After all the cat stuff I thought it was about time we had something for dogs !

IF YOUR DOG COULD CHANGE A LIGHT BULB:

Afghan: Light bulb? What light bulb?

Beagle: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I ate was a light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one? And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to
code.

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!

Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

German Shepherd: Put all the bulbs in a little circle ...

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our
whole lives ahead of us, and you're worrying about a stupid burned-out
light bulb?

Hound Dog: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Irish Wolfhound; Can somebody else do it? I've got a hangover.

Labrador: Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!!! Can I?
Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Pointer: I see it! There it is! Right there!

Rottweiler: Go Ahead! Make me!

Shitzu: Puh-leeez, dahling. I have servants for that kind of thing.

Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By
the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.


Cat: You need light to see?

Good Jokes. I love dogs, and I have always had one since I was a kid. I am thinking about getting another dog, a Doberman. I have never owned one of them before. Does anyone know what they are like. I kinda want a good gaurd dog, yet one which is affectionate and not mean. I do not want a dog with a temper, the way pit bulls have been described on tv. I was thinking about getting a german shepard, but I think they shed, and I do not want to have to vacum every day. I think the dogs on Magnum PI were dobermens, and they were smart.

...and the red setter just fizzles as his saliva drips into the live socket ;-)

Phil

John, I gotta tell ya, pit bulls are getting a bad rap.  They don't naturally have bad tempers, they are trained into it (and into being anti-social and vicious).

I grew up living across the street from a pit bull.  His owner was a kind, gentle person, and she trained the dog to be the same.  As a small child, I couldn't begin to tell you how many times I pulled his ears or poked his eyes and he never snapped at me.  Never.

Right now I have a neighbor who has a pit bull.  It, too is a gentle, even-tempered dog.  And it's actually afraid of another neighbor's much smaller terrier (which is very agressive).

All dogs have the potential to be "nice" or "bad-tempered".  It's how we treat the dog that ultimately determines how it acts.

We lived behind this old lady who had a dog (I can't remember what breed). The dog was known to be the terror of the neighborhood and had biten a lot of people. Everyone was afraid of that dog. He would always let me pet and play with him. I think I was the only one in the neighborhood not afraid of that dog. Maybe he knew that.




Cat

2 Race horses were just coming back from running the Grand National. And when in the barn they look at each and the first race horse says to the second.

"I don't know what came over me that time, I thought I was doing well"

To which the second replies.
"Yes, it's quite true we are nearly the worst race horses in history but I just can't see what was wrong with that run. After all I beat my personal best"

The little border collie looks at the two horses and says
"What you are both doing wrong is that you sprint in the first 100 yards and you have no energy for the rest of the race course.  You should pace yourself and run it slow at the beginning then gradually pick up speed at the end before the final straight.  If you do this then you are sure to win any race you compete in"

The first horse looks rather puzzled and the second horse turns to the first and says.
"Oh my god, that dog just spoke!"

I'm a cat person, but these are great.