NEW VIRUS OUTBREAK - B.A.R.S.


The World Health Organisation (WHO) has just issued an
urgent warning about BARS (Beer & Alcohol Requirement
Syndrome). A newly identified problem has spread rapidly
throughout the world.

The disease, identified as BARS (Beer & Alcohol Requirement
Syndrome) affects people of many different ages. Believed
to have started in Ireland in 1500 BC, the disease seems to
affect people who congregate in Pubs and Taverns or who
just congregate. It is not known how the disease is
transmitted but approximately three billion people
world-wide are affected, with thousands of new cases appearing
every day.


Early symptoms of the disease include an uncontrollable
urge at 5:00pm to consume a beer or alcoholic beverage.
This urge is most keenly felt on Fridays. More advanced
symptoms of the disease include talking loudly, singing
off-key, aggression, heightened sexual
attraction/confidence (even towards fuglies), uncalled for
laughter, uncontrollable dancing and unprovoked arguing.


In the final stages of the disease, victims are often  
cross-eyed, and speak incoherently. Vomiting, loss of
memory, loss of balance, loss of clothing and loss of
virginity can also occur. Sometimes death ensues, usually
accompanied by the victim shouting, "Hey Fred, bet you can't
do this!" or "Wanna see how fast it goes??"


If you develop any of these symptoms, it is important that
you quarantine yourself in a pub with fellow victims until
last call or all the symptoms have passed. Sadly, it is
reported that the disease can reappear at very short notice
or at the latest, on the following Friday.


Side effects for survivors include bruising, broken limbs,
lost property, killer headaches and divorce.


On the up side, there is not, and probably never will be,
a permanent cure.

Tee hee!

...though I htink my cmoputer might have cauhgt the BARS vruis

;-)

Phil

PS - a friend of mine applied for a job at the World Health Organisation.  I didn't hear him properly, and asked "Who?" - he said "Yes, that's right", which confused me even more...

Phil

I think I got BARS too...and later I caught the MARS too ;)

hehe!  ;D

LOL Gis, good one! I wonder if there will ever be funding to study this virus? As long as the subject has to remains drunk, I volunteer! ;D