This was emailed to me, and I think it's pretty dang funny, and pretty much hits it on the head.  (Yes, I know, I'm a whining Liberal...)




Things you have to believe to be a Republican today...

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy
made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy
when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with
China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest
national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but
multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without
regulation.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches,
while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then
demand their cooperation and money.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing hea lth
care to all Americans is socialism. HMOs and insurance companies have the
best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but
creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extra-marital affair is an impeachable offense,
but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is
solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution,
which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George
Bush's driving record is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a
conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for
your recovery.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what
Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

The Republican Party does not represent the values of true conservatives.

This was emailed to me, and I think it's pretty dang funny, and pretty much hits it on the head.  (Yes, I know, I'm a whining Liberal...)




Things you have to believe to be a Republican today...



Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary.
He loves me woohoo! I love Him too :D  we don't hate homosexuals, They're just confused  8),  Hillary is weak and I hate her cankles
If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.
they need to implement celibacy rings instead
A president lying about an extra-marital affair is an impeachable offense
I tip my cap to him for getting a job done on him, while doing his job, but he eff'd up and got caught. thats the  impeachable offense

The Republican Party does not represent the values of true conservatives.

THIS JUST IN:
THE SKY IS BLUE!

And I've said all along the Dems don't represent the values of true liberals (or rock-throwing reds like myself!)
And it never has--NE-VER!

What both parties represent is the interests of international capital.

The proven difference is the Dems believe in fobbing off a crust of bread to the undeserving, feckless poor.  Then the GOP comes along and forces the poor to hand that crust of bread back to the rich!

The key word for the Democrats following their narrow 2006 victory is now acquiescence.  You know what?  Turns out Charlie Rangel is just another rich old SOB, and wants the same class structure as dubya...that's why he's saying, "Hey, let's give those Bush tax cuts for the rich a chance!"  Yup.  We got bamboozled.  The Dems talked it up because they wanted our votes.  Now that they're in, they drop their trousers to us and show us their true face--and it looks a lot like Joe Lieberman.

The problem is not partisan.  The problem is governing philosophy.  For the past three decades we've been under the free market fantasies Arthur Laffer and Milton Friedman, and our country is dying a slow and agonizing death because of it. 

If the Dems follow the corporate agenda over the next two years, they lose my vote in '08.  I will register as an indpendent. 

The proven difference is the Dems believe in fobbing off a crust of bread to the undeserving, feckless poor.  Then the GOP comes along and forces the poor to hand that crust of bread back to the rich!


Sarcasm half-on:
No, no, no!  The Jackass party believes in stealing from the productive to buy the votes of the non-productive.  The Elephant party believes that God has mandated the poor endure their lot on earth to enjoy their wealth in heaven.

Sacrasm mostly-off, tinfoil hat off:
Neither party understood a whit of what Friedman was talking about.

Sarcasm fully off, tinfoil hat on:
Both wings of the Party understood fully what Friedman was talking about, and agreed between themselves to marginalize him from the debate.  Ask a Democrat what Friedman stood for and you'll hear "Fascism".  Ask a Republican what Friedman stood for and he'll scream "RINO".

The bloody crew who came in with Reagan understood darn well what Friedman was talking about, and Uncle Miltie made sure of it.  The propaganda that selfishness and crony capitalism will benefit all mankind is an abject failure....except for a sliver of an elite percentage.  That's who Uncle Miltie meant it for.  You can't just get out there and say, "Hi, we're here to steal the wealth of the world from the people."  That's a terrible sales pitch.  Thus you have the Ayn Rand candyland and Uncle Miltie's free lunch, or whatever the heck you wanna call it, it get sold to America in the late '70s, America bought it, and America got sold out.  Our country is in an economic sewer and it ain't Jimmy Carter's fault!
:D