There's so much to hate about that most loathsome subspecies of Philadelphian. You're not one of them, are you?

by Philadelphia Weekly Editorial Staff



"Hipster: twenty-something stroketard whose style of clothing conflicts with their demeanor, thus resulting in a spicy pseudointellectual with more flavor-of-the-month conversations than a Long Island prostitute."

-Urban Dictionary
 

God bless the crazy, malnourished, bespectacled, follically challenged, hipper-than-thou little fudges.

Seriously. All the Pitchfork-addicted, soy-latte-drinking, Vice-reading, "Oh my God, my haircut's so intense and I wish I were in Williamsburg instead of NoLibs ... sheesh! The New York Times thinks we're the sixth borough-ew! That's, like, so mainstream, I'm outta here"-thinking, Converse-wearing, Silk City-loving, kitsch-obsessed, anally retentive muppets.

If it weren't for these rodent-faced, asexual, John Deere-cap-sporting fashion victims, I wouldn't have a life. Really. In the two long years I've been living in this gorgeous city (and yes, I mean that-you'll find nary a hint of irony in this rant ... or will you?), I've come to realize the hipster kids are my collective nemesis (along with jam-band fans, folky singer/songwriters, Young Republicans and public transport employees). They're the multitudinous Moriarty to my Sherlock Holmes.

It's getting so I can't kick back with a nice warm PBR and a shot at Bob and Barbara's or rifle through the used vinyl section at AKA Music (damn that elusive white-label Liquid Liquid 12-inch-will it ever be mine?) without some weasely wank whining that, like, Franz Ferdinand are so last year, and sneering at my choice of footwear. (For your information, Mr. Fashion Nazi-Dr. Martens are a timeless British fashion classic.)

The withering condescension is bad enough, and God knows I'm guilty of it myself, but what really gets on my tits is the overriding musical and cultural fascism, and the belief that populism is somehow inherently evil.

Don't get me wrong-99.9 percent of mainstream music is vapid, unlistenable dross, but duh! Tell me something I don't know. And yes, the general public are, by and large, subhuman pond scum with no taste, and populism for populism's sake is obviously not a good thing.

But please. Just because a band is on an ultra-obscure indie label doesn't give it instant credibility and/or superior talent. There's a simple reason why a huge number of supposed indie acts (most of whom would secretly suck Satan's festering cock for a major-label deal) remain obscure: because they're mind-numbingly tedious and deadly, deadly dull.


Jeff Fusco
And for the love of God, all you members of the hipsterati, please leave your half-arsed attempts at irony at home. I'm rapidly developing irony fatigue.

And besides, you're Americans. It doesn't suit you.

Personally, I love all of ABBA's greatest hits (including "Voulez Vouz"), but it's a genuine love, born of an affection for huge, irrepressible, shiny, life-affirming pop, with the kind of hooks that dullards such as Deerhoof/Black Dice/Kimya Dawson (tick as applicable) can only dream of.

Personally, I blame it all on the likes of Kerouac, Ginsberg and bad old Bill Burroughs, an unholy cabal who back in the '50s not only wrote some of the most overrated, indulgent crap ever laid down on a page, but worse, as self-appointed avatars of cool, helped spoiled white middle-class brats discover the dubious joys (albeit in an incredibly patronizing, borderline racist way) of bebop and, God forbid, free jazz.

Granted, Miles Davis knocked out a few good riffs in his time, and John Coltrane was pretty handy with a sax, but free jazz? Christ on a bike, what were they thinking? The more I think about this, the more I start to realize that, historically, hipsters have been responsible for some of the most heinous crimes against music known to man, including, in no particular order or chronological timeline, the following:


Jeff Fusco
>> 98 percent of the late-'60s San Francisco scene.

>> No wave.

>> New romanticism.

>> The entire "twee" movement.

>> Riot grrl.

>> Shoegazing.

>> Sarah Records.

>> The Pastels.

>> "Intelligent" drum 'n' bass.

>> Acid jazz.

>> Emo.

>> Electroclash.

>> Morrissey.

>> The entire post-punk-funk revival (Franz Ferdinand excepted, of course).

>> The Rapture.

>> The Strokes.

>> The Bravery.

>> Psych-folk.

You see? You see? And what's more, absolutely none of the above has an ounce of what the great Mojo Nixon once referred to as "the Elvis factor"-that combination of sex, swagger and style that only true rock 'n' roll titans can possess. For example, Iggy Pop has an Elvis factor around 96 percent, whereas Moby has about, hmm ... zero. Primal Scream have a rating around 75 percent, while fellow Scots Belle and Sebastian actually score negative figures.

So you can keep your limited-edition lime-green late-'80s Sub Pop 7-inches, your mashup comps and your random dilettantism. Me? I'll be listening to Kylie, obsessing over my vintage vinyl collection (all originals, sweetie), knocking back a case of Schaefer (PBR is so two years ago) and sneering at you from the shadows. Because you know what? In a rare moment of blinding clarity, I've realized that I too am like you-but worse, much worse. I'm a self-loathing hipster.

Oh, the horror, the horror.

-Neil Ferguson

Not that I agree with everything here, but I'm sure you get the gyst.

This guy is a complete and total d!ck.

Jambands rule.  And singer-songwriters.  And I have long hair and buddy holly glasses.  I like my Ipod.  I like Starbucks.  I hate mainstream music.  Get over it.

This guy is a complete and total d!ck.

Jambands rule.  And singer-songwriters.  And I have long hair and buddy holly glasses.  I like my Ipod.  I like Starbucks.  I hate mainstream music.  Get over it.
I generally don't have a big problem with hipsters, so long as they don't have a smug and superior attitude about it. But I do have a particularly strong feeling of contempt for people who are pretentious and phony, and a lot of these self-proclaimed "hipsters" are totally that way. On the other hand, I have a group of friends back in Nebraska who I guess could fall into the "hipster" category (although they'd probably want to shoot you if you ever called them that), and they're some of the most genuinely cool and unpretentious people I've ever known and they've turned me on to a lot of great music. I myself maintain somewhat of a more neutral-looking (or "square") outward appearance because I've never believed in cliques and I can get along with pretty much anyone, as long as they aren't a**holes or b*tches.

You see? You see? And what's more, absolutely none of the above has an ounce of what the great Mojo Nixon once referred to as "the Elvis factor"-that combination of sex, swagger and style that only true rock 'n' roll titans can possess. For example, Iggy Pop has an Elvis factor around 96 percent, whereas Moby has about, hmm ... zero. Primal Scream have a rating around 75 percent, while fellow Scots Belle and Sebastian actually score negative figures.
Mojo Nixon freakin' rules.

Interesting term, I've never heard of them grouped in that way before. As for originating from hippies...??? If anything, they are the sucessors of the Mods...a typlification of that 'chic urban culture', yuppiesm meets beat/boho/post new-ager.

This guy is a complete and total d!ck.

Jambands rule.  And singer-songwriters.  And I have long hair and buddy holly glasses.  I like my Ipod.  I like Starbucks.  I hate mainstream music.  Get over it.


Meh, I'm sorry if I came off like the second guy. I like jambands and singer-songwriters, and I'm fine with long hair (I have long hair, sort of.) I'm not a big Starbucks fan but it's because of some of their business policies, and their coffee is too sweet. I agree with some of the stuff he said though about the obnoxious attitude of hipsters, as a whole.

I say "No worries" all the time. But where I live, it's part of the vernacular. :)

Where do you come from, exactly, Powerslave? I live in 'Down under' so I have an excuse...

I caught the "no worries" saying when we had a girl from Aus working in the next office.

I say 'no worries' all the time too ! I blame Austrailian soaps and the fact my Dad lived in Australia for a few years and uses a few Aussie phrases !

I actually thought this thread was about the style of trousers when I read it's title. ;D

I'm proud to be a "conformist"!!! :D

Overall...about what that guy said in the article, what I disagree with in terms of being bad are: new romanticism (it's mixed, some of it is decent, but the worst of it like Ultravox sucks), Belle and Sebastian, Morrissey (earlier work.) But I agree with his sentiment, since hipsters are the scum of the earth.

If you live in Williamsburg, Brooklyn; Berkeley, San Francisco; Capitol Hill, Seattle; Allston, Boston; or another similar community, you're a hipster.




.....which explains why I still have no idea what you guys are talking about

As for originating from hippies...??? If anything, they are the sucessors of the Mods...a typlification of that 'chic urban culture', yuppiesm meets beat/boho/post new-ager.

Actually, I think hipsters(at least the way they are defined on these boards) originated with the beatniks in the 1950s and early 60s.

A hipster is somebody who thinks they're smarter than the masses.

A hipster is somebody who thinks they're smarter than the masses.


I agree, and that's why hipsters suck.

I agree, and that's why hipsters suck.


So everything that the masses do is great? I don't think that's right. You have the Killers on your avater - I'd say they were a hipster sorta band - if I'm understanding the term! BTw - I really like the Killers :]


A hipster is somebody who thinks they're smarter than the masses.


Hmm - I see what you mean but at the same time - it's better to be an individual than follow the masses. I'm not necessarily saying that people should think they're better then others, but in some cases you can't help it...

Here's an example. The binge-drinking culture of my society and my age group astonishes me - to the majority of these people, the be all and end all is to go out every weekened, and get completly smashed out of their faces - that entails a good night, and recognition for being 'cool'. To me, that is the furthest from cool than you can get. Why go out just to get totally wrecked, lose all self-control, wake up with a hangover and not remember what you did the night before? I just do not understand it. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for going out now and again, having a few drinks - but I hate the fact that people feel they need to get drunk to have a good time, in fact, it damn well p*sses me off! And if that makes someone think I'm saying that I think I'm better, or cooler, or smarter then the masses - well they can think it!!!

There's nothing worse (or more cringe indusing), then a hipster trying way too hard at being hip, or an aging hipster still trying to act hip.  ::)

So everything that the masses do is great? I don't think that's right. You have the Killers on your avater - I'd say they were a hipster sorta band - if I'm understanding the term! BTw - I really like the Killers :]

Hmm - I see what you mean but at the same time - it's better to be an individual than follow the masses. I'm not necessarily saying that people should think they're better then others, but in some cases you can't help it...

Here's an example. The binge-drinking culture of my society and my age group astonishes me - to the majority of these people, the be all and end all is to go out every weekened, and get completly smashed out of their faces - that entails a good night, and recognition for being 'cool'. To me, that is the furthest from cool than you can get. Why go out just to get totally wrecked, lose all self-control, wake up with a hangover and not remember what you did the night before? I just do not understand it. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for going out now and again, having a few drinks - but I hate the fact that people feel they need to get drunk to have a good time, in fact, it damn well p*sses me off! And if that makes someone think I'm saying that I think I'm better, or cooler, or smarter then the masses - well they can think it!!!


Yeah...I don't get binge-drinking culture at all.

Hipsters are those that will pay $20 or more for a shirt that can easily ask an older sibling, cousin or other family that owns an original for free.

Hipsters are those that will pay $20 or more for a shirt that can easily ask an older sibling, cousin or other family that owns an original for free.


That's actually a fairly good definition of a hipster.

I personally don't mind hipsters that much.  Honestly people, they're not that bad.  I prefer the company of a hipster over the company of a jock.  Then again, I do have a couple hipster friends, believe it or not, so I'm obviously biased.  I've also been told I have some serious hipster tendencies by people, even though I don't look the part at all.  I've always been a fan of "intellectual" stuff for as long as I can remember.  

So everything that the masses do is great? I don't think that's right. You have the Killers on your avater - I'd say they were a hipster sorta band - if I'm understanding the term! BTw - I really like the Killers :]


I guess they are lol. No of course not everything the masses do is great. Anyway the type of people that annoy me are those who only listen to indie music and think that they are better and superior to the masses that listen to mainstream stuff.

I personally don't mind hipsters that much.  Honestly people, they're not that bad.  I prefer the company of a hipster over the company of a jock.  Then again, I do have a couple hipster friends, believe it or not, so I'm obviously biased.  I've also been told I have some serious hipster tendencies by people, even though I don't look the part at all.  I've always been a fan of "intellectual" stuff for as long as I can remember.  


The thing is that this group actually believes they are being intellectual when they are not. They are rather rehashing what others before them had said over and over to the point where they memorize it and hack it out as their own.

Jeff Fusco
>> 98 percent of the late-'60s San Francisco scene.

>> No wave.

>> New romanticism.

>> The entire "twee" movement.

>> Riot grrl.

>> Shoegazing.

>> Sarah Records.

>> The Pastels.

>> "Intelligent" drum 'n' bass.

>> Acid jazz.

>> Emo.

>> Electroclash.

>> Morrissey.

>> The entire post-punk-funk revival (Franz Ferdinand excepted, of course).

>> The Rapture.

>> The Strokes.

>> The Bravery.

>> Psych-folk.


I'm a bit offended. I read the italic posts and now I'm wondering if I'm a hipster or not. Oh Jesus. :(

Actually, I think hipsters(at least the way they are defined on these boards) originated with the beatniks in the 1950s and early 60s.

James is using the wrong epithet. Hipsters were the guys who played the bongos and rapped Allen Ginsberg on Bleecker Street. They're extinct, unfortunately! See also, "beatnik."
;D

http://www.nicke.abelgratis.com/nyc/gaslight_beatnik.jpg

A hipster is somebody who thinks they're smarter than the masses.

Karl Rove is a hipster???
:D

 
James is using the wrong epithet. Hipsters were the guys who played the bongos and rapped Allen Ginsberg on Bleecker Street. They're extinct, unfortunately! See also, "beatnik."
;D

http://www.nicke.abelgratis.com/nyc/gaslight_beatnik.jpg


  Heh...

  I was going to mention something about the adherents of the 50's jazz scene...

  Of course, there are hipsters and there are hipsters...

  When I was a kid I remember some other kid in my Sunday school class spending the whole time trying to teach me some hipster jibberish.  Of what I still remember goes something like this:

  "Ishkabibbely  ōt'n-dōt'n  bō-bō  skadeet'n-dōt'n..."

  First, grow a goatee then say the above very fast while leaning in the doorway of a seedy nightclub and holding a lit cigarette.  Amaze your friends (or prompt your parents to order you to get a haircut or get the hell out..!)

  g.o... :)

 

A hipster is somebody who thinks they're smarter than the masses.


..and here's me thinking this was a thread about low slung jeans   ;D

anyways Hipster jeans suck because they are inevitably worn by women with arses like wide gable ends and the ubiquitous discoloured g string hanging out..not to mention the expanses of ashen flesh bulging forth     :P
get something that fits will ya!