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I am definitely printing these off and taping these by the phone.  And I'm going to start answering the phone more  ;D

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Me too!!!  ;D

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I better warn my sister of these, though, as starting Monday she will be working as a telemarketer.. (yes she is crazy..)

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I'm sorry to hear that your sister has gone over to the Dark Side!!  ;D

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I don't believe I've mentioned recently that I'm locked out. Guys? Hey, guys? Whatcha doin? I mean, I'm sure it was just an oversight that you all left and I can't get in...
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Hey Langdon, I wondered what happened to you. Have you emailed Chucky directly? Hopefully he can fix the problem. The board is dull without your razor sharp wit!  :D

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Have you emailed Chucky directly?
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Why thank you... I was having horrid sure-you-can-come-to-the-party-here's-the-address-tee-hee-hee flashbacks. The problem is, see, non-members can't use the forum emails, and if I reregister, I'm stuck with a whole new identity. Although, that does have it's appealing side...

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Why thank you... I was having horrid sure-you-can-come-to-the-party-here's-the-address-tee-hee-hee flashbacks. The problem is, see, non-members can't use the forum emails, and if I reregister, I'm stuck with a whole new identity. Although, that does have it's appealing side...
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You're being helped. Someone here has been helping you behind the scenes. I gave them instructions on e-mailing ChuckyG your e-mail address. WL's a peach, isn't he?!  :)

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Why thank you... I was having horrid sure-you-can-come-to-the-party-here's-the-address-tee-hee-hee flashbacks. The problem is, see, non-members can't use the forum emails, and if I reregister, I'm stuck with a whole new identity. Although, that does have it's appealing side...
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If you go to amiright, you can email Chucky from there. That's what I did when the board went down in April.

Were you a rockhopper, or all the way up to Royal? If you decide on a new identity, maybe you could come back as Langston Hughes. But then you'd lose all those penguin points. Talk about a dream deferred....  :-X  ;) ;D

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If you go to amiright, you can email Chucky from there. That's what I did when the board went down in April.

Were you a rockhopper, or all the way up to Royal? If you decide on a new identity, maybe you could come back as Langston Hughes. But then you'd lose all those penguin points. Talk about a dream deferred....  :-X  ;) ;D
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On the last post of the previous page, I'd just let her know (hopefully) that her problems should be fixed very soon.  :)

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Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer:


...Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!" ...



...Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips...


...If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money....




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My boss has used the first one quoted here with great success for some time.  

The last one is used all the time by one of my brothers who actually had filed for bankruptcy several years ago.  He gives out the cancelled credit card number, and when they come back on the line saying there is "a problem with your card number.." he mentions that said card was cancelled by the bank when he filed for that bankruptcy last year....

The middle one I use a lot.  It works best if they are trying to sell anything that will involve travel, like a vacation time share, or that I "may have already won a vacation".  Sometimes I go all evil, and say I am interested, but I need to get permission from my probation officer.  Would they like that number.  They can't hang up fast enough...

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We seem to have lost Bobo bear too!  :'(
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He's not lost. He's here and well. He too will have his fix.  ;)

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We seem to have lost Bobo bear too!  :'(
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I have actually used the home incarceration one, too.  I told a telemarketer that I was home incarcerated, and he asked me what I had done--and I said that I stalked and assaulted a telemarketer! He promptly hung up. :D
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I don't think I'd have the 'nads to do that, but I have told them to go to hell (verbatim) before :)  Or as soon as they give the spiel I just hang up...or I say "no" before I hang up, just to be nice

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What's wrong with just saying:
"I'm not interested"? ???
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Because you're inviting them to explain all those things you're really not interested in, so you end up shouting into the phone "NO, I'M REALLY NOT INTERESTED" "but have you heard about..." "NO, CLOTHEARS, I'M REALLY NOT INTERESTED"

I did end up with one telemarketer who was wiffling on about something, and one of the children screamed (about something reasonably minor), so I said "must go, one of the children has fallen off the balcony" and put the phone straight down.  I got a call about five minutes later: it was the same bod who said "I just wanted to make sure the child was alright", I said she was fine, and they said that's great and hung up.

Phil

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Not as fun.  Gotta give them hell, especially when they ALWAYS call around dinnertime.
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I'd tell ya Rice,One time they called me and wanted me to answer some surveys and they kept me on the phone for a half hour.not kidding!This guy doesn't know how to shut up!BLAH,BLAH,BLAH,YADA,YADA,YADA..... ::) >:(

 ho

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We had one call saying it was a "survey", my 15 y.o. son had answered...he has been well trained.  He told them, "i'm sorry, we're Amish and it is against our religion to take surveys."
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just a (#*% minute!  Amish don't have phones!!!  ???

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just a (#*% minute!  Amish don't have phones!!!  ???
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Menonites do!  :D  ;D

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just a (#*% minute!  Amish don't have phones!!!  ???
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Hehe...that's why my son thought it was hysterical.  The telemarketer didn't catch on and apologized.  We got a good laugh out of it, anyway!  

Just don't try the No Hablo Englaise route....he tried that one another night and they started speaking to him in Spanish.  My household has way too much fun with these people.  I just don't answer the phone if I don't recognize you on my caller ID...it's the males in the house (4 of them) that like to torment people!  ::)

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Hehe...that's why my son thought it was hysterical.  The telemarketer didn't catch on and apologized.  We got a good laugh out of it, anyway!  

Just don't try the No Hablo Englaise route....he tried that one another night and they started speaking to him in Spanish.  My household has way too much fun with these people.  I just don't answer the phone if I don't recognize you on my caller ID...it's the males in the house (4 of them) that like to torment people!  ::)
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My kind of people ;D

I feel most gratified when I can actually flat-out tell a telemarketer to go to hell.  They always (ALWAYS) call around dinnertime, and if I am the lucky one to answer the phone I give them a profanity laden tirade that would make a professional wrestler blush.

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My kind of people ;D

I feel most gratified when I can actually flat-out tell a telemarketer to go to hell.  They always (ALWAYS) call around dinnertime, and if I am the lucky one to answer the phone I give them a profanity laden tirade that would make a professional wrestler blush.
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Now THAT's impressive.   :D

I can never do that, but I let the guys have their fun.  Our adopted son/room mate despises telemarketers and he will start telling them he can't talk to them because their company is being harmful to the environment and all kinds of stuff.  Makes up names of organizations that are boycotting the company and starts questioning the telemarketer how they can live with themselves for working for a company that could do whatever he has made up.

My step-dad told a telemarket (who mispronounced her old last name) that she was dead and that it was a horrible thing for the telemarketer to bring back all that pain.  The poor girl was crying on the phone.

I have a sick family........ ;D

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Your family is my hero ;D

well, thanks!  I will tell them to get out their capes and get them dry cleaned!  ;)

You'll find out later I have a lot of heroes, for various reasons ;)  

Hmmmmm......I can't wait to hear about this.

DISCLAIMER:  It's a joke, people.  Don't get your 'nads tied into a knot over this.
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sick....funny...but sick.  You are my kind of person!

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sick....funny...but sick.  You are my kind of person!
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Aw, thanks...but you're married and I'm still in one of my phases ::)  (just kidding)

Glad you enjoyed it.  New Onion comes out every Wednesday, so bookmark it, they have some funny stuff :)

Quoting:
How about saying this when trying to answer a telemarketer:

"Yes,I'm very interested in what your selling me,How much is the subscription"? ;D

 howard :D
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I KNEW it!  you're in cahoots with those damned telemarketers!  Shame on you, Howard!  ;D

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I KNEW it!  you're in cahoots with those damned telemarketers!  Shame on you, Howard!  ;D
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me....??? naw,I couldn't be.I wouldn't terrorize anybody. ;D ;)