We got this in an e-mail and thought it was funny.

NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY!!!


Political Science for Dummies


DEMOCRATIC


You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.


REPUBLICAN


You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?


SOCIALIST


You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.


COMMUNIST


You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.


CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE


You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.


BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE


You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.


AMERICAN CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.


FRENCH CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.


JAPANESE CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


GERMAN CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.


ITALIAN CORPORATION


You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.


RUSSIAN CORPORATION


You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.


TALIBAN CORPORATION


You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.


IRAQI CORPORATION


You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.


POLISH CORPORATION


You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.


BELGIAN CORPORATION


You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.


FLORIDA CORPORATION


You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.


CALIFORNIA CORPORATION


You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegals.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.


Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands--and then just eat one of the pieces.



Cat

;D    ;D    ;D    ;D    ;D    ;D

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You_have_two_cows

The "Two cows" have been circulating for decades.  They accelerated with the advent of the internet.  My dad had one hanging in his office for years.  I liked it more than subsequent versions because it was more succinct, such as --

Capitalism:
You have two cows.  You keep them both and sell the milk for your own profit.

Socialism:
You have two cows.  The government takes one, buys the milk for those who can't afford it, and pays you back.

Communism:
You have two cows.  The government takes them both and gives the milk to you.

Fascism:
You have two cows.  The government takes them both and sells the milk to you.

Nazism:
You have two cows.  The government takes them both and shoots you.

Bureaucracy:
You have two cows.  The government takes them both and pours the milk through a sieve.

--and so on and so on.

"Two cows" is funnier when it's not too verbose and convoluted.  Brevity is the sould of wit, as they say.

I had a couple in mind for the Bush Administration--

You have two cows.  The government shoots them both by accident, and tells you you'd better keep your mouth shut about it.

The government says it has two cows.  But it's all bull.

I had a couple in mind for the Bush Administration--
You have two cows.  The government shoots them both by accident, and tells you you'd better keep your mouth shut about it.
The government says it has two cows.  But it's all bull.


In the interest of balance:

Clinton I:
You have two cows.  One gives the farmer no milk.  The second... no, wait, that's not milk.  And it might be near the udder, but didn't come from the cow.

Clinton II:
You have no cows.  Bush's fault :)

In the interest of balance:

Clinton I:
You have two cows.  One gives the farmer no milk.  The second... no, wait, that's not milk.  And it might be near the udder, but didn't come from the cow.
I, uh, yeah, heh heh!  I had a similar one for the Clintster, but nah, that's to easy!


Clinton II:
You have no cows.  Bush's fault :)

Under Clinton, you had two cows.  Under Bush, the government gave the milking contract to Halliburton, and you ain't seen neither since....but the milk is $100/gal. and is full of nuclear waste products.

You had two cows.  ADM had 2 million.  You couldn't compete, so you sold them both to ADM at a buck ahead.  The government gives ADM $100,000 subsidy for each of them.  You say, "How now, I have no cows."  Fred Barnes says, "That's 'cuz of the death tax."

http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/03/cowsleep.gif http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/03/cowsleep.gif

You had two cows.  ADM had 2 million.  You couldn't compete, so you sold them both to ADM at a buck ahead. 


Who needs milk when you've got a company that produces both ethanol and high-fructose corn syrup? :)

Who needs milk when you've got a company that produces both ethanol and high-fructose corn syrup? :)

You have two cows.  They produce corn syrup instead of milk thanks to gov't funded gene-splicing by Monsanto!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/05/frankie.gif

I, uh, yeah, heh heh!  I had a similar one for the Clintster, but nah, that's to easy!

Under Clinton, you had two cows.  Under Bush, the government gave the milking contract to Halliburton, and you ain't seen neither since....but the milk is $100/gal. and is full of nuclear waste products.

You had two cows.  ADM had 2 million.  You couldn't compete, so you sold them both to ADM at a buck ahead.  The government gives ADM $100,000 subsidy for each of them.  You say, "How now, I have no cows."  Fred Barnes says, "That's 'cuz of the death tax."

http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/03/cowsleep.gif http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/03/cowsleep.gif



You forgot the fact that they oursourced the job of milking the cows to India and since cows are sacred in India, you get no milk-that you have to pay $100/gal. but you can't afford it because your milking job went to India.




Cat

That's hilarious, Cat!
I had never read that before...

I've seen the abbreviated version and agree with Max that brevity is best.  But I liked the new ones on Cat's list that I hadn't seen before.  It's a great way to communicate government concepts, and I love how the Bush/Clinton clash made its way into the discussion.  :D

(There's gotta be a joke in here somewhere like: "How many Democrats/Republicans does it take to milk a cow?")

(There's gotta be a joke in here somewhere like: "How many Democrats/Republicans does it take to milk a cow?")


It only takes 1 Republican to milk a cash cow with the help of Jack Abramoff.  ;D ;D ;D




Cat