1.---The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than
      your spouse.
    2.---You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner
      table in front of her kids.
    3.---You're been married three times and still have the same
      in-laws.
    4.---You think a woman who is "out-of-your-league" bowls on a
      different night.
    5.---Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people"
    6.---You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so
      clean.
    7.---Anyone in your family ever died right after saying: "Hey,
       watch this."
    8.---You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
    9.---Your junior prom had a daycare.
   10.---Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
   11.---You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are:
     "Gentlemen, start your engines."
   12.---You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded
     right off its wheels.
   13.---The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending
     on how much gas is in it.
   14.---You have to go outside to get something from the fridge
   15.---One of your kids was born on a pool table.
   16.---You need one more hole punched in your cards to get a
     freebie at the House of Tattoos.
   17.---You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a
     law against it.
   18.---You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk.
   19.---Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
   20.---Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.

hehe..I love these

lmao, check , check, check, do you know me or something???
jk thanx for the laugh