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Subject: looks..........do they really matter?
What is your opinion on looks? what do you go for? do you go for lookes or personality in a partner?
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Quoting:
What is your opinion on looks? what do you go for? do you go for lookes or personality in a partner?
End Quote
;) ;) ;)If someone just met you they'd go form looks.But personality is the most important.Cheers! :-* :-*
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
No, they matter not, and this is why:
I will grow older, as will the one I love, and eventually that will not matter. Only a person of shallow ideals could be happy with how a person looks.
Their voice, their emotions, their spirit, the soul inside is what is important. If you are lucky enough to find someone that their soul finds yours..... you will know as the two will swirl with each other in a beautiful mist of devotion and familiarity......that is what matters.
je t'aime, mon cher
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
No, looks don't matter. I have known too many drop dead gorgeous men that were total jerks. Personality is what matters, then if he is cute bonus. ;D
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Quoting:
No, looks don't matter. I have known too many drop dead gorgeous men that were total jerks. Personality is what matters, then if he is cute bonus. ;D
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I totally agree Dag!
I also think that if you can have a special "connection" with someone...looks are secondary.
:)
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
I look for:
.sense of humor
.attractive
.funny
.and also good looks! ;D :)
Howard
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Why does everyone assume looks has to mean good looks? I think looks are important, I know who I am attracted to when I am attracted to them and why. It's a combination of looks and personality and while the personality weighs more than the looks do, the physical is still part of the package. He has a great smile, and nice brown eyes with thick lashes. Sure, he's a little on the geeky side but that smile of his does wild things to me. He's intelligent, and that alone makes him a sex-symbol to me. He's kind and funny and he has these really great hands that are bigger than mine and masculine and I love looking at them... and he's a good person, honest and trustworthy... Sure, he's going to get older and some things will change, but he'll still have those brown eyes, and the crows feet he's starting to get make his smile even better... and he's getting wiser, and I still love those hands, even after 8 years, and I expect 8 more years won't change that... It's a package.
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
So I look at it from this perspective:
Whoever says "looks don't matter" is not completely telling the truth, because it is the attractiveness of the potential "mate" that gets one to approach said mate in the first place. However, to maintain an interest in the mate, s/he better display the traits of good humor, honestry and integrity, etc. etc. mentioned in the posts above.
Looks aren't all that matter, but to say they don't matter is...for lack of a better word, impractical.
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Since I fell in love with someone who I met online, I would have to say that looks aren't top on my list. I want someone who knows how to treat me with respect, has a great personality and treats me like I'm the only woman in the whole world If he's cute, then that is an added feature. I got just what I wanted!!
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Quoting:
Why does everyone assume looks has to mean good looks? I think looks are important, I know who I am attracted to when I am attracted to them and why. It's a combination of looks and personality and while the personality weighs more than the looks do, the physical is still part of the package. He has a great smile, and nice brown eyes with thick lashes. Sure, he's a little on the geeky side but that smile of his does wild things to me. He's intelligent, and that alone makes him a sex-symbol to me. He's kind and funny and he has these really great hands that are bigger than mine and masculine and I love looking at them... and he's a good person, honest and trustworthy... Sure, he's going to get older and some things will change, but he'll still have those brown eyes, and the crows feet he's starting to get make his smile even better... and he's getting wiser, and I still love those hands, even after 8 years, and I expect 8 more years won't change that... It's a package.
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Well that's just beautiful, MI. :)
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Well, I agree that personality is the kicker, but looks do have some say in it as well. As MI said, it may not be the overall package, but something as simple as their smile or their eyes or whatever. I, personally, prefer dark hair and brown eyes. But, you gotta have a great personality to get my juices flowing. Otherwise, it goes nowhere.
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Quoting:
I, personally, prefer dark hair and brown eyes. But, you gotta have a great personality to get my juices flowing. Otherwise, it goes nowhere.
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Yeah! Woohoo! Where's my fist-pumping emoticon?
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Looks may get my attention at first, but it is the personality that will keep it.
As proof, there are many celebrities I have had crushes on over the years. Each one has eventually faded, because I have never met or cultivated a friendship with said celebrity.
I also find myself attracted to someone whom I met online. Until recently, I had no idea what this person looked like. The attraction came totally from the personality.
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Since I think you mean handsome/beautiful per what the tv/movies/magazines value then this is my opinion:
Looks are not going to catch more than my passing attention. My reason why? A man is going to have to be very interesting, intelligent and full of humor to grab and keep my attention. What's more, I need to have something in common with him as well. There also has to be a spark, chemistry. Yes of course there are expressions that catch my eye, and there are certain physical quirks, body types, eyes, hair, etc that I may look for as well; but if a guy is just good looking and nothing else, sorry. It isn't enough. The most fascinating relationship that I have ever had was with a guy who was intelligent and showed me new things.....and I cherish that memory to this day. In fact, I should have used him as the guide for choices later in life. ;)
So sure, I like checking out a hunky guy as much as the next girl. But he isn't likely to be one that I will want to get to know better. Just eye candy for me for the moment. :)
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Looks matter as much as window dressing. The glitter may help to get you in but it's what's inside that can keep a person there.
I've seen women that were hot and I lost all attraction as soon as they opened their mouth. I've met women who I didn't think were attractive but won me over with other attributes. It's a package deal as others have mentined.
A woman for me has to be smart and independant, no high maintanance for me.
One look that I am drawn too though- Irish, yep auburn hair, freckles, that little pug nose and green eyes, that gets me.
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Quoting:
No, looks don't matter. I have known too many drop dead gorgeous men that were total jerks. Personality is what matters, then if he is cute bonus. ;D
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Yeah I also agree, I met this guy thinking he liked me for who I am (and he WAS cute) until I got to know his true side, he was really perverted and kept pressuring me.....but I never did anything except get him back that is hehehehe :D
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Quoting:
So I look at it from this perspective:
Whoever says "looks don't matter" is not completely telling the truth, because it is the attractiveness of the potential "mate" that gets one to approach said mate in the first place. However, to maintain an interest in the mate, s/he better display the traits of good humor, honestry and integrity, etc. etc. mentioned in the posts above.
Looks aren't all that matter, but to say they don't matter is...for lack of a better word, impractical.
End Quote
I'd have to disagree, my tutor is not very attractive....not someone a girl would look at, but I got to know him and I thought his personalty was great...another example.....Daniel the new guy I like...he came up to me and started talking to me....I then started to like him...another person girls always say is ugly,
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
I knew this topic would resurface again, so I made sure to not delete my old reply to the same theme-of-the-day.
Do looks matter? It depends. Do I just want to be friends with this person or do I want to be Romantic and intimate with them?
This is my old reply to a person whom, I think, I angered by my frank reply (please, don't be angered...):
" "Shallow"... Hey, I know it's hard to agree with my hypothesis regarding mating and dating, but try to be fair (oooh, I hate using the four-letter word!). Think about it before you cast an all-emcompassing opinion as shallow on anyone.
First, I did state that she and I could be great friends - all things Platonic - for life. That's all I want from such a person. I don't need sex to live, but it would be nice to have it; think: dessert. I've had many great meals which did not include dessert.
Let me ask you this: Why should it be, that when two people make great friends, they're both obliged to be intimate? We should force ourselves to have sex with people who aren't attractive to us? For life?! Sounds kind of twisted. I hope you're not professing this as love.
Let me go back to the food analogy: It's tantamount to forcing oneself to eat dessert when one's stomach is already full from an already-satisfying meal. Pointless. Completely pointless - and it ruins the appreciation of the dessert. It's not like one cannot have dessert with a different meal...
I really don't think I can help with what I am and not attracted to, so this is not my fault. This civilized society is too fixated on sex. I admit it, sex is an awesome element of life, but I am not going to die from the lack of it. It is not a need. No offense, but I would rather go entirely without sex than to try what you imply.
I think everyone should, if possible, be with someone who finds them attractive. Why should I put myself in the false position, and curse her with a person who doesn't like her body? It's not like she could not find a boyfriend and desperately needs me to fulfill whatever notions she may have about herself. The situation John Seminal and you suggest is both unfair and unpleasant for all parties involved.
In conclusion, she and I can have a wonderful friendship. It will never, at any time, become more than Platonic. There is no need to bring a sexual aspect into such a relationship. And that's okay, you know? "
I'm just too lazy at this time of night to actually develop new words to an old theme.
Yours Respectfully,
-Mulciber
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
As an answer to the original question: I sure as heck hope not.
As a more serious answer: all the people who I have been with have been externally attractive. (Naturally that's a bonus. I tend not to make the first move, it wrecks up my life every time I do so.) In fact, the person who I'm currently with, I had exactly the same argument with yesterday night, a mere eight hours ago.
She has one hell of a heart, and, more important, one heck of a fighting spirit. I now know from her past what I didn't know the first time I met her: that she's one tough cookie. I'm not going to go into the details of what's happening around her, but she's still young and had to go through a lot.
More important than looks for me is a sense of sensitivity, and humour, and a strong will and determination.
I'll repeat a point made already, and finish with one of my third-favourite cliché. "Looks come and go, but a good heart lasts forever."
mb
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Quoting:
So I look at it from this perspective:
Whoever says "looks don't matter" is not completely telling the truth, because it is the attractiveness of the potential "mate" that gets one to approach said mate in the first place. However, to maintain an interest in the mate, s/he better display the traits of good humor, honestry and integrity, etc. etc. mentioned in the posts above.
Looks aren't all that matter, but to say they don't matter is...for lack of a better word, impractical.
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Agree w/Rice, as well as Tarzan Boy (as I did before in referenced thread).
Let me add something. 1st off, everyone assumes they know what "good looks" are. But you don't. What is acceptable to me may be unacceptable to you, and vice-versa. Sure, there are certain "total package" looks on which we can probably all agree, but there are "lesser" looks we don't agree on. "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."
I can't really describe what's reasonable to me; the guy doesn't have to be "gorgeous", in fact he can be plain. But, alas, I have run into men I just can't handle physically. Few, but they do exist. (Not to mention I'm sure I'm not many guys' "type".) Sorry, I couldn't get past it, regardless of how nice they are, etc. I couldn't think of myself being physical. Like TB says, we're not talking mere friends here. We're talking potential melding of bodies. It's an extra dimension beyond "just friends", or relatives, or whatever.
A bunch have written along the lines of "it may attract you at 1st, but the personality, etc, is what keeps you" as if that mitigates any appearance of "shallowness". Well, yeah, you just admitted looks have some bearing. That's all the question was. It wasn't "Is looks the only thing that matters?"
Kudos if you can get past bad looks, but if not, well, it's really no big moral deal.
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
I do think that people who blatently say, 'Looks don't matter at all' are kidding themselves. I do not consider myself a shallow person at all - but I think in order to be initially attracted to someone, looks do have something to do with it.
Don't get me wrong - I would never go out with someone just beacuse they were gorgeous. If you don't have the personality, then you have nothing in my opinion. A degree of intellegance, trust, compassion and honesty all go along with this. Without those, I don't think I could stay in a relationship. And then there's the question of passion.
The first things I notice about the opposite sex are their dress sense and hair. But its the eyes that really get me - when you get close to them, that is. People do judge you by your appearence, and it's something that I don't think will ever change. It's nice to say that looks don't matter - but deep down, you know they account for something.
Two people can be attracted to each other in different ways. I think you need to be attracted to someone in order to be with them, whatever shape of form that may take. I kind of agree with TB that you can't really have sex with someone you aren't attracted to. And I agree with what MissInformation has also said about the 'entire package'.
I was friends with my bf, and I always thought he was quite good looking. But until I got to know him properly, I didn't 'fancy' him. We had this amazing night where we stayed up and talked about anything and everything. We didn't go to sleep til 7am. That's one of the best nights of my life. I fell for his personality, and his looks/dress sense were just a bonus.
To cut a long story short, you gotta be attracted to someone in order to be with them. If there's no 'spark' then its pointless. Looks are a good bonus, but you've got nothing if your not attarcted to someones personality.
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Quoting:
I'd have to disagree, my tutor is not very attractive....not someone a girl would look at, but I got to know him and I thought his personalty was great...another example.....Daniel the new guy I like...he came up to me and started talking to me....I then started to like him...another person girls always say is ugly,
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Good for you Alicia! :) I think maybe you have struck on something....it is how that person makes you feel that makes a difference. Chemistry is very important. ;)
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
As many others have said yes looks matter in that in 99% of cases it is something about the person and the way they look that attracts you in the first place.It's also chemistry.For example I have a good friend who in terms of character,humour,interests etc should technically be perfect for me but though I love him to bits as a mate there is absolutely no attraction other than that.Before I met my fiance I even thought about 'what if' with this other person but just knew I couldn't do it because I just didn't feel for him in that way.I'll be the first to admit I am attracted by (my idea) of good looks and have in the past been badly hurt by complete (but gorgeous) B*st**ds.I'd be lying if I said that it wasn't my fiances looks that first attracted me,it was his character that made me stay though.
There is no way you can have a longterm,happy,sexual relationship with someone you find physically repulsive unless you are after their cash !
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Quoting:
First, I did state that she and I could be great friends - all things Platonic - for life. That's all I want from such a person. I don't need sex to live, but it would be nice to have it; think: dessert. I've had many great meals which did not include dessert.
Let me ask you this: Why should it be, that when two people make great friends, they're both obliged to be intimate? We should force ourselves to have sex with people who aren't attractive to us? For life?! Sounds kind of twisted. I hope you're not professing this as love.
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Your "instant response" (at least this snippet of it) reminded me of a dialogue in "When Harry Met Sally..." ;)
Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not!
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
That's a great movie! And no, I don't want to have sex with you ;)
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Quoting:
That's a great movie! And no, I don't want to have sex with you ;)
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I've just lost my raison d'etre :'(
;D
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Quoting:
I've just lost my raison d'etre :'(
;D
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Je suis si désolé. Je di pas les moyens pour vous offenser.
Me pardonner? :-*
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Quoting:
Je suis si désolé. Je di pas les moyens pour vous offenser.
Me pardonner? :-*
End Quote
Bien sur, mon amie ;D
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." What one person sees as being attractive, someone else may not. I think my honey is very attractive but there are some people who do not. (Please don't judge by the pic on the 2000s board-that is not the best pic of him and I really don't like it.) That could be because I see a lot more than anyone else does. I could just be bias but that is ok. I, like most people really like looking at beauty (in my case, beefcake ;)). But, personality is what holds my attention. I used to work with this guy who I thought was so good looking-until he opened his mouth. What he was said and how he said it totally turned me off. Sometimes, just a picture is better. ;)
Cat
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Quoting:
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." What one person sees as being attractive, someone else may not. I think my honey is very attractive but there are some people who do not. (Please don't judge by the pic on the 2000s board-that is not the best pic of him and I really don't like it.) That could be because I see a lot more than anyone else does. I could just be bias but that is ok. I, like most people really like looking at beauty (in my case, beefcake ;)). But, personality is what holds my attention. I used to work with this guy who I thought was so good looking-until he opened his mouth. What he was said and how he said it totally turned me off. Sometimes, just a picture is better. ;)
Cat
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Quite well said....and I agree totally. That being said, I do not think that actual looks is what turn me on or off, but the way he presents himself....by that I mean good hygiene, brushed teeth, (And I mean all of them!) ;) ;D clean hair, etc. He does not have to be a fashion plate, but the clothes should be clean! A man who will catch my attention is somewhat first based on looks, of course, but looks, to me, don't nessesarily have to be that beautiful or hunky to initially get noticed by me. It is part of the package, (And he has to have a good package, too!) ;) It is the ineer man that will keep me. however....and I have known hubs 15 years, been married for nearly 10, and we must be doing something right, because I can not imagine life without my honey! I think he is the best looking man on the face of the Earth, and really, I am the only one who counts. Of course, I am absolutlely stunning, so he got lucky! ;) ;D
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Quoting:
Quite well said....and I agree totally. That being said, I do not think that actual looks is what turn me on or off, but the way he presents himself....by that I mean good hygiene, brushed teeth, (And I mean all of them!) ;) ;D clean hair, etc. He does not have to be a fashion plate, but the clothes should be clean! A man who will catch my attention is somewhat first based on looks, of course, but looks, to me, don't nessesarily have to be that beautiful or hunky to initially get noticed by me. It is part of the package, (And he has to have a good package, too!) ;) It is the ineer man that will keep me. however....and I have known hubs 15 years, been married for nearly 10, and we must be doing something right, because I can not imagine life without my honey! I think he is the best looking man on the face of the Earth, and really, I am the only one who counts. Of course, I am absolutlely stunning, so he got lucky! ;) ;D
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Well said.
I made a nasty remark to you days ago without realizing it was you. Sowy, lady. I was being the Jerk that I am renown for and totally misfired a comment. Hope all is well with you 8)
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Quoting:
Je suis si désolé. Je di pas les moyens pour vous offenser.
Me pardonner? :-*
End Quote
voulez vous coucher avec moi? ;D
Howard
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Quoting:
It is the ineer man that will keep me. however....and I have known hubs 15 years, been married for nearly 10, and we must be doing something right, because I can not imagine life without my honey! I think he is the best looking man on the face of the Earth, and really, I am the only one who counts. Of course, I am absolutlely stunning, so he got lucky! ;) ;D
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She lies...she looks like Bono from U2. Seriously!!! ;) But I love her. I am actually the stunning one! If you say that looks don't count...Yeah Right!!!! Who would want to wake up next to Quasimodo every morning? Not me!!! Granted they aren't all that matter, but they sure don't hurt.
Subject: Re: looks..........do they really matter?
Quoting:
Well said.
I made a nasty remark to you days ago without realizing it was you. Sowy, lady. I was being the Jerk that I am renown for and totally misfired a comment. Hope all is well with you 8)
End Quote
I did'nt give it a second thought.....I totally adore sarcastic wit...I'd like to think I share that trait with you. ;) ;) :-* :-*
But how did you figure me out? I haven't been around lately...much to my dismay.....come on, spill.
****Come on....spill?**** (Music starts.....) Ba wah chicka chicka ba wah
"Oooohhhh....did you spill something? Want me to swall.........er... WIPE it up? My name is Rosie. I'm the quicker-picker upper!"
On the other hand, comments like this one probably gave it away! ;) :D ::)