This is an old one but funny (I think) so I apologise if you've seen it before..........

Let us give thanks for the church ladies with typewriters who prepare church bulletins and fail to proof their work. The following excerpts actually appeared in church bulletins, or were read from bulletins as announcements...

1. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

2. Announcement in a church bulletin for a national Fasting & Prayer Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

3. The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

4. Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

5. "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

6. The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to  a conflict.

7. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

8. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

9. Don't let worry kill you off...let the Church help.

10. Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

11. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

12. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

13. Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of  Pastor Jack's sermons.

14. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in  the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

15. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.Music will follow.

16. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be What  is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

17. Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the  addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

18. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

19. The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb
entertainment,and gracious hostility. Potluck supper Sunday  at 5:00p.m.  Prayer and medication to follow.

20. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They
may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

21. This evening at 7 p.m. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

22. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

23. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.

24. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

25. Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

26. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge. Up Yours."

27. Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High

:D :D :D :D :D :D :DOh,too funny!!!!!!!!!Cheers! ;D ;D

LMAO These are all great.




Cat

I love reading these... I have seen them over a hundred times but my mom is a church secretary and it's a funny thought to imagine her typing some of these.

These are Hilarious Gis!! thansk for sharing them! They went through the information commons area where I tutor like WILDFIRE!  ;D