These are real things people want in life (apparently)

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.
2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll
never
go
anywhere again.
3. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals,
and
smacks
included.
4. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
5. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
6. Stock up and save. Limit: one.
7. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.
8. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
9. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for
efficient
beating.
10. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue
Cross
and
salary.
11. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2. 35; Chicken or Beef $2. 25; Children =
$2.00
12. For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large
drawers.
13. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair
to
take
home, too.
14. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by
hand.
15. For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Great Dames for sale.
16. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful
condition.
17. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.
18. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts.
Zap
does
the job in 24 hours.
19. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates.
Automatically
burns toast.
20. For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
21. Man, honest. Will take anything.
22. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
23. Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
24. Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.
25. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

:-)

I love the thought of a cow that doesn't smoke or drink...

Phil

Try these on for size…

Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered, like one of the family.
For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is especially fond of children.
Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.
Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.
Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.
Man, honest. Will take anything.
Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business and be willing to get hands dirty.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.
Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.
FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART STUPID DOG
GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT AWHILE.. BETTER BE REWARD.
1 MAN-7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000
STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15
SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE -89 cents
FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.
FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED, CALL CHUBBIE
BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
GET A LITTLE JOHN: THE TRAVELING URINAL HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER
HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
GEORGIA PEACHES - CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
NICE PARACHUTE: NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE SLIGHTLY STAINED
FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
AMERICAN FLAG, 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT: QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -$175.
OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB, AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
OPEN HOUSE- BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box
FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.
FOR SALE BY OWNER Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend. Wife knows everything.
GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb

LMFAO!!!!! And once again, I've sprayed coffee all over my monitor. :P

Jay Leno does a bit like this from time to time, or if you can't wait, try going to www.engrish.com . It even has pictures.