1. Two vultures boarded an airplane, each, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looked at them and said, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Did you hear that NASA recently put a bunch of Holsteins into low earth orbit? They called it the herd shot 'round the world.

3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

5. A three legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?   He wanted to transcend dental medication.

7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

8. A woman had twins, and gave them up for adoption. One of them went to a family in Egypt and was named "Ahmal." The other went to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later Juan sent a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she told her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responded,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

9. Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

10. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).   A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

11. And finally... there was a guy who put ten different puns on a messageboard, in the hope that at least one of the puns would make others laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Those are real good. I especially like number 8.

Those are great, Fuss!  Thanks for sharing them with us.  I especially liked #3. ;D

;D ;D TOO funny, Fussy.

Funny - especially #11.

Love the last couple, FM :D

I'm in agreement with the majority that these are halarious. #5 is a pretty old one that I've heard before, but the others made me tickle. :D
And with that I'll leave you with #12.
Once upon a time, there were two men who decided to go into a forest to work on their private projects. The first man was an avid reader, and wanted to finish the final chapter of a Stephen King novel. The second man was a budding author who was working on his own horror novel. As the men were doing there business, a giant, hungry bear was watching both of them very closely. After careful observation, the bear dicided on devouring the man who was reading. Because even a bear knows that: Readers Digest and writers cramp. ;D

Fan of Minogue?!!!

Quoting:


FM  ???

;D  ???
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Just when I needed a good laugh, FussBudget comes charging to my rescue!!

#8 Made me laugh so hard I choked on my soda.  Then, after I cleaned up and started reading again, #10 caused me  to do it again.

Thanks, FB!! ;D  

Sorry, guy, couldn't get past the thought of Kylie being an Aussie. :-Never !
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