I'm in a bit of a personal conflict here and I was hoping for some people's advice.  I'm wondering whether I should remain a virgin until I am married or have met someone really special.  I am unsure if I even could with my level of raging hormones.  Is sex better in marriage or with someone you truly love or should I just have a some bachelor fun for now?

I'm in a bit of a personal conflict here and I was hoping for some people's advice.  I'm wondering whether I should remain a virgin until I am married or have met someone really special.  I am unsure if I even could with my level of raging hormones.  Is sex better in marriage or with someone you truly love or should I just have a some bachelor fun for now?



wow, this is such a personal thing..I mean, it would be hard for someone else to tell you what you should do...everybody has so many different perspectives and opinions regarding the matter. Personally though...I think it is best until you find someone that you truly love, instead of just screwing around with this person and that person.  It's nice to have someone you really love and care about and they feel the same about you...it makes things so much more meaningful.

Good luck! :)

wow, this is such a personal thing..I mean, it would be hard for someone else to tell you what you should do...everybody has so many different perspectives and opinions regarding the matter. Personally though...I think it is best until you find someone that you truly love, instead of just screwing around with this person and that person.  It's nice to have someone you really love and care about and they feel the same about you...it makes things so much more meaningful.

Good luck! :)


Thanks for the advice  :) I would like to at least wait until I'm with a girl who I really like and who really likes me. 

I'm in a bit of a personal conflict here and I was hoping for some people's advice.  I'm wondering whether I should remain a virgin until I am married or have met someone really special.  I am unsure if I even could with my level of raging hormones.  Is sex better in marriage or with someone you truly love or should I just have a some bachelor fun for now?



If you have to ask strangers online whether or not you should have sex, that's a clear-cut sign that you should not have sex.  Also, sex is, for lack of a better argument, better when done with someone that you love, respect and care for.  Doing it just to do it or doing it to be cool will only get you hurt in the end and at your age, it's something you can ill-afford.  I don't necessarily believe in waiting until marriage because if you feel you're with the right person and you truly love them and want to do it, marriage shouldn't have to be a factor.  I believe in waiting until you can handle all the responsibilities that come with sexual activity; STDs, pregnancy, etc,.

Are you male or female?

(or are you waiting to find out about that too?)

Are you male or female?

(or are you waiting to find out about that too?)



Well, did you see this part:


Is sex better in marriage or with someone you truly love or should I just have a some bachelor fun for now?



I think that clears up the mystery, wouldn't you say?

Well, did you see this part:




I think that clears up the mystery, wouldn't you say?


Oh, duh!
http://www.inthe00s.com/smile/11/coffee2.gif

Well, if you'd rather wait, but you still wanna have something to boast about in the locker room, just make ups some BS story. That's what most of 'em do anyway!
If you do decide to wait, then for godsakes wait. Don't the substitute orifice thing like the goody-goody kids who sign those chastity pledges. That ain't really "waiting" if you ask me. If you're going to do the one thing, you might as well do the other. It makes no difference if you're a male. Females...well, that's another story. Tell you this much, "virginity" was so crucial for Greek girls to prove their virtue that "Greek" is still slang for...you know.

Thanks for the advice  :) I would like to at least wait until I'm with a girl who I really like and who really likes me. 


I totally agree with that last sentence.

Dude, if it helps at all, I'm old (;D), and I've never had sex -- I'm actually okay with that - unlike many guys my age or younger, who would be going crazy, lol. It's not really religious or anything, it's more of a personal thing with me too - it's just not something I'd be comfortable with unless I knew/liked her well enough (although if you know them too well, I suppose that would be a bit awkward too).

Come on Marty you're only 24. :P



If you have to ask strangers online whether or not you should have sex, that's a clear-cut sign that you should not have sex. 


That doesn't make sense.  He may not be ready for a variety of reasons but I don't think asking for some advice is one of them.

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Sorry, but I believe if you have to question in anyway whether you're ready, you're not ready.  You know you're ready when you don't have to ask anymore; you just know.


I agree with this statement.

Also, I agree with the advice to wait until you have someone who is very special in your life.  You only get one first time.  And it's such a personal and intimate thing.  Why waste it just to say you did it?  Make it count.  I think someone else already said this too but...be sure you can talk to the person about the potential issues and that you're close enough that if something were to happen (pregnancy for instance), the two of you could deal with it together.  If the relationship isn't one where you can discuss these things, you probably shouldn't be having sex.  JMO of course.

Also, I agree with the advice to wait until you have someone who is very special in your life.  You only get one first time.  And it's such a personal and intimate thing.  Why waste it just to say you did it?  Make it count. 


WHY must you assume if someone doesn't "Wait" that means they did it just so they could say they did? :D

You know, some people ACTUALLY just wanna do it.  Simple as that.  And they could care less if anyone ever found out or not, as long as they got to do it.

Sorry, but I believe if you have to question in anyway whether you're ready, you're not ready.  You know you're ready when you don't have to ask anymore; you just know.


You can be certain and wrong. Your intuition can be way off the mark. I did before I was "ready," but I would have been offended if somebody told me I wasn't "ready" at the time. There are no guarantees on the emotional/psychological results. The human mind is imperfect. The things you really have to watch out for are pregnancy and disease.

I'm in a bit of a personal conflict here and I was hoping for some people's advice.  I'm wondering whether I should remain a virgin until I am married or have met someone really special.  I am unsure if I even could with my level of raging hormones.  Is sex better in marriage or with someone you truly love or should I just have a some bachelor fun for now?
Oh yes,by all means please wait!Do you really want to have like 5 kids you don't know about?

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It is a personal decision. While the the consenses here says wait (and I agree with that), there are several things to take into concideration. Birth control, protection from STDs, and woman's feelings. Most women do not like the "wham, bam, thank you m'am" type approach to sex. They want to feel that they are special-not just a roll in the hay. From your post, it doesn't appear that you are ready so you would be better off waiting.




Cat

Oh yes,by all means please wait!Do you really want to have like 5 kids you don't know about?


Um what? This is why they make condoms. :D

Heres my take.

I don't really think you should let us decide for you.  If its something you want, go for it.  But be careful and use protection.

Thats all it really comes down to though.  Whether or not you want to, and only you can know that. :)

I'm in a bit of a personal conflict here and I was hoping for some people's advice.  I'm wondering whether I should remain a virgin until I am married or have met someone really special.  I am unsure if I even could with my level of raging hormones.  Is sex better in marriage or with someone you truly love or should I just have a some bachelor fun for now?


My personal opinion would be to wait for marriage.  That would make your wedding night even more special.

Also, abstinence is the only way to prevent all forms of VD. 

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Not 100% effective.  My daughter is proof of that.



totally true, indeed. ;)

Not 100% effective.  My daughter is proof of that.



Using only one form of birth control isn't smart.  Condoms, when used effectively with the pill provide more protection than just one or the other.  That's why if one fails for whatever reason, you have backup. 

And waiting until marriage is archaic.  Your wedding night can be special even if you're not virgins.  Having sex with someone for the first time isn't going to make the connection you have with your now husband any better.

I didn't say it wouldn't be special, I said it would make it more special.  Also, I personally don't think it is archaic.  I think that it should be shared between a husband and wife.  This is speaking from a religious standpoint and from the point that every relationship with a guy I have had that included sex was messed up by it.  It changed things and not for the good.

It might make it more special, but I don't think its a realistic goal.  Can a person really wait the amount of time it would take?  Without rushing it, that is.  Its my opinion that any amount of time less than at least a couple of years of dating would be too soon to marry someone.  Its a lifelong commitment.  And thats AFTER you meet someone, and you can never tell how long its gonna be.  You might be 30.

Perhaps there are a few people who could really wait that long, but I doubt most people can.  I don't really think I can.

My daughter was an "antibiotic" baby:  I didn't know that taking antibiotics can counteract birth control pills.  I had Strep throat one November and a beautiful baby the next August!  I'm thrilled to have her...but she wasn't planned.  So, it's wise to consider that even with protection, surprises happen.

I'll keep that in mind..but I don't think the risk is that high of a condom not working if you use it correctly, is it?  Its something like less than a hundred in one I thought?  Does anyone know?

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Sex isn't a necessity, it is a luxury. 
Close. Men who can buy women the most luxury get the most sex. Don't complain to me, I don't like it either.

Close. Men who can buy women the most luxury get the most sex. Don't complain to me, I don't like it either.



Is that so?  Do you have an articles or something to back that up?  If not, it sounds like hogwash to me.  How do you explain dirt poor families having kid after kid after kid and uber-rich society families stopping with the kids once the heir to the estate/business is born?

Is that so?  Do you have an articles or something to back that up?  If not, it sounds like hogwash to me.  How do you explain dirt poor families having kid after kid after kid and uber-rich society families stopping with the kids once the heir to the estate/business is born?


Don't worry SM, he's just letting a cat among the pigeons...though I think there is a kernel of truth to it - not because all women are by nature like that (which of course they aren't), but because Generation X/Y is a particularly materialistic, career-obsessed generation.

Don't worry SM, he's just letting a cat among the pigeons...though I think there is a kernel of truth to it - not because all women are by nature like that (which of course they aren't), but because Generation X/Y is a particularly materialistic, career-obsessed generation.



I'm sure there is truth to it, but the phrasing made it sound like a blanket statement.

I'm sure there is truth to it, but the phrasing made it sound like a blanket statement.


Yes, I know what you mean.  :)

If it is your intention to wait until the wedding night then you can wait however long it takes.  Sex isn't a necessity, it is a luxury.  You can be a virgin all your life, you just have to be in that mindset.


Bull.  I just don't buy it. :D

Thats a ridiculous religious concept, with no basis in fact.  Its our biology, sex is wired into us like the desire to eat. 



When used normally (the way any person would use a condom) it has 85% effectiveness.  Used perfectly, it's 97%.  The Pill is I believe at 99% effectiveness when used perfectly (taken at the same time every day; you don't miss a single pill).  So when you think about it, a condom coupled with the birth control pill would be a safe idea. 


Good idea.  But you can't force a woman to take the pill.  I'd say it's the guy's responsibility first and foremost to wear a condom. 

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Wow! It's nice to hear a guy say that..usually it isn't.
Respect!
k.


Most guys don't think that? :o

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No, you can't force a woman to take the pill, but many wpmen take it anyway for reasons that have nothing to do with sex.  I went on the pill at age 15 because of severe menstrual cramps and irregular periods.  Aside from protection from pregnancy, I think that's one of the most common reasons a woman (or teenager in my case) goes on birth control. 


I understand I was just saying as a guy it would be dumb for me to rely on her, I should take precaution anyway.

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I think you should wait, yet, everyone is different and probably the #1 reason a lot of people feel pressure is due to the idea that "everyone's doing it, so why am I not doing it?" Yet, when you know it's right, it will feel right and it will progress after that. You won't feel regrets because you were with someone you truly loved and it was not in pure vain or pleasure, but with deep feelings of love and emotions, as well.

My last boyfriend pressured me heavily, and guess what? I didn't do it. If anything he can respect me for now, is that I wasn't going to give in that easily. Unfortunatly, he was not the person I wanted to lose my virginity to. I wanted it to be memorable, not something done just for his own satisfaction.

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Holy f*ck..! Am I... being a man?? No.. it can't be that.  Thats just an urban legend... man.

;D

I've had the opportunity to have sex with guys a few times...but I've implicitly turned it down because I didn't really like them and I knew the consequences of people talking about it. I do have a few packages of condoms handy just in case, but I'd never actually do something with anyone unless I was genuinely attracted to them, both physically and personally, and I knew them pretty well. I've never "hooked up" with a guy (kissed, whatever.)

But, what if condoms didn't exist?  ;D

In days of old when knights were bold and rubbers weren't invented...

I think you know the rest!
;)



Is that so?  Do you have an articles or something to back that up?  If not, it sounds like hogwash to me.  How do you explain dirt poor families having kid after kid after kid and uber-rich society families stopping with the kids once the heir to the estate/business is born?

You know what I mean, and I ain't gonna expand on it. Yeah, it's a blanket statement. If a man's blanket is made of silk it's much easier for him to get a woman under it than if his blanket is made of cotton.
;D

To the original poster, you'll find in time that whether you wait or not isn't up to you anyway.

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Only if his first time is in prison, dearie!
:-X


A guy went to prison, and his cell mate was a convicted rapist twice his size.  His cellmate asked him "you want to be the husband or the wife?" and he answered "well... the husband I guess" and the guy says to him "well come over here and suck your wife's ****!".

*BA DUM DUH!!*

;D

  How do you explain dirt poor families having kid after kid after kid and uber-rich society families stopping with the kids once the heir to the estate/business is born?


You get rich (or preserve wealth) by planning and by delaying gratification in order to execute the plan. You get poor (or never achieve wealth) by acting on impulse. 

We don't live in extended families on subsistence farms anymore.  For both men and women, children are a financial liability, not an asset.

The guy who spends $5000 rims on his car attracts mates who are drawn to someone who squanders his wealth.
The guy who spends $5000 on his wine collection doesn't need to attract a mate.
The guy who spends $5000 on his computer doesn't want to attract a mate.

The girl who spends $5000 on shoes to attract mates wonders where all her money is at the end of the month.
The girl who spends $5000 on her M.r.s. degree and finds her mate wonders where all her husband's money is at the end of the month.
The girl who spends $5000 furthering her Ph.D. needs neither a mate nor his money.

Put 'em together -- and you get the poor family (5 kids, because there's no money left to buy forms of recreation other than indoor sports), the CEO and his trophy wife (2.6 kids, because that's how many everyone says they're supposed to have), and the perfect relationship (0 kids, living separately, maybe never even having met each other  because both of 'em would rather get back to the lab and get some useful work done!)