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Subject: Things learned from children
This has been floating arount the net a long time but thought I would post it here for those of us that can relate. And believe me, I can relate ;D:
Things I Learned From Children
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20-foot room.
When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh," it's already too late.
Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak--it explodes.
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year-old.
Super glue is forever.
McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
Pool filters do not like Jello.
VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
The fire department in San Jose has at least a 5-minute response time.
The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
It will, however, make cats dizzy.
Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy
feel free to add any experiences of your own :)
Subject: Re: Things learned from children
Quoting:
McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
End Quote
MacGyver is awesome :) All kids should watch MacGyver...thank goodness he always omits one crucial on-screen ingredient so you can't blow your house up, but kids these days are very resourceful ;)
Quoting:
No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. End Quote
So much for my next stupid human trick ::)
Subject: Re: Things learned from children
Never assume they can't undo "Child-Lock" lids on medicine bottles. They can. It's me who can't ! ::)
Subject: Re: Things learned from children
A couple of things that I can add to that list is:
911 has fast callback response. We found that out when my 5 year old learned about it in school. Also, the 911 operator is not amused by a 5 and 4 year old singing "Winnie the Pooh" Makes her kinda cranky (with good reason). :o
Ingesting foaming facial scrub is not poisonous. The poison control center lady is very nice. I feel like I know her really well. :)
L'Oreal lip liner in russet never comes off of walls. Ever.
Subject: Re: Things learned from children
Quoting:
Never assume they can't undo "Child-Lock" lids on medicine bottles. They can. It's me who can't ! ::)
End Quote
LOL, same here! ;D
Subject: Re: Things learned from children
~Washable crayons wash off of everything except the carpeting.
~Don't let an almost three year old watch you light the fire. Weeks later he'll use this information to burn holes in the kitchen floor.
~Powdered lemonade mix when combined with three sweaty toddlers makes a lovely paste.
~Child proof locks on the cabinets~NOT!
~The contents of a "big potty" diaper can be used to make a nice faux plaster effect on the walls.
~It's not the potty, it's Barbie's swimming pool.
~Chili powder will make the cat sneeze.
~Escargot from the garden is not quite as tasty as in a French restaurant.
When paid enough money, the hairdresser can hide Mommy's prematurely gray hair.
Subject: Re: Things learned from children
Quoting:
~Washable crayons wash off of everything except the carpeting.
End Quote
Neither do "washable" markers. And no matter how much the manufacturer promises, they don't wash off the walls, either.
It is very easy to "accidentally" swallow a marble or polished river rock the size of a quarter, but it is totally impossible to swallow a nearly microscopic pill without gagging.
A jar of peanut butter, hidden in the closet with the cover off, makes a great Play-Doh substitute after three days.
Cat food is not poisonous. Neither is the clean litter.
Candy canes sureptitiously eaten for breakfast (against mommy's very specific instructions not to, ever) can easily be detected by smelling breath. The same cannot be said for detecting whether or not the same child bothered to brush his/her teeth.
The underside of the table is a great substitute for when the child is too lazy to go and get a tissue. And the substance placed there quickly hardens to a degree that makes concrete look weak. :-X :-X
When the cat is allergic to dairy products, that is the only thing the child will spill, and forget to tell you about. And if you chase kitty when kitty is yakking, it makes a "really cool picture, mommy". ::) ::)
Subject: Re: Things learned from children
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you all. ;D Not only did this make me laugh but also confirmed my belief that children or NOT for everyone. ;)
Subject: Re: Things learned from children
Some other observations:
The players accept no responsibility for damage caused by high-flying footballs
Putting the VCR on the top shelf simply acts as a challenge to swapping the videos over
Dylexia causes difficulty with writing and spelling; dyspraxia causes difficulty with movement and organization; having both causes a crisis of confidence
A child that can't remember what they had for lunch will behave like a tape recorder when it comes to all those things to said to the silly driver who cut you up weeks ago
Arguments can start over the most unexpected things, and the sillier the cause, the more vociferous and violent the argument
The one lying on the floor screaming is not always the one who's hurt
Ain't children wonderful?
Phil
Subject: Re: Things learned from children
Quoting:
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you all. ;D Not only did this make me laugh but also confirmed my belief that children or NOT for everyone. ;)
End Quote
Definitely not for the faint of heart. ;) And I agree with the "washable" markers. I think I misunderstood the labeling. I think washable in this sense means that you can wash with every known substance and they won't come off.
Subject: Re: Things learned from children
Something I learnt since having children
Dried on Weetabix makes a good substitute for filler or mortar.
Cupboard locks are simply a challenge.
The gaps in the bannister are small enough for a young child to get their head stuck!