1. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food
in here."

2. A Dyslexic man walks into a bra.

3. A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:
"Pint
please, and one for the road."

4. Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony was
rubbish but the reception was brilliant.

5. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste
funny to you?"

6. A man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc. Doc says "I'll
give you some cream to put on it."

7. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

8. Answer phone message "....If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash
key...."

9. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. My dog's cross-eyed, is there
anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look
at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's
cross-eyed? " "No, because he's really heavy"

10. Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!

11. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5
people
in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or
my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's
Colin.

12. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.

13. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 dollars that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks
are too high.'

14. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong
currant.

15. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
can't, I've
cut your arms off".

16. I went to a seafood disco last week.... and pulled a muscle.

17. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in
the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak
and heat it too.

18. A man walks into doctor's office. "What seems to be the problem?" asks
the
doc. "It's... um... well... I have five penises" replies the man.
"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your trousers fit?"
"Like a glove."

These are great!  ;D

;D ;DTake my wife, please ;D ;D

ROTFLMFAO! :D
Thanks TV9.

;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

definitely ROTFLMAO! -howard-

Number eleven made me laugh out loud!  Thanks!

I'm a sucker for lame jokes, and those ones made me laugh out loud.

I'll trade ya for...

A couple of Eskimos were paddling around in their kayak and decided, wonder of wonders, they were cold! So they gathered some kindling and lit a fire in the bottom of the boat. Of course the fire burned through and the boat sank, which proves you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

A three-legged dog walked into a bar, walked up to the bartender and said, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."

So I've been thinking about Ghandi. He really was spiritual, but he didn't wear shoes. That must have given the skin on the bottoms of his feet problems. And, you know, the didn't eat a lot. That must have made him pretty weak, not to mention the chronic bad breath. So would you call him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis?