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Subject: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.....I know where my watch is, mate, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
People who are willing to get off their backside to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." Too right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why on earth would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
When people say while watching a film "did you see that?" No, you idiot, I paid $10 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.
People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did you, sunshine?
When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
When people say "life is short". What the hey? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever bleepin’ well does! What can you do that's longer?
When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came would I be standing here, dopey?
People who say things like "My eyes aren't what they used to be." So what did they used to be? Ears? Wellington boots?
When youre eating something and someone asks "Is that nice?" No, it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.
People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks, that's an image I really didn't need.
McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering. It's got to be a McChicken Sandwich - just a Chicken Sandwich gets blank looks. Well, I'll have a McStraw, and jam it in your McEyes, you McTosser.
When you involved in a accident and someone asks "are you alright?". Yeah, fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
I am guilty of doing this. :-People who are willing to get off their backside to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
Those are very funny.
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Quoting:
People who are willing to get off their backside to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
See my post on 'before the 70s' about this!
When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." Too right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
But when you've eaten it you can't then have it can you? This is the origin of the phrase I think. Agree that it sounds daft though.
When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why on earth would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
Always thought this was a daft saying.
People who ask "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a choice there, did you, sunshine?
Someone I used to work with always said "Question" before then asking you something. Often wanted to reply "yes, that was a question, you managed to get the nouns and verbs the right way round. Well done"
McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering. It's got to be a McChicken Sandwich - just a Chicken Sandwich gets blank looks.
We always make a point of getting the Mc in the wrong place. i.e. a Chicken McSandwich. Here in the UK most of the staff aren't that bothered but it amuses us.
End Quote
Great list, Fuss
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Quoting:
McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering. It's got to be a McChicken Sandwich - just a Chicken Sandwich gets blank looks. Well, I'll have a McStraw, and jam it in your McEyes, you McTosser.
End Quote
This one is my McFavorite! Thanks, Fuss! ;D
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Well, of course you can't have your cake and eat it too. Once you eat it, you don't have it anymore. 'Cause you just ate it.
It took me years to figure that saying out.
Quoting:People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks, that's an image I really didn't need. End Quote
That was my roommate last semester. And he wouldn't just announce it, he would elaborate for about forty seconds before leaving. God, I hated that guy.
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
The proper way of saying it is "Eat your cake and have it, too" instead of "Have your cake and eat it, too." It does make a little more sense when phrase the correct way.
Cat
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
What about when people make a "phone" with their fingers when talking about calling?
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Quoting:
What about when people make a "phone" with their fingers when talking about calling?
End Quote
That's a George Carlin skit if I ever saw one ;D
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Quoting:
When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.End Quote
What would one call, say, the 2004 Toyota automobile models? If one were to purchase one, would it not be "new"? But then, the automobile is also an "improvement" on the previous models, right? Therefore it is both, new and improved. If we were to go by this definition of "new," then nothing we have could be considered new anymore. The person that came up with this obviously has lost sense of what the English (or any) lexicon is about.
Quoting:When people say "life is short". What the hey? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever bleepin’ well does! What can you do that's longer?End Quote
When people say, "Life is short" it is usually understood that it is in comparison to things which last longer or else the statement wouldn't make any sense. There's no reference regarding what one can do longer. Again, this person failed to analyze what is being said.
Quoting:
When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came would I be standing here, dopey?End Quote
Let's say you just arrived at the station at around the time the bus arrives and you see a bunch of people standing and sitting. How is one supposed to tell which one is going on which bus? So to ask if the bus has come yet seems fairly rational. A smart-aleck answer like that will only get my boot on his/her @$$.
Quoting:People who say things like "My eyes aren't what they used to be." So what did they used to be? Ears? Wellington boots?End Quote
There's nothing like a person who thinks they know the language, but has no clue what an idiom is.
Quoting:When youre eating something and someone asks "Is that nice?" No, it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.End Quote
Believe it or not, sometimes we eat things that are terrible in taste, but are good for us...
Quoting:McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering. It's got to be a McChicken Sandwich - just a Chicken Sandwich gets blank looks. Well, I'll have a McStraw, and jam it in your McEyes, you McTosser.End Quote
Okay, this is scary.
Quoting:When you involved in a accident and someone asks "are you alright?". Yeah, fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.
End Quote
An answer like that from anyone who's been in accident may mean they are alright! Thank goodness :)
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
When some people ask "Do You Know What Time It is"?
How should I know? Do I look Like a clock to you? morons! >:(
Howard
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Quoting:
When some people ask "Do You Know What Time It is"?
How should I know? Do I look Like a clock to you? morons! >:(
Howard
End Quote
Howard! Take a chill pill, dude. ;D ;D
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Great, great list!! ;)
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Quoting:
When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why on earth would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
End Quote
All of these are great, I just like this one best. ;D Thanks Fuss!
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Quoting:
What would one call, say, the 2004 Toyota automobile models? etc etc The person that came up with this obviously has lost sense of what the English (or any) lexicon is about.
When people say, "Life is short" it is usually understood that it is in comparison to things which last longer or else the statement wouldn't make any sense. etc etc Again, this person failed to analyze what is being said.
Let's say you just arrived at the station at around the time the bus arrives and you see a bunch of people standing and sitting. How is one supposed to tell which one is going on which bus? So to ask if the bus has come yet seems fairly rational. A smart-aleck answer like that will only get my boot on his/her @$$.
There's nothing like a person who thinks they know the language, but has no clue what an idiom is.
etc etc
End Quote
Good Grief ! Take a valium, Ghost :P
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Quoting:
Good Grief ! Take a valium, Ghost :P
End Quote
To be honest, I agree with Ghost more often than I agree with that list. Maybe half of them are valid at all.
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Quoting:
To be honest, I agree with Ghost more often than I agree with that list. Maybe half of them are valid at all.
End Quote
Me too ! That accent was on Playful Penguin Place....it's just meant to be a bit of fun, not the collected works of Tolstoy ;)
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
I don't think it had anything to do with validity. I think it had more to do with making humorous statements about everyday comments that CAN be considered moronic at times.
And it succeeded.
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Quoting:
I don't think it had anything to do with validity. I think it had more to do with making humorous statements about everyday comments that CAN be considered moronic at times.
And it succeeded.
End Quote
Great minds think alike, and at the same time too !
Thanks TV ;)
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
Ha ha! This is so true, and something I've often wondered about! ;D
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Cool list, Fuss!! http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung/ernaehrung/food-smiley-024.gif
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
This morning as I was brushing my teeth, I noticed on the tooth paste tube it said, "For best results, squeeze from the bottom." So if you squeeze the tube from the bottom, the tooth paste will work better?
Cat
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
"Why, you're getting so tall!"
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Quoting:
People who say things like "My eyes aren't what they used to be." So what did they used to be? Ears? Wellington boots?
End Quote
I heard this one used in a Goon Show.
"My eyes aren't what they used to be."
"Oh?"
"No, they used to be my ears, mate."
It was funny 50 years ago, and it's still funny ;D
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
When you haven't seen anybody in a while:
"Hey,long time no see". ;D
Howard :)
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Quoting:
"Why, you're getting so tall!"
End Quote
Strangely, I wouldn't tire of hearing that ;)
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
My favourite from work is when someone comes into the library and says 'Hello I've ordered a book' better still 'I've ordered a book, it's blue' and then stands there all expectantly.One day I swear I will say 'and what particular shade of blue would that be??'
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Quoting:
My favourite from work is when someone comes into the library and says 'Hello I've ordered a book' better still 'I've ordered a book, it's blue' and then stands there all expectantly.One day I swear I will say 'and what particular shade of blue would that be??'
End Quote
The same shade that you turn at that point in time Gis ? ;D
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
I think one of my favorites has to be, "Do you have a bathroom?" I tell them "No. We have a tree out back."
Cat
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
How about "So,How's life treatin' ya"? ::)
Howard :)
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Quoting:
People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.....I know where my watch is, mate, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
End Quote
it's called sign language, buddy......a truly beautiful language
ok but here's one that really gets on my nerves:
In Sunday School, the stupid 3 little maids are like "I have an unspoken blessing." WHAT THE CRAP?!!!!!!!! IF YOU DIDN'T WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW YOU MADE OUT AT THE MOVIES THEN WHY EVEN BOTHER TO BRING IT UP?!!!!!!
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
lol , what part of kentucky you from, i was born in pikeville ;D
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
"So,How's The family doin'"? ::)
Howard :)
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
LOL ;D
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
"So,How's the weather where you are"? ::)
Howard
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Quoting:
People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.....I know where my watch is, mate, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
People who are willing to get off their backside to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too." Too right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?
End Quote
I see you've had the Peter Kay e-mail forwarded to you Fuss ;D
I also see you've took out most of the swearing hehe.
Oooh Peter Kay is hilarious, Phoenix Nights is just the mutts nuts.
For those of you who don't know who Peter Kay is... why he's this chap
http://www.bango.net/corporate/media/library/images/peter_k_small.jpg
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
These remind me of a song...
Here's Your Sign (Get The Picture)
(Bill Engvall)
I just hate stupid people.
They should have to wear signs that just say I'm stupid.
That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you?
You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops,
never mind"
"I didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved from Texas to California our house
was full
of boxes and there was a u-Haul truck in our driveway.
My friend comes over and says, "Hey, You moving?"
"Nope."
"We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week. Just to see how many
boxes it takes."
"Here's your sign."
Why can't they get the picture? Why don't they understand?
We're not dealing with the planet of apes, we're talking about the
modern man.
So you people with them itsy bitsy teensie weensie tiny minds...
Here's your sign. Here's your sign.
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled
his boat
into the dock, I lifted up this big 'ol stringer of bass this idiot on
the dock
goes, "Hey, yall catch all them fish?"
Nope.
"Talked 'em into giving up."
"Here's your sign."
I was out in the front yard with my boy the other day and he was
playing with his little friend, and he hit his friend and I went up to
him
and I said "Hey, (smacks his boy), we don't hit." He looked up at me
like, "Here's your sign, dad."
Why can't they get the picture? Why don't they understand?
We're not dealing with the planet of apes, we're talking about the
modern man.
So you people with them itsy bitsy teensie weensie tiny minds...
Here's your sign. Here's your sign.
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel, there
was a guy
inventing a shark bite suit. There's only one way to test that.
"Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good... They want
you to jump
into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite
you."
"Well allright....hold my sign, I don't wanna loose it"
Why can't they get the picture? Why don't they understand?
We're not dealing with the planet of apes, we're talking about the
modern man.
So you people with them itsy bitsy teensie weensie tiny minds...
Here's your sign. Here's your sign.
Last time I was home I was driving around I had a flat tire, I pulled my
truck into one
of these side-of-the-road gas statioons, the attendant walks out, looks
at my truck,
looks at me, I swear to GOD he went, "Tire go flat?"
I couldn't resist.
I said "Nope".
"No I was driving around and those other three just swelled right up on
me."
"Here's your sign."
Why can't they get the picture? Why don't they understand?
We're not dealing with the planet of apes, we're talking about the
modern man.
So you people with them itsy bitsy teensie weensie tiny minds...
People with them little bitty teenie weenie tiny monds...
Here's your sign.
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago, a guy come over to the
house, drove the
car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house, he gets out
of the car, reaches down
and grabs the exhaust pipe, then goes, "Damn thats hot!"
See...
If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Quoting:
People who are willing to get off their backside to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
End Quote
In this day and age, with cable tv giving people a hundred or more channels, sometimes it is actually easier to hunt around for the remote than it is to scroll through 50 or more channels. :-/
Great list, Fuss. It made me laugh. :)
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Quoting:
I see you've had the Peter Kay e-mail forwarded to you Fuss ;D
I also see you've took out most of the swearing hehe.
End Quote
I didn't know it was Peter Kay, but yes, it was an e/mail
And you are right Feit ! I had to my own moderating ! ;D
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Along with the song "Here's your sign" there is a song by a group called The Wood's Tea Company called, "Foolish Questions." I am drawing a blank as to the words. I'll try to post them later.
Cat
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
I was trying to think of that one, too. Here are the lyrics...
Now you've all heard foolish questions and you no doubt wonder why.
Now a person will ask a foolish question and expect a sensible reply.
Like when you take your girl some candy, say maybe just after tea -
Now the first thing she'll do is wrinkle up her nose and ask "Is that for me?
Foolish Question, you might as well reply, "No, I bought the candy for your Ma and Pa" or "It's for some other guy. I just wanted you to see it and now I'm gonna take it away."
Now wasn't that a foolish question? You'll hear 'em ever day.
Now suppose the elevator person should forget to close the door.
And you walk in and tumble down, oh, say, 47 floors
And as you reach the bottom and your lying there inert
Some fool'll stick his head down the elevator shaft and holler "Are you hurt?"
Foolish questions, your dying words are "No, I was just in an awful hurry and that elevator's just too slow. This usually saves a lot of time, you know, coming down this way.
Foolish questions, You'll hear 'em ever day.
Now, then there's the person who meets you on your way,
And he asks you why your all dressed up and listens while you say,
That you've just been returning from the funeral of Dear old brother Ned,
And as you're standing there wringing out your handkerchief he'll ask you, -
Is Ned dead?"
Foolish questions, you hang your head and moan
"No, he thought he'd have the funeral now and die later on. Ned was always so original, I think he would've wanted it that way."
Foolish questions, You'll hear 'em ever day.
I was riding on a bus. It was a cold an breezy day,
So I sat down on the newspaper to keep the cold way.
Well, this guy sees the paper on which I just barely sat,
And he leans right over and asks me "Say, are you reading that?"
Foolish questions, and so to him I spoke,
"Well, as a matter of fact I am" I said, but he took that for a joke.
So I got up and turned the page and sat back down again.
Foolish questions, you hear them now and then.
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
Yup-that's the song. Thanks Cheerleader. There are a few other verses. I think the Wood's Tea Company makes up many verses.
Cat
Subject: Re: Oh, I hate it when I hear these things !
I have always been a fan of the "where's your sign" ones - there are a couple of us at work that look at each other and say it whenever someone comes along and says something incredibley stoopid !!
Anyway - I thought I would add these as they came in an email today and some made me laugh.
Hope this makes you smile......
EVER WONDER where we are headed...
...why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
...why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
...why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
...why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
...why doctors call what they do "practice"?
...why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
...why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
...why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?
...why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?
...who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
...why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
...why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
...why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?
...why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
...why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?
...if con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
...why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?
AND...
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one: On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
(...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)