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When you get married you expect to last a lifetime.  You shouldn't go into the commitment of getting married if you expect it to end in divorce.

Many people get married because to them it is a sin to live together.  Also it is a public announcement, if you like, that you are committed to one another and to no one else.

I take issue with your statement that "every married person has the desire to be single" (at least I think thats what you meant  ;) )  That certainly doesn't apply to many of the married people that I know and implies that people become married on a whim or because it seems a good idea at the time.

You personally may feel like this but don't assume that everyone else does
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Karen,I just wanted to clarify that married people fantasize about being single.If they could they would want to be single even if it was for one day.I guess Im so negative because my brother was with someone for 7 years then they get married.The marriage didnt last a year.I wondered how this could happen maybe it just the pressure of being married...I dont know ???

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I don't fantasize about being single.  I've been married to the same man for 12 years and I am very happy!  :D

Child_of_the_80s....the fact that your brother and his wife split up isn't necessarily because they got married.  I think there is a good chance that they were probably having problems before that and it was carried over into the marriage.  :-/

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its a 50% chance the marriage will last anywayEnd Quote

Just because the divorce rate is 50% doesn't mean the chance that a married couple will get divorced is 50%.  Each marriage is an independent event.  If there haven't been any divorces for 500 days, married couples aren't any more or less at stake of being the next couple to divorce based on prior events.

Yeah, I took Statistics last semester, and that's about the only thing I remember from it...  :)

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Myself and the girlfriend are talking about marriage at the moment and to be truthful, I'm scared stiff of the idea.
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If it doesn't feel right then don't do it.  I firmly believe that if a person is really ready for such a commitment, they won't feel scared.

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I think anyone who is married has one time or another thought about being with another person.Humans desire variety I know if I married Carmen Electra and we were togrther for 5 years I would fantasize about other women when Im with her.If anyone one says they dont THEY ARE LYING!
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You're quite the expert. ::)

You must have had a bad relationship before that soured you on women.

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You're quite the expert. ::)

You must have had a bad relationship before that soured you on women.
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...just to be loyal to their mate.
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...Just to be loyal?!  Good heavens! :o  Loyalty is the most important thing you can have in a relationship!  And being loyal does not mean that you've been guilty of thinking about others!

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I know Im not an expert but I just tell it like it is.People are scared to admit they fantasize about others just to be loyal to their mate.Its never popped in any of your heads just for one split second.....if you say never then I call you a liar.

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There is a big difference between fantasizing and "desiring to be single".  Just because someone fantasizes about being with someone else doesn't mean they aren't loyal to their spouse or that they desire to be single.  

Back to your original post...the reason some people choose to be married is for the exact reason you stated  "when the person wants out, they can just leave and not waste more time with a divorce".  I'm sorry, but that's just asinine.  Let's think about that for a minute...say hubby and I never got married, we were just "life mates" and he decides he doesn't want to be with me anymore so he just walks away.  I have 3 kids, no job (I'm a stay-at-home mom), a mortgage, a car payment, insurance payments, etc.  In your way of thinking, he could just walk away and wash his hands of everything (well, the courts would order support for the kids), leaving me to figure out how I am going to pay the mortgage and everything else.  These are debts that WE entered into TOGETHER.  If we weren't married, there are very few courts in this country that could (or would) order him to keep these obligations.  Therefore, my kids and I would be homeless, no transportation, no insurance, etc. as I highly doubt I would be able to find a job that would pay enough to keep these things.  For many people, knowing that they could lose much of their income/belongings in a divorce is enough to make them work at keeping things together.

I will agree that people don't take marriage as seriously as they should.  When I married my husband, I did so with the knowledge that it would be forever.  Although it's not always easy, it's definitely worth it.  Too many people put the emphasis on the wedding rather than the marriage.  I would've been happy going to the courthouse, but our courthouse only allows 4 people as witnesses & I wanted my family and friends there.  So, hubby and I had a very simple wedding (in fact, we spent more on our bedroom furniture than the wedding) as our emphasis was on our future, not just one day.

I don't know the specifics of your brother's situation, but I have to agree with CF.  Maybe there were problems prior to the marriage, heck, maybe you are right, it was just the stress of "being married" and not just being able to walk away at any time.  But please don't give up on marriage as a whole, just because some marriages end in divorce doesn't mean that there is no reason TO get married.  It's all a matter of finding the right person (although there are no guarantees) and having the right outlook for the future.  AND, although marriage isn't for everyone, it is a blessing for many.

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OK ladies I'll be direct have you EVER fantasized about other men while with your husbands?BE HONEST PLEASE.
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Not while "with" (in the conjugal sense), but at other times, yes.  However, it's just a fantasy.  Would I ever act on it?  Not in a million years.  Fantasizing about something does not make you guilty of it.  Example, I have been in a store and thought "Gee, it would be so easy to stuff that *whatever* in my bag and walk out".  Does that make me guilty of shoplifting?  Not anywhere in THIS country.  I've also fantasized about what it would be like to be a man.  Does that mean I want to be one?  No.  I just don't see how fantasizing about other people relates to whether marriage is worth it or not. ::)

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OK ladies I'll be direct have you EVER fantasized about other men while with your husbands?BE HONEST PLEASE.
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This response applies to women and men -

It is perfectly normal for married couples and long-time partners to fantasize about other people.

It's normal. There is nothing wrong with it. It's fine to keep those fantasies to your selves and it is also fine to accept them and share them with an equally accepting partner.

Many people do not admit they do this because of a false sense of guilt, which shouldn't even exist in reference to this issue. Being open about these issues is healthy.

Understanding the structure of sexual communication and braving the barrier would lead more people to share more with their partners and have a more open and healthier relationship; and the extra added bonus of attaining true intimacy.



Doctor "Ruth", signing off. ;D ;)

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I have learned from the ladies who posted.I still think that some people just get married because they found someone they enjoy being with not that they found the" person of their dreams".Some people just dont want to be lonely and dont have confidence they will find someone else.
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I agree.  Which is probably why so many marriages fail these days.  It shouldn't make you give up on the idea, though. :)

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If it doesn't feel right then don't do it.  I firmly believe that if a person is really ready for such a commitment, they won't feel scared.
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I'm not sure whether it is a ready for commitment thing (though you are right in what you are saying). It's like a Twilight Zone that happens - Once a woman gets talking about marriage, the next thing you know she's handing out wedding invitation cards and there is no sense of control over the situation. That's what does my head in.

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I know, most marriages end in divorce anyway, so why bother, I think Marriage is overrated,
as for me, I'd like to have as many Romantic partners as possible,
Not necessarily marriage.
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Hey, a least you're honest about it. Some people would disguise that idealogy in bull crap.

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When you get married you expect to last a lifetime.  You shouldn't go into the commitment of getting married if you expect it to end in divorce.

Many people get married because to them it is a sin to live together.  Also it is a public announcement, if you like, that you are committed to one another and to no one else.

I take issue with your statement that "every married person has the desire to be single" (at least I think thats what you meant  ;) )  That certainly doesn't apply to many of the married people that I know and implies that people become married on a whim or because it seems a good idea at the time.

You personally may feel like this but don't assume that everyone else does
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Karen pretty much covers it for me.  But I'll add some things.

Children produced are more likely to have both parents around when the latter are married and committed to caring about them - and that's generally a good thing.  Don't believe all the PC tripe that's been spouted the last 30 years.

Also, that 50% nonsense is bogus and is another example of "repeat something enough and people believe it".  in this case, they read into it something that it is not.  All it means is:  this year, for every 2 marriages there is 1 divorce.  It's meaningless.  What does that tell you about the 2 marriages?  Nothing.

A meaningful statistic would follow couples over 10, 20, 30 years, and tell us how often couples actually get divorced.  Or at least tell us what the average duration of a marriage is.  Unfortunately, this would get very complex, as you'd have to account for generational differences, etc.  Even discounting divorce, it's unfair to use a 70yo couple against a 30yo couple.

But bottom line is, that 50% is not a real "rate".  It is ONLY a ratio on a yearly basis (more or less).

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I know Im not an expert but I just tell it like it is.People are scared to admit they fantasize about others just to be loyal to their mate.Its never popped in any of your heads just for one split second.....if you say never then I call you a liar.

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WHY does every1 have such difficulty believing any ONE - out of millions upon millions over the ages - could ever be really good?  Even in just ONE aspect - which this is?

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WHY does every1 have such difficulty believing any ONE - out of millions upon millions over the ages - could ever be really good?  Even in just ONE aspect - which this is?
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It's just the way of the world.