Has anyone noticed that some of today's parents really have no clue about how to raise a child? The kids are mean to other kids, and their parents. An example of bad parenting is this: Letting the kid have a pacifier until they are about five(yes, I have seen this). I mean come on, don't they know what those do to your teeth?

Has anyone noticed that today's parents really have no clue about how to raise a child? The kids are mean to other kids, and their parents. An example of bad parenting is this: Letting the kid have a pacifier until they are about five(yes, I have seen this). I mean come on, don't they know what those do to your teeth?


can you edit this to be some parents really have no clue?  I may not be perfect but I think i am doing a decent job of raising my two.  I am fed up of all the ills of the world being blamed on the parents of today.

can you edit this to be some parents really have no clue?  I may not be perfect but I think i am doing a decent job of raising my two.  I am fed up of all the ills of the world being blamed on the parents of today.




I agree. Yes, there are some parents who do not care about raising their children, but there are a LOT of parents who do the best that they can and give it their all in bringing up their kids in life.

Has anyone noticed that some of today's parents really have no clue about how to raise a child? The kids are mean to other kids, and their parents. An example of bad parenting is this: Letting the kid have a pacifier until they are about five(yes, I have seen this). I mean come on, don't they know what those do to your teeth?


Yes, generalisations are almost never a good idea to make.  :D But yes, I know the type you mean. And often it is the same type who haplessly read a thousand manuals on parenting. What those kids need is good, old-fashioned discipline!

Not to generalize about Gen X parents, but my mom has worked with many children of Gen Xers, first in an affluent then a poor situation. Even alot of affluent Gen Xers who should "know better" leave their kids at school to get rid of them when they're sick, spend no time with them, etc. That, or on the other hand, they're paranoid and overprotective and structure their children's childhood into joylessness.

Not all parents suck.


Mine kicked ass.  :)

Being a teacher I get to see all kinds of parenting at work.  Some parents do awesome with their kids and some let TV raise their kids and could care less whether their kids are doing right or wrong.  I see kids whose parents give in to their every whim and then cannot understand when the kid goes off the deep end.  I have also seen kids who are taught to respect and try their best to be a successful adult.  Today's kids are hard to generalize - there are a lot of differences even within one class of 34.

Yes, generalisations are almost never a good idea to make.  :D But yes, I know the type you mean. And often it is the same type who haplessly read a thousand manuals on parenting. What those kids need is good, old-fashioned discipline!


I hope you don't mean whipping  :D

Being a teacher I get to see all kinds of parenting at work.  Some parents do awesome with their kids and some let TV raise their kids and could care less whether their kids are doing right or wrong.  I see kids whose parents give in to their every whim and then cannot understand when the kid goes off the deep end.  I have also seen kids who are taught to respect and try their best to be a successful adult.  Today's kids are hard to generalize - there are a lot of differences even within one class of 34.


34? Lord.

I hope you don't mean whipping  :D


Damn straight!

34? Lord.


Yeah - 34 - that is our "contractual" number.  When you have 34 Jr. high students coming in and out of your classroom all day you see all types of parenting at work.  Yesterday I saw one that made my drop hit the floor.  A student (boy) has been sexually harrassing this young girl.  He was been very vulgar to her and suggestive and just plain gross.  Of course he denies it even though his best friends support the girls claim.  Anyway the mom believes him and yesterday you should have heard this woman.  She was standing in the office "talkling" to her son about how Jesus still loves him and jesus died for him and the sacrifice Jesus made for him and on and on.  I was waiting for the choir to jump up and start singing.  She was going overboard.  She started reciting prayers and bible verses with him and telling us she will pray for us and our forgiveness because we have done her son wrong.    No wonder thiis kid has issues.    Now I was raised in a Christian home and am raising my kids in one also.  I believe in God and Jesus and thank him for all the good in my life, but to lecture your 14 year old boy in a room full of people is a little  much.  We have even tried to discuss with the mom her sons behavior issues and how he is failing every class and will not graduate.  Her only response is that she will pray for him.  That's it.  No other help, but prayer.  It's not helping him now.  You should see his "myspace" - Vulgar is the only word to describe it.    Okay - off my high horse.    Just know there are ALL kinds of parents out there. 

Yeah, I notice a lot of really bad kids lately.. It's rare to see well-behaved children anymore, especially around here..

Each generation has it's own parenting style, but then, it's a bit early to generalize.. my group turned out fine, the kids 9 years after us, not so good.. but they're only a portion of my generation.. maybe it'll self-correct soon.

Yeah, I notice a lot of really bad kids lately.. It's rare to see well-behaved children anymore, especially around here..

Each generation has it's own parenting style, but then, it's a bit early to generalize.. my group turned out fine, the kids 9 years after us, not so good.. but they're only a portion of my generation.. maybe it'll self-correct soon.


I think the news and media have a tendency to show how bad kids are today - but actually there are A LOT of good kids out there, they just don't get the headlines.  I know a lot of kids (former students) who are going to make a difference in this world and I for one can't wait to see the wonderful things they are going to do.  :)

Of course there are always the headlines. . . . . .  :(

I seem to see more of a tendency to indulge children.  I hate to start the "back in my day" but here goes. 
Very rarely did a parent buy a car for their child, and never before high school graduation.  Most of my friends weren't able to get a car until after college, all the money made on work study went to tuition and books. If someone did have a car before high school graduation it was a male, who had a part time job, and was in the vocational school taking auto mechanics. When you started working you got a car.  Your dad would find you a good used car, nothing fancy, good safe transportation.

Credit cards no way.  Savings Account with a book that the parents kept. 

Parents never put a child over the age of say 2 1/2 in the cart of the grocery store.  I cannot believe it when I see parents, with kids too big for the seat right in the cart itself.  Sometimes I see the parents with two carriages, one is for the food, one for wheeling the kids.  AARRRRGH!

Birthday parties anyplace other than the backyard or living room, nope. Limo rides? Forget it, not until the day you married.  If your grades were good you got Dads car for the prom, otherwise he dropped you off, then picked you up, and no such thing as an after prom party at a hotel.  NooooWayyy!!!!

Parents never put a child over the age of say 2 1/2 in the cart of the grocery store.  I cannot believe it when I see parents, with kids too big for the seat right in the cart itself.  Sometimes I see the parents with two carriages, one is for the food, one for wheeling the kids.  AARRRRGH!







Well, Vaughn is 4 and he sits in a cart at the grocery store...but that is only because he has "octopus arms" and if I let him walk around....he would be into everything!! :D

Well, Vaughn is 4 and he sits in a cart at the grocery store...but that is only because he has "octopus arms" and if I let him walk around....he would be into everything!! :D


I take it you don't hit, then?

I take it you don't hit, then?


Corporal punishment is garbage.  Of anything all it will cause is resentment.

Corporal punishment is garbage.  Of anything all it will cause is resentment.


Believe me, I know firsthand. But what it DOES do is keep the child in line... it's not the best way, but it's effective.

Well, Vaughn is 4 and he sits in a cart at the grocery store...but that is only because he has "octopus arms" and if I let him walk around....he would be into everything!! :D


I still steer the grocery cart, one foot on it and pedal it. But I am a big kid  ;) .

can you edit this to be some parents really have no clue?  I may not be perfect but I think i am doing a decent job of raising my two.  I am fed up of all the ills of the world being blamed on the parents of today.


::)

::)


http://70.84.190.115/3271/30/emo/Molly%27s_Dead_Finished.JPG

I take it you don't hit, then?




I will be honest...I have smacked Vaughn...but it does not work with him. He's the type of kid who will just stand there and do nothing if you hit him.....time outs seem to work better, as he HATES to sit there and do nothing for 4-5 minutes on the step. ;)

I will be honest...I have smacked Vaughn...but it does not work with him. He's the type of kid who will just stand there and do nothing if you hit him.....time outs seem to work better, as he HATES to sit there and do nothing for 4-5 minutes on the step. ;)


See, the hitting that's effective but makes the kid hate you is more psychological then anything.. even if you don't hit the child hard, you just scare the sh-t out of them, and they remember it forever.. that's how it worked with me. And damned if it didn't keep me in line.

See, the hitting that's effective but makes the kid hate you is more psychological then anything.. even if you don't hit the child hard, you just scare the sh-t out of them, and they remember it forever.. that's how it worked with me. And damned if it didn't keep me in line.



ya, Vaughn is just the complete opposite....he just laughs at you. ??? :D

ya, Vaughn is just the complete opposite....he just laughs at you. ??? :D


Well, no offense to you, but I've met you, and I can't exactly see you striking psychological terror into the heart of a child.

Well, no offense to you, but I've met you, and I can't exactly see you striking psychological terror into the heart of a child.




hahaah!!.....oh, I've been known to let all hell break loose....nah, I do have a bad temper...but I don't cause nightmares or tramatic experiences to all. :D ;D ;)

http://70.84.190.115/3271/30/emo/Molly%27s_Dead_Finished.JPG


Respect your elders, kid


You're actually a perfect example of the Horrible Parenting these days  ::)

Respect your elders, kid


You're actually a perfect example of the Horrible Parenting these days  ::)


http://orlyowl.com/orly.jpg

http://orlyowl.com/orly.jpg



I LOVE IT!!! hahaahah!! ;D :D

Corporal punishment is garbage.  Of anything all it will cause is resentment.



COMPLETELY AGREE.


Parents who hit their kids should be smacked themselves so they can see how they like it.  I can't imagine EVER laying a hand in hate/anger on my child.  God, the thought sickens me.  My parents kept my sister and I in line without ever as much as spanking us. 

Respect your elders, kid


You're actually a perfect example of the Horrible Parenting these days  ::)




I don't care how old you are.  You act like a jerk, you will be called out on it.  How dare you pass judgement on how people here were raised?  Who the hell do you think you are?

Corporal punishment works for kids below about 8 - I don't totally agree with the concept, but if you've been a parent, or if you've seen what little brats some kids are you might have second thoughts about it. Just watch Supernanny. I do think a parent should have the freedom to adminster punishment how they see fit, although there have to be very strict limits. Withholding certain things.etc also works, but doesn't have the immediate effect of a good smack on the bottom.

Having said that if I have kids I doubt I'd smack 'em at all...it's just not my style.

I've never smacked Jake.  Time outs were absolute hell for him.  In the grocery store I used bribery, he had to stay with me next to the cart, he would hold the list and give it to me when asked, and anything he could reach he got and put in the cart.  When shopping was done, if he had done that he got 50 cents for those machines with the cheap toys they have.  It may take a couple of times for it to work, don't give in if he doesn't do it all.  Prepare him on the way in for what is going to happen, don't wait until you are in the store.  ;)

Since all of you are of a different generation I would like to ask how many who have, or have had jobs
were expected to give money out of you weekly paycheck to the "house".  It is another thing that I have
noticed that has changed.  While living at home, if we had a job,(my friends and sibs), we had to give
money to mom from every check, first thing, kind of like rent.  It grated since we didn't make much, but
it did give us a handle on what is like to have to pay a bill each and every paycheck.

Since all of you are of a different generation I would like to ask how many who have, or have had jobs
were expected to give money out of you weekly paycheck to the "house".  It is another thing that I have
noticed that has changed.  While living at home, if we had a job,(my friends and sibs), we had to give
money to mom from every check, first thing, kind of like rent.  It grated since we didn't make much, but
it did give us a handle on what is like to have to pay a bill each and every paycheck.



we were never expected to give money to the household, but when we got jobs, we were definitely expected to pay for our own things (within reason...my parents would still help out here and there with certain things), and be responsible for buying our own car, paying for our own insurance, etc.

Respect your elders, kid


You're actually a perfect example of the Horrible Parenting these days  ::)



wow...it was...a JOKE.  If you knew Andrew, you would know that he wasn't being vicious or anything. I don't really think he deserves a comment like that. ::)

Respect your elders, kid


You're actually a perfect example of the Horrible Parenting these days  ::)


He isn't a parent...yet.  It is pretty amazing how ideas on parenting change when you become one!

He isn't a parent...yet.  It is pretty amazing how ideas on parenting change when you become one!


.. I didn't express any ideas on parenting.. I just posted a picture of an owl.

Parents who hit their kids should be smacked themselves so they can see how they like it.  I can't imagine EVER laying a hand in hate/anger on my child.  God, the thought sickens me.  My parents kept my sister and I in line without ever as much as spanking us.

See, it's not in hate or anger. It's an act of discipline. You don't do it because you're just so pissed off you can't take anymore, you do it because it will usually settle the child down. No doubt, there are less brutal ways to manage a child, but this one is effective and long-lasting.

wow...it was...a JOKE.  If you knew Andrew, you would know that he wasn't being vicious or anything. I don't really think he deserves a comment like that. ::)


See, I think this poster may have been joking too.. which is why I just used the good ol' owl to respond. :D

.. I didn't express any ideas on parenting.. I just posted a picture of an owl.

See, it's not in hate or anger. It's an act of discipline. You don't do it because you're just so pissed off you can't take anymore, you do it because it will usually settle the child down. No doubt, there are less brutal ways to manage a child, but this one is effective and long-lasting.


I repeat:



He isn't a parent...yet.  It is pretty amazing how ideas on parenting change when you become one!

I repeat:


Yes, I'm well aware of what you posted.. I'm just not entirely sure what you're addressing... You quoted that guy who called me a perfect example of bad parenting, and said my ideas would change.. at that point, I really hadn't expressed any ideas.

Unless, are you talking about my second paragraph there? Cause that's not MY idea of parenting, it's just what my parents did with me and why it was effective. I would never do that to my children, the fact that that's all I know of how to parent makes me not want to have children at all.

My dad used to say, "Insanity's hereditary--you get if from you're kids!"
Judging from the way some of you parents are behaving on this thread, he was right!
:D

Since all of you are of a different generation I would like to ask how many who have, or have had jobs
were expected to give money out of you weekly paycheck to the "house".  It is another thing that I have
noticed that has changed.  While living at home, if we had a job,(my friends and sibs), we had to give
money to mom from every check, first thing, kind of like rent.  It grated since we didn't make much, but
it did give us a handle on what is like to have to pay a bill each and every paycheck.



Absolutely not.  Our parents never made either of us give them money for household expenses.  As my dad put it "If I need my kids to help me pay the bills, I'm not doing my job as a provider".

Absolutely not.  Our parents never made either of us give them money for household expenses.  As my dad put it "If I need my kids to help me pay the bills, I'm not doing my job as a provider".


  ::)

There is a difference between helping pay the bills and teaching responsibility.  My parents didn't need my help in paying the bills, they were teaching me responsibility and independence.  Before my father would let me take out his car I had to know how to change a tire.  He did not want me to be stranded out somewhere and have to depend on some passing stranger to do it for me. A worked with a woman whose father had the same attitude as your Dad.  His daughter would never have to change a tire...Didn't do her much good when she did got stranded(this was before personal cel phones were a concept) and she sat for 2 hours and walked
a couple of miles at night for help. 

  ::)

There is a difference between helping pay the bills and teaching responsibility.  My parents didn't need my help in paying the bills, they were teaching me responsibility and independence.  Before my father would let me take out his car I had to know how to change a tire.  He did not want me to be stranded out somewhere and have to depend on some passing stranger to do it for me. A worked with a woman whose father had the same attitude as your Dad.  His daughter would never have to change a tire...Didn't do her much good when she did got stranded(this was before personal cel phones were a concept) and she sat for 2 hours and walked
a couple of miles at night for help. 



Roll your eyes at the way my dad thinks; see if I give a sh*t.  BTW, that's really effing rude.  Really.  My parents taught us ficscal responsibility when we were very young.  They also taught us how to change tires.  I don't know what that has to do with handing your money over to your parents, but apparently you wanted to make it germane to the conversation.

The only bills my sister and I pay with our money are OUR bills.  Our credit cards and our cell phones.  My parents won't take our money to pay for household expenses.  Even when they both were out of work, they wouldn't. 

Roll your eyes at the way my dad thinks; see if I give a sh*t.  BTW, that's really effing rude.  Really.  My parents taught us ficscal responsibility when we were very young.  They also taught us how to change tires.  I don't know what that has to do with handing your money over to your parents, but apparently you wanted to make it germane to the conversation.

The only bills my sister and I pay with our money are OUR bills.  Our credit cards and our cell phones.  My parents won't take our money to pay for household expenses.  Even when they both were out of work, they wouldn't. 


::)

Again, my parents, and my friends parents didn't take our money to pay household expenses.  They took it as a teaching tool, and because everyone in a household was expected to contribute to the household, in all ways. Work for wages outside of the house were on a par with chores inside of the house. In most cases the money ended up in a savings account that was handed over after graduation.  My parents were never out of work, never needed money from us to pay household expenses, but we were always expected us to contribute. It was a thing I would say 99% of the parents of my parents generation did. I gave that as an illustration of how parenting has changed. These days I would say 99% of the parents do not have their children contribute wages to the household, which could explain why the returning home of 30 year olds has become a social phenomenon.

Again, my parents, and my friends parents didn't take our money to pay household expenses.  They took it as a teaching tool, and because everyone in a household was expected to contribute to the household, in all ways. Work for wages outside of the house were on a par with chores inside of the house. In most cases the money ended up in a savings account that was handed over after graduation.  My parents were never out of work, never needed money from us to pay household expenses, but we were always expected us to contribute. It was a thing I would say 99% of the parents of my parents generation did. I gave that as an illustration of how parenting has changed. These days I would say 99% of the parents do not have their children contribute wages to the household, which could explain why the returning home of 30 year olds has become a social phenomenon.



That's your generation.  I don't know anyone in mine who had to help pay for household expenses.  Neither myself nor my sister make enough to make a dent in any of our family's bills.  I'm trying to save up to get my own apartment PLUS I have to pay for my cell phone and my credit card.  As does my sister.  When that's done, we don't have much left over.  My parents always said that as long as we lived under their roof we weren't to give them any money while living there.  Not for food, not for cable, not for rent, not for utilities, nothing.  My sister and I have tried over the years and they give it back everytime.  Oh yeah, I have to pay off my student loans.......................as does everyone else I know.  What money am I supposed to give them?

We had to contribute to the household in other ways.  We have to do chores around the house, we have to do the shopping every week, we have to mow the lawn.......we do those things for our parents to lessen their workload. 

I don't know anyone in mine who had to help pay for household expenses.




For the third time  It was not done to help pay household expenses, It was a to teach independence and responsibility.

I felt I had to highlight that in red since you obviously aren't paying attention to what I have said. I love how you take everything so personally, it is so easy to get you riled up.

For the third time  It was not done to help pay household expenses, It was a to teach independence and responsibility.

I felt I had to highlight that in red since you obviously aren't paying attention to what I have said. I love how you take everything so personally, it is so easy to get you riled up.



My parents taught us independence and responsibility without us having to give them money.  You seem hell bent on putting down the way my parents raised me and my sister. 

I didn't have a job during high school so I can't comment on the money/household expenses thing from a personal perspective.


One thing about parents these days that really perplexes me is how many don't provide a REAL MEAL for their kid's dinner regularly.  What the hell happened to that?  We have kids living off of snack foods and fast foods all the time now.  I see it with my brother and his kids.  The dude only works 35 hours a week.  Besides, you can cook a meal in THIRTY MINUTES.

[quote author=

I didn't have a job during high school so I can't comment on the money/household expenses thing from a personal perspective.


One thing about parents these days that really perplexes me is how many don't provide a REAL MEAL for their kid's dinner regularly.  What the hell happened to that?  We have kids living off of snack foods and fast foods all the time now.  I see it with my brother and his kids.  The dude only works 35 hours a week.  Besides, you can cook a meal in THIRTY MINUTES.




Yes!  Every night we sat down to dinner, altogether, for a home cooked meal.  We had Chinese food on New years eve. That was about the extent of take out.  My father got paid every two weeks, every two weeks we went to Petes for a slice of pizza, after dinner.

Well I think any kid who is still a "kid"(under 18) should be ensured a meal every night.  But like in the case of my brother, he has 4 kids at home, and they don't cook them real meals.  Now, the baby doesn't count though, so thats actually 3(ages 17, 12, and 8 ).


Yes!  Every night we sat down to dinner, altogether, for a home cooked meal.  We had Chinese food on New years eve. That was about the extent of take out.  My father got paid every two weeks, every two weeks we went to Petes for a slice of pizza, after dinner.


It not like that anymore, unfortunately.  Gen X(not ALL of them, now, don't jump on me) parents are killing their kids with the way they are letting them eat.  Talk about bad nutrition.  I guess the site of a kid being forced to eat his vegetables at the family table is going by the wayside. ::)

[quote author=

The 17 year old can cook.  There are a ton of meals you make in the microwave that can feed an army.  My parents are too tired after working (they don't get home until 7) to cook a full meal.  If you're hungry, eat.  If you're not, then don't eat. 


Thats bullcrap.  A good parent will provide a meal for their kids, and if they are living at home and under 18/still in school than they are a kid.

And i think the "too tired" excuse is a croc as well.  My dad was a painter and many times he would not get in from work until 6 or 7 but he STILL would always cook a real meal for dinner.  And his work was manual labor, too.

There are a ton of meals you make in the microwave that can feed an army.

not exactly healthy though.. :-\\

[quote author=

[quote author=

There is more to sitting down at the table than nutrition.  The family social hour, talking to each other, what is going on, what they think, opening your mouth when it's full of food(without your mother or father seeing) to make your sister laugh.  The familial social aspect of it is huge.



We do that on Sundays.  And my sister and are too old for playing games at the table.  We sit, we eat, we chat, we leave. 

Well, I can't comment on parenting that much not having a child but I did 'parent' a 10 year old who was my ex's when I was in a previous relationship for about a year and a half.

I felt the difficulty was getting the balance between friend and guardian right. Sometimes I came off too strict, sometimes I would give way when my ex thought I shouldn't. In hindsight I felt that I neglected them both to some degree or other . . . that's the way it goes and something to work on for the future.

There are a few things I would like to instill in a child and they are to encourage them to have a business sense, strong initiative, personal responsibility and a hard-work ethic. What I used to do was give Matthew (my ex's son) a flat rate for doing nothing (about

So I guess my parents aren't good parents.  Thanks for letting me know that.  I'll be sure not to do sh*t for my mom tomorrow since it turns out she sucks at her job.


You're an ADULT.  A 17 year old isn't.  Thats the difference. 



We do that on Sundays.  And my sister and are too old for playing games at the table.  We sit, we eat, we chat, we leave. 


Like I said, obviously you and your sister are adults.  Why do you ALWAYS assume I'm talking about you personally? :D

[quote author=

Well, I can't comment on parenting that much not having a child but I did 'parent' a 10 year old who was my ex's when I was in a previous relationship for about a year and a half.

I felt the difficulty was getting the balance between friend and guardian right. Sometimes I came off too strict, sometimes I would give way when my ex thought I shouldn't. In hindsight I felt that I neglected them both to some degree or other . . . that's the way it goes and something to work on for the future.



The toughest parenting situations are non-parent parenting.  I decided that I would not live with , or marry, my Sig, until my son is through the teenage years. I think it would be too much of a balancing act, too overwhelming, especially for Jake.

BTW, the only reason my parents started making me and sister "fend" for ourselves was so we could learn independence.  Pay for own phones, do our own laundry, cook our own meals, make sure that things we needed to get done were done. 

I know people my age who don't cook for themselves or do their own laundry.  That baffles my mind.

My sister was 17 last year.  She still made her own dinner.  My sister wouldn't get home from work/various after school activities until late.....what's my mom supposed to do?  Drag her tired ass downstairs to cook dinner for an able-bodied 17 year old girl?  My sister can use the stove; she can make whatever she wants.  I did when I was 17.  Sometimes I had to cook dinner for the family because my mom would be so worn out she was sick. 

Not cooking dinner for a 5 year old is one thing.  Asking a 16 or 17 year old to make their own dinner once in a while doesn't make you a bad parent.


I can agree with that, if your sister has graduated high school.  What goes on in the high school years are to crazy to not have some sort of forced normalcy.  I was the youngest of four.  When I got to high school my mother went back to work.  She would have everything ready for the oven, or on the stove, I got it started when I got home, and we all ate together after my sister, who got home last, came in.  Weird as this may seem, my mother worked late two nights a week, she got in at nine, a plate was made up for her, and at least one of us always sat with her while she ate.  Now that she is 85 years old and has dementia I am glad about that.

The toughest parenting situations are non-parent parenting.  I decided that I would not live with , or marry, my Sig, until my son is through the teenage years. I think it would be too much of a balancing act, too overwhelming, especially for Jake.


I guess they are. I was very fortunate that Matthew is a good kid. He has his funny quirks but you don't expect them to be perfect. I was also fortunate that my ex handled it very well. She could have favoured her son over my disciplining and over-ruled me but, for the most part, she didn't.

Besides, I provided far too much for Matthew for him to adopt the 'You're not my dad' attitude. I would just simply say; "That's fine but if you don't think I am significant in your life, you don't watch my telly, listen to my music centre, play on my X-Box . . ."  ;D

Of course, I have never had to say that.  8)

My sister was 17 last year.  She still made her own dinner.  My sister wouldn't get home from work/various after school activities until late.....what's my mom supposed to do?  Drag her tired ass downstairs to cook dinner for an able-bodied 17 year old girl?  My sister can use the stove; she can make whatever she wants.  I did when I was 17.  Sometimes I had to cook dinner for the family because my mom would be so worn out she was sick. 

Not cooking dinner for a 5 year old is one thing.  Asking a 16 or 17 year old to make their own dinner once in a while doesn't make you a bad parent.


Once in a while if theres a practical reason for it like the example you gave, but I still think when possible a parent should still be cooking dinner for their kid everynight they can do it as long as they are under their roof and a minor.  I feel the same way about that as the way your dad did about paying the bills.  He felt it was the parental responsibiltiy, period.  And that is how I feel in regards to dinner.


I can agree with that, if your sister has graduated high school.  What goes on in the high school years are to crazy to not have some sort of forced normalcy.  I was the youngest of four.  When I got to high school my mother went back to work.  She would have everything ready for the oven, or on the stove, I got it started when I got home, and we all ate together after my sister, who got home last, came in.  Weird as this may seem, my mother worked late two nights a week, she got in at nine, a plate was made up for her, and at least one of us always sat with her while she ate.  Now that she is 85 years old and has dementia I am glad about that.


They weren't "weird" for me.  Then again I never got a job, or had a girlfriend or any extra curricular activities to keep me away in the evenings.  I didn't go out and socialise at ALL until my senior year and even then it was not regularly.  I was home in the evenings right after school 98% of the time just like back in elementary and junior high.

I can agree with that, if your sister has graduated high school.  What goes on in the high school years are to crazy to not have some sort of forced normalcy.  I was the youngest of four.  When I got to high school my mother went back to work.  She would have everything ready for the oven, or on the stove, I got it started when I got home, and we all ate together after my sister, who got home last, came in.  Weird as this may seem, my mother worked late two nights a week, she got in at nine, a plate was made up for her, and at least one of us always sat with her while she ate.  Now that she is 85 years old and has dementia I am glad about that.



My sister graduates from high school in May.  My sister is a good cook as am I.  Sometimes we make something during the day and if people want some, they'll take it, heat it up and eat it.  My mom wears herself out all day working and with 2 adults in the house, if we just sit on our butts and do nothing, we look lazy.

But as I said, I'm talking about someone who's 16 and older.  I am not talking about forcing a 12 year old to cook their own dinner.  If you're old enough to drive, you should be old enough to cook dinner or at least help cook dinner for the family.

[quote author=

But as I said, I'm talking about someone who's 16 and older.  I am not talking about forcing a 12 year old to cook their own dinner.  If you're old enough to drive, you should be old enough to cook dinner or at least help cook dinner for the family.


IF the parents cannot do it for some reason. 


I only worked in the summer, not during school, had male friends but wasn't allowed boyfriends until I graduated, and extra curriculars were after school, not at night.  Any socializing was, "weekends only, where, with who, be back by 11, be where you say you are going to be,"  That was the way it was.


Um, okay.

[quote author=

Ah, I see.

Has anyone noticed that some of today's parents really have no clue about how to raise a child? The kids are mean to other kids, and their parents. An example of bad parenting is this: Letting the kid have a pacifier until they are about five(yes, I have seen this). I mean come on, don't they know what those do to your teeth?



Well, circumstances are alwys different, and this has been happening for quite some time now, not just "nowadays".

I'm honestly pretty close with both my parents, being an only child with divorced parents. I can cook my own dinner, but my mom honestly likes cooking dinner for me. She's away from 7:00-4:00 every day working with her 15 other children, disadvantaged Patersonians, and she often enjoys that she can do that one thing for me because I'm independent otherwise. We don't spend that much time together, she's guilty about not being around more for me with her boyfriend and job, usually she ends up cooking my meals for me though when she's not around it's not like I can't. At my dad's, I basically either cook my own food or we go out to eat. I know how to cook plenty, my mom and I cook together plenty, actually, but I think it's fine that someone is going to cook dinner for you if they want to. It's not like I can't do it, and I wouldn't mind doing it.

There is more to sitting down at the table than nutrition.  The family social hour, talking to each other, what is going on, what they think, opening your mouth when it's full of food(without your mother or father seeing) to make your sister laugh.  The familial social aspect of it is huge.


We used to do that.. we'd talk and  eat a meal every night at the table.. then, we realized we all kinda hated each other. So we eat in the living room now.

We used to do that.. we'd talk and  eat a meal every night at the table.. then, we realized we all kinda hated each other. So we eat in the living room now.


:-\\ That sucks...usually my mom and I eat in the kitchen or in front of the TV and insult whatever's on TV, if we're doing that, or we kvetch.

:-\\ That sucks...usually my mom and I eat in the kitchen or in front of the TV and insult whatever's on TV, if we're doing that, or we kvetch.


Yeah, we occasionally get together and bust on the TV or watch a show together, but not often.

Honestly, I think we all prefer it this way.

Something I don't do is watch TV with the whole family except football matches (world cup) and occasionly a movie.but apart from that,nada.

I have to wonder if some of those parents who seemingly can't 'be the parent' are that way because of problems they might be dealing with(or refuse to deal with)...that's the way it was with my parents, who were both alcoholics(and did God knows what else there was so much dysfunction with both of them)...while DYFS putting me in foster care, and then a group home for teenage girls with emotional/family issues, was not really that much better...It could have been worse had I stayed with Mom. Consider I had to miss school for a year and literally run the household, meaning keeping it clean and even cooking for Mom and I, when i was eight years old before DYFS got involved..that's not a childhood.

I can't believe how some people talk to their kids though, in the name of discipline...no wonder why some kids have more knowledge of four-letter words before they even know their alphabet!

Something I don't do is watch TV with the whole family except football matches (world cup) and occasionly a movie.but apart from that,nada.


The advance of technology creates more opportunity and choice out there to make watching TV with the family a thing of the past. A lot of kids have TV with SKY in their rooms or computers with internet to communicate with people to keep them occupied.

^Another big difference from when I grew up.  I didn't know anyone with a TV in their room.  As a matter of fact, I didn't know of a household with more than one TV.  Jake is 15, he can have a TV and a computer in his room after high school graduation.  Right now, we share the one( of each )

^Another big difference from when I grew up.  I didn't know anyone with a TV in their room.  As a matter of fact, I didn't know of a household with more than one TV.  Jake is 15, he can have a TV and a computer in his room after high school graduation.  Right now, we share the one( of each )


Yes, I grew up with only one TV in the house (at least until the age of . . . erm . . . 19 I think). I can only predict that the more technology advances, the more society will isolate itself.

We always had a ton of TVs in our house.  Kitchen, living room, parents' bedroom and my sister and each had our own TV when we turned 13.  I can't imagine not having a TV in my room.

We always had a ton of TVs in our house.  Kitchen, living room, parents' bedroom and my sister and each had our own TV when we turned 13.  I can't imagine not having a TV in my room.


We have one TV, briefly we had two. I have two at my dad's apartment, but one is a mini-TV that only gets the network channel.

We have one TV, briefly we had two. I have two at my dad's apartment, but one is a mini-TV that only gets the network channel.


We have 5... a big screen in the living room, one in the computer room, one in my bedroom, one in the excercise room.. my parents are getting the 5th in their bedroom once they get the wiring right.

Yes, I grew up with only one TV in the house (at least until the age of . . . erm . . . 19 I think). I can only predict that the more technology advances, the more society will isolate itself.


Yeah, that's the way I see it.  They say that we all watch too much television, then try to sell us cable(dish, etc), which I won't have in my house.  There is less of a reason to interact, and with Tivo, individual DVDs, Ipods, I think we will eventually darwin ourselves out of vocal chords, and without social interaction we will all turn into Spocks (who I love, but would you really want to be confused by why people kiss?}

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/6f/Spock001.jpg

Yeah, that's the way I see it.  They say that we all watch too much television, then try to sell us cable(dish, etc), which I won't have in my house.  There is less of a reason to interact, and with Tivo, individual DVDs, Ipods, I think we will eventually darwin ourselves out of vocal chords, and without social interaction we will all turn into Spocks (who I love, but would you really want to be confused by why people kiss?}

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/6f/Spock001.jpg


Ha ha! I'm not too sure I could predict the loss of vocal chords but I reckon technology will be so immersive that people will have difficulty interracting within the real world at any level (almost become like a person with Aspergers Syndrome or something).

Do you remember when 'VIrtual Reality' came out? Even though only a few got a shot at it, people were feeling very disorientated upon leaving the game. If media were like that 24/7, we would have a lot of walking zombies roaming about. Kids going to school would look like something out of 'Dawn of the Dead'.  ;D

The scariest is that porn is the biggest draw on the internet.  With the break down in social interaction one day we may all be reduced to masturbation for pleasure, insemination for procreation.

The other day, I saw what appeared to be a five year old kid that still had a pacifier.

To me, that's just wrong.

Wow, lots of discussion here over the weekend!

Danoota mentioned contributing to household expenses.  At 13 I started a paper round and this money was purely to top up my pocket money and I spent most of it on magazines (NME and Smash Hits).  At 15 I got a Saturday job at Woolworths and helped to pay for the rental of the video recorder.  When I started work full time I paid my parents some money as board.  Nothing like you would pay renting your own place but enough to start the concept off.

At the moment my children don't get pocket money but we are going to introduce it soon.  I think Bobby's idea of a small amount usually which is topped up for any extra jobs.  Obviously at 7 and 5 these extras won't be too taxing.  I can remember aged about 14 negotiating a price with my mum to paint the walls of the outside toilet.  I had something expensive I was saving up for and this helped to pay for it.

Family meals:  we eat together as a family every evening.  If one parent is out then just the three of us sit down together.  We can talk over what sort of things we've been doing during the day, what is happening the next day etc.  The main problem with this is getting my son to stop talking and eat his dinner!

I've had a T.V. in my room since I was 6 years old.  I couldn't imagine not having one in my room.  Actually, I am unfortunately one of those people who CANNOT sleep without a television on.  I've tried.  The silence weirds me out to the point where I cannot relax and go to sleep.


I can't believe how some people talk to their kids though, in the name of discipline...no wonder why some kids have more knowledge of four-letter words before they even know their alphabet!


"Because I told you so"

What is the point of correcting them if you aren't going to let them know why?  They aren't going to learn anything from that.  I guess there are some parents though who believe punishment for the sake of punishment is acceptable parenting. ::)

Heres one thing I strongly believe, if you talk to a kid like they are an actual human being with feelings and try to empathize with them, they will mind you and listen to what you have to say a LOT more than if you always go the "because I told you so" "I'm the parent and you're the child" route.

In my case, I was always a "misbehaver" as a kid.  My parents were always very distant, they would never say anything when I was doing good or took interest in the things I liked, but if I did something wrong oh you bet I would get an earful.  Then by contrast when I went to my uncle's he NEVER yelled for one thing(honestly, how can you get mad at a kid?), he always talked to me like I was a real person, he would point it out and applaud me when I did right, and he took interest in things that I liked and interested me. 

And BIG SURPRISE(yeah, right) I would mind for him, but not my folks.  And they never could figure out why. ::)

Yes, I have found with Vaughn that yelling absolutely gets NOTHING resolved. I find that when I try to remain calm and talk to him in a lower voice, he responds well to it.  Also, we have been incorporating the time-outs (when needed)....he hates to sit on the step for 4-5 minutes...but 90% of the time, after he has sat there and calmed down, he gets up and is usually fine.  Spanking doesn't work at all with him. He's the type that will just look at you if you spank him...doesn't affect him one bit.

Yes, I have found with Vaughn that yelling absolutely gets NOTHING resolved. I find that when I try to remain calm and talk to him in a lower voice, he responds well to it.  Also, we have been incorporating the time-outs (when needed)....he hates to sit on the step for 4-5 minutes...but 90% of the time, after he has sat there and calmed down, he gets up and is usually fine.  Spanking doesn't work at all with him. He's the type that will just look at you if you spank him...doesn't affect him one bit.


I was at my grandmother's for mother's day yesterday, and we were all eating and my older cousin slapped her kid for belching. 

I didn't say anything but it bothered me.  I don't believe in spanking in the first place, but I'm DEFINITELY agaisnt slapping.  It seems like you would say "don't do that its rude" before you just haul off and slap them. :D

[quote author=

Yes, I have found with Vaughn that yelling absolutely gets NOTHING resolved. I find that when I try to remain calm and talk to him in a lower voice, he responds well to it.  Also, we have been incorporating the time-outs (when needed)....he hates to sit on the step for 4-5 minutes...but 90% of the time, after he has sat there and calmed down, he gets up and is usually fine.  Spanking doesn't work at all with him. He's the type that will just look at you if you spank him...doesn't affect him one bit.


How do you get Vaughn to sit on the step?  I am trying to do this with James but spent half an hour the other day just trying to get him to sit on the step!  I explain why he is there and that he must stay there for four minutes and then I go away to carry on with whatever I am doing.  Straightaway James is off the step and following me, laughing his head off, it's just one big joke to him  >:(

To cap it all, yesterday I put James in his room.  He starts yelling about how boring it was and hubby went in and sympathised with him, then started talking about what they were going to do later!

How do you get Vaughn to sit on the step?  I am trying to do this with James but spent half an hour the other day just trying to get him to sit on the step!  I explain why he is there and that he must stay there for four minutes and then I go away to carry on with whatever I am doing.  Straightaway James is off the step and following me, laughing his head off, it's just one big joke to him  >:(



Well, it probably is.  He's a kid.

How do you get Vaughn to sit on the step?  I am trying to do this with James but spent half an hour the other day just trying to get him to sit on the step!  I explain why he is there and that he must stay there for four minutes and then I go away to carry on with whatever I am doing.  Straightaway James is off the step and following me, laughing his head off, it's just one big joke to him  >:(

To cap it all, yesterday I put James in his room.  He starts yelling about how boring it was and hubby went in and sympathised with him, then started talking about what they were going to do later!


Try a timer.  Tell him he has to stay in the chair, or on the step, until the timer goes off.  If he gets up before the timer goes off it gets reset.  They don't have any concept of time really.  The first couple of times stay in the near vicinity, after a couple of times you can widen the distance before you, but he has to know that he can't leave the step.  As for hubby, he is undermining you and that is real bad, he is making you the big bad mommy, and him the hero.  Got to have a talk with him!

How do you get Vaughn to sit on the step?  I am trying to do this with James but spent half an hour the other day just trying to get him to sit on the step!  I explain why he is there and that he must stay there for four minutes and then I go away to carry on with whatever I am doing.  Straightaway James is off the step and following me, laughing his head off, it's just one big joke to him  >:(

To cap it all, yesterday I put James in his room.  He starts yelling about how boring it was and hubby went in and sympathised with him, then started talking about what they were going to do later!
You just have to keep putting them back.  It may take awhile, but once they see you won't give in, they will eventually stay. 

You just have to keep putting them back.  It may take awhile, but once they see you won't give in, they will eventually stay. 


BWAHAHAHA!  That's what we do to Jason :D

BWAHAHAHA!  That's what we do to Jason :D
I think with my youngest, the first few times I put him back about 20 times each :o

I think with my youngest, the first few times I put him back about 20 times each :o


I had to physically restrain him until he gave up :P

I had to physically restrain him until he gave up :P
I tried that, but he figured out rather quickly that if he stopped resisting, I'd let go and as soon as I did, he was gone :P

I tried that, but he figured out rather quickly that if he stopped resisting, I'd let go and as soon as I did, he was gone :P


Really?  I guess I did it enough with Jason that he decided not to mess around  :o

Yes...what everyone else said regarding this...is correct.  I usually set a timer for 4 minutes and place Vaughn on the step. He hates it, and also will not sit still. I have to keep putting him right back on the step. It's not to the point where I can just walk away and expect him to stay there (he would get right back up and run out of the room), I have to stand right next to him.

I've heard before kids get better reasoning skills around age 7.  Is that true?

Yes...what everyone else said regarding this...is correct.  I usually set a timer for 4 minutes and place Vaughn on the step. He hates it, and also will not sit still. I have to keep putting him right back on the step. It's not to the point where I can just walk away and expect him to stay there (he would get right back up and run out of the room), I have to stand right next to him.
Do you reset the timer each time you have to move him back?  I found that's the key.... ;)[quote author=

The scariest is that porn is the biggest draw on the internet.  With the break down in social interaction one day we may all be reduced to masturbation for pleasure, insemination for procreation.


Like in 'The Handmaid's Tale'?

Sex is too much of a good thing to use only for procreation purposes.  8)

The scariest is that porn is the biggest draw on the internet.  With the break down in social interaction one day we may all be reduced to masturbation for pleasure, insemination for procreation.



People masturbate for other reasons than pleasure?

People masturbate for other reasons than pleasure?


That's given me a whole new perspective on the subject.  :D ;D

People masturbate for other reasons than pleasure?


You.. you can do that for pleasure? I was told it would expire and die if you didn't use it. Sonofabitch, I always found it to be a chore..

Do you reset the timer each time you have to move him back?  I found that's the key.... ;)



Well, what I do is if he misbehaves in time-out and I have to keep grabbing him and putting him back on the step...I usually add a few minutes to his original 4....then he usually gets tired of it, and sits there until the time is up.

Well, what I do is if he misbehaves in time-out and I have to keep grabbing him and putting him back on the step...I usually add a few minutes to his original 4....then he usually gets tired of it, and sits there until the time is up.
It's tedious, but reset the timer each time you put him back.  What would surprise you is the actual amount of time you spend getting him back.  Also, he doesn't comprehend that you are adding time to "make up" for the time you spent so he just sees it as "extra time" and "not fair".  Another idea is to not start the timer until he's sitting there calmly.  My son's ADD doc told me that one ;)

It's tedious, but reset the timer each time you put him back.  What would surprise you is the actual amount of time you spend getting him back.  Also, he doesn't comprehend that you are adding time to "make up" for the time you spent so he just sees it as "extra time" and "not fair".  Another idea is to not start the timer until he's sitting there calmly.  My son's ADD doc told me that one ;)



thanks for the tip...I will definitely give it a try!! ;)

I always reset the timer.  I think I'm going to buy a kitchen timer instead of using the one on my cooker.  It will be easier to reset and James will see me doing it.  Plus not setting it until I'm sure he is going to stay there will help.

I always reset the timer.  I think I'm going to buy a kitchen timer instead of using the one on my cooker.  It will be easier to reset and James will see me doing it.  Plus not setting it until I'm sure he is going to stay there will help.




Karen, how old is James? He is around 4, right? That's how old Vaughn is too (he is just turning 4 tomorrow).  Does he act up a lot in public, or is it mainly at home?  Vaughn sometimes has terrible rants out in public, it embarrasses me so much. I usually just have to take him to the car and let him calm down.  I will say though that it seems he is growing out of that stage a bit, now that he is 4.  Do you find that with your son as he gets a bit older (behavior getting better, etc.)?

Karen, how old is James? He is around 4, right? That's how old Vaughn is too (he is just turning 4 tomorrow).  Does he act up a lot in public, or is it mainly at home?  Vaughn sometimes has terrible rants out in public, it embarrasses me so much. I usually just have to take him to the car and let him calm down.  I will say though that it seems he is growing out of that stage a bit, now that he is 4.  Do you find that with your son as he gets a bit older (behavior getting better, etc.)?


James was 4 in January.  He is generally well behaved when out and about, he doesn't have temper tantrums.  More it is a problem with him not listening.  The nursery complain about it, his swimming teacher commented on it as well (so it's not just me!).  When he is paying attention he is a lovely boy but sometimes he hears what you have asked, ignores it and then starts to push the boundaries.  The things we are asking are not difficult for him to do or beyond his comprehension he just won't do them (or stop doing them as appropriate)  >:(

Karen, how old is James? He is around 4, right? That's how old Vaughn is too (he is just turning 4 tomorrow).  Does he act up a lot in public, or is it mainly at home?  Vaughn sometimes has terrible rants out in public, it embarrasses me so much. I usually just have to take him to the car and let him calm down.  I will say though that it seems he is growing out of that stage a bit, now that he is 4.  Do you find that with your son as he gets a bit older (behavior getting better, etc.)?


A friend of mine had a daughter who would have terrible tantrums.  A doctor told her to keep an eye on what she ate, and it turned out that whenever she let her overindulge in sweets she had tantrums.  That and/or being close to nap time could be explosive.

A friend of mine had a daughter who would have terrible tantrums.  A doctor told her to keep an eye on what she ate, and it turned out that whenever she let her overindulge in sweets she had tantrums.  That and/or being close to nap time could be explosive.


I haven't noticed any connection with food with my children but lack of sleep or needing a nap can set them off.  James doesn't sleep during the day at nursery but will sometimes at the weekend.

With my daughter I've noticed that if she goes to bed late then she gets up early the next day so she is really hard work.

James was 4 in January.  He is generally well behaved when out and about, he doesn't have temper tantrums.  More it is a problem with him not listening.  The nursery complain about it, his swimming teacher commented on it as well (so it's not just me!).  When he is paying attention he is a lovely boy but sometimes he hears what you have asked, ignores it and then starts to push the boundaries.  The things we are asking are not difficult for him to do or beyond his comprehension he just won't do them (or stop doing them as appropriate)  >:(


Ever had him checked for ADD?  Sounds a bit like it.  Try making sure that he is looking directly at you while you are speaking to him, eye contact, and one thing at a time.

A friend of mine had a daughter who would have terrible tantrums.  A doctor told her to keep an eye on what she ate, and it turned out that whenever she let her overindulge in sweets she had tantrums.  That and/or being close to nap time could be explosive.




yes, that is very true. A while ago we found that anytime Vaughn ate something with a lot of sugar (or food/drink items that contained red coloring), he would be jumping off the walls. We are very strict with his diet now. We don't keep anything very sweet in the house, and he is very limited to what he can eat.  Vaughn still does take a nap too, and I have noticed that whenever he is either tired or hungry...he gets crabby/mean.



James was 4 in January.  He is generally well behaved when out and about, he doesn't have temper tantrums.  More it is a problem with him not listening.  The nursery complain about it, his swimming teacher commented on it as well (so it's not just me!).  When he is paying attention he is a lovely boy but sometimes he hears what you have asked, ignores it and then starts to push the boundaries.  The things we are asking are not difficult for him to do or beyond his comprehension he just won't do them (or stop doing them as appropriate)  >:(



Yes, Vaughn has a mind of his own as well.  Sometimes he can be so stubborn about things!!

I haven't noticed any connection with food with my children but lack of sleep or needing a nap can set them off.  James doesn't sleep during the day at nursery but will sometimes at the weekend.

With my daughter I've noticed that if she goes to bed late then she gets up early the next day so she is really hard work.


Even if they don't get a nap, a little "down time" may help, tv, radio, all that stuff off and a little quiet.  It winds them down, and it works well for Mom at the same time.  I used to tell Jake that I needed help taking a little nap, only for about 20 minutes or so, so he would "help" by sitting quietly with me looking at a book or magazine. Sometimes, mercifully, he would even fall asleep.

yes, that is very true. A while ago we found that anytime Vaughn ate something with a lot of sugar (or food/drink items that contained red coloring), he would be jumping off the walls. We are very strict with his diet now. We don't keep anything very sweet in the house, and he is very limited to what he can eat.  Vaughn still does take a nap too, and I have noticed that whenever he is either tired or hungry...he gets crabby/mean.



Yes, Vaughn has a mind of his own as well.  Sometimes he can be so stubborn about things!!


Yes, it's amazing how many times plain 'being bad' is due to sugar and over-stimulation. Food is full of sugar these days...cereals like Froot Loops, Frosties.etc are probably nothing more than candy 'disguised' as cereal.

Yes, it's amazing how many times plain 'being bad' is due to sugar and over-stimulation. Food is full of sugar these days...cereals like Froot Loops, Frosties.etc are probably nothing more than candy 'disguised' as cereal.




yep. And we found that with Vaughn, he just cannot have this sort of stuff. He's like a different person when he is on a sugar high.  We don't keep candy/sweets in our house. When he wants something sweet, he gets animal crackers, or vanilla wafers, or something not too sugary.

yep. And we found that with Vaughn, he just cannot have this sort of stuff. He's like a different person when he is on a sugar high.  We don't keep candy/sweets in our house. When he wants something sweet, he gets animal crackers, or vanilla wafers, or something not too sugary.


Yeah, some kids are just more sensitive than others to sugar. Just glad I wasn't one of those kids when I was his age..

Ever had him checked for ADD?  Sounds a bit like it.  Try making sure that he is looking directly at you while you are speaking to him, eye contact, and one thing at a time.


I wondered about that.  He will turn his face towards me when I ask him to look at me but I then have to remind him to look at me with his eyes!


Yeah, some kids are just more sensitive than others to sugar. Just glad I wasn't one of those kids when I was his age..


Orange squash used to set my friends son off.  He be totally off his head!

I wondered about that.  He will turn his face towards me when I ask him to look at me but I then have to remind him to look at me with his eyes!

Orange squash used to set my friends son off.  He be totally off his head!



Vaughn is the same way....he rarely looks at me when I am talking to him and his attention span is very short.  I took him to the doctors already and she said that they usually don't start testing for ADD until they are around 5 or so. They don't like to medicate and would rather do behavior therapy. ADD does run in our family...but I hate putting a label on him like that.

Vaughn is the same way....he rarely looks at me when I am talking to him and his attention span is very short.  I took him to the doctors already and she said that they usually don't start testing for ADD until they are around 5 or so. They don't like to medicate and would rather do behavior therapy. ADD does run in our family...but I hate putting a label on him like that.


Don't worry, by the ultra-politically correct 2010s they'll probably invent a new, less stigmatizing term for ADD. That you can bet on.

My problem with ADD is that I know of some parents who say their kids have it just to excuse their bad behaviour. It seems to be 'the' latest thing to have.  This then means you get the eye roll if you say your child has ADD

My problem with ADD is that I know of some parents who say their kids have it just to excuse their bad behaviour. It seems to be 'the' latest thing to have.  This then means you get the eye roll if you say your child has ADD


That's the problem with modern day psychology...everything's this disorder or that disorder. The solution? Medication, or 'counselling'. Everything's being labelled, everything's being categorised, analysed - begs the question, are there other ways to solve the problem?

My problem with ADD is that I know of some parents who say their kids have it just to excuse their bad behaviour. It seems to be 'the' latest thing to have.  This then means you get the eye roll if you say your child has ADD



yes, that's true.  There are many parents who use it as an excuse. There are also SO many kids out there who are heavily medicated (and are like little zombies), and some of them need not be.  How much do you wanna bet that some of these kids don't even have ADD...and if their parents simply cut out the sweets and/or the particular colorings/dyes in food that are responsible for making a child hyper....their child would be basically normal and good?

Another thing you both might want to try is when you tell them something, make them repeat it back to you.  My 8 y.o. has been diagnosed with ADD (non-hyperactive type ~ not ADHD), which is being caused by his CAPD (Central Auditory Processing Disorder).  Basically, he hears that you're talking to him, but if there's any sort of background noise, he can't process what he's heard.  Here's a website to check it out.  The hard part is that many teachers aren't even aware of this problem.  I've been lucky to have a great teacher for him this year who has taken all of my information and requests and implemented them.  He's on medication, as well, but he's by no means a "zombie" (though I've seen PLENTY of kids who are :().....the kids that ARE zombies are either overmedicated, on the wrong medication or shouldn't be on it at all.

Another thing you both might want to try is when you tell them something, make them repeat it back to you.  My 8 y.o. has been diagnosed with ADD (non-hyperactive type ~ not ADHD), which is being caused by his CAPD (Central Auditory Processing Disorder).  Basically, he hears that you're talking to him, but if there's any sort of background noise, he can't process what he's heard.  Here's a website to check it out.  The hard part is that many teachers aren't even aware of this problem.  I've been lucky to have a great teacher for him this year who has taken all of my information and requests and implemented them.  He's on medication, as well, but he's by no means a "zombie" (though I've seen PLENTY of kids who are :().....the kids that ARE zombies are either overmedicated, on the wrong medication or shouldn't be on it at all.


which medication is your son on?

which medication is your son on?
Focalin.  (info: http://pediatrics.about.com/od/adhd/a/05_focalin_xr.htm)  It's a relatively new Ritalin-like drug that has fewer side effects.  He reacted so badly to the other drugs, this was our last resort.  On the traditional "stimulant" meds (Concerta, Adderal, Ritalin), he would have rages where he was basically out of control.  Then we tried the only "non-stimulant" (Strattera) and he became suicidal :o  We also have him seeing a counselor as needed and tried the "diet" and other means before we started the meds.  He doesn't really eat many of the "bad" foods on the diet so that had NO effect and the "behavioral therapy" didn't help much either because his isn't caused by something he can "learn" to control.  There is another "new" type of therapy, but our doc doesn't think that would be beneficial either since it's a more "high-tech" form of behavioral therapy (neural stimulation therapy or something like that).

My problem with ADD is that I know of some parents who say their kids have it just to excuse their bad behaviour. It seems to be 'the' latest thing to have.  This then means you get the eye roll if you say your child has ADD


I have teenagers -- they grew up with this whole ADD thing (their friends on Ritalin, understanding really what ADD is because of knowing who was labelled with it and who wasn't...).  They (and their friends) figure everyone has this to some extent.  They'll say to each other, "Resist the ADD and get your homework done so we can go out!" or "I'm having an ADD day mom, can't get anything done."  or whatever.

One of my boys, I expect, does have this (as do I, mildly) but I can't get the schools to test him.  I think the pendulum has swung the other way.  They dealt with it with so many kids for so long and now they don't want to know.  But a mom can sense these things....and he's 14 so it's not just that he's too young to control his behavior.

When my kids were little and I wanted them to pay attention when I was talking to them, I'd place my hand under their chin, gently, and turn their face toward me.  "Look and listen," I'd say.  And I'd move my finger from my eyes to theirs and back again.  Sometimes, with little ones, we have to be very specific and demonstrate exactly what we mean when we give instructions like "look at me" -- it seems simple to us but might not be to them. 

I spoke to both of mine the other day about listening to what we said rather than just hearing the words!  I was meaning that they should react to what was said, i.e. stop jumping on the sofa doesn't mean go and jump on the other sofa!

I have teenagers -- they grew up with this whole ADD thing (their friends on Ritalin, understanding really what ADD is because of knowing who was labelled with it and who wasn't...).  They (and their friends) figure everyone has this to some extent.  They'll say to each other, "Resist the ADD and get your homework done so we can go out!" or "I'm having an ADD day mom, can't get anything done."  or whatever.

One of my boys, I expect, does have this (as do I, mildly) but I can't get the schools to test him.  I think the pendulum has swung the other way.  They dealt with it with so many kids for so long and now they don't want to know.  But a mom can sense these things....and he's 14 so it's not just that he's too young to control his behavior.

When my kids were little and I wanted them to pay attention when I was talking to them, I'd place my hand under their chin, gently, and turn their face toward me.  "Look and listen," I'd say.  And I'd move my finger from my eyes to theirs and back again.  Sometimes, with little ones, we have to be very specific and demonstrate exactly what we mean when we give instructions like "look at me" -- it seems simple to us but might not be to them. 
Depending on the state, the schools can't test them....you have to take them to a doctor/specialist.  I know in IL, the teachers aren't even supposed to suggest that a child has ADD.  My son's kindergarten teacher asked if he had ever been tested for "anything" and I said no.  The first grade teacher told me when I asked for her opinion "Well, we aren't supposed to give an opinion either way, but if he were MY son, I would have him 'evaluated'."  I talked to a local ADD specialist and he suggested we try the diet and therapy before testing him so we did.  When neither of those worked, we had him tested and found the ADD/CAPD.

I have to do the same with my son.  If I don't think he's "heard" me, I make him repeat back what I just said.  If he can't, I try again.  If he STILL can't (which happens if there's alot of background noise), I have to cover one ear and talk directly into the other.  I've gotten some strange looks when I've had to do this in public, but it's the only way I can get him to process what I've just said.

To those of you who have a stable family and who are able to raise kids successfully, you are blessed. I am still trying to reclaim my life, but yes I'm thankful for what I do have, especially my roommate, Craig, and my feline friend, Tika. Also for being given a somewhat independent life in the nice condominium complex I live in, and to live in a town that's very pretty, Absecon.

Depending on the state, the schools can't test them....you have to take them to a doctor/specialist.  I know in IL, the teachers aren't even supposed to suggest that a child has ADD.  My son's kindergarten teacher asked if he had ever been tested for "anything" and I said no.  The first grade teacher told me when I asked for her opinion "Well, we aren't supposed to give an opinion either way, but if he were MY son, I would have him 'evaluated'."  I talked to a local ADD specialist and he suggested we try the diet and therapy before testing him so we did.  When neither of those worked, we had him tested and found the ADD/CAPD.

I have to do the same with my son.  If I don't think he's "heard" me, I make him repeat back what I just said.  If he can't, I try again.  If he STILL can't (which happens if there's alot of background noise), I have to cover one ear and talk directly into the other.  I've gotten some strange looks when I've had to do this in public, but it's the only way I can get him to process what I've just said.


They won't test him for ADD; but they can test him for learning disabilities.  When I worked in special ed, I learned that one thing that qualifies a child for this type of testing is when his grades are significantly below what they should be for his IQ.  Now, he could just be an underachiever.  But I think there might be something more.  So....I'm going to try to pull a few strings and have them test him.  Just to know.  If I have to pay, I have to pay. 

They won't test him for ADD; but they can test him for learning disabilities.  When I worked in special ed, I learned that one thing that qualifies a child for this type of testing is when his grades are significantly below what they should be for his IQ.  Now, he could just be an underachiever.  But I think there might be something more.  So....I'm going to try to pull a few strings and have them test him.  Just to know.  If I have to pay, I have to pay. 


You are correct - teachers do not test for ADD, however, here in California we are given forms to fill out when a parent seeks an ADD diagnosis from the doctor.  It asks questions about classroom behavior and attention span and all those things.  I have filled out plenty of those. 

For special ED - in our district - you have to have a meeting with teachers, principal, parents, psychologist, and discuss the child's weaknesses.  Then as a group you decide on ways to help the child succeed.  Plan to remeet in a couple of months if no progress or change is seen THEN you can request testing.  Of course - as I understand it - the parent has ultimate rights and can request testing at anytime - free of charge.  Check with someone at your District Office and they will tell you what steps you need to take to get your child tested. 

I had my oldest tested for speech before he even entered Kindergarden.  District did everything.

They won't test him for ADD; but they can test him for learning disabilities.  When I worked in special ed, I learned that one thing that qualifies a child for this type of testing is when his grades are significantly below what they should be for his IQ.  Now, he could just be an underachiever. 


Why the heck didn't I ever get tested then? ???

(I've always had an above average IQ- my parents were told I was in the top 2%, and I almost never made the honor roll in school)

Oh.  Maybe they realised I was an underachiever from the get-go. :D ;D

[quote author=

Has anyone noticed that some of today's parents really have no clue about how to raise a child? The kids are mean to other kids, and their parents. An example of bad parenting is this: Letting the kid have a pacifier until they are about five(yes, I have seen this). I mean come on, don't they know what those do to your teeth?


How many children do you have?

[quote author=

The difference has to be extreme -- high i.q. and failing or near-failing grades.
Bummer about the honor roll.  :-\\


I scored top in all the tests we did.
High IQ, High Cognitive Capabilities, All cells running.

I failed classes all the way from middle school onwards.

I don't like to say "Well I have this and I have that." I know however that I have something not quite clicking upstairs.

Sometimes I can concentrate, other times though.. I'll be off the wall. Even now.
Some day's I'd sit in class and be fine, others I'd be disruptive, not do any work, violent etc.
I was what we call 'A problem student'.  ;D

It'd be interesting to see if I have any of these neat acronyms.

I scored top in all the tests we did.
High IQ, High Cognitive Capabilities, All cells running.

I failed classes all the way from middle school onwards.

I don't like to say "Well I have this and I have that." I know however that I have something not quite clicking upstairs.

Sometimes I can concentrate, other times though.. I'll be off the wall. Even now.
Some day's I'd sit in class and be fine, others I'd be disruptive, not do any work, violent etc.
I was what we call 'A problem student'.  ;D

It'd be interesting to see if I have any of these neat acronyms.


You sound like me.  Maybe you suffer from the same thing?

c.b.a.

I scored top in all the tests we did.
High IQ, High Cognitive Capabilities, All cells running.

I failed classes all the way from middle school onwards.

I don't like to say "Well I have this and I have that." I know however that I have something not quite clicking upstairs.

Sometimes I can concentrate, other times though.. I'll be off the wall. Even now.
Some day's I'd sit in class and be fine, others I'd be disruptive, not do any work, violent etc.
I was what we call 'A problem student'.  ;D

It'd be interesting to see if I have any of these neat acronyms.


Except for th violent stuff, me too.  Daydreamer is what I was.  I had some teachers that kept my attention, then I had some that were just...well it was like being wrapped up in a rug.  Very high IQ, grades that fluctuated. 

Except for th violent stuff, me too.  Daydreamer is what I was.  I had some teachers that kept my attention, then I had some that were just...well it was like being wrapped up in a rug.  Very high IQ, grades that fluctuated. 


I made a perfect score on the Reading portion of TAAS(annual state exam) every year except for one(even then I made a 90-something), and yet I had to take English I THREE times back in highschool.  Actually, the third time I took it on computer in an afterschool "catch up" program.

Except for th violent stuff, me too.  Daydreamer is what I was.  I had some teachers that kept my attention, then I had some that were just...well it was like being wrapped up in a rug.  Very high IQ, grades that fluctuated. 


Heck, Einstein failed out of math when he was in school.  Grades just ain't everything, hm?

You sound like me.  Maybe you suffer from the same thing?

c.b.a.


Can't be azzed?  ;D


Except for th violent stuff, me too.  Daydreamer is what I was.  I had some teachers that kept my attention, then I had some that were just...well it was like being wrapped up in a rug.  Very high IQ, grades that fluctuated. 


Yeah, pretty much.
I'm still (as far as I'm aware) the only person to score 100% on the final history leaving exam. But I failed Math with a big fat F. I got about 30%.  ;D

Can't be azzed?  ;D



you got it!

you got it!


Yeah, but it wasn't a conscious decision. Even when things were serious and I was taken aside and was told "You're going to fail X, Y and Z." I'd try and concentrate, but just couldn't. But then the next day, I might be able to.  :P