Billy?  ;D

Isn't that a James Bond movie?  ;)



Cat


No, that was "Tomorrow Never Dies"  I haven't seen it though.  My James Bond days ended with
Sean Connery.  The Beatles did "Tomorrow Never Knows".  My Beatles days will end tomorrow. 8)

Would you like to follow this one up, Billy?  ;D


you read my mind.......

unfortunatly, any (coherant) joke I can think of, all have something to do with the Austrailian Outback..and they stink lol

you read my mind.......

unfortunatly, any (coherant) joke I can think of, all have something to do with the Austrailian Outback..and they stink lol


;D

Nope, but it's a Garth Brooks song (well, if you put "If" in front of it) ;) ;D


He who smelt it, dealt it...though that one may not always be true :D


But "The one who made the rhyme, committed the crime"

or "The one who denied it, supplied it"

Can they all be true?  ???

Two In The Pocket Is Worth Three In The Bush



Howard


I don't think I will ever fully understand that. :-[

Ceiling Fans arent the best thing since sliced bread, and probably arent the best way to slice bread.

Ceiling Fans arent the best thing since sliced bread, and probably arent the best way to slice bread.


SOmething I've always wondered is what was the best thing before sliced bread?  ;D

SOmething I've always wondered is what was the best thing before sliced bread?  ;D


Come on, we all know that the best thing before sliced bread was Klondike bars with chocolate ice cream inside!  Its just a known fact! ;D

As I found out today :

Don't buy a fridge that is too large to fit in your front door (and any other door)  >:(

My daughter found this out today:  No matter how many times you apologize for your behavior, you still have to fulfill the punishment. (she is grounded for the day)

You are nobody until you have been igorned by a cat.  ;D





Cat

As I found out today :

Don't buy a fridge that is too large to fit in your front door (and any other door)  >:(


I found out a similar one with a toilet

I found out a similar one with a toilet


Geez Billy, how big was the dunny ?  :o :o :o ;D

Geez Billy, how big was the dunny ?  :o :o :o ;D


Or could he mean that the toilet door wouldn't open/shut properly because the toilet got in the way?

Actually I prefer the picture of someone struggling to carry a toilet with a diameter of a a couple of metres in through the door! ;D

Or could he mean that the toilet door wouldn't open/shut properly because the toilet got in the way?

Actually I prefer the picture of someone struggling to carry a toilet with a diameter of a a couple of metres in through the door! ;D


it is a funny image.....it also didnt really happen, but it is a funny image lol

Check all  pockets before washing a load of black clothes. ;D

Good one, Manda.  Been there, done that.

To err is human but to really fowl things up takes a computer.




Cat

Never assume anything, always give full and complete instructions and, if in doubt, do it yourself!

(Learnt after my daughter asked if she could polish her own shoes.  I've nearly got the stay off the kitchen cabinet)