Hello fellow penguins,

I am currently teaching as a temporary replacement at my old high school (which is kinda weird, I see my old teachers every day) but starting next year I must start working for my certificate.  I have a personal statement that I must write, and this is a really rough draft of it.  500 words or so (the application actually didn't specify) so this is a 530 word essay.  Any advice, grammar corrections, style issues, would be appreciated.  Be brutal and honest if you please, I really do appreciate it :)

Kin K. Leung – Personal Statement

As a blossoming student, I often pursued opportunities in peer tutoring and student teaching.  I was a teacher’s aide in the advanced placement chemistry and biology classes.  Part of my duties was to assist the students in understanding the material.  In college, I worked as a study group leader for general biology courses, performing tutoring, lecture reviews and mock exams in physics, organic chemistry and immunology, and even sat in office hours to supplement the students’ learning experience.  I continued to be a peer tutor through graduate school.  These were different situations with different caliber students, but I did notice one thing in common.  When a student understood the material because of my instruction, I felt pride and accomplishment that I had helped someone.  Because of all my positive experiences, I decided to become a teacher.

While I was a peer tutor and a study group leader in college, I was accustomed to working with people who were there to learn, and who actually wanted to learn and succeed in life.  I was surprised when I started work as a teacher at my old high school that most of the students I was teaching were only there because they were forced by law to be in school, and not because they were motivated to learn.  The task fell to me to create a positive learning environment and to turn the kids on to learning about science.  It was important to me to impart in them the same love for science that I have.  Thus, I presented to myself the challenge to make science fun and exciting.  I needed to find ways to reach out to each type of student, to every individual, because of their different learning styles and interests.  I needed to perform demonstrations that would pique the interest of even the most bored-out-of-his-mind student.  I discovered that the demonstrations not only entertained the students, but also helped them develop their observational abilities as well as their natural curiosity.  “How did Mr. Leung light his hand on fire without getting hurt?”  I enjoyed the feelings I had when the class was captivated by my flame-engulfed hand and by my other demonstrations, because I knew that I had done something right and now they actually wanted to learn, if only to figure out how they could also set their own appendages on fire.  

I feel that I have the natural ability to convey information and to explain how science works.  However, I still lack the training to deal with various learning styles and the constantly evolving individuals in my classes as they struggle to find their identities and determine what they will do for the rest of their lives.  I have a great sense of humor, I have an excellent rapport with my students, and I have the “I never really grew up” mentality that all scientists share.   I hope that once I enter the credential program and work towards my certificate, I will gather more ideas and advice on how to deal with students, to make their learning experience that much better, and to become a better teacher and mentor to the next generation.

Again, thanks much :)

After reading you statement, I feel that it sounds too self centered. You use the word "I" quite a bit. If you could rephrase a few of the sentences, it would read more smoothly. I hope that helps.

Helps much :)  Thanks.

And I do notice you are never wrong ;)

It is, of course, a "personal" statement, so I do have to talk about myself quite a bit :-/

I was impressed with what you had to say and believe you conveyed your message well. I hope it all works out for you, Mr. Leung. :)

Your statement sounds good to me too, Rice.  Hope it all works out for you!  :)

Very well written. Good luck. Hope everything works out for you. :)

Thank you for the good thoughts :)

I talked to some friends and Mama Cube about it.  In addition to your comments I have decided that it's probably not a good idea to advocate juvenile pyromania, so this is an update.  Thanks!  :)

Kin K. Leung – Personal Statement

     As a blossoming student, I often pursued opportunities in peer tutoring and student teaching.  I was a teacher’s aide in the advanced placement chemistry and biology classes.  I often assisted the students in understanding the course material.  In college, I worked as a study group leader for general biology courses, performing tutoring, lecture reviews and mock exams in physics, organic chemistry and immunology, and even sat in office hours to supplement the students’ learning experience.  I continued to be a peer tutor through graduate school.  These were different situations with different caliber students, but I did notice one thing in common.  When a student understood the material because of my instruction, I felt pride and accomplishment that I had helped someone.  Because of all my positive experiences, I decided to become a teacher.

     While I was a peer tutor and a study group leader in college, I was accustomed to working with people who were there to learn, and who actually wanted to learn and succeed in life.  I was surprised when I started work as a teacher at my old high school that most of the students I was teaching were only there because they were forced by law to be in school, and not because they were motivated to learn.  The task fell to me to create a positive learning environment and to turn the kids on to learning about science.  It was important to me to impart in them the same love for science that I have.  Thus, I presented to myself the challenge to make science fun and exciting.  I needed to find ways to reach out to each type of student, to every individual, because of their different learning styles and interests.  I needed to perform demonstrations that would pique the interest of even the most bored-out-of-his-mind student.  I discovered that the demonstrations not only entertained the students, but also helped them develop their observational abilities as well as their natural curiosity.  “How did Mr. Leung do that?  That was cool!”  I enjoyed the feelings I had when the class was captivated by my demonstrations, because I knew that I had done something right and now they actually wanted to learn, if only to figure out how to duplicate a simple science experiment for themselves.

     I feel that I have the natural ability to convey information and to explain how science works.  However, I still lack the training to deal with various learning styles and the constantly evolving individuals in my classes as they struggle to find their identities and determine what they will do for the rest of their lives.  I have a great sense of humor, I have an excellent rapport with my students, and I have the youthful curiosity and inquisitive mentality that all scientists share.   I have a great desire to spread my love of knowledge and learning.  I hope that once I enter the credential program and work towards my certificate, I will gather more ideas and advice on how to deal with students, to make their learning experience that much better, and to become a better teacher and mentor to the next generation.

Looks good Rice!........Pardon me  :-[ Mr. Leung.  ;)

Sounds good Rice.  I wish you were my daughter's science teacher - it's the one subject she struggles with!

Rice

It looks a good personal statement.  The one or two comments I was going to make (i.e. not advocating pyromania and mentioning "I never really grew up") are not in the revised version.

Good luck with getting on to the training programme

Okay, I promise to stop wasting all y'all's time soon ;D

This is a 3rd draft...thanks for looking and for your previous comments :)

      As a blossoming student, I pursued opportunities in peer tutoring and student teaching.  As a teacher’s aide in the advanced placement chemistry and biology classes, I assisted the students in understanding the course material.  In college, I worked as a study group leader for general biology courses, performing tutoring, lecture reviews and mock exams in biology, organic chemistry and immunology, and even sat in office hours to supplement the students’ learning experience.  I continued to be a peer tutor through graduate school.  These were different situations with different caliber students, but I did notice one thing in common.  When a student understood the material because I had helped him solve a problem or grasp a concept, I felt pride and accomplishment that I had helped someone.  Because of all my positive experiences, I decided to become a teacher.

     While I was a peer tutor and a study group leader in college, I was accustomed to working with people who were there to learn, and who actually wanted to learn and succeed in life.  When I started teaching at my old high school, I realized that most of my students only attended school because they were forced by law to be in school, and not because they were motivated to learn.  The task fell to me to create a positive learning environment and to turn the kids on to learning about science.  It was important to me to impart in them the same passion for science that I have.  Thus, I presented to myself the challenge to make science fun and exciting.  As a teacher, I had the responsibility as a leader and mentor to reach out to each type of student, to every individual, because of their different learning styles and interests.  I performed demonstrations that would pique the interest of even the most uninterested student.  I discovered that the demonstrations not only entertained the students, but also helped them develop their observational abilities as well as their natural curiosity.  “How did Mr. Leung do that?  That was cool!”  I enjoyed the feelings I had when the class was captivated by my demonstrations, because I knew that I successfully presented a new idea such that they actually wanted to understand and appreciate it, if only to figure out how to duplicate a simple science experiment for themselves.

     I have the natural ability to convey information and to explain how science works.  However, I still lack the training to deal with various learning styles and the constantly evolving individuals in my classes as they struggle to find their identities and determine what they will do for the rest of their lives.  I have a great sense of humor and an excellent rapport with my students.  I have the youthful curiosity and inquisitive mentality that all scientists share and the desire to spread my love of knowledge and learning.  When I enter the credential program and work towards my certificate, I will gather ideas and advice on how to encourage and push my students, to make their learning experience that much better, and to become a better teacher and mentor to the next generation.

i think it's well written, rice. :)  i just had one comment:

Quoting:
These were different situations with different caliber students, but I did notice one thing in common.
End Quote

that sentence sounds a little akward to me...maybe it should be something like,

Quoting:These were different situations with different caliber students, but I did notice they have one thing in common.End Quote

or some other pronoun?  (i've only partially completed tenth grade english though, so maybe that's my problem. ;))

good luck with becoming a teacher!  i hope everything works out. :)

I fixed my mistakes, thanks :)  Let's see how this one works...

As a blossoming student, I pursued opportunities in peer tutoring and student teaching.  As a teacher’s aide in the advanced placement chemistry and biology classes, I assisted the students in comprehending the course material.  In college, I worked as a study group leader for general biology courses, performing tutoring, lecture reviews and mock exams in biology, organic chemistry and immunology.  I even sat in office hours to supplement the students’ learning experience.  I continued to be a peer tutor through graduate school.  Through these diverse situations, I noticed that when a student understood the material because I had helped him solve a problem or grasp a concept, I felt pride and accomplishment.  Because of all my positive experiences, I decided to become a teacher.

     While I was a peer tutor and a study group leader in college, I was accustomed to working with people who were there to learn, and who actually wanted to learn and succeed in life.  When I started teaching at my old high school, I realized that some of my students were not very motivated to learn.  The task fell to me to create a positive learning environment and to turn the kids on to learning about science.  I set up my lesson plans to impart in them the same passion for science that I have, and to make science fun and exciting.  As a teacher, I had the responsibility as a leader and mentor to reach out to every student and inspire them to maximize their potential and achieve their goals.  I performed demonstrations that would pique the interest of even the most uninterested student.  I discovered that the demonstrations not only entertained the students, but also helped them develop their observational abilities as well as their natural curiosity.  I enjoyed the feelings I had when the class was captivated by my demonstrations, because I knew that I successfully presented a new idea such that they actually wanted to understand and appreciate it, if only to figure out how to duplicate a simple science experiment for themselves.

     I have the natural ability to convey information and to explain how science works.  I have a great sense of humor and an excellent rapport with my students.  I have the youthful curiosity and inquisitive mentality that all scientists share and the desire to spread my love of knowledge and learning.  However, I still lack the training to deal with various learning styles and the constantly evolving individuals in my classes as they struggle to find their identities and determine what they will do for the rest of their lives.  When I enter the credential program and work towards my certificate, I will learn new ideas and techniques instill enthusiasm and passion in my students, to improve their learning experience, and to become a better teacher and mentor to the next generation so that they will become productive members of society.

Good Luck,Rice!


Howard

After ideas suggested by friends, Mama Cube and my aunt, I had this written to reflect the following:


Why I want to be a teacher
What would make me a good teacher
Variety in sentence structure and prose
Transition and flow

Thanks much to all you who have helped me :)

  As a blossoming student, I pursued opportunities in peer tutoring and student teaching.  Working as a teacher’s aide in high school and as a study group leader in college, I assisted other students in understanding the course material.  I even sat in office hours to supplement the students’ learning experience.  I continued to be a peer tutor through graduate school.  Reflecting on these diverse situations, I noticed that when a student understood the material because I had helped him solve a problem or grasp a concept, I felt pride and accomplishment.  I have an innate thirst for knowledge, and I derive a great feeling of reward when I am able to successfully convey my knowledge to others.  When necessary, I am able to break down a concept to its simplest elements, helping the student grasp one idea at a time until he can reconstruct the concept in a way that he can totally understand it.  Because of all my positive experiences as a tutor, I decided to take the next step and to become a teacher.  I am honored to have wonderful relationships with my former teachers and professors and I want to inspire my students as my teachers have inspired me.

  When I started teaching at my old high school, I challenged myself to create a positive learning environment and to turn the kids on to learning about science.  I set up my lesson plans to impart in them the same passion for science that I have, and to make science fun and exciting.  As a teacher, I have the responsibility as a leader and mentor to reach out to every student and inspire them to maximize their potential and achieve their goals.  I designed class activities that would pique the interest of even the most uninterested student.  I discovered that the science experiments not only entertained the students, but also helped them develop their observational skills as well as their natural curiosity.  I enjoyed the feelings I had when the class was captivated by my demonstrations, because I knew that I successfully presented a new idea such that they actually wanted to understand and appreciate it, if only to figure out how to duplicate a simple science experiment for themselves.

  I have the natural ability to convey information and to explain how science works.  My great sense of humor enhances my rapport with my students.  I have the youthful curiosity and inquisitive mentality that all scientists share and I want my students to develop the same passion.  However, I still lack the training to deal with various learning styles and the constantly evolving individuals in my classes as they struggle to find their identities and determine what they will do for the rest of their lives.  When I enter the credential program and work towards my certificate, I will learn new ideas and techniques to improve my students’ learning experience and to become a better teacher and mentor to the next generation so that they will become productive members of society.

Hell, I'd hire you....

How'd it go, Rice?

A Teacher in what,Rice Cube?
What are you majoring in?


Howard ;)