Now ordinarily I am famous among my friends for NOT forwarding joke emails etc as I feel they clutter up email in boxes.

But I have been in a foul mood at work all week (troubles with temp team leader who has short male issues, female issues, and females smarter than him issues !!) and this email totally cheered me up and made me giggle :)




Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct  slowdown in overall system performance--particularly in the flower and jewelry  applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, installation of Husband 1.0 seems to have uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then  installed such other undesirable programs as NFL 5.0, NBA 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the  system.  I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate

Dear Desperate,
First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.  Please enter the command: "http: I Thought  You Loved Me.htm" and try to download Tears 6.2, and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.  Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will automatically download the
Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background which will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program.  This is an unsupported application and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.  We recommend Hot Food 3.0 and
Lingerie 7.7.*

Good luck,
Tech Support

*Note:  Coming out soon is Divorce 9.9.  Retail cost:  Life Savings.

Always good for a laugh, BMG  :)

I had never seen the 'feminised' version of this joke before  :D

LOL!  ;D ;D ;D

Ooh, I'd say that was bordering on sexist, if it wasn't so dam' funny (and frighteningly true...!!)

Nice one, BMG

OMG That's so funny! I'm going to give a copy of this to my mom.

Thoroughly sexist, but jolly good fun! :D ;)

To be fair, I have to rework this for the manfolk ;D



Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed a distinct  slowdown in overall system performance--particularly in the bedroom cuddling and whoopie applications, which operated flawlessly under Girlfriend 5.0.

In addition, installation of Wife 1.0 seems to have uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Pleasure 9.5 and Foot Massage 6.5, and then installed such other undesirable programs as Not Now 5.0, I'm Tired 3.0 and Headache 4.1.
Fun-and-Games 8.0 no longer runs, and Let's-Do-It-In-the-Car 2.6 simply crashes the system.  I've tried running Sexy Boxers 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

I Need Whoopie



Dear I Need Whoopie,



First, keep in mind that Girlfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Wife 1.0 is an Operating System.  Please enter the command: "http: I Love You Baby.htm" and try to download Cooking 6.2, and don't forget to install the Chick Flick 3.0 update.

If that application works as designed, Wife 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Cuddling 2.0 and Mad Whoopie 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Wife 1.0 to default to Fake Orgasm 2.5, Girls Night Out 7.0, or Gin & Tonic 6.1.  Gin & Tonic 6.1 is a very bad program that will automatically run the Headache 4.1 application and the I-Got-Cramps Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background which will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Girlfriend 5.0 program.  This is an unsupported application and will crash Wife 1.0.

In summary, Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it does have selective hard memory and can randomly recall expired applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to optimize memory and performance.  We recommend Salary Busting Diamond Ring 7.2 and Lady Godiva Chocolates 2.2*

Good luck,
Tech Support

*Note:  Coming out soon is Divorce 9.9.  Retail cost:  Your Immortal Soul.

Very clever, BMG.  :)

Take that one as a basis and change it slightly! It's cool! You can do anything with it. Im doing a complaint on my program Father 5.8 - very annoying... :D

Dear Technical Support,
Last week I upgraded from Dad 4.1 to Father 5.8, which has given me some difficulties.

Father 5.8 has erased all following programmes: Fun 4.7, Happiness 3.0 and TV Channel 4.0. I soon found the following programmes in my database which were not installed by me, and I think they are viruses with your system. Old Film 1.0, Boring 7.9 and Embarrasment 2.5. My other files, Daughter 2.3 and Husband 1.0 (which I know many others may have) are starting to become filled with Giggles 5.1.

I hope you can find it in your heart to tell me what is happening and fix the problem. I have tried the file you gave us on your website http://www.interactive-downloads.com/, which you named Shout 9.0. It made no effect.

Yours Faithfully,
Angry

Dear Angry,

I am sorry to hear that Father 5.8 is playing up. We are unhappy to announce that we have not got another solution to your problem except for Shout 9.0. I think we can help you in instalations.

Uninstall your unwanted files. Then install the following: Tears 6.9, Tantrum 4.0, Itsmyhouse.exe and Ihaveafamilytocarefor.exe (this is a large file, I know but it helps). Apply on our website for a full refresh of your files Husband 1.0 and Daughter 2.3 which will automatically become free of Giggles 5.1. It shall do this every week since your files will be reminded of the time when you had Father 5.8. This means that, yes, Father 5.8 will have to go. If you have any more problems with ANY of your new installations, then you can tell us.

If you want you can kill Father 5.8 and Husband 1.0 and enjoy a peaceful life with Daughter 2.3.

Yours sincerely,
Technical Support