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Subject: Instructions
The following are real instructions from products:
On a blanket from Taiwan:
NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.
On a helmet-mounted mirror used by American cyclists:
REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.
On a Taiwanese shampoo:
USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.
(Damn what do I use for minor damage)
On the bottle-top of a British flavoured milk drink:
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.
(Thanks for pointing that out I have always wondered where the mess came from)
On a New Zealand insect spray:
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
In an American guide to setting up a new computer:
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM
TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)
On a packet of American Sunmaid raisins:
WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?
On an American Sears hairdryer:
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
On a bag of American Fritos-brand Corn Chips:
COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.
(The shoplifter's special!)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box):
DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
(Too late!)
On a Korean kitchen knife:
WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
(As opposed to use in?)
On a Japanese food processor:
NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
On British Sainsbury's peanuts:
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.
(Really?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
(I'm glad they cleared that up.)
On a Swedish chainsaw -
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
(What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
On a Canadian child's Superman costume -
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
(That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
On some British frozen dinners:
SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box:
FITS ONE HEAD.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.
On a British Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
On a British Nytol Sleep Aid Tablets label:
WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS.
(Duh!)
On British Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
Paint Stripper Heat Gun:
NOT TO BE USED AS A HAIRDRYER.
Subject: Re: Instructions
Stop posting these! I might die of laughter!
Seriously, those are good.
Subject: Re: Instructions
Quoting:On a Swedish chainsaw -
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
(What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?) End Quote
I couldn't stop laughing myself on this one. I mean, is this a real problem in Sweden!?!
Subject: Re: Instructions
Quoting:
I couldn't stop laughing myself on this one. I mean, is this a real problem in Sweden!?!
End Quote
well, if the swedish birth rate drops, we'll know why.
i get a kick out of the stupid sh*t that people write as warnings...mostly because some dumb@ss has been retarded enough to do it. like the warning on windex that it's not for cleaning contact lenses...while on the eye.
Subject: Re: Instructions
Quoting:
On British Sainsbury's peanuts:
WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.
(Really?)
End Quote
Pedantry alert: peanuts are not nuts - they're essentially nut-like peas, rather than pea-like nuts. However, the warning may be accurate in that most food-processing machinery uses nut oil for lubrication, hence the warnings about nuts in everything these days.
Personally, I reckon they all nuts
;-)
Phil
Subject: Re: Instructions
Lol!!!
reminded me of a note my friends mum had with her new medicine a few years ago....
if you take this and faint, phone your doctor immediately....