The mountains do strange things to a man...  :o :o :o


They make you walk all over them.  ;)

So I guess that if a girl has small breasts I can make fun of them?
If it is OK for a woman to make fun of a guy's thing, than it should be OK for a guy to laugh at small titties.
Otherwise, it's a double standard thing.


You compliment a woman's titties,don't insult them,just say how pretty they are and that's it and always tell the truth.

You compliment a woman's titties,don't insult them,just say how pretty they are and that's it and always tell the truth.


Likewise to the ladies... you should always be complimentary about a dude's junk, even if you need a magnifying glass. 

And when you go out on a shopping run, if your man asks for you to pick up a pack of condooms, always come back with a pack of Magnum XL's.  He'll appreciate the thought.

;D

Likewise to the ladies... you should always be complimentary about a dude's junk, even if you need a magnifying glass. 

And when you go out on a shopping run, if your man asks for you to pick up a pack of condooms, always come back with a pack of Magnum XL's.  He'll appreciate the thought.

;D
Likewise gentleman - never pick up extra super absorbancy tampons ( unless specifically asked too) ::)

Likewise gentleman - never pick up extra super absorbancy tampons ( unless specifically asked too) ::)


Better safe than sorry though.  ;)

Likewise to the ladies... you should always be complimentary about a dude's junk, even if you need a magnifying glass. 

And when you go out on a shopping run, if your man asks for you to pick up a pack of condooms, always come back with a pack of Magnum XL's.  He'll appreciate the thought.

;D


But in the long run,Will it break of having sex?  ???

Likewise gentleman - never pick up extra super absorbancy tampons ( unless specifically asked too) ::)



unless you're a man dressed as a woman.  ;D

But in the long run,Will it break of having sex?  ???


Doubtful.  Those XL's are so darned big that the guy falling into it and suffocating is a larger risk. 

;D

When I was in the service, I knew this med tech who once told me he put a bunch of "one size fits all" condoms in three different boxes marked "Small," "Medium," & "Large." He said the ones in the large box went first. There were a few missing from the medium but basically there were none gone from the small box.



Cat

When I was in the service, I knew this med tech who once told me he put a bunch of "one size fits all" condoms in three different boxes marked "Small," "Medium," & "Large." He said the ones in the large box went first. There were a few missing from the medium but basically there were none gone from the small box.

Cat


;D ;D

Why would anyone make fun of anyone for anything?  I don't get it.

Likewise to the ladies... you should always be complimentary about a dude's junk, even if you need a magnifying glass. 



Could be dangerous on a sunny day!

As the Diceman said:

Jack be nimble,
Jack be quick...
:-X

Doubtful.  Those XL's are so darned big that the guy falling into it and suffocating is a larger risk. 

;D



Now you're exaggerating.  ;D

When I was in the service, I knew this med tech who once told me he put a bunch of "one size fits all" condoms in three different boxes marked "Small," "Medium," & "Large." He said the ones in the large box went first. There were a few missing from the medium but basically there were none gone from the small box.



Cat


Maybe someone opened it up,you never know.

When I was in the service, I knew this med tech who once told me he put a bunch of "one size fits all" condoms in three different boxes marked "Small," "Medium," & "Large." He said the ones in the large box went first. There were a few missing from the medium but basically there were none gone from the small box.



Cat


Notice how they never tried to market condoms marked "small"!  I guess, as in life, the teeny-weeny peeny crew has to go underserved!
:-\\

Notice how they never tried to market condoms marked "small"!  I guess, as in life, the teeny-weeny peeny crew has to go underserved!
:-\\



No guy should ever be ashamed of their teeny weeny peenie.

You know, a great marketing campaign would be for the folks at ExtenZe tablets and Trojan Magnum XXXXL to do a joint advertising offer.

"Buy two month's worth of ExtenZe, and we'll give you a coupon good for a one-month upgrade to Trojan Magnum XXXXXXXXL condooms".

This offer would be hard to beat.

Notice how they never tried to market condoms marked "small"!  I guess, as in life, the teeny-weeny peeny crew has to go underserved!
:-\\


Robert Schimmel once did a bit on this. He said something to the effect of, "No one ever walks up to the pharmacist and says, 'Yeah, I'll take a box of those Tom Thumb condoms...'"  :o


You know, a great marketing campaign would be for the folks at ExtenZe tablets and Trojan Magnum XXXXL to do a joint advertising offer.

"Buy two month's worth of ExtenZe, and we'll give you a coupon good for a one-month upgrade to Trojan Magnum XXXXXXXXL condooms".

This offer would be hard to beat.


That offer's like a sore peter...you just can't beat it!  :D

You know, a great marketing campaign would be for the folks at ExtenZe tablets and Trojan Magnum XXXXL to do a joint advertising offer.

"Buy two month's worth of ExtenZe, and we'll give you a coupon good for a one-month upgrade to Trojan Magnum XXXXXXXXL condooms".

This offer would be hard to beat.


http://www.condoms.co.uk/acatalog/Trojan-Magnum-XL-condoms.jpg

But if they're XL,how can they fit over the penis,When the penis is teeny? ???

http://www.condoms.co.uk/acatalog/Trojan-Magnum-XL-condoms.jpg

But if they're XL,how can they fit over the penis,When the penis is teeny? ???


That's where the ExtenZe comes in, Howard.  ;)

But it can't be the new ExtenZe for Women that they're now selling.  ;D  I wonder what that stuff is supposed to do? ???

http://www.condoms.co.uk/acatalog/Trojan-Magnum-XL-condoms.jpg

But if they're XL,how can they fit over the penis,When the penis is teeny? ???


Oh they'll fit all right.

Like the Goodyear blimp would fit over a hot dog.  :P

on SNL Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers were discussing this incident and Amy said that women don't care about size unless its really big or really small....  she's got a point  ;D

That's where the ExtenZe comes in, Howard.  ;)

But it can't be the new ExtenZe for Women that they're now selling.   ;D  I wonder what that stuff is supposed to do? ???


I think you know your female anatomy good enough to figure that one out, LB!  Giant ones can be threatening to men.
:P

As soon as I saw that ExtenZe commercial, I thought, "If that junk actually worked, they wouldn't have to spend a million dollars on TV ads, men would climb Mount Everest to get at the stuff!"
8)



on SNL Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers were discussing this incident and Amy said that women don't care about size unless its really big or really small....  she's got a point  ;D

And a frame of reference!
:-\\

That's where the ExtenZe comes in, Howard.  ;)

But it can't be the new ExtenZe for Women that they're now selling.   ;D  I wonder what that stuff is supposed to do? ???


the condom goes right over the vagina,I think that's what's it's supposed to do. ???

Sorry,I never used a female condom on a woman before,so I wouldn't know.

on SNL Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers were discussing this incident and Amy said that women don't care about size unless its really big or really small....  she's got a point   ;D


or in between. ;D

the condom goes right over the vagina,I think that's what's it's supposed to do. ???

Sorry,I never used a female condom on a woman before,so I wouldn't know.


Very similar to a trash can liner.

Very similar to a trash can liner.


So now you compare a female condom to a trash can liner?  :P


Then she must have a lot of garbage down there. :D

So now you compare a female condom to a trash can liner?  :P


Then she must have a lot of garbage down there. :D


Some of them do, and then they try and blame it on you! 

Anyway, I thought female ExtenZe would mean greater engorgement of the clitoris, which may or may not be desirable depending.

the condom goes right over the vagina,I think that's what's it's supposed to do. ???

Sorry,I never used a female condom on a woman before,so I wouldn't know.


you've never used a male condom on a women before either....but I digress  ;D

you've never used a male condom on a women before either....but I digress  ;D



Why are you asking me? I've never had sex before unless you would call "dry humping" sex. ???

Doubtful.  Those XL's are so darned big that the guy falling into it and suffocating is a larger risk. 

;D


I'm sure that happens from time to time

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7YFC0O393DQ

Why are you asking me? I've never had sex before unless you would call "dry humping" sex. ???


I used to call it better than nothing!
;)

I used to call it better than nothing!
;)


But it's sex with clothes on,I want sex with clothes off,You can't hump with your pants on!  ::)

But it's sex with clothes on,I want sex with clothes off,You can't hump with your pants on!   ::)



TMI, Howard. TMI!



Cat

But it's sex with clothes on,I want sex with clothes off

Yeah, you and me both, pal.  I don't mean you and me...I mean...you know what I mean!
:-
You can't hump with your pants on!  ::)


Well, you can.  It's suboptimal, but it can be done.  I remember my ex-GF and I did that late one summer night in her car while parked in the university parking garage.  What can I say, I'm a klassy kinda guy!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/08/pump.gif

Yeah, you and me both, pal.  I don't mean you and me...I mean...you know what I mean!
:-can.  It's suboptimal, but it can be done.  I remember my ex-GF and I did that late one summer night in her car while parked in the university parking garage.  What can I say, I'm a klassy kinda guy!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/08/pump.gif


I remember I used to do it with someone I used to know,was very uncomfortable about it but this person I knew wanted to wait for sex until marriage. ::)

;D

;D



I know it's funny but it's true.  ::)

Having your mugshot posted all over the Internet so everyone in the world knows you have a small penis.


http://pixdaus.com/pics/9fWiZdpJUQ4S.jpg

Clearly this TSA goon just needed a hummer...

No one else needs to know about your teeny weenie peenie except your girlfriend. ;)

Yeah, you and me both, pal.  I don't mean you and me...I mean...you know what I mean!
:-can.  It's suboptimal, but it can be done.  I remember my ex-GF and I did that late one summer night in her car while parked in the university parking garage.  What can I say, I'm a klassy kinda guy!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/08/pump.gif


Dry Humping.  The classic family room teenager action of seventies.

Dry Humping.  The classic family room teenager action of seventies.



Eighties in my case.  And you walk home with your shirt tied around your waist.  Hrrrumph! http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/11/confused1.gif

He was afraid to step into the scanner,
He felt like Hitler with one single ball,
He was afraid to step into the scanner,
For his co-workers then would know all-
-two-three-four, tell the people what he bore!

He had an itsy bitsy teenie weenie, frightened-turtle micro-peenie,
That they saw for the first time that day,
He had an itsy bitsy teenie weenie, frightened-turtle micro-peenie,
Outside the scanner, he wanted to stay!
-two-three-four, stick around, we'll tell you more!

He was afraid to go back to the office,
Even with socks in his pants that he wore,
He was afraid to go back to the office,
And now the chafing was making him sore-
-two, three, four, what does TSA stand for?

He had an itsy bitsy teenie weenie, frightened-turtle micro-peenie,
And they laughed at him day after day,
He had an itsy bitsy teenie weenie, frightened-turtle micro-peenie,
Stroking his nightstick, to God he did pray-
-two, three, four, now we think you know the score.

And so the goon was fed up with his treatment,
And his boss is now licking his shoe,
But his nightstick was not big enough, so,
He wound up cuffed by the boys who wear blue,
-two, three, four, call the Internet press corps!

He has an itsy bitsy teenie weenie, frightened-turtle micro-peenie,
That they saw for the first time that day,
He has an itsy bitsy teenie weenie, frightened-turtle micro-peenie,
And in a jail cell, that's where he will stay.

(From the scanner to the office,
In the office parking lot,
Busted by federales,
And that's all that I have got!)

(( This parody is original, and I hereby place it in the public domain.  Like it?  Pick it up and run with it!  ))

Dry Humping.  The classic family room teenager action of seventies.


I know dry humping cause I tried it and it's not the same as "real sex".  ::)

Why are you asking me? I've never had sex before unless you would call "dry humping" sex. ???


um I wasn't asking you... I was telling you... 

wow this thread went in an interesting direction...  ;D

He was afraid to step into the scanner,
He felt like Hitler with one single ball,
He was afraid to step into the scanner,
For his co-workers then would know all-
-two-three-four, tell the people what he bore!

He had an itsy bitsy teenie weenie, frightened-turtle micro-peenie,
That they saw for the first time that day,
He had an itsy bitsy teenie weenie, frightened-turtle micro-peenie,
Outside the scanner, he wanted to stay!
-two-three-four, stick around, we'll tell you more!

He was afraid to go back to the office,
Even with socks in his pants that he wore,
He was afraid to go back to the office,
And now the chafing was making him sore-
-two, three, four, what does TSA stand for?

He had an itsy bitsy teenie weenie, frightened-turtle micro-peenie,
And they laughed at him day after day,
He had an itsy bitsy teenie weenie, frightened-turtle micro-peenie,
Stroking his nightstick, to God he did pray-
-two, three, four, now we think you know the score.

And so the goon was fed up with his treatment,
And his boss is now licking his shoe,
But his nightstick was not big enough, so,
He wound up cuffed by the boys who wear blue,
-two, three, four, call the Internet press corps!

He has an itsy bitsy teenie weenie, frightened-turtle micro-peenie,
That they saw for the first time that day,
He has an itsy bitsy teenie weenie, frightened-turtle micro-peenie,
And in a jail cell, that's where he will stay.

(From the scanner to the office,
In the office parking lot,
Busted by federales,
And that's all that I have got!)

(( This parody is original, and I hereby place it in the public domain.  Like it?  Pick it up and run with it!  ))



http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/happy/applause.gif




Cat

http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/happy/applause.gif




Cat


I second that emotion!

I second that emotion!



Ditto  8)

um I wasn't asking you... I was telling you... 


Ok,Thanks for telling me.

Ditto  8)


Here here! Karma to Foo Bar!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/14/sign10.gif

No one else needs to know about your teeny weenie peenie except your girlfriend. ;)


Yeah but now we all know about yours  :-X

Yeah but now we all know about yours  :-X


But I don't want it to be displayed. ;D

But I don't want it to be displayed. ;D


Phew!  I thought you were going to start a "Pictures of Howard's wiener" thread!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/13/laughing5.gif

Phew!  I thought you were going to start a "Pictures of Howard's wiener" thread!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/13/laughing5.gif


No,that would be way too embarassing.  :o

I know dry humping cause I tried it and it's not the same as "real sex".  ::)


No but it's good practice for the real thing!

No but it's good practice for the real thing!


Yeah the woman with her bra and panties on and I'm humpin it,No thank you I want "clothes off",not "clothes on"!  ::)

Yeah the woman with her bra and panties on and I'm humpin it,No thank you I want "clothes off",not "clothes on"!  ::)


Well if the woman was wearing her underwear you got further than any man (or boy) has ever got with me dry humping!

Well if the woman was wearing her underwear you got further than any man (or boy) has ever got with me dry humping!


I sure would.

Yeah the woman with her bra and panties on and I'm humpin it,No thank you I want "clothes off",not "clothes on"!  ::)


Mister Miyagi:  "Wax on, Wax off"

Mister Howard:  "Clothes on, Clothes off"

;D

Mister Miyagi:  "Wax on, Wax off"

Mister Howard:  "Clothes on, Clothes off"

;D


;D

Mister Miyagi:  "Wax on, Wax off"

Mister Howard:  "Clothes on, Clothes off"

;D



;D ;D ;D ;D


Karma for that one.



Cat

Mister Miyagi:  "Wax on, Wax off"

Mister Howard:  "Clothes on, Clothes off"

;D


;D

Sand da frool!

Well if the woman was wearing her underwear you got further than any man (or boy) has ever got with me dry humping!


End up with big blue ones so's you can't stand still.

Whatsa matta kid, you got ants in your pants? 

Might be a relief!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/12/happy4.gif http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/12/happy4.gif

Mister Miyagi:  "Wax on, Wax off"

Mister Howard:  "Clothes on, Clothes off"

;D


HA,That's funny Thanks LB. Karma to you. ;D

I sure would.


:o

:o


I never gotten past "panties" with a girl,unfortunately with the last 2 women I used to date. :(

I never gotten past "panties" with a girl,unfortunately with the last 2 women I used to date. :(


but what she was saying is that she wouldn't let her boyfriends dry hump her in her underwear...she kept her pants on...so you got further with your girlfriends than any guy did with her.... well not any guy just the ones she dry humped  ;D

but what she was saying is that she wouldn't let her boyfriends dry hump her in her underwear...she kept her pants on...so you got further with your girlfriends than any guy did with her.... well not any guy just the ones she dry humped  ;D


I just fooled around,nothing too serious.

I just fooled around,nothing too serious.


we know... that's not what we're talking about...  ::)

I've got to admit I'm not sure what dry humping is.  Not something I've done (at least I don't think so!)

we know... that's not what we're talking about...  ::)


I would've gotten further if that certain girl I used to date would stop worrying about getting pregnant!  ::)

I've got to admit I'm not sure what dry humping is.  Not something I've done (at least I don't think so!)


foreplay with clothes on.

I've got to admit I'm not sure what dry humping is.  Not something I've done (at least I don't think so!)



foreplay with clothes on.


not quite... its basically sex while fully clothed...no linking of body parts from the nether regions.


howard if dry humping is your idea of foreplay you're gonna be a virgin for a long, long time.

I would've gotten further if that certain girl I used to date would stop worrying about getting pregnant!  ::)


Pregnancy is a valid worry if you are going to have sex.  It is good she was worried about it.

not quite... its basically sex while fully clothed...no linking of body parts from the nether regions.


howard if dry humping is your idea of foreplay you're gonna be a virgin for a long, long time.


Well at one time I bruised my teenie weenie peeny!  :P

Well at one time I bruised my teenie weenie peeny!  :P


WTH were you dry humping, her chastity belt?  :D

Ok, ok, Howard-we get it.


Please everyone, don't encourage him.



Cat

Ok, ok, Howard-we get it.


Please everyone, don't encourage him.



Cat


Ok,I removed it Cat, sorry about that TMI.  :-[

Well at one time I bruised my teenie weenie peeny!  :P


These things happen...but it's better than a dose of clap!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/07/nono.gif

These things happen...but it's better than a dose of clap!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/07/nono.gif


A dose of what?  ???

A dose of what?  ???


Go to Google images.  Type in "gonorrhea."  Make sure your safesearch engine is off.  The pictures you will see is what I was referring to.  Gonorrhea was called "the clap" for many decades.  In Britain, if one became infected with gonorrhea, one was was said, in the vernacular, to have caught "a dose of clap."


Go to Google images.  Type in "gonorrhea."  Make sure your safesearch engine is off.

That's why you want to make sure you don't get it.  A prophylactic condom offers some, but not total, protection.
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/10/znaika.gif

Go to Google images.  Type in "gonorrhea."  

That's why you want to make sure you don't get it.  A prophylactic condom offers some, but not total, protection.
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/10/znaika.gif


Here's what I found: Google Search Result

Definitely a situation where a condoom shoulda been used.   ;D

Here's what I found: Google Search Result

Definitely a situation where a condoom shoulda been used.   ;D


That's why I gave instructions instead of links.  I don't know what that link shows you, but you can be sure I have scene it before and I don't want to see it tonight! 

I mean, I probably have the the image.
:-[

That's why I gave instructions instead of links.  I don't know what that link shows you, but you can be sure I have scene it before and I don't want to see it tonight! 

I mean, I probably have the the image.
:-[


There's no image... just a hilarious story.  ;D

There's no image... just a hilarious story.   ;D


I have heard that story.  It's just euphonious word. 

That's why I specified Google images, so you wouldn't post some joke your older brother heard at camp.

The sex ed programs were nowhere near as efficacious as they could have been if they showed you what a guy with tertiary syphilis actually looks like.  Yeah, there's the famous picture of Baudelaire, but he still has his nose...and denials!

Go to Google images.  Type in "gonorrhea."  Make sure your safesearch engine is off.  The pictures you will see is what I was referring to.  Gonorrhea was called "the clap" for many decades.  In Britain, if one became infected with gonorrhea, one was was said, in the vernacular, to have caught "a dose of clap."


Go to Google images.  Type in "gonorrhea."  Make sure your safesearch engine is off.

That's why you want to make sure you don't get it.  A prophylactic condom offers some, but not total, protection.
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/10/znaika.gif


I just had breakfast so I'd rather not view it,Thank You very much!  :P ::)

The sex ed programs were nowhere near as efficacious as they could have been if they showed you what a guy with tertiary syphilis actually looks like. 

Sy Phillis III works at the local deli.  ;)

I just had breakfast so I'd rather not view it,Thank You very much!  :P ::)


So if you view them now, you can eat your breakfast all over again!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/10/unhappy.gif

Ok, ok, Howard-we get it.


Please everyone, don't encourage him.



Cat


aw....but he makes it soooo easy  ;D 

I mean half the time we aren''t even trying... it just sorta happens...

aw....but he makes it soooo easy  ;D 

I mean half the time we aren''t even trying... it just sorta happens...



I know. I know.


Cat

So if you view them now, you can eat your breakfast all over again!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/10/unhappy.gif


No thank you.