I'm going to be 26 years old and I still don't drive, still don't have a girlfriend, and still don't live on my own.

I'm far behind in my family that I'm very insignificant to them since they have these things and I don't.

I have something that my family doesn't have...a disability.

I am a Black Sheep in my own family, I even would go far to cut my ties with them and call myself 'Cleveland'.

And God has forsaken me, he put a label on me, and he makes me wait longer. It seems that he wants me to be a 26-year-old boy rather than a 26-year-old man.

I'm going to be 26 years old and I still don't drive, still don't have a girlfriend, and still don't live on my own.

I'm far behind in my family that I'm very insignificant to them since they have these things and I don't.

I have something that my family doesn't have...a disability.

I am a Black Sheep in my own family, I even would go far to cut my ties with them and call myself 'Cleveland'.

And God has forsaken me, he put a label on me, and he makes me wait longer. It seems that he wants me to be a 26-year-old boy rather than a 26-year-old man.


If I remember correctly your disability is autism? is that right (sorry if I got that wrong)?
does it keep you from working or do have a job?
It seems like you feel stagnant in your home life- if it isn't possible for you to live on your own then are there assisted living facilities in your area you can look into. I believe they have, or used to have, homes for high function people with disabilities so they were living on their own but with assistance.

I don't know you and I don't know your family but sometimes we project what we feel about ourselves onto how we think others feel about us.  Maybe your family doesn't see you the way you think they do (or maybe they do) but the thing is you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Instead of focusing on your limitations why not think about what you do really well. Maybe you can find some comfort or joy in your areas of success rather than wallowing in your perceived failures. 

Hope things start looking up for you.

If I remember correctly your disability is autism? is that right (sorry if I got that wrong)?
does it keep you from working or do have a job?
It seems like you feel stagnant in your home life- if it isn't possible for you to live on your own then are there assisted living facilities in your area you can look into. I believe they have, or used to have, homes for high function people with disabilities so they were living on their own but with assistance.

I don't know you and I don't know your family but sometimes we project what we feel about ourselves onto how we think others feel about us.  Maybe your family doesn't see you the way you think they do (or maybe they do) but the thing is you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Instead of focusing on your limitations why not think about what you do really well. Maybe you can find some comfort or joy in your areas of success rather than wallowing in your perceived failures. 

Hope things start looking up for you.


Well...I'm working at my church and I'm going through BVR. The place that I was supposed to be on fell through and now I'm on a different program at BVR.

Well...I'm working at my church and I'm going through BVR. The place that I was supposed to be on fell through and now I'm on a different program at BVR.


I hope the new program helps.

No, He didn't damn you.  You're damning yourself by using your disability as an excuse for everything wrong in your life.  A disability is not a free pass, especially when (it seems to me anyways) it's mild enough that you can properly function in society.  You certainly seem to function well enough to post on here coherently. :)

Point is, if you want to change your life, then do so.  Don't make excuses, don't blame your disability, and don't blame God.

By the way, I didn't get my license and move out on my own until I was almost 27.

Well...I'm working at my church and I'm going through BVR. The place that I was supposed to be on fell through and now I'm on a different program at BVR.


Then that is good.  I'm glad you are taking steps to improve your life.

Are you sure that no one in your family has a disability? From a genetic stand point, I think it's very likely that one of your parents does but has learned to control/hide it over time and part of the reason for your strained relationship might be painful memories of childhood and young adulthood brought back by your struggles.

From your previous posts, learning to drive seems to be important to you as a way to live out on your own, but I don't think it will make a difference. Your parents would probably be a lot more comfortable helping you get a place of your own in Cleveland at first then somewhere farther away, and according to a quick google search a lot of clevelanders use mass transit exclusively.  Unless you are extremely confident in your ability to get and keep a decent job with the economy how it is right now, getting a car and driving away without a parental safety net sounds like an extremely risky move even for someone without a disability.

Finally, as long as you see having a girlfriend as something you need in order to be seen as more mature by yourself and others, you'll probably be perceived as too needy by any girl/woman worth being with.  Working on making friends (of both sexes) with similar interests is probably a lot more likely to eventually land you are girlfriend (by getting you more comfortable in social situations) than really really really wanting one.

Are you sure that no one in your family has a disability? From a genetic stand point, I think it's very likely that one of your parents does but has learned to control/hide it over time and part of the reason for your strained relationship might be painful memories of childhood and young adulthood brought back by your struggles.

From your previous posts, learning to drive seems to be important to you as a way to live out on your own, but I don't think it will make a difference. Your parents would probably be a lot more comfortable helping you get a place of your own in Cleveland at first then somewhere farther away, and according to a quick google search a lot of clevelanders use mass transit exclusively.  Unless you are extremely confident in your ability to get and keep a decent job with the economy how it is right now, getting a car and driving away without a parental safety net sounds like an extremely risky move even for someone without a disability.

Finally, as long as you see having a girlfriend as something you need in order to be seen as more mature by yourself and others, you'll probably be perceived as too needy by any girl/woman worth being with.  Working on making friends (of both sexes) with similar interests is probably a lot more likely to eventually land you are girlfriend (by getting you more comfortable in social situations) than really really really wanting one.



well said

No, He didn't damn you.  You're damning yourself by using your disability as an excuse for everything wrong in your life.  A disability is not a free pass, especially when (it seems to me anyways) it's mild enough that you can properly function in society.  You certainly seem to function well enough to post on here coherently. :)

Point is, if you want to change your life, then do so.  Don't make excuses, don't blame your disability, and don't blame God.

By the way, I didn't get my license and move out on my own until I was almost 27.


I know what you mean, but I really empathize with Mr. C. on this one.  I had intractible depression for most of my life.  I've got some PTSD as well.  The ailments sapped my physical strength and mental vigor.  Most of the time I felt sick, melancholy, and alone.  I felt I had the mark of Cain. 

I know how it goes...

Sometimes the frustration boils over and you cry out.  Then you pull yourself together again and keep doing the best you can.  Years go by and it seems like you're getting nowhere--but you are; it might be a one millimeter increments, but you look back and find yourself amazed by just how far you've gone. 

It's painful to have a disability.  It's not fair.  I know it's cliche, but don't blame yourself.  Really.  I detect a familiar kind of inward anger in your words, frustration over the ways things are versus the way you think they should be.  That kind of frustration and self-shaming is paralytic.  The last thing I would tell you is not to feel sorry for yourself. By all means, dive right in, ain't no sin where I'm coming from.  Just don't give up that fight!  I gave up a few times, but I found it wasn't time to let go.  Survival, no matter how rude, beats fatalism any day!

I know what you mean, but I really empathize with Mr. C. on this one.  I had intractible depression for most of my life.  I've got some PTSD as well.  The ailments sapped my physical strength and mental vigor.  Most of the time I felt sick, melancholy, and alone.  I felt I had the mark of Cain. 

I know how it goes...

Sometimes the frustration boils over and you cry out.  Then you pull yourself together again and keep doing the best you can.  Years go by and it seems like you're getting nowhere--but you are; it might be a one millimeter increments, but you look back and find yourself amazed by just how far you've gone. 

It's painful to have a disability.  It's not fair.  I know it's cliche, but don't blame yourself.  Really.  I detect a familiar kind of inward anger in your words, frustration over the ways things are versus the way you think they should be.  That kind of frustration and self-shaming is paralytic.  The last thing I would tell you is not to feel sorry for yourself. By all means, dive right in, ain't no sin where I'm coming from.  Just don't give up that fight!  I gave up a few times, but I found it wasn't time to let go.  Survival, no matter how rude, beats fatalism any day!


I think I'm reacting more to the fact that about 1 out of every 5 (statistic made up on the spot :D) of his posts involves him blaming God or his disability for his so called "crappy" way of life.  I don't know all the facts, so maybe there is something more that isn't being said, and I'm only going by what he posts here.  From what I see, Mr. C does have a job, he's able to function enough to post on here, and seems fairly normal overall.

And certainly there is no shame in yelling about your problems or crying for help when you really need to.  I did it on here last month after my crazy assed nervous breakdown/anxiety attack episode.  It was and still remains the most frightening time of my life.  I am still experiencing moments of panic and fear, but I never want to go back to that one week where my life was turned completely on its head.  That is why I'm striving to keep it at bay by going to my doctor's appointments, taking the appropriate medications, getting the proper help, and reading the awesome book my doctor told me about.

It looks as though Mr. C is getting some help now, and I sincerely hope it works out for him.  I can't help him on his driving quest though, because I wouldn't recommend driving to anyone.  The roads are a scary scary place. :P

I think I'm reacting more to the fact that about 1 out of every 5 (statistic made up on the spot :D) of his posts involves him blaming God or his disability for his so called "crappy" way of life.  I don't know all the facts, so maybe there is something more that isn't being said, and I'm only going by what he posts here.  From what I see, Mr. C does have a job, he's able to function enough to post on here, and seems fairly normal overall.

And certainly there is no shame in yelling about your problems or crying for help when you really need to.  I did it on here last month after my crazy assed nervous breakdown/anxiety attack episode.  It was and still remains the most frightening time of my life.  I am still experiencing moments of panic and fear, but I never want to go back to that one week where my life was turned completely on its head.  That is why I'm striving to keep it at bay by going to my doctor's appointments, taking the appropriate medications, getting the proper help, and reading the awesome book my doctor told me about.

It looks as though Mr. C is getting some help now, and I sincerely hope it works out for him.  I can't help him on his driving quest though, because I wouldn't recommend driving to anyone.  The roads are a scary scary place. :P


I used to get panic attacks from about ages 18 to 22.  Marijuana precipitated them initially and the episodes kept recurring after I quit smoking the stuff.  I was in a constant state of alienation/depersonalization by the time I started taking meds.  I thought I was going nuts, but it was just aggravated depression. Panic attack is the most lurid sensation I've ever felt.  Just the worst!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/09/smhair.gif

I'm going to be 26 years old and I still don't drive, still don't have a girlfriend, and still don't live on my own.

I'm far behind in my family that I'm very insignificant to them since they have these things and I don't.

I have something that my family doesn't have...a disability.

I am a Black Sheep in my own family, I even would go far to cut my ties with them and call myself 'Cleveland'.

And God has forsaken me, he put a label on me, and he makes me wait longer. It seems that he wants me to be a 26-year-old boy rather than a 26-year-old man.


I know someone who is pretty much in the same situation as you are in.  He's 42.  He always says it could be worse.

I don't see Autism as a disability.  People with autism have a higher IQ than the average person, they just having trouble relating to people.

Black Sheep, join the club.  My parents have gotten used to the fact that I'm different than other family members. 

God hasn't put a label on you, you have.

I'm going to be 26 years old and I still don't drive, still don't have a girlfriend, and still don't live on my own.

I'm far behind in my family that I'm very insignificant to them since they have these things and I don't.

I have something that my family doesn't have...a disability.

I am a Black Sheep in my own family, I even would go far to cut my ties with them and call myself 'Cleveland'.

And God has forsaken me, he put a label on me, and he makes me wait longer. It seems that he wants me to be a 26-year-old boy rather than a 26-year-old man.


I got my license at the age of 23. I was in my late 30s the last time I drove and I will never drive again. Yeah, it is inconvenient but that is the way it is. I'm assuming you are in Ohio and you probably have access to public transportation-something that is lacking around here.

As for being the black sheep, for many years I was PROUD to be the black sheep on my family (even though I'm not too sure if I am anymore). One thing I have learned is never compare yourself to anyone. You are your own person and you are the only one who can make changes in yourself.

I really hope that things get better.



Cat

I know someone who is pretty much in the same situation as you are in.  He's 42.  He always says it could be worse.

People with autism have a higher IQ than the average person, they just having trouble relating to people.




This is often not true. Many people with autism have very low IQs but generally people with some sort of autism who are able to finish college (even if it takes awhile) and hold some sort of job are generally able to do so due to an above average intelligence allowing them to learn some things about how perople are expected to interact that come much more naturally to most people. People dealt the genetic hand of autism plus mental retardation tend to live in group homes and not hav movies made about them because those would be too depressing.

I got my license at the age of 23. I was in my late 30s the last time I drove and I will never drive again. Yeah, it is inconvenient but that is the way it is. I'm assuming you are in Ohio and you probably have access to public transportation-something that is lacking around here.

As for being the black sheep, for many years I was PROUD to be the black sheep on my family (even though I'm not too sure if I am anymore). One thing I have learned is never compare yourself to anyone. You are your own person and you are the only one who can make changes in yourself.

I really hope that things get better.



Cat


They did.

This weekend, I'm getting some Driving Practice. I'm very nervous.

They did.

This weekend, I'm getting some Driving Practice. I'm very nervous.


Driving can seem intimidating but the more you practice the easier it will get.  Just try not to let your nerves get to you.  You'll do fine. :)

People dealt the genetic hand of autism plus mental retardation tend to live in group homes and not hav movies made about them because those would be too depressing.



Yeah but this certainly doesn't define our friend McCleavland at all.




They did.

This weekend, I'm getting some Driving Practice. I'm very nervous.



Glad to hear it....GOOD LUCK!


My first time out I hit a light pole.... my father was pissed  ;D  but I'm a good driver now. It just takes practice.