AIRCRAFT MAINTENANCE WRITE-UPS AND CORRECTIVE ACTION TAKEN

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a
sense of humour. Here are some actual logged maintenance
complaints by QUANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

NOTE:
P stands for the problem the pilots entered in the log, and
S stands for the corrective action taken by the mechanics.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto land very rough.
S: Auto land not installed on this aircraft.

P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid.
S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for!

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windscreen.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing. (note: this was for a
piston-engineered airplane; the pilot meant the engine was
not running smoothly)
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed radar with words.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

Those are good. I thought by Airline Humour, you meant the "Why Did the Airline Cross The Road" "To Get To The Other Side" jokes.
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Those are genuine? Well, I'll be g**d*****.

I got those as an email last year! It said they were from the R.A.F not Quantas,it's like chinese whispers!!!

Absolutely marvellous!!! ROFLMAO!

I flew EasyJet to Geneva recently, and the flight attendant doing the inboard announcements was very funny.  I can't remember everything she said, but here's one bit (just after having landed):

"As pilots can fly better than they drive, please keep your seatbelts fastened until we have come to a complete standstill.  We may have to stop quickly, and would hate for you to reach the terminal building before we do"

;-)

Phil

:o :o :o :oI hope you all are enjoying our oldies while you fly.That last song we heard was "Ebony eyes"by the Everly Brothers,ansd,no,it was not written  by Kyu Sakamoto for his mother.Cheers! 8) 8)

I think it's Qantas...unless they've changed the name on me since "Rain Man" ;)

Silly Aussies! ;D