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Subject: Know any good jokes?
Does anyone have any good jokes to tell? I seem to have forgotten all of the good ones, and I need some more tidbits o' humor to add to my "cerebral stash." Help!
See if you can make me laugh... ;D
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Just like last time, we will, of course, keep it G rated, right? R rated ones we'll send in IM's. JOKING, let's keep it suitable?
Quoting:
Does anyone have any good jokes to tell? I seem to have forgotten all of the good ones, and I need some more tidbits o' humor to add to my "cerebral stash." Help!
See if you can make me laugh... ;D
End Quote
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
Just like last time, we will, of course, keep it G rated, right? R rated ones we'll send in IM's. JOKING, let's keep it suitable?
End Quote
Well, that's your call. Dirty, dirty jokes don't do anything for me. I guess we can keep it G to PG-13 rated.
Surprise me!
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
this one is only dirty if you have a dirty mind!!!!
One hot July day, we found this old straggly cat at our door. She was a
sorry sight, starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down.
We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to the vet.
She had no name so we named her pussy cat. The vet decided to keep her
for a day or so, and said he would let us know when we could come and get her.
My husband, the complaining type, said "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she
stinks."
My husband and my vet don't see eye to eye. He calls my hubby El-Cheap-O,
and my hubby calls him El-Take-O. The next day, hubby had an appointment
with his doctor, which is located next door to the vet. The doctor's office was full
of people waiting to see the doctor (many our friends and neighbors).
The door opened and in popped the vet and announces to my hubby, "Your
wife's pussy is finally shaved and clean. She now smells like a rose. And by the
way, I think she is pregnant. God only knows who the father is!" and then he
closed the door.
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
As I thought. Okay, let the games begin.
Quoting:
Well, that's your call. Dirty, dirty jokes don't do anything for me. I guess we can keep it G to PG-13 rated.
Surprise me!
End Quote
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
I don't know any good ones but I Learned this one in 4th grade and i still remember it today:
(Joke Disclaimer: if it's unbelievably stupid or not funny at all dont blame me. I didn't write it)
Theres this lady and she wants to kill her husband. So, she goes to the meanest nastiest bar in town. In the corner she sees this burly guy with tatoos. The conversation goes like this:
Lady: "Will you kill My husband for Money"
Guy: "I'll kill your husband for free"
Lady: "I have to pay you something"
Guy: "Alright $1.00"
Lady: "you can find my husband tomorow he works in the butcher dept. at Safeway, By the way, What is your Name?"
Guy: "Arti"
So its the next Morning and Arti walks into the safeway Butcher dept sees a guy chopping meat and chokes him to death. The wife Sees him murder this person and yells "you killed the wrong person, thats not my Husband". So Arti strangles her. Then the husband walks out and says "hey you killed my wife" So Arti kills him as well.
So the Next day in the paper the headline is Arti chokes 3 for a dollar at Safeway.
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
you are right..it is bad.... ;) ;D ;D ;D ;D
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
you are right..it is bad.... ;) ;D ;D ;D ;D
End Quote
I'm thinking about deleting it.
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
;D ;D ;D
It wasn't THAT bad...it was actually kinda cute!
I laughed at both of your jokes, Screwball & Young (I almost wrote Screw Young...hmmm), so I guess you accomplished what jokes were intended for to begin with...to make peeps laugh.
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
I'm thinking about deleting it.
End Quote
NO!!!!!!!!!! don't delete it!!!!!! That is the best part...that it is a bad joke!!!!!!!!!!!! MOST are bad jokes!!!!!!!!!!
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Here's one I heard in the late 80s..
Seems there was this flasher who had a habit of exposing himself to people in the city park. While he was strolling around looking for potential victims, he saw three elderly ladies sitting on the park bench, waiting for a bus. Seizing the opportunity, he promptly walked in front of them, pulled open his robe, and exposed himself.
The first elderly lady gasped in shock and promptly had a stroke. Similarly, the secondly elderly stared dumbfounded and immediately had a stroke. The third elderly lady would have had a stroke, but she couldn't reach.
Kryllith
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
I just had to explain Kryllith's joke to my co-worker. ::)
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
I hope no one gets offended by this one. It's not dirty, and I actually thought it was kind of cute.
Mother Teresa died and went to Heaven. God greeted her at the Pearly Gates. "Art thou hungry, Mother Teresa?" asks God.
"I could eat," Mother Teresa replies.
So God opens a can of tuna and reaches for a chunk of rye bread and they share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looks down into Hell and sees the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, pastries and wines. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remains quiet.
The next day God again invites her to join him for a meal. Again, it is tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa can see the denizens of Hell enjoying caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles and chocolates. Still she says nothing.
The following day, mealtime arrives and another can of tuna is opened. She can't contain herself any longer. Meekly, she says: "God, I am grateful to be in Heaven with you as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in Heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread and in the Other Place they eat like emperors and kings! I just don't understand." God sighs. "Let's be honest," he says, "for just two people, does it pay to cook?"
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
OMG, Kryllith and Jessica, how I needed to laugh my @ss off today! Thanks for cheering me up!
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Steve and Tony have been best friends since childhood, and have spent their lives together. After the two of them have finished college, Steve and his high school sweetheart get married. After the wedding, Tony helps the two of them move into their new house. They spend all day at this, working hard and drinking beer, and by the time they are done, it's quite late and all of them are feeling a little tipsy. Rather than have Tony drive home, Steve and his wife invite Tony to spend the night.
"But you only have 1 bed, and the couch isn't here yet,", Tony says.
"No problem," says Steve. "You can sleep in our room with us. We're all friends here, it's fine."
Tony thinks about this, and after deciding he really is too drunk to drive, he agrees. The three of them head off to bed. Steve immediately falls asleep, and Tony is lying there about to nod off when he suddenly feels a nudge from Steve's wife. She looks at him suggestively, and tells him she wants to have sex with him.
"Are you crazy?" asks Tony incredulously. "Steve's my best friend, and your his wife!"
"It's OK," she says. "He sleeps like a log. Nothing can wake him up. If you want to be sure, though, reach over and pluck a hair out of his ass. He won't even stir."
Tony thinks about this for a minute, and decides that he really does want this woman. He reaches over, and pulls a hair out of Steve's ass. When Steve doesn't stir, her grins, and he and Steve's wife begin having wild, passionate sex. When it's done, Tony lies back and settles in for sleep. Just as he is about to drop off, she nudges him again. He can't believe she wants to do it again, but decides it's OK. To be safe, he once again reaches over and pulls another hair out of Steve's ass. Steve agin fails to stir, so once again Tony and Steve's wife have sex, this time even wilder than before.
After they have finished, Tony rolls over and starts to fall asleep. Just as he is starting to snooze, she once again nudges him. Thinking she is unstoppable, he reaches once again and pulls another hair out of Steve's ass. At this point Steve rolls over and looks right at Tony.
"Look Tony, your my best friend, I'd do anything for you, and I really don't even have a problem with you sleeping with my wife, but do you have to keep using my a*s as a scoreboard?"
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
A lady goes to a bar and orders a drink. She asks for a Scotch with Ice....the bartender goes to grab some ice with his hands when she suddenly says "I am a VERY sanitary person, Please use the Ice Tongs to get my ice?! The bartender apologizes and mixes her drink. After quite a few more she notices a tiny string hanging from the bartenders zipper....so she asks why it's there...to which he replies "Well, you see, I'm sanitary like you....I pull my string and it pulls down my zipper" to which she replies " Well then, how do your get your d*ick out of your pants, so that you can piss?" To which the bartender says "I use the Ice Tongs!" :o
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
I feel like getting into a Playboy Party Joke.I have so many of them in most of the magazines,It's ridiculous.Some of those jokes are really raunchy and filthy.So,I don't know If I should post some. -howard- :)
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Here's a clean, if corny joke:
These two men were sitting under a tree in a forest. One was reading "The Complete Works of William Shakespeare", the other was writing an essay on Sigmund Freud. A bear is closely watching the two, and after a long thought process, he ate the guy reading the Shakespeare plays. Because even bears know that Readers Digest and writers cramp. ;D
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
The CIA was looking for a new member to help them carry out a top secret mission. They narrowed it down to two men and one woman. In order to choose, they had to put the finalists to one last test of their commitment. They secretly gathered three guns and took the two men and one woman to a building with a lobby and three little rooms.
In the lobby, they pulled the first man aside and said, "Your wife is sitting in a chair in Room #1. Here is a gun. We want you to go into the room and shoot your wife."
The man looked at them in horror and said, "I could NEVER kill my wife!"
He and his wife were excused, and they went home.
They turned to the second man and said, "Your wife is sitting in a chair in Room #2. Here is a gun. We want you to go in the room and shoot your wife."
Hesitantly, the man took the gun and went into Room #2. It was quiet in there, and then they heard crying. The man and his wife walked out of the room with puffy eyes. He apologized, "I'm sorry. I just can't kill my wife." The man and his wife left.
They finally turned to the woman. They told her, "Your husband is sitting in a chair in Room #3. Here is a gun. We want you to go in the room and shoot your husband."
The woman took the gun and walked into Room #3. After a minute or two, they heard a bang. Then they heard scuffling and several more loud bangs. Finally, the woman emerged looking exhausted. She handed the gun back and said, "What are you guys thrying to pull here? This gun shoots blanks! But don't worry...I took apart the chair and beat him to death."
Sure, sure....it's a little morbid, but I find it funny nonetheless.
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Hmmmm... something that doesn't rely on a funny voice and gestures would be best... I've got two.
One:
Two babies are in the maternity ward in the hospital, fresh from the trials of birth. The first little baby looks at the second little baby and says, "Psssst! I'm a little girl!"
The second little baby looks at the first little baby and coyly replies, "Really? I'm a little boy."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Oh." The first little baby takes a moment and then asks, "How do you know?"
The second little baby answers, "You just wait until the nurse makes her rounds and I'll show you."
So sure enough, the nurse makes her rounds, leaves the room, and the second little baby reaches down, pulls up his little baby gown and says, "See? Blue booties!"
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
What's brown and sticky?
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
A stick. (That was number two.)
Fine then. How do we feel about blond jokes?
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
You can rest assured in the fact that the answer to that is still a
stick
Quoting:
What's brown and sticky?
End Quote
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
A stick. (That was number two.)
Fine then. How do we feel about blond jokes?
End Quote
Go for it Lang! They don't bother me at all!! Since Cricket has made it perfectly clear that I'm a bottle-blonde! ;D
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Okay. This is the only non two-liner. I'll space the rest out. Don't want to overwhelm anyone with my wit and sophiticated humor. ::)
It's a guy's first day working an a sex shop. He hasn't been there long when a brunette woman walks in and says, "Hi. I'm looking for a dildo."
The guy, being a good sex shop worker, was familiar with his stock and says, "Well, we got a white dildo for five bucks and a black dildo for twenty."
The brunette looks at him like he's crazy, says, "I'll take the white one," buys her dildo and walks out of the store.
A little while later a redheaded woman walks in and tells the man breathlessly, "Dildo. I need a dildo."
"Well, we got a white dildo for five bucks and a black dildo for twenty."
"I'll take the black one!" and the redhead buys her dildo and walks, or rather runs out of the store.
The day passes and finally a blond woman walks into the shop.
"Hi," she says sweetly, "I'm looking for a y'know, thingie. You know, for me?"
"Well," says the man, "We got a white dildo for five bucks, a black dildo for twenty, and a plaid for three hundred."
The blond thinks about it, no mean task, and finally decides, "Plaid IS my favorite color. I'll take that one," buys her dildo and walks out of the store.
At the end of the day the store manager asks the guy how he did.
"Great! I sold a white dildo for five bucks, a black dildo for twenty bucks and my thermos for three hundred!"
edited to see if i could write the necessary word for the joke
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
Go for it Lang! They don't bother me at all!! Since Cricket has made it perfectly clear that I'm a bottle-blonde! ;D
End Quote
yeah we need to call her "brownie" instead of "goldie"!!!!! ;D ;D ;D
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Two women are playing golf on a sunny afternoon when one of them accidentally slices her shot into a foursome of men. To her horror, one of the men collapses in agony, both hands to his crotch.
She runs down to him, apologizing profusely, explaining that she is a physical therapist and can help ease his pain.
"No, thanks. Just give me a few minutes. I'll be fine," he replies quietly, hands still between his legs.
Taking it upon herself to help the poor man, she gently unzips
his fly and starts massaging his genitals. "Doesn't that feel
better?" she asks.
"Well, yes. That's feels great," he admits, "but my thumb still
hurts like hell."
;-)
Phil
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
yeah we need to call her "brownie" instead of "goldie"!!!!! ;D ;D ;D
End Quote
I don't think we want to start with the haircolor names do we?? ;)
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
I don't think we want to start with the haircolor names do we?? ;)
End Quote
Yeah, I'd be "Zilchie" or something similar ;-)
Phil
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Maybe in merry ol' England. ;)
Quoting:
You can rest assured in the fact that the answer to that is still a
stick
End Quote
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
Quoting:
You can rest assured in the fact that the answer to that is still a
stick
End Quote
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Here's another stupid joke:
A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from
Kansas City to Chicago. The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"
The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to
ask the stewardess.
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs
and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby
planes?"
The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"
The boy admitted that this was the case.
"Well, then," she replied, "tell your mother that there are no
baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Your
mother can explain THAT to you."
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
This one is short (riddle actually), but sick, so if it gets deleted, it won't bother me. :)
Q: What did the leper say to the prostitute?
A: Keep the tip.
Kryllith
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
This one is short (riddle actually), but sick, so if it gets deleted, it won't bother me. :)
Q: What did the leper say to the prostitute?
A: Keep the tip.
Kryllith
End Quote
Is that the same leper who was arrested after a tip-off?
<ouch>
Phil
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
The last time this thread was around there was a link to a sound and vision joke. I don't remember who posted it originally, but I've lost the link and I have a friend who I want to send it to.
The set up went like this: What is wrong with this room?
We are also told it works best if the speakers are turned up all the way, as the sound clip is of poor quality.
Does anyone still have that link?
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
The last time this thread was around there was a link to a sound and vision joke. I don't remember who posted it originally, but I've lost the link and I have a friend who I want to send it to.
The set up went like this: What is wrong with this room?
We are also told it works best if the speakers are turned up all the way, as the sound clip is of poor quality.
Does anyone still have that link?
End Quote
Here it is, Kat.
http://www.dtig.de/whatswrong/
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Thanks Goldie!! Can't wait to spring it on a few people. :o :o
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
The last time this thread was around there was a link to a sound and vision joke. I don't remember who posted it originally, but I've lost the link and I have a friend who I want to send it to.
The set up went like this: What is wrong with this room?
We are also told it works best if the speakers are turned up all the way, as the sound clip is of poor quality.
End Quote
Mrs. Midas sent that one to me a few months ago. I about fell out of my chair. :o
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
The last time this thread was around there was a link to a sound and vision joke. I don't remember who posted it originally, but I've lost the link and I have a friend who I want to send it to.
The set up went like this: What is wrong with this room?
We are also told it works best if the speakers are turned up all the way, as the sound clip is of poor quality.
Does anyone still have that link?
End Quote
I hated that joke. It had me shaking for about ten minutes. :o
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
I hated that joke. It had me shaking for about ten minutes. :o
End Quote
I made the mistake of listening to it at work, the day my supervisor came back from the hospital. He had been out with a heart attack. He's ok now, (and he's ok after hearing the hoke) but the funny part is that he's the one who wants the link the most. He's been pestering me for it for a couple of weeks, so he can send it to all his friends.
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
I made the mistake of listening to it at work, the day my supervisor came back from the hospital. He had been out with a heart attack. He's ok now, (and he's ok after hearing the hoke) but the funny part is that he's the one who wants the link the most. He's been pestering me for it for a couple of weeks, so he can send it to all his friends.
End Quote
I have a healthy heart, and there were a few minutes after seeing/hearing the joke that I wasn't sure if I'd make it through another day. ;)
Nah, it wasn't that bad, but it surely wasn't something I was expecting. I really thought there was something wrong with the room. I sat and stared at the screen for what seemed like forever...then BOOM!
AHHHHH
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Two nuns are driving through some grim looking country. Suddenly a vampire drops out of a tree onto the hood of the their car. The young nun says to the older nun, "Quick, show him your Cross!" so the older nun rolls down the window and shouts:
"Hey You! Get the F--- off my CAR!"
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
What's big and green, has eight legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A pool table.
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
What's big and green, has eight legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
A pool table.
End Quote
I fear I may have just fallen in love...
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Michael the Dragon Master was an official in King Arthur's court.
He had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's
voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death.
One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio, who
was the King's chief physician.
Horatio said, "I can arrange it, but I will need 1,000 gold coins to
pay bribes."
Michael the Dragon Master readily agreed.
The next day Horatio made up a batch of itching powder and poured a
little of it into the Queen's brassiere while she was taking a bath. Soon
after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew in intensity. Upon
being called to the royal chambers, Horatio told the King that only a
special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch,
and that tests had shown such a saliva was only to be found in Michael the Dragon Master's mouth.
King Arthur summoned Michael the Dragon Master. Michael the Dragon
Master slipped the antidote lotion into his mouth and for the next four
hours worked passionately on the Queen's magnificent breasts.
Satisfied, he returned to his chamber and found Horatio demanding
payment.
With his obsession now satisfied, he refused to pay Horatio anything
and shooed him away, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching
powder onto King Arthur's loincloth.
King Arthur summoned Michael the Dragon Master...
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
My husband is blonde and I had to explain most of the jokes to him. ::)
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Aging Esther was a 93 year old woman who was despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death.
Thinking that it would be better to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was already broken. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become a vegetable, she called her doctor to inquire exactly where the heart was. "On a woman", he said "it would be just below the left breast." Later that night, Esther was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to the knee.
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
I don't think we want to start with the haircolor names do we?? ;)
End Quote
Salt n pepa here....salt n pepa here!!!
ok..that was a BAD joke....but sorry "g"..I know what color MY hair is...NATURALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
Salt n pepa here....salt n pepa here!!!
ok..that was a BAD joke....but sorry "g"..I know what color MY hair is...NATURALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;)
End Quote
I do too! My natural color isn't gray!! ;)
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
I do too! My natural color isn't gray!! ;)
End Quote
and it sure ain't blonde!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
and it sure ain't blonde!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
End Quote
Like I said before 4/11, I'd rather be a bottle blonde than a natural gray any old day!! Now let's get this back on topic. ;D
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
Like I said before 4/11, I'd rather be a bottle blonde than a natural gray any old day!! Now let's get this back on topic. ;D
End Quote
plzzzzzzzzzzzz fine!!!!!!!!! :-X
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful and left a note asking her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 15 gallons or 1.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath."
The milkman asked, "Pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just enough to cover my breasts."
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
How to tell if your viagra is working.....
At work they call you a spiritualist because when you sit down at a meeting, the table floats.
Your face is very pale due to lack of blood.
When you walk into a sauna, everyone stands and applauds. They begin to call you “the tripod.”
You begin to think your mother in law is pretty.
Sunbathing nude outside standing: Birds perch on it.
Sunbathing nude outside lying down: You look like a sundial.
Everyone at the bank, grocery, etc… lets you go to the front of the line.
Compared to you, Pinocchio doesn’t look like such a liar.
You always lose limbo contests.
Lewinsky wants you to be president someday.
You can make drawings in the sand without having to find a stick.
You like to sleep on your back, so you had to remove the ceiling fan.
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
A couple have been married forty years and are revisiting the same places they went to on their honeymoon. As they are driving through the secluded countryside, they pass a ranch with a tall deer fence running along the road.
The woman says, “Sweetheart, let’s do the same thing we did here forty years ago!”
The guy stops the car. His wife backs against the fence, and he immediately jumps her like a bass on a junebug. They make love like never before.
Back in the car, they guy says, “Darlin’, you sure never moved like that forty years ago – or any time since that I can remember.”
The woman says, “Forty years ago that fence wasn’t electrified.”
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
This has got to be my favourite :::
There are TEACHERS and then there are "EDUCATORS"
According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria, BC, recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and he next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers, and then there are educators ... :)
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Hehe, FBVP, I saw that one a couple months ago, I think in the paper...that is the funniest joke I've seen in awhile. ;D
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
Don't want to overwhelm anyone with my wit and sophiticated humor. ::)
End Quote
Too Late, Langdon ;)
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
OK, here are a couple....
Q: What has four wheels and flies?
A: A garbage truck
A woman walks into an adult video/bookstore/sex toys store. She walks up to the ckerk and says "Mt husband is an OTR truck driver. He leaves me alone all the time, and I am one horny Mama. Show me the biggest dildo you have in stock!"
The clerk looks at her, and says: "I know just what you need. Come this way." (crooking her little finger in a comeover here gesture)
The woman says, "If I could come that way (repeating the gesture) I wouldn't need the f@%king dildo!!!
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
A woman walks into an adult video/bookstore/sex toys store. She walks up to the ckerk and says "Mt husband is an OTR truck driver. He leaves me alone all the time, and I am one horny Mama. Show me the biggest dildo you have in stock!"
The clerk looks at her, and says: "I know just what you need. Come this way." (crooking her little finger in a comeover here gesture)
The woman says, "If I could come that way (repeating the gesture) I wouldn't need the f@%king dildo!!!
End Quote
That's really funny, Banasy! I loved it!! ;D
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Three men were waiting at the Pearly Gates to be allowed into Heaven. When they reached St. Peter, he examined their lives and spoke to each in turn.
To the first, he said, "You have led an exemplary life, and because of your years for devotion and fidelity to your wife, you shall be chauffered around Heaven in this brand new limosine."
Moving to the second, he said, "You've strived to be good, but suffered occasional infidelity. Because of this, you will be given an economy car to drive around Heaven."
To the last he said, "Acts of infidelity weigh heavily on your life. For this, you are given simply a moped to tour Heaven."
A week pasted, and the third was driving through a park on his moped when he saw the first man crying on a park bench, dejected. Surprise, the third man parked his moped and asked, "What's wrong? You lead a glorious afterlife and are chauffered wherever you wish to go. Why are you crying?"
The first man replied, "My wife recently passed away and I saw her earlier, riding through this very park... on a tricycle."
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
This is undeniably dirty if you understand it. I had to explain this joke to several friends. I think its pg-13 ;D
In school one day and the teacher asks the kids a question. "If there are 5 crows on a fence and the farmer shoots 3 how many are left? As the rest of the kids begin to count on their fingers. Johnny raises his hand.
The teacher thinking ther is no possible way that he could make this dirty lets him answer.
"None." Johnny says.
The teacher confused says "I dont understand, How did you get that answer.?"
"Well if the farmer shoots 3 there will be blood and guts everywhere and the others will fly away."
The teacher smiles. "Thats not the answer I was looking for but I like the way you were thinking"
"Teacher may I ask you a question" he askes
"Why certainly Johnny" she respondes
"There are 3 woman walking down a road. One of them is licking an ice lolly. the 2nd is biting an ice lolly. and the 3rd is sucking an ice lolly. Which one is married?"
She thinks for a bit and says "The one sucking the ice lolly."
Johnny smiles and says "no the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you were thinking"
;D Undeniably dirty.
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
That's really funny, Banasy! I loved it!! ;D
End Quote
Why, thank you, thank you! Don't forget to tip your bartenders and servers!
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
This is undeniably dirty if you understand it. I had to explain this joke to several friends. I think its pg-13 ;D
End Quote
pg-13? Possibly, but I like the way you're thinking ;-)
I like this "Little Johnny" joke:
LJ has a new teacher. She is very pretty, and LJ already has a serious crush on her.
"Good morning boys and girls. I'm your new teacher, and my name's Miss Franny. And there will be a prize for anybody who can remember my name tomorrow morning"
Johnny, when he hears this, gets very excited. He thinks to himself "How can I remember this... I know it's 'fanny' with an 'R' in"... so for the rest of the day he's saying to himself "fanny with an R, fanny with an R"
and as he goes home, he's saying to himself "fanny with an R, fanny with an R"
Next morning, he comes back into school and his teacher asks "Does anybody remember what my name is?", and Johnny sticks his hand up in the air with great excitement.
"I know miss! I know miss! It's Miss Crunt!"
Oops. Does that pass the censor?
Phil
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
"I know miss! I know miss! It's Miss Crunt!"
Oops. Does that pass the censor?
Phil
End Quote
I think the censor is North American, which means it has no idea what you meant by fanny anyway... ::)
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
When my sister told me that joke, she used "Miss Prussy" as the teacher. "Miss Prudenda" would work too.
Quoting:
I think the censor is North American, which means it has no idea what you meant by fanny anyway... ::)
End Quote
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
What do you call a Klansman with an overactive bladder?
A: The Imperial Wizzer.
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
What do you call a Klansman with an overactive bladder?
A: The Imperial Wizzer.
End Quote
Oh, Boooooooooooo!!!!!! ;)
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
This is funny... I think
Theres a cow boy and hes at a bar. He see's a woman start choking on her food. He runs over. Pulls down her underware and pulls up her skirt and licks her behind! She is so startled that she coughs up the food. He sits back down and says to his friend, "It's amazing how that hindlick manuever works!"
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Q: What's the difference between a seagull and a baby?
A: A seagull flits across the shore.....
Phil
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
I swear the art of pun is so underappreciated. ::)
Actually the people that I worked with like my joke. But a lot of them are minorities who feel the same way about the Klan.
Another joke:
What do you call a Yugo that can travel 10 miles?
Overachiever.
Quoting:
Oh, Boooooooooooo!!!!!! ;)
End Quote
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
I swear the art of pun is so underappreciated. ::)
End Quote
I appreciate puns. Of course, half of the stuff I say tends to get booed at...
Kryllith
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
I appreciate puns. Of course, half of the stuff I say tends to get booed at...
Kryllith
End Quote
Oh, Boooooooooooooooo!!!!! ;)
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
Michael the Dragon Master was an official in King Arthur's court.
He had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's
voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death.
One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio, who
was the King's chief physician.
Horatio said, "I can arrange it, but I will need 1,000 gold coins to
pay bribes."
Michael the Dragon Master readily agreed.
The next day Horatio made up a batch of itching powder and poured a
little of it into the Queen's brassiere while she was taking a bath. Soon
after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew in intensity. Upon
being called to the royal chambers, Horatio told the King that only a
special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch,
and that tests had shown such a saliva was only to be found in Michael the Dragon Master's mouth.
King Arthur summoned Michael the Dragon Master. Michael the Dragon
Master slipped the antidote lotion into his mouth and for the next four
hours worked passionately on the Queen's magnificent breasts.
Satisfied, he returned to his chamber and found Horatio demanding
payment.
With his obsession now satisfied, he refused to pay Horatio anything
and shooed him away, knowing that Horatio could never report this matter to the King.
The next day, Horatio slipped a massive dose of the same itching
powder onto King Arthur's loincloth.
King Arthur summoned Michael the Dragon Master...
End Quote
Lester, that was wicked.
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It reads:
Sisters of St. Francis
House of Prostitution
10 miles
He thinks it was a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon he sees another sign which says:
Sisters of St. Francis
House of Prostitution
5 miles
Suddenly he begins to realize that the signs are for real. Then he drives past a third sign that says:
Sisters of St. Francis
House of Prostitution
Next right
His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small sign next to the door that reads:
Sisters of St. Francis
He climbs the stairs and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks "What my we do for you, my son?" He answers "I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibily doing business. "Very well my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. "Please knock on this door." He does as he is told and the door is answered by another nun in a long black habit, holding a tin cup. This nun instructs "Please put $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden doorway at the end of this hallway. He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup. He trots eagerly down the hall and slips throuhg the wooden door pulling it closed behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign that reads:
Go in Peace,
You have just been screwed
by the Sisters of St. Francis.
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
Lester, that was wicked.
End Quote
Thanks Goreripper. I thought so too! ;D
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
Oh, Boooooooooooooooo!!!!! ;)
End Quote
Course Banasy tends to booooo at both halves...
Kryllith
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female......Any part under a car’s hood.
Male........The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female......Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male........Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female......The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male........Leaving a note before taking off for a weekend with the boys.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment)
Female.......A desire to get married and raise a family. Male.........Not trying to pick up other women while out with one’s girlfriend.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.v.
Female......A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male........Anything that can be done while drinking, and ends with sex.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female......An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male........A source of entertainment, self-statement and male bonding.
7. MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female......The greatest statement of intimacy a couple can achieve..
Male........Call it whatever you want just as long as we end up in bed.
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.......A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male.........A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 5 minutes
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
I found these in my web travels:
How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Blond Jokes? No siree-bop. Politically correct is the way to go nowadays:
http://www.badjokesoftheweek.com/article1002.html
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Thanks, Hairspray, great link!
My favorite was:
Q. How do Fair Hair brain cells die?
A. Alone!
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
good jokes? nope ;D
God was looking down on earth one day and decided that things were not going to get better, in fact they were getting worse every day. He said to himself thet it is time to start over again with a new batch who might be able to do better than this bunch of humans are doing.
So he called up three men, Bill Clinton, Bill Gates and Micale Gorbachev. They are the three best media for getting his message across. He told the that he was disapointed with mankind as it is and that he was going to destroy the earth in 30 days. They had to go back to earth and tell everyone this message.
Bill Clinton called a press conference and said I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that our belief in God is true, I met with him this morning. And the bad news is that he will destroy the earth in 30 days.
Micale Gorbachev went back to his people and told them he had some bad news and some realy bad news. First the bad news, our denial of God is not true, there is a God and I met with him this morning. The really bad news is that he is going to destroy the earth and we only have 30 days to repent.
Bill Gates went back to his people and told them that he had some good news and some great news. First the good news is that our belief in God is founded, I had a talk with him this morning and the really great news is that we don't have to fix Windows 95
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What did the Blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"oh I hope it's mine!"
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
Course Banasy tends to booooo at both halves...
Kryllith
End Quote
I do what I can, hon! ;)
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
A woman goes into a pet shop, immediately spotting a large colourful parrot. The price tag is $50 .00. "Why so little, sir?," she asks.
The owner looks at her, says, "Look, Lady, I gotta tell ya - this bird used to live in a house of ill repute, so ta speak - and sometimes says some fairly vulga stuff."
The woman thinks about it, deciding she just has to have the bird anyway and takes it home, puts the bird cage in the living room waiting for it to say something.
The bird slowly looks around the room, then at her and says, "New house, new madam."
The woman is just shocked at the implication but thinks, "Gee, that's not really so bad."
Her two teenage daughters return from school and the bird sees them come in and says, "New house, new madam, new girls."
They are a just a little bit offended - then begin to laugh about the situation.
Moments later the woman's husband, Keith, comes home from work.
The bird looks at him and says, "Hi, Keith."
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Joe sets up Michael to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Michael
is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before.
"What do I do if she's ugly?" says Mike, "I'll be stuck with her all night."
"Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you
like what you see then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout
Aaaaaauuuggghhh! and fake an asthma attack."
So that night, Mike knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is
awestruck at how beautiful and sexy she is.
He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts... "Aaaaaauuuggghhh!"
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
A lady walks into a Lexus dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't pop up right now. As she turns back, and there standing next to her is a salesman.
"Good day, Madame. How may we help you today?"
Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?"
He answers, "Madame, if you farted just touching it, you are going to sh*t when you hear the price."
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she
cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over. When she did, he
got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a
circle on the road and told the blonde, "Stand in the circle and don't
move!"
He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around
she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh, you think that's funny?
Watch this."
He gets a baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every window in her car.
When he turns and looks at her she has a smile on her face. He is getting
really mad. He gets his knife back out and slices all her tires. Now she's
laughing. The truck driver is really starting to lose it. He goes back to
his truck and gets a can of gas, pours it on her car and sets it on fire.
He turns around and she is laughing so hard she is about to fall down.
"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde. She replied, "When
you weren't looking I stepped outside the circle four times."
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."
"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.
"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.
"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It will change your life forever!"
"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind -- either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."
"Well, OK.", says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"
So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.
"Hi there," says Steve,"It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."
"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."
Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "Sh*t! THAT'S the word!"
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
This one's a little racy, so if it's deleted I'll understand:
I, the P*nis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
I do physical labor
I work at great depths.
I plunge head first into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I don't get paid overtime.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Dear P*nis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have
raised,the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting
other locations.
You do not take initiative -- you need to be pressured and stimulated
in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing
the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have
completed the assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and
exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely,
Management
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Got one here for our buddies in Arkansas:
A traveler was driving through Arkansas when he lost his way and got of the
main highway.
As he drove by, he saw rows and rows of pigsties and pigpens and pigs
running in fields and pigs wallowing in mud. Suddenly, his eye caught
something really strange. He did a double take, muttered to himself and
then looked a third time. He wondered if he had seen correctly - it looked
like a pig with a wooden leg!
He found the lane to the farm and drove up into the farmyard, where he was
met by the farmer. "Excuse me," the traveler said. "I was just driving by
and looking at all your pigs, and I noticed something that I just had to
stop and ask about. Tell me, did I see right? Is there really a pig out
there with a wooden leg?"
The farmer smiled. "Oh, that would be old Caesar you saw. He's the finest
pig a man could ever hope to have - and smart! Well, let me tell you a
little about that pig. You see that barge down there on the river? That's
a mining dredge, taking out platinum ore. Old Caesar sniffed out the vein
and showed us how to set it up. Now that dredge brings me in about $120,000
every year.
"There's another thing, too, a little more personal. One night a couple of
years ago I got to drinking and I guess I had more than I should have. I
passed out drunk, fell down and knocked over a lamp. That started a fire in
the house and old Caesar smelled the smoke. He came in the back door, got
the wife and kid out, roused me up and got me out.
There is no question about it - that night old Caesar saved all our lives
and you know that is not the sort of thing a man is going to forget too
easily."
"Why," the traveler said, "this is all amazing! I have never heard of a pig
like this before! This is fantastic! But tell me, how did he get that
wooden leg? Was he in a wreck or something?"
The farmer laughed and said, "Well, naturally, when you have a pig that
smart, you don't want to eat him all at one time!"
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
I found these in my web travels:
How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
Polaroids.
How do crazy people go through the forest?
They take the psycho path.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.
Where do you get virgin wool from?
Ugly sheep.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
End Quote
And don't forget this one:
Q: What sits at the bottom of the ocean and quivers?
A: A nervous wreck. :D
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Disclaimer: The following are in fun and not intended to offend Texans, Tennesseeans or Bikers.... :-X
Q: What do a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce have in common?
A: Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.
Q: What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
A: The position of the dirt bag.
::) ::) ::)
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
...speaking of biker jokes, this was always one of my favourites (you can spin it out a bit longer, but getting to the main bit):
A biker comes out of the loo, and walks up to the barman. "That's biker paper you've got in that john" he says
"Biker paper?" asks the barman
"Yeah - it's rough, it's tough and it don't take no sh*t of nobody"
;-)
Phil
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
It was christman and Little Johnny was in the living room playing with his toys. His mother listend.
"All you sons of B**ches get off the train. If we're late its cuz you didnt get ur A**'s up on time. Move the F**K OUT"
His mother was appaled and spanked him then telling him to go to his room saying: "You stay in there until you can talk without swearing"
2 Hours later...
Johnny comes out and is playing again:
"For those exiting the train please remember to have all your luggage with you as we will not be back by nightfall. For those of you boarding please remember to store all hand luggage above your seat." Under his breath he said" "And for allof you Pissed withe the 2 hour delay. See the B**ch in the kitchen"
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Here's a similar joke:
A mother had just become impatient with her 3 sons' cursing while they ate at the table. So one time at breakfast, she decided to administer some good parental discipline. She called her young boys over and they came in a hurry. The mother asked the oldest son, "Tommy, you must be very hungry. What do you want to eat for breakfast."
Tommy replies: "I have some f****g pancakes and a Sh**load of eggs." The angry mother slap his butt.
Then she queries the middle son, "Jimmy, you must be very, very hungry. What do YOU want for breakfast?"
Jimmy answered, "Oh, Mom I'm not really that G*****m hungry. So just give me some f****ng pancakes and and hold the f****ng butter." The mom, shocked and red-faced, slapped Jimmy's butt."
Then Mom turned her attention to the youngest boy. With a cool smirk, she said, "Now, Nicky dear. You must be starving by now. And I'd like you to think for a moment before you answer. But what do you want for breakfast?" Nicky did take a long while to figure out what he'd like. But after 2 minutes, he gave his answer.
"I still don't know Mom, but I sure as H**l don't want any f*****g pancakes." ;D
Quoting:
It was christman and Little Johnny was in the living room playing with his toys. His mother listend.
"All you sons of B**ches get off the train. If we're late its cuz you didnt get ur A**'s up on time. Move the F**K OUT"
His mother was appaled and spanked him then telling him to go to his room saying: "You stay in there until you can talk without swearing"
2 Hours later...
Johnny comes out and is playing again:
"For those exiting the train please remember to have all your luggage with you as we will not be back by nightfall. For those of you boarding please remember to store all hand luggage above your seat." Under his breath he said" "And for allof you Pissed withe the 2 hour delay. See the B**ch in the kitchen"
End Quote
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
It was reported today that at a White House staff meeting last week there was a heated discussion about the health of Vice President Cheney and his angina problem.
President Bush interrupted and stated emphatically that "Men do not have anginas!"
The president was especially perplexed when a staffer said that Cheney has "acute angina."
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
It was reported today that at a White House staff meeting last week there was a heated discussion about the health of Vice President Cheney and his angina problem.
President Bush interrupted and stated emphatically that "Men do not have anginas!"
The president was especially perplexed when a staffer said that Cheney has "acute angina."
End Quote
This is a joke, right? It seems oh, so plausible...
I bet Bush is looking kind of askance at "Dick" Cheney, now :-)
Phil
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Do you know why cowgirls are bow legged?
Because cowboys like to eat with their hats on. :D
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
Quoting:
Do you know why cowgirls are bow legged?
Because cowboys like to eat with their hats on. :D
End Quote
Ha ha ha! I like that one! ;D
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
I was sent this one this morning, and thought I'd post it here as it reminded me of Banasy and her fellow hoosiers:
A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out. The fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called. Though there was doubt that they would be of any assistance, the call was made.
The volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blazeinto two easily controllable parts.
The farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and so grateful that his farm had been spared, that he presented the volunteer fire department with a check for $1000.
A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds.
"That should be obvious," he responded, "the first thing we're
gonna do is get the brakes fixed on that stupid fire truck."
;-)
Phil
Subject: Re: Know any good jokes?
And from another fellow Hoosier:
"Indianapolis Mayor Bart Peterson, Indiana Governor Frank O'Bannon, Indiana Senator Evan Bayh went on an ice-fishing expedition. They had just found a place they could catch lots of trout and other fish. So the Governor got his saw, the Mayor had a hammer, and Senator Bayh used an icepick. Suddenly they heard a voice that told them "There are no fish in there." They stood there perplexed, but continued on with cutting the ice. But the voice boomed again, "There are no fish in there!" The voice continued to repeat his until one of them got the nerve to ask, "Just who the heck do you think you are?" After a brief silence, the voice responded,
:D"This is the rink manager!!!" :D