some of these are actually older...but there are many good ones here...enjoy...

"You know you're a redneck when...."
* You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
* Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
* You burn your yard rather than mow it.
* You think the "Nutcracker" is something you did off the high dive.
* The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
* You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
* You come back from the dump with more than you took.
* Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
* Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
* You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.
* You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
* You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
* You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
* You have a rag for a gas cap.
* Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
* You can spit without opening your mouth.
* You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.
* Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
* You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say 'Cool Whip" on the side.
* The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.
* Your working TV sits on top of your non working TV.
* You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
* A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of  improvements.
* You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.
* You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.
* You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
* Your pocket knife is classified as 'exibit A'

If your family tree does not fork.

"I would like you to meet my wife and sister" and there is only one woman standing there... ???



Cat

A co-worker told me this one yesterday:

"If your father's cell number has nothing to do with a phone."

"If the pets in your household outnumber the humans 13 to 10."
"If you think a condom is something you put on your burger."
"If you see a mushroom cloud, then decide to go to Pizza Hut."
"If your bathtub has more poop in it than your toilet."

"If your front porch collapses and kills 3 or more dogs"

"If the mayor of your town is mayor simply because he owns an Rv"

"If the railroad tracks are called juteboxes"

You go to your family reunion to meet girls....

No no...

If your two year old has more teeth than you do, you might be a redneck.

If your grandma knows how to properly execute the sleeper hold, you might be a redneck.

If you have a home that's on wheels and 14 cars that aren't, you might be a redneck.

If you ever mow your lawn and find a car, you might be a redneck.

If you've been on TV more than 5 times describing what the tornado sounded like, you might be a redneck.

If your boxer shorts double as your bathing suit, you might be a redneck.

If the police show up in your living room with guns drawn and you know them all by name because they've been there so many times, you might be a redneck (or living in the ghetto, that one's interchangeable.) ::)

If you are Ghetto John you might be a....wait a minute....I am a redneck  ;D

Well I live in Detroit now, but Im originally from Pikeville Kentucky. And like they always say, you can take the Hillbilly out of the hills, but you cant take the hills out of the hillbilly