A friend sent me a collection of "New Year's Resolutions For the Cat".  It runs almost four pages, but I'm only going to post a few.  If anyone wants to know the rest, I can e-mail it to you, or post more later.

I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has finished watching a horror movie.

I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare into her eyes until she wakes up.

We will not play Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti over any humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.

Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.

I will not back up off the front porch and fall into the bushes just as my human is explaining to his girlfriend how graceful I am.

I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.

When my human is typing at the computer, her forearms are *not* a hammock.

I will not bring the city police to the front door by stepping on the speaker phone button and then the automatic 911 dial button.

I will not walk on the keyboard when my human is writing important emiognaioerp ga3qi4 taija3tgv aa35 a.

If I must give a present to my human's overnight guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a big live cockroach, even if it isn't as tasty.

I will not soak my catnip toy in the water bowl to make tea. I will not get high and sit there drinking my tea and kneading the floor afterwards. I will not then get delusions of grandeur and make tea in the toilet bowl or the tub. And I will not try to make tea with used socks, dirty underwear or hair scrunches when my humans take the catnip toy away from me.

Do you also have "New Year's Resolutions for the Dog", too? I'll take both if you have 'em. ;)

Hi Kat

That's funny.

Can you please send it to me ?

Ta


FB  ;)

Me too please!.I've got some other cat classics I could send in return but you may already have them.

I would also like for some to be emailed to me. Thanks! These are great.

;D Oh my gosh, I've got tears running down my face. These are great and so true! Looks like everyone wants them. Can you add more?

Sure, I'll post a few more.

For those of you who want the full list, PM me with your e-mail address--it's too big for a PM.  I don't have "dog resolutions", but I have seen them around.  Someone is bound to have them.

I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and barf them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.

I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.

I will not intrude on my human's candlelit bubble bath and singe my bottom.

I will not speed dial the overseas numbers.

I will not stalk the deer in the apple orchard next door. They have sharp hooves and could hurt me if they weren't laughing so hard.

A warm pepperoni pizza is not a good place for a nap.

edited for punctuation  :P

Kat,
   Thanks for the whole list of kitty resolutions. They're just so funny. I bet we "cat people" could add to the list. How about;

  I will not lick the fuzzy sweater and get my velcro tongue stuck to it.
  I will not shoot straight up in the air,under the coffee table, when my human sneezes.
  I will not jump on my human's back while she's curling her eyelashes.(actually happened to my Mom-took forever for those eyelashes to grow back)

Any one else?

My cat needs to make this resolution:

I will not stick my stinky butt in my human's face anymore

I will stop bothering my human when she's eating cereal, red beans, salad w/ Ranch dressing or Spaghetti (when I eat those things my cat pesters me until I let her lick the bowl).  

Cats??  CATS??  This is a checklist for felines??  

I thought someone had been peeking in my windows and chronicled my hubby's strange "habits"....

if you love cats, you should check out http://www.ratemykitten.com

Kat, I'd like a copy, too!  Thanks!

How about:

I will not curl up on the newspaper while my owner is still trying to read it.

I wish I had my own healthy cat right here now. My sister's skinny black one is just not the same. :(

Resolution for my cats:

I will not use my head to bump my owner's hand into the cactus while she is gardening.... :)

Ouch! Is the head okay now?

Quoting:
Resolution for my cats:

I will not use my head to bump my owner's hand into the cactus while she is gardening.... :)
End Quote

Hey, these are HARLARIOUS, and my own furry felines could learn from that list! Hey, I am a CAT LOVER in more ways than one, hence my name!  LOL

Peace,Cat Lover