Playboy offering Golden Tickets to readers

Taking a cue from the children’s story of the famous chocolatier Willy Wonka, Playboy is offering readers the opportunity to find a ‘Golden Ticket’ that will give them exclusive access to one of the most famous, or infamous, parties of the year at the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles.

A total of ten tickets have been randomly inserted in copies of this month’s issue that went on sale at newsstands last week.

Those lucky enough to find a ticket will get a VIP pass for two to the Midsummer Night’s Dream Party in August 2011 in LA. The package includes accommodations for two nights at Petit Ermitage in LA and dinner at Simon LA.

According to their website , no one claimed any of the tickets over the weekend.

The Midsummer Night’s Dream Party which is hosted by Playboy founder Hugh Hefner is one a legendary annual event that includes the women made famous by the magazine and scores of A –List celebs. The magazine has never before given access to its readers.


http://www.myfoxorlando.com/dpp/news/offbeat/111510-playboy-offering-golden-tickets

http://www.playboy.com/articles/golden-ticket-contest

How would you have to play out this scene in Mr. Hefner's world of pure imagination?

Charlie Bucket: Hey, the room is getting smaller!
Mrs. Teevee: No, it's not, *he's* getting *bigger*.
Mr. Salt: He's at it again.
Mike Teevee: Where's the -------- ?
Sam Beauregarde: I doubt if there is any.
Mr. Salt: I doubt if any of us will get out of here alive.
Mr. Hefner: Oh, you should never ever doubt what nobody is sure about.
Mrs. Gloop: You're not squeezing me through that tiny door.

(courtesy of IMDb)

What would the Oompa Loompas look like?
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/07/naughty.gif

Well, at least I'd have a good excuse to be sporting wood when the TSA guy gropes me before I board the plane to the Mansion.  

"Oompa-loompa, doopity do,
We won't suggest that and neither should you!
Oompa-loompa, doopity dope,
Or the action you'll get is a TSA grope!"

Actually, let's do this right.  Since you mentioned Mike Teevee... well, once upon a time you didn't get pr0n for free over the Internet, you had to pay for it.  And there were no DVDs, not even VHS, why, you paid for dead trees with still pictures printed on 'em.  

They called them "magazines".  Then came film, then came VHS, then came DVDs, then came an obvious joke about DVDsomething, and then the industry was spent.  What have we learned from the past 30 years of technological advancements in pr0n?

"The most important thing we've learned,
So far as adults are concerned,
Is never, NEVER, NEVER let
Them get their porn from Internet–
Or better still, just don't install;
No Windows, Linux, Macs at all!
In almost every house we've seen,
Pudenda gaping from the screen.
The viewers fap and schlick about,
And stare until their... eyes... pop out.
(Last week in someone's place we saw
A dozen eyeballs on the floor!)
They sit and stare and stare and sit
Until they're hypnotised by it,
Until they're absolutely drunk
With all the shocking ghastly junk.   (Ed. Note: I didn't have to change a word of the past 6 lines!)
Oh yes, we know it's quite a thrill,
No climbing through the window sill,
Clandestine meetings on a hunch,
Just click the mouse, no need to munch!
Nor wash the dishes in the sink–
But did you ever stop to think,
To wonder just exactly what
It does to your desire for twat?
IT ROTS THE SENSES IN THE HEAD!
IT KILLS IMAGINATION DEAD!
IT CLOGS AND CLUTTERS UP THE MIND!
IT MAKES A GUY SO DULL AND BLIND
HE CAN NO LONGER UNDERSTAND
A FANTASY, A FAIRYLAND!
HIS GENITALS AS SOFT AS CHEESE!
HIS POWERS OF DATING RUST AND FREEZE!
HE CANNOT THINK–HE ONLY SEES!
'All right!' you'll cry. 'All right!' you'll say,
'But if we take the 'net away,
What shall we do to entertain
Our kinky urges? Please explain!'
We'll answer this by asking you,
'What used the older farts to do?
'How used they keep themselves contented
Before this monster was invented?'
Have you forgotten? Don't you know?
We'll say it very loud and slow:
THEY...USED...TO...READ! They'd READ and READ,
AND READ and READ, and then proceed
To READ some more. No network lag!
One half their lives was porno mags!
The backroom shelf held boobs galore!
And more at the convenience store!
And hidden underneath the bed,
More magazines there to be read!
Such wondrous, fine, fantastic tales
Of teachers, strangers, waifs and whales
"I never thought I'd write this letter,"
The words that made them feel much better,
For pirates wearing purple pants,
And sailing ships and elephants,
And cannibals crouching 'round the pot,
Stirring away at something hot.
(It smells so good, what can it be?
Good gracious, it's Penelope.)
The younger ones had Beatrix Potter
With Mr. Tod, the dirty rotter,
And Squirrel Nutkin, Pigling Bland,
And Mrs. Tiggy–Winkle and–
Just How The Camel Got His Hump,
And How The Monkey Lost His Rump,
And Mr. Toad, and bless my soul,
There's Mr. Rat and Mr. Mole–
(An adult from the days of yore
Has just fulfilled Rule 34
On Roald Dahl! So please, we pray,
Unplug the Internet today!)     (Ed. Note.  I'm serious about that.  Another 13 lines where I didn't have to change a word, and I just scarred all of you for life!)
And in its place you can install,
A lovely bookshelf on the wall.
Then fill the shelves with lots of books,
The stories with the dirty looks,
The screams and yells, the bites and kicks,
And dominatrices with with sticks -
Fear not, because we promise you,
That, in about a week or two
Of having nothing else to view,
You'll now begin to feel the need
Of having something good to read.
And once you start–oh boy, oh boy!
You watch the slowly growing joy
(That's not your heart!) You'll grow so keen
You'll wonder what you'd ever seen,
In that ridiculous machine,
That nauseating, foul, unclean,
Repulsive internetworked screen!
And so we give to every dude
A tasteful pinup girl; not crude.
Hugh had his standards; so do we,
And now we simply wait and see,
If we can give him back his girth.
And give him thanks for all we're worth."

If I ever won a ticket to the Playboy Mansion, I'd bring a black light and a hazmat suit.  I bet that every square inch of that place lights up like the 4th of July under a black light.  ;D

What would the Oompa Loompas look like?


little penisies. ;D

If I ever found a ticket to the Playboy Mansion,I'd have sex right away on the Playboy Bed. ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=29_uSlEEPSk



Cat

Well, at least I'd have a good excuse to be sporting wood when the TSA guy gropes me before I board the plane to the Mansion.  



Karma for the screed!
;)


I used to rent pr0n VHS from our local video store in the eighties.  I was wicked self-conscious about it at first.  I asked the guy, awkwardly: "So, do you rent much of this stuff?"

"Do we?  It's half our business!," said he.

;D

The only reason pr0n didn't dominate the silver screen from the start was censorship codes enforced by government -- and The Motion Picture Code imposed by the industry on itself.

Will there be a Willy Wonk-em? ;D

Karma for the screed!
;)


I used to rent pr0n VHS from our local video store in the eighties.  I was wicked self-conscious about it at first.  I asked the guy, awkwardly: "So, do you rent much of this stuff?"

"Do we?  It's half our business!," said he.

;D

The only reason pr0n didn't dominate the silver screen from the start was censorship codes enforced by government -- and The Motion Picture Code imposed by the industry on itself.



Do you still rent porn?

Do you still rent porn?


What? Pay for the stuff? No way!
;)

What? Pay for the stuff? No way!
;)


That's why you have porn for free you can even watch full videos of them somewhere on the internet.

if you find a Golden Ticket,Do you get to meet Hugh himself?

Karma for the screed!
;)


I used to rent pr0n VHS from our local video store in the eighties.  I was wicked self-conscious about it at first.  I asked the guy, awkwardly: "So, do you rent much of this stuff?"

"Do we?  It's half our business!," said he.

;D

The only reason pr0n didn't dominate the silver screen from the start was censorship codes enforced by government -- and The Motion Picture Code imposed by the industry on itself.




I have a better story. When Carlos & I were first dating, I'm sure most people know that I was a student at the small college he was teaching at. We walk into a video rental place and the girl behind the counter was also a student at the college-in fact, I had a few classes with her-so she knew me and of course she knew Carlos. Carlos was looking for a specific p0rn flick classic but couldn't find it-so he thought he should ask. He goes up to this girl who knows both of us and asks, "Do you have Deep Throat?" Man, I thought I was going to die of embarrassment. But today, I can laugh about it.  :D ;D ;D ;D



Cat

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T-TA57L0kuc

:D  ;D

if you find a Golden Ticket,Do you get to meet Hugh himself?


Not only that, but along with the Golden Ticket, Hef will give you a Golden Shower.  ;D

Not only that, but along with the Golden Ticket, Hef will give you a Golden Shower.   ;D


No, that was Guccione.  His last-ditch attempt to save his magazine was effectively the last nail in the coffin.

Not only that, but along with the Golden Ticket, Hef will give you a Golden Shower.   ;D


Let the girls give me the golden shower. ;D