Found these on the web.  Hope you enjoy them.

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
"I love cats…they taste just like chicken"
"Out of my mind.  Back in five minutes."
"Cover me.  I'm changing lanes."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
"Happiness is a belt-fed weapon"
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"
"I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car…"
"Tow-ers will be violated"
"Montana--At least our cows are sane!"
"Jesus died for my sins and all i got was this lousy t-shirt"
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
"Don't blame me, I'm from Uranus."
"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS."
"Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips."
"Friends don't let Friends drive Naked."
"Wink, I'll do the rest!"
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"When there's a will, I want to be in it!"
"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!"
"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
"Reality? That's where the pizza delivery guy comes from!"
"Forget about World Peace…Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!"
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"We are born naked, wet and hungry.  Then things get worse."
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest"
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
"Friends help you move.  Real friends help you move bodies."
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
"i souport publik edekasion"
"The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette."
"We are Microsoft.  Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."
"Be nice to your kids.  They'll choose your nursing home."
"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock."
"2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."
"Why isn't 'phonetics' spelled that way?"
"I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die."
"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."

I saw a few others:

-My kid beat up your honor student.
-Legalize Bingo-Keep Grandma off the streets.
-Cats. The other white meat.
-Brat in trunk.
-Ex-mother-in-law in trunk.
-Beam me up, Scotty. There is no intellegant life here.
-This car breaks whenever it feels like it.




Cat

This one made me Laugh Out Loud:

"We are Microsoft.  Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."

:D LOL!

Got these in an email the other day...

17. Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an a$$hole.

16. Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings."

15. The proctologist called...they found your head.

14. Everyone has a photographic memory...some just don't have any film.

13. Save your breath..You'll need it to blow up your date.

12. Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

11. I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off.

10. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

9. Guys...just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one.

8. Some people just don't know how to drive...I call these people "Everybody But Me."

7. Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends.

6. Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me.

5. If you can read this...I can slam on my brakes and sue you.

4. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

3. Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.

2. Hang up and drive!!

AND THE NUMBER ONE BUMPER STICKER YOU'D LIKE TO SEE!!

1. Welcome to America...now speak English!!!

"stop inbreeding - ban country music!"

"unless you're a hemroid, get off my a$$!"

and, the one that'll suit me the best once i start driving...

"horn's broken.  watch for finger."

There is this local person by the name of Fred who ran for the Senate. His bumper sticker read "Spead Fred." Actually, the whole story about Fred is soooo funny but It would take a long time tell it.



Cat