Welcome to the archived messages from In The 00s. This archive stretches back to 1998 in some instances, and contains a nearly complete record of all the messages posted to inthe00s.com. You will also find an archive of the messages from inthe70s.com, inthe80s.com, inthe90s.com and amiright.com before they were combined to form the inthe00s.com messageboard.
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Subject: Friends?
What are friends for anyway? to embarass you infront of everyone by yelling at you? backstabbing you? changing the story around so your other friends will hate you and backstab you in the back too? or call you a b!tch behind your back? what are friends for? :'(
Subject: Re: Friends?
:-/ What's going on Alicia?
Subject: Re: Friends?
I'm sorry about your friends backstabbing you, Alicia. But please don't be bitter or sad about it. You've just hung around with the wrong "friends", and you'll find better friends that will treat you with respect. I pray so, anyway.
Quoting:
What are friends for anyway? to embarass you infront of everyone by yelling at you? backstabbing you? changing the story around so your other friends will hate you and backstab you in the back too? or call you a b!tch behind your back? what are friends for? :'(
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Subject: Re: Friends?
Nothing is going on It's just a question. I want to know what the definition of a friend is from everyone or what they think a frind is
Subject: Re: Friends?
My advice, listen to the Michael W. Smith song "Friends", then go find a true friend. ;)
Quoting:
Nothing is going on It's just a question. I want to know what the definition of a friend is from everyone or what they think a frind is
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Subject: Re: Friends?
Quoting:
What are friends for anyway? to embarass you infront of everyone by yelling at you? backstabbing you? changing the story around so your other friends will hate you and backstab you in the back too? or call you a b!tch behind your back? what are friends for? Â :'(
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They obviously aren't friends at all if they are doing those mean things to you. Umm..I think I'll PM you for this one.
Subject: Re: Friends?
So much to look for in a friend...and people are so diverse. I guess the unifying qualities they share are an ability to listen earnestly and sincerity. I guess that's all you can really ask.
Subject: Re: Friends?
Alicia
This may or may not help !
Argent - Hold Your Head Up
And if it's bad
Don't let it get you down, you can take it
And if it hurts
Don't let them see you cry, you can take it
Hold your head up, hold your head up
Hold your head up, hold your head high
And if they stare
Just let them burn their eyes on you moving
And if they shout
Don't let them change a thing what you're doing
Hold your head up, hold your head up
Hold your head up, hold your head high
FB ;)
Subject: Re: Friends?
Oh Alicia, it sounds like you've had a bad day with what my mom always called "fair-weather friends". That is, they are your friends only when there is no stress, no conflicts, and only when it suits them (in fair weather); but as soon as something unpleasant happens they dump you or act mean ("stormy" weather).
A "real" friend will try to cheer you up when you are down, even if they don't succeed, they still try. They don't call you names or put you down, and always tell you you look good, even if you're having a 'bad hair day' (Especially if you're having a 'bad hair day').
They will listen to you cry and sob about a breakup *without* telling you "I told you he/she was no good for you", and walk the streets with you at 2am looking for a lost puppy or kitten with a coat tossed on over pajamas.
A friend will be happy for you when the fairy-tale prince (or princess) of your dreams invites you to the ball, and lend you her best dress (or his best shirt) so you will look fabulous. She/he will not lend you money, but will buy you groceries when you are out of work, and will not let you pay him/her back.
She/he will help you study for that final exam even though a favoriet tv show is on--the show can be taped and watched later, after all. A friend will not let you drive anywhere if you've been drinking, but will drive you him/herself, even if it means walking home in the rain.
A real friend doesn't know what you see in that particular actor/actress, but will go with you to see the no-talent hack in his/her latest film so you won't have to go alone; and will listen patiently afterwards to you gush about how someday you will get to meet him/her and end up "married and living happily-ever after" to said actor. She/he will even help you plan that trip to Hollywood to "make it happen" though realisticly, it may not.
He/she will go to that concert in the next city/state with you because he/she has a car and you do not, and read a book or magazine while you have fun, because he/she does not like that artist, but knows you do, and would never get to go otherwise.
A friend will give you a "leg up" to follow your dreams, no matter how silly they may seem. A friend will conveniently forget all those times you embarassed yourself in public, but will happily tell everyone what a fool she made of herself, and how you were nice enough to rescue her from herself.
A friend will love you for yourself, no matter what, even when it is unpopular to do so. She will baby-sit your bad-mannered, evil children at a moment's notice for no money to help you out of a bind.
He will help you find yourself, your path in life, even when he is trying to do the same. He will not fix you up with his best friend, no matter how big of a crush you have on the guy, because he knows his buddy is a 'playa' and will only hurt you in the end.
I could go on and on, but I hope you get the idea. 15 is a tough age, but it does get better. I met my best friend in this world when I was almost 23. She has been all the above to me and more. Don't worry if things seem tough right now.
If your so-called "friends" treat you like this all the time, DUMP THEM!!! You deserve much better. :-* :-* :-*
Subject: Re: Friends?
That...that was beautiful. I wish this board had a smilie with a tear...wow.
Subject: Re: Friends?
Thanks everyone. I have been having trouble with my friends since last year. But this year seems worser. I feel used because when I have food they start talking to me or they come over to me and hold out there hand. Some I have been "friends" with since 5th grade but even then I don't think they are my friends. I can't find any new friends because ....well I just can't. I'm afraid to be a loner at school because I knew what it was like in 3-6 grade. I was always a loner because I was what they called a "geek". It got to the point where I came home almost every day and cried because someone told me something.No I am not writing this for sympothy nor do I want it. I just needed to get this out to let you know why I am the way I am and why I always have an opinion about everything, and why I try to stand up for myself in here because I know I can't go out and do it in the real world.
Subject: Re: Friends?
I used to be a loner in high school too, but I think that's because I thought differently from other people in that I didn't "conform". I got over that eventually, and made friends in many circles (jocks, band folk, smart folk, weird folk, aloof folk, you name it). And I'm sure you will too.
I HATE mooches, and I don't mooch off my friends at all. "Friends" who mooch are no real friends. You should find people who genuinely care about you, and can understand your needs.
Quoting:
Thanks everyone. I have been having trouble with my friends since last year. But this year seems worser. I feel used because when I have food they start talking to me or they come over to me and hold out there hand. Some I have been "friends" with since 5th grade but even then I don't think they are my friends. I can't find any new friends because ....well I just can't. I'm afraid to be a loner at school because I knew what it was like in 3-6 grade. I was always a loner because I was what they called a "geek". It got to the point where I came home almost every day and cried because someone told me something.No I am not writing this for sympothy nor do I want it. I just needed to get this out to let you know why I am the way I am and why I always have an opinion about everything, and why I try to stand up for myself in here because I know I can't go out and do it in the real world.
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Subject: Re: Friends?
Friends are wonderful things to say you have and they can be a great resource for support and fun. Friends like any relationship can also be a challenge, friends just like any other person in this world can make make mistakes. The key thing to never forget is having a friend also means being a friend too.
Also, friends, especailly in youth, have roles that are placed and accepted within that friend network, whether it be the funny one, the daring one, the picked on one, the cool one, there's many roles that can be cast. Sometimes to free yourself from these roles you must make a stance and communicate your wishes/frustrations. Things can change, slowly usually, or not and sometimes the best thing is to walk away and reestablish yourself with others.
Subject: Re: Friends?
Good answer TB, and tobe a friend try and stay away from that cheese too, right? ;)
Quoting:
Well, if you're in a loner mode, you'll remain a loner. The most rewarding things in life usually come from taking big risks, which include risking rejection, risking embarrassment and ridicule, risking your emotions, et cetera. I noticed how if I'm willing to compromise and change certain aspects of my character, I can easily get along with a lot of people... if you're not willing to put some work and give of yourself, then it'll much much harder for other people/potential friends to find you.
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Subject: Re: Friends?
Quoting:
Well, if you're in a loner mode, you'll remain a loner. The most rewarding things in life usually come from taking big risks, which include risking rejection, risking embarrassment and ridicule, risking your emotions, et cetera. I noticed how if I'm willing to compromise and change certain aspects of my character, I can easily get along with a lot of people... if you're not willing to put some work and give of yourself, then it'll much much harder for other people/potential friends to find you.
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You're right TB, I knew at a young age that I was always going to be different. I didn't care if I didn't go along with what everyone else was doing because I knew it meant I wasn't being true to myself. Now I'm in a relationship where even though my parntner has similar interests, he worries about what everyone else thinks and goes along with them instead. It's causing too many problems because I always look like a fool when we go out for being myself and he goes along with them instead of backing me up. I'm in a different country now as well so I haven't been able to adjust as well as I had hoped. So if I don't have his support, then I feel the best thing for me to do is go back to my life the way it was and be happy with my two best friends in the whole world. Ones that like me for me and don't care what anyone else does or thinks.
Subject: Re: Friends?
Can I hear an AMEN from you brothers and sisters! ;D
I think we're getting on the right track here.
And BPChick, come on home. Must be tought being an outsider to everybody, including the one who's supposed to be bringing you in. :-being different. Think about it, without risk, without any emotional investment, without working on social skills, without understanding, without a little bit of altruism, one's left without bonds... cast away in exile.
Do I harp on too much? It's preachy, I know. We all know these basic things - and we all fall back into some old ways/manners, but one cannot truly fail at anything if the opportunity to try again is there ;)
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Subject: Re: Friends?
"Friend" as defined in my dictionary:
1. A person whom one knows, likes and trusts
2. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement.
3. A member of the society of friends, Quaker.
My personal definition is: A person who cares about you and supports you through the good times as well as the bad and that makes you feel like you will do the same for them....with no guilt or judgement on either side.
Subject: Re: Friends?
Quoting:
Can I hear an AMEN from you brothers and sisters! ;D
I think we're getting on the right track here.
And BPChick, come on home. Must be tought being an outsider to everybody, including the one who's supposed to be bringing you in. :-[End Quote
You're darn tootin'. I've been trying to contact some of my family and my best friends back in the States today but it's a bit early over there so all I can do is wait for their reply. They had previously offered to loan me some cash if I was stuck and I've decided to take them up on it. I certainly don't want to waste my upcoming birthday and the holidays sitting here when I could be with those who love me unconditionally. If I want to sit around and be miserable, then so be it, but I'll be darned if I'll let someone ELSE cause me to sit around and be miserable :)
I know that I do have at least 3 true friends there that I can count on, even though I've been here for over a year, they all still consider me their best friends, so I feel that I owe it to THEM to go back because perhaps I've been a lousy friend by not being there for them.
Subject: Re: Friends?
One friend I have,he always has a criticism for everything.whether it be bad or good.I don't like it sometimes.But I just can't speak up for myself. -howard-
Subject: Re: Friends?
you guys made sense on why I shouldn't feel afraid to be alone even for a little bit and why I should dump them. I was thinking about it yesterday and I have spent more times crying or being sad and depressed because of them then comming home from a good day. and today I am in an actually fairley good modd because I know I have a three day weekand and I slept in :)
Subject: Re: Friends?
Coolness. So you're all better today? Have a good one!
Subject: Re: Friends?
I have a friend like that, he can be negative for months at a time, he finally wore me out and now I rarely see him, when I do it's strictly casual, we don't go into the heavy stuff.
Quoting:
One friend I have,he always has a criticism for everything.whether it be bad or good.I don't like it sometimes.But I just can't speak up for myself. -howard-
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Subject: Re: Friends?
That's great to hear Alicia, see even people you don't really know can help others out. Be who you want to be and take it as it comes.
Quoting:
you guys made sense on why I shouldn't feel afraid to be alone even for a little bit and why I should dump them. I was thinking about it yesterday and I have spent more times crying or being sad and depressed because of them then comming home from a good day. and today I am in an actually fairley good modd because I know I have a three day weekand and I slept in :)
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Subject: Re: Friends?
Quoting:
I have a friend like that, he can be negative for months at a time, he finally wore me out and now I rarely see him, when I do it's strictly casual, we don't go into the heavy stuff.
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Hey Race,he criticizes about Me and My Father's music,he doesn't like a lot of comedies.He basically enjoys watching Sci-Fi and Horror movies.I'm not too fond of watching what he likes and he doesn't like what I put on and it's basically some comedys.We've known each other 6 years and throughout those 6 years,we've had some big financial difficulties with each other.I don't wanna get into it cause it's too personal.-howard- :)
Subject: Re: Friends?
Maybe at 15 you're outgrowing some of your childhood friends, Alicia.
Have you thought of putting yourself in a situation where you might be in a different crowd? Maybe volunteering somewhere...
Subject: Re: Friends?
I've had a friend who've I've known since Kindergarden.years later,we grew up and he became such a self-centered snob.He always liked to poke fun at everything.(i.e.my hair,my clothes,etc...)I'm glad I don't speak to him anymore.he was just a ass****! >:( -howard-
Subject: Re: Friends?
Quoting:
I've had a friend who've I've known since Kindergarden.years later,we grew up and he became such a self-centered snob.He always liked to poke fun at everything.(i.e.my hair,my clothes,etc...)I'm glad I don't speak to him anymore.he was just a ass****! >:( -howard-
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That happened to me with my best friend from Jr High..we we did everything together and we were in a few of the same classes. Upon graduating from Jr High, we went to seperate High schools because we lived in opposite ends of the town..She some how got it in her head that she was too smart and superior and classy to be my pal, even though she lived on the poor side of town. She started walking with her nose in the air and became artsy-fartsy and too 'mature' for her ol' buddy..good riddance to people like that!
Subject: Re: Friends?
Alicia -hope things are looking up for you :) I've learned that my definition of friend has changed throughout the years. Who I thought were my friends at 15, 20, and even 25, are not who necessarily who I know are my friends now. There will probably always be backstabber or someone like that. But I think you will always have that 1 friend who stick through the thick and thin. My one friend like that has been around for the past 21 years. When we graduated HS, we thought we were so solid, with a decade of friendship behind us. That was 11 year ago. I can honeslty say, since then, she has been my 1 constant friend. Everyone else has come and gone. Moral to the story-i'm not really sure. I can say that i feel blessed to have found 1 true friend even though i've had many poor friends.
Subject: Re: Friends?
I've got a couple of pennies I need to throw in here...
People do a lot of hurtful things in an attempt to stop being scared. It's all too common for someone afraid of being mocked to mock, someone afraid of being weak to bully, someone afraid of what others think to spread gossip...
A true friend is capable, at least most of the time, of chosing love over fear.
Subject: Re: Friends?
Quoting:
That happened to me with my best friend from Jr High..we we did everything together and we were in a few of the same classes. Upon graduating from Jr High, we went to seperate High schools because we lived in opposite ends of the town..She some how got it in her head that she was too smart and superior and classy to be my pal, even though she lived on the poor side of town. She started walking with her nose in the air and became artsy-fartsy and too 'mature' for her ol' buddy..good riddance to people like that!
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My old friend Jason the snob always though he was better than I was by being such a show-off every time I came over his house with his jewelery,2 celluar phones,A playstation,VCR,big screen TV,etc...He made me so ticked off! >:( -howard-
Subject: Re: Friends?
I thought of bringing this one back after a year. ;D
My friend Robert who used to live in Queens now resides in Albany,NY in a residence.He's been there for almost a year now.His life was in shambles last year.1st,His room in June of last year burned to a crisp after a plug spark hit his bed and went up in flames.+his Mother who was nearing 70 died in the hospital after she fell in her home and broke her arm and it turned out to be a blood clot and was a heart attack.She died on her birthday(Nov.22nd) :'( I really enjoy talking to him on the phone now.He always gave me good advice for 7 years.Was always a"figure"to me.Occasionally,we'd have financial problems and tried to work it out.He was the only person in my life who stuck with me and never felt like he was a "snob"or anything of that matter.I plan to visit him maybe next month in December when it gets really cold soon :o
Howard
Subject: Re: Friends?
Quoting:
I've got a couple of pennies I need to throw in here...
People do a lot of hurtful things in an attempt to stop being scared. It's all too common for someone afraid of being mocked to mock, someone afraid of being weak to bully, someone afraid of what others think to spread gossip...
A true friend is capable, at least most of the time, of chosing love over fear.
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Well, if Howard hadn't brought this back I wouldn't have seen this very touching response :)
Best of luck to your friend, Howard :)
Subject: Re: Friends?
Quoting:
I've got a couple of pennies I need to throw in here...
People do a lot of hurtful things in an attempt to stop being scared. It's all too common for someone afraid of being mocked to mock, someone afraid of being weak to bully, someone afraid of what others think to spread gossip...
End Quote
That is so true!
Subject: Re: Friends?
Quoting:
Well, if Howard hadn't brought this back I wouldn't have seen this very touching response :)
Best of luck to your friend, Howard :)
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Thanks,Rice! ;D
Howard
Subject: Re: Friends?
Yes best of luck to you Howard. ;)