Hopefully more of these will bring more smiles ;)

A day without sunshine is like, night.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Remember, half the people you know are below average.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your week.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

Get a new car for your spouse. It'll be a great trade!

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!

If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

 

:D :D :D

Thanks RockandRollFan!!

Too funny!
http://www.clicksmilie.de/sammlung/ernaehrung/ernaehrung024.gif

heres something i saw in my uncles offce:

The sergeon general has stated that only 2 people may ride my behind at once unless i install safety straps or hand rails. BEcause u have arrived the 6th in line to ride my a$$ today. Please take a number a shut the hell up. Thank you!

one more before i go

The surgeon general has stated that doing anything with anyone at anytime during anyday will be hazerdous to your health. HAve a nice day!

MORE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;) ;) ;D

Here are a few more ;)

Stupid is just a 5 letter word.
Laugh in the face of danger, and then run like hell.
Life can be a bed of roses, but just watch out for the pricks!

How about:
Word is a four letter word.
Keep America beautiful. Eat a pigeon.
Senior citizens are the major carriers of AIDS: band AIDS, hearing AIDS, walking AIDS.
Take a look at the man in the mirror. If it moves differently from you, it's not a mirror.
What's good for the goose is some salt and organic herbs and spices.
A man can get AIDS from a toilet seat-if you sit down before the other man gets up.
A fool and his money invest in Nasdaq.

Like the pricks that 'work' over us in Columbus.

End World Hunger...EAt the hungry
I AM NOT afraid of hieghts, I am however afraid of falling from hieghts.

I found these in a book I have...

The 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage DAughter

1. If you pull into my driveway and honk, you'd better be delivering a package, because your sure as heck not picking something up!

2. Do Not touch my daughters body in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughters body, I will remove them.

3. I am aware that it is fashionable for young men to wear their trousers so that they fall about their hips. This is rediculous. I will be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come t the door with your underwear showing and your pants 10 sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to assure that your clothes do not come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your pants securely in place around your waist.

4. I'm sure you have been told that in todays world, sex without a boundary method can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the boundary, and I will kill you.

5. YOu may feel that in order for us to get to know each other we should talk about sports, politics and the sort. Please do not do this. THe only information I require from you is when you will safely return my daughter home, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early".

6. I have no doubt that you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me if it is fine with my daughter. Once you have gone out with me little girl, you will continue to date her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

7. If you are standing in my hallway waiting for my daughter to appear, and an hour passes, do not sigh and fidget. I fyou wanted to be on time for the movie you should not be dating. Instead of just standing there why not do something use ful like changing the oil on my car?

8. The following places are innappropriate for a date with my daughter. Any place where there are:beds,sofas or anything softer than a wooden stool.
places lacking: parents, policemen, or nuns
places where there is: darkness
places where there is: dancing, holding hands, or happiness
places where the temperture will make my daughter wear: shorts, midriff t-shirts, tank tops, or anythin besides overalls, a sweater, and a parka zipped to her chin.
Movies with romance: No
Movies with a strong sexual theme: no
Movie swith chainsaws are okay
Hockeygames are fine dates also.

??? ? I am confused... wuz that funny...