In the late 80's, I was just beginning to realize that I was gay. I had both straight and gay friends and I remember that my straight friends were very supportive of me as I came to this realization about myself.

I'm writing a novel that takes place in 1988, with both gay and straight characters who are all friends. I'm kind of stuck as far as how to write the reaction of another straight character who is meeting them for the first time.

Today, for instance, when I meet someone new and refer, in conversation, to "my partner", nobody really bats an eye. Pretty much everyone knows someone who is gay and it isn't shocking or secretive news anymore. It was a much bigger deal, as I recall, in the 80's. What I am trying to figure out is whether one character (a straight male whose wife part of a group of friends that includes two lesbian couples) would tell a friend of his (another straight male) that the girls are gay before introducing them. I don't want to write the scene as if either of the guys is anti-gay, and they wouldn't make crude or insulting remarks. I do imagine that hanging out with a group of people where half of them are gay would be a new experience for this guy and I want to describe the dynamic accurately.

If anyone here had a mix of gay and straight friends in the late 80's, please share what you remember about how new people reacted to the group, especially straight people.

Thanks!

You want the novel to be a bit realistic? Then you might need some conflict.

Maybe one of the guys is a bit homophobic at first, but then as the chapters go on, he becomes more accepting. A good novel needs friction and conflict.

Also, the 80s was when AIDS/HIV was a new (but scary) discovery.

If you don't want anybody to be homophobic in the story, then maybe make one of the straight guys attracted to one of the lesbians or something a little bit interesting. If not, then maybe make one of the parents anti-gay, or an outsider anti-gay outside of the circle of friends.

These are only suggestions because it's your novel, and you have the say at the end of the day.

Also, I have no idea of the main premise of your novel. Is this novel mainly about friends (whether gay or not) who have adventures with each other. Or is the novel mostly about sexuality and coming into one's self or selves? Tell us what the main idea is. 

I hope your novel goes smoothly, and you get a kick out of writing.

Good luck!

-80sfan-

I had a lesbian co-worker in 1988 and 1989. It was a huge office environment and everyone there was very aware she was..or said she was..a lesbian.  She didn't have too many friends at my workplace. Most thought she was weird/different or just "attention seeking" about her being a lesbian. So in fact many believed she wasn't lesbian, just an attention seeker and drama queen.

I wouldn't say she was harassed at work, but she was avoided/ignored by most, she was thought of as "different".  She was excluded often from group lunches. When I chatted with her, other co-workers wondered why I'd chat with such a weirdo. 

Her best friend at work was a good friend of mine so I chatted with her. Yes, I found her unusual at the time. No, I was not uncomfortable around her, even when she talked about her girlfriend.  Because she was often ignored, she would try and shock others to try and get a reaction from anyone.  She would jump in and say "See that girl over there...betcha I can get her before you guys can!!" and there were other instances like that.

I would say that homosexuality wasn't frowned upon, there was no harassment and it wasn't  looked at in a very negative way, most people just didn't know how to react to it coz , back in 1988, it was just different.

The issue of HIV/AIDS was never a concern nor was it ever discussed in relation to this girl. It was a non-issue. I think one of the girls at work had a concern in regards to using the same toilet as her in the public washroom...that was about it.

Not sure if I have answered what you were looking for. If you have additional questions, let me know.

You want the novel to be a bit realistic? Then you might need some conflict.

Maybe one of the guys is a bit homophobic at first, but then as the chapters go on, he becomes more accepting. A good novel needs friction and conflict.

Also, the 80s was when AIDS/HIV was a new (but scary) discovery.

If you don't want anybody to be homophobic in the story, then maybe make one of the straight guys attracted to one of the lesbians or something a little bit interesting. If not, then maybe make one of the parents anti-gay, or an outsider anti-gay outside of the circle of friends.

These are only suggestions because it's your novel, and you have the say at the end of the day.

Also, I have no idea of the main premise of your novel. Is this novel mainly about friends (whether gay or not) who have adventures with each other. Or is the novel mostly about sexuality and coming into one's self or selves? Tell us what the main idea is. 

I hope your novel goes smoothly, and you get a kick out of writing.

Good luck!

-80sfan-


Thank you! It sounds like you enjoy reading and/or writing novels yourself.  :) Actually, in this particular novel, the story really is about other things and the gay characters are supporting characters. The novel is the first in a series, and going forward there will be more written about the gay characters' lives (families, back stories, etc.), but in the scenes I'm writing right now the focus is on another crucial part of the story. I just don't want to write it as it would happen today, where most people tend to not be surprised or even react, really, when they find out someone is gay. This particular character wouldn't have a negative reaction, but I tend to think there would at least be some kind of surprise, back in 1988.

I worked with a couple people who were gay in the late 80's. The company had about 100 employees all together, and as far as I knew at the time, there were four gay people plus myself (I was unsure at the time). I remember some of the reactions of other coworkers, and they weren't critical or preachy, but they weren't sure what to say and seemed a little bit uncomfortable just because they weren't used to knowing a gay person. I'm thinking along those lines for this character.

I had a lesbian co-worker in 1988 and 1989. It was a huge office environment and everyone there was very aware she was..or said she was..a lesbian.  She didn't have too many friends at my workplace. Most thought she was weird/different or just "attention seeking" about her being a lesbian. So in fact many believed she wasn't lesbian, just an attention seeker and drama queen.

I wouldn't say she was harassed at work, but she was avoided/ignored by most, she was thought of as "different".  She was excluded often from group lunches. When I chatted with her, other co-workers wondered why I'd chat with such a weirdo. 

Her best friend at work was a good friend of mine so I chatted with her. Yes, I found her unusual at the time. No, I was not uncomfortable around her, even when she talked about her girlfriend.  Because she was often ignored, she would try and shock others to try and get a reaction from anyone.  She would jump in and say "See that girl over there...betcha I can get her before you guys can!!" and there were other instances like that.

I would say that homosexuality wasn't frowned upon, there was no harassment and it wasn't  looked at in a very negative way, most people just didn't know how to react to it coz , back in 1988, it was just different.

The issue of HIV/AIDS was never a concern nor was it ever discussed in relation to this girl. It was a non-issue. I think one of the girls at work had a concern in regards to using the same toilet as her in the public washroom...that was about it.

Not sure if I have answered what you were looking for. If you have additional questions, let me know.


Thank you for sharing!

Wow - it's kind of shocking to me, to know that someone was afraid to use the same toilet as the girl, but at the same time, I remember that most people had no idea what to think or expect when they met a gay person because they didn't know (or weren't aware they knew) anyone who was gay before. Added to that, the scariness of AIDS/HIV (as 80sfan mentioned) and all the unknowns around that, I'm sure there were a lot of misinformation fears going through people's minds. I'm really glad that people are so much more open now, for that reason. There don't have to be fears and assumptions like that anymore.

It sounds as if the woman you worked with may have been expecting to be seen as different and therefore treated differently because of it, and actually caused that to happen by acting weird or attention-seeking. A self-fulfilling prophecy. It's sad, actually. It does remind me that one of my characters tends to have a bit of a chip on her shoulder, and I can write it so that it has the same effect on people in her life as far as acceptance, etc.

Thanks again! I really appreciate the feedback!

It sounds as if the woman you worked with may have been expecting to be seen as different and therefore treated differently because of it, and actually caused that to happen by acting weird or attention-seeking. A self-fulfilling prophecy. It's sad, actually.


Yes, it was like you said.

Mostly, she did not understand why people found her weird/different. No one would pay any attention to her...kinda like how they'd treat a person who loved Disco music...at a heavy metal/death metal gathering.

So she did things differently at times. She had a head scarf...instead of putting in on her head like this
http://www.hairstalk.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/head-scarf-styles.jpg

she would tie it around her neck.

She wore a bracelet...around her ankle instead of on her wrist. She wore a wrist watch...around her ankle too.
She just tried to get any attention. But mostly she wanted to be treated like a regular person, and did not understand why she wasn't accepted and treated differently.  I used to tell her "Aww T____y..just be the way you are, who cares what anyone else thinks."

If anyone here had a mix of gay and straight friends in the late 80's, please share what you remember about how new people reacted to the group, especially straight people.


I think your answer depends on where your novel is set.  In 1988, if your characters are in a Bible Belt high school, everyone's going to be closeted.  If it's a stodgy east coast office, your characters might be closeted or out to a very hush-hush human resources department or "Oh, you're one of those.  Fine, do what you like, just leave the company out of it..."  I can't speak for the 1988 west coast, but it'll probably be "Oh, umm... *awkward pause* ...okay, whatever, dude/babe."

For what it's worth, my experiences from a moderately-conservative ("stodgy but not Bible-Belt" :) area:  Nobody was "out" in high school, and I knew one or two friends-of-friends who were out in college and at work.  I probably had a mix of gay and straight friends like everyone else did, I just never knew who.  I think my reaction at the time would have been "Umm... *awkward pause* ...okay, whatever", along the lines of warped's answer:  the etiquette guide to the word "partner" hadn't been written.  Nobody knew what the appropriate response was because the social norms hadn't been written yet.