Actual Transcripts from Court Cases


They're things people actually said in court, word for word....

 Q: What is your date of birth?
 A: July fifteenth.
 Q: What year?
 A: Every year.


 Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
 A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.


 Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
 A: Yes.
 Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
 A: I forget.
 Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something     that you've forgotten?


 Q: How old is your son - the one living with you.
 A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
>  Q: How long has he lived with you?
>  A: Forty-five years.
>
>
>  Q: And where was the location of the accident?
>  A: Approximately milepost 499.
>  Q: And where is milepost 499?
>  A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
>
>
>
>  Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
> the voodoo or occult?
>  A: We both do.
>  Q: Voodoo?
>  A: We do.
>  Q: You do?
>  A: Yes, voodoo.
>
>
>  Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red
> and blue lights flashing?
>  A: Yes.
>  Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her
> car?
>  A: Yes, sir.
>  Q: What did she say?
>  A: What disco am I at?
>
>
>  Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>
>
>  Q: Did he kill you?
>
>
>  Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the
> collision?
>
>
>  Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true?
>
>
>  Q: How many times have you committed suicide?
>
>
>  Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
>  A: Yes.
>  Q: And what were you doing at that time?
>
>
>  Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
>  A: Yes.
>  Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?
>
>
>  Q: Can you describe the individual?
>  A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
>  Q: Was this a male, or a female?
>
>
>  Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
> deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
> A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>
>
>  Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead
> people?
>  A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>
>
>  Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you
> go to?
>  A: Oral.
>
>
>  Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
>  A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
>  Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
>  A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing
> an autopsy.
>
>
>
>  Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
> for a pulse?
>  A: No.
>  Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
>  A: No.
>  Q: Did you check for breathing?
>  A: No.
>  Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
> you began the autopsy?
>  A: No.
>  Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
>  A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
>  Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
>  A: It is possible that he could have been alive and
> practising law somewhere.
>
>
>  Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
>  A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
>
>
>  LAWYER: What did the tissue samples taken from the victim's
>  vagina show?
>  WITNESS: There were traces of semen.
>  LAWYER: Male semen?
>  WITNESS: That's the only kind I know of.
>
>
>
>
>  LAWYER: Did you ever sleep with him in New York?
>  WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.
>  LAWYER: Did you ever sleep with him in Chicago?
>  WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.
>  LAWYER: Did you ever sleep with him in Miami?
>  WITNESS: No.
>
>
>  LAWYER: So, after the anaesthetic, when you came out of it,
> what did you observe with respect to your scalp?
> WITNESS: I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the
>  hospital.
>  LAWYER: It was covered?
>  WITNESS: Yes. Bandaged.
>  LAWYER: Then, later on, what did you see?
>  WITNESS: I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were
>  removed and put on top of my head.
>
>
>
>  CLERK: Please repeat after me: "I swear by Almighty God..."
>  WITNESS: "I swear by Almighty God."
>  CLERK: "That the evidence that I give..."
>  WITNESS: That's right.
>  CLERK: Repeat it.
>  WITNESS: "Repeat it".
>  CLERK: No! Repeat what I said.
>  WITNESS: What you said when?
>  CLERK: "That the evidence that I give..."
>  WITNESS: "That the evidence that I give."
>  CLERK: "Shall be the truth and..."
>  WITNESS: It will, and nothing but the truth!
>  CLERK: Please, just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth
> and..."
>  WITNESS: I'm not a scholar, you know.
>  CLERK: We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me: "Shall
> be the truth and..."
>  WITNESS: "Shall be the truth and."
>  CLERK: Say: "Nothing...".
>  WITNESS: Okay. (Witness remains silent.)
>  CLERK: No! Don't say nothing. Say: "Nothing but the
> truth..."
>  WITNESS: Yes.
>  CLERK: Can't you say: "Nothing but the truth..."?
>  WITNESS: Yes.
>  CLERK: Well? Do so.
>  WITNESS: You're confusing me.
>  CLERK: Just say: "Nothing but the truth...".
>  CLERK: Yes.
>  WITNESS: Okay. I understand.
>  CLERK: Then say it.
>  WITNESS: What?
>  CLERK: "Nothing but the truth..."
>  WITNESS: But I do! That's just it.
>  CLERK: You must say: "Nothing but the truth..."
>  WITNESS: I WILL say nothing but the truth!
> CLERK: Please, just repeat these four words: "Nothing",
> "But", "The", "Truth".
>  WITNESS: What? You mean, like, now?
>  CLERK: Yes! Now. Please. Just say those four words.
>  WITNESS: "Nothing. But. The. Truth."
>  CLERK: Thank you.
>  WITNESS: I'm just not a scholar.

I've heard most of them but, so so funny.

Thanks for bringing me out of the fog I've been in....those are so funny :D

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you
> go to?
>  A: Oral.
I was doing good 'till this one, I blew snot when I got to it.  Funny.

Very funny.  ;D

LOL, Gabble! Reminds me of someone who wanted to put someone else in jail for stealing $10, me! :-[

Where did you get those?  They're as funny as a Marx Brothers' routine.   ;D

LOL!!!!  Gabble I love these!!  Where ya been anyway?

Some of those exchanges were absolutely hilarious!!!  ;D

Those were great!