Quoting:
It makes them "feel big".  >:(

If they can somehow make someone "less of a person" then they do not have to feel guilty about their own inner feeling that they are worthless.  >:(
End Quote

I agree with you.  

I have taught my daughter not to do it, and she also learned first hand.  When she started school a little girl would tease her and I used it to teach her not to tease.  She understood the "It hurts when someone teases you so when you tease someone else it hurts them".  I am glad.

Quoting:
Wasn't this topic recently discussed?
End Quote

There was a thread on why people are bullies ONLINE.

In-person bullying is immensely worse because the victims usually have a harder time avoiding it.  >:(

Quoting:
I have taught my daughter not to do it, and she also learned first hand.  When she started school a little girl would tease her and I used it to teach her not to tease.  She understood the "It hurts when someone teases you so when you tease someone else it hurts them".  I am glad.
End Quote

Same here.  My middle was being teased by a 4th grader on his bus.  I caught the little punk doing it and called him on it.  When I said I'd tell his mom if I ever heard of him doing it again, he looked at me and said "So?"  I tried calling the mom and got no answer so I called the school.  When THEY told his mom, it stopped. ::)

Quoting:


There was a thread on why people are bullies ONLINE.
End Quote

My bad.

Quoting:
I think parents can teach their kids a couple things:

2)  Develop a thicker skin already.

:)
End Quote

You are so right, here.  I am working on that one with my daughter...it is tough.  

Quoting:
I used to get bullied a whole lot in the 80's.got punched around,kicked in the face,jaw,black eye,bloody nose.I had my share of bullies.One fat 300 pounder who always loved to sit on me & a guy who just loved to pick on people just for the fun of it. >:(

Howard
End Quote

I wish I had lived in your neighborhood, Howard.  I would have kicked some serious butt if anyone had bullied a buddy of mine.  :-/

I always made sure to have a few tough buddies, so nobody tried to screw with me.  I returned the favor to others.

Quoting:


I always made sure to have a few tough buddies, so nobody tried to screw with me.  I returned the favor to others.
End Quote

Hehehe...Watt Daddy is about twice my size but he's really a nice guy, he just looks intimidating ;)

Quoting:


I wish I had lived in your neighborhood, Howard.  I would have kicked some serious butt if anyone had bullied a buddy of mine.  :-/

I always made sure to have a few tough buddies, so nobody tried to screw with me.  I returned the favor to others.
End Quote

people just picked on me cause of my mental illness sometimes.I never wanted to fight,I was also the shy type. :(


Howard

Quoting:
people just picked on me cause of my mental illness sometimes.I never wanted to fight,I was also the shy type. :(


Howard
End Quote

Bullies pick on a victim's weakness and make it worse to cover a rotten void in their own lives.

The fact that they picked on you because you had a mental illness is bang out of order.

Quoting:
I can't stand to make fun of people, it makes me feel so bad.  In fact, when I say something nasty to someone I probaly feel worse than the person I said that to.
End Quote

Amen.  It may sound cliche, but when we ridicule others, we hurt ourselves more than those we ridicule.  I otter know!

Long post here...
I read this thread with interest because I, like others here, was picked on.  I wasn't just picked on or bullied, I was hunted and persecuted.
I was always small for my age.  I'm still a short guy, and face a certain amount of height prejudice.  I don't have to wear those Coke bottle glasses anymore, which got my all kinds of ridicule!
More than appearance, other kids persecuted me they knew I was vulnerable.  My self esteem was a notch below Kafka, and I was prone to fits of rage.  I came from a broken home, and often appeared nervous and unkempt.
I wish kids would go up to you in the schoolyard and say, "You know, Tommy, the fellows and I have been having a talk, and we feel you're just not getting your needs met...."  Uh uh, it don't work that way.  Kids are as cruel as beasts of the jungle, and they'll seek out and destroy the weak ones.  In the adult world, the law of the jungle STILL applies at times, which is most horrible.
When the rash of school shootings was afoot in the late '90s, I knew exactly how the shooters felt.  I always say there was only two differences between me and them.  One, I never had a gun, and two, I never wanted to hurt anybody.
Yet, it took the Columbine massacre for grown ups to really start to rethink bullying.  Gee, maybe we can't just say "boys will be boys," and "ignore them and they'll stop."
My junior high was a zoo.  The kids had no respect for the teachers, no fear of authority, and couldn't care less for anything other than the next Ozzy record.  OK, they weren't ALL that way, but those who gave me hell were.
The beatings and razzings nearly did my mind in.  I precipitated a crisis between my parents and the school when I flatly refused to go for several weeks in the 8th grade.
My vice principal was a cringing, ineffectual stooge like McVicker on "Beavis and Butthead."  After failing to remedy my situation, he literally said, "it's just what kids do, there's nothing I can do about it."
That's when I started staying home and listening to my Psychedelic Furs records.
The troubles persisted through high school.  High school bullying was less physical, and revolved around vicious rumors and catty ostracism.  My depression emerged as a lifelong pathology, and I, one of the smartest kids in the school began flunking almost all classes.  The only year I "passed" on my own was my senior, the other three were gifts, the much maligned "social promotion."  I was hospitalized briefly at 16 because I mentioned the "S" word to my counselor.  I was also transferred to a disciplinary facility for chronic truancy.
I sat idle in a run down building the next town over with juvenile mental cases, hooligans, and drug dealers.
A lot of my depression stemmed from a broken home, and a familial propensity for the disease.  However, the bullying, teasing, and ostracism is what really sunk my boat.
Where else in life would you be expected to go of your own volition to a building in which you were run down and humiliated daily?
I'd walk to school as far as Main Street.  There I'd turn the corner, hop the bus to Cambridge and hang out in Harvard Square all day.  My mother wasn't good at authority.  She couldn't "make" me do anything after I was about thirteen.  Anyway, when the high school signed me over to the "alternative" school, the idiot bus came right to my door.  I still bailed on them sometimes!
The funny thing is, through all of this, I worked at a grocery store about thrity hours a week.  It was the last steady employment I'd have for a heck of a long time!  After high school, my psychiatric condition went from bad to worse for the next dozen years.  However, that's another story.  What my consistant work record contrasted with my truant school record shows is the social dysfunction of my high school.  
When I bagged groceries, stocked shelves, and wrapped produce, I got paid.  There was a REASON for going to work.  Sure, there were a-holes aplenty working at the market who used to hassle me, but it never went very far.  We were all there for the same purpose, to make a buck.
I wrote a long post in another thread about the inherent social ills of high school. My experience was extreme, but illuminating.  Well, I'm rambling, and I've gotta run!

Quoting:
Christina Aguilera was bullied in her grade school and junior high so much that her family moved out of town.  >:(

I bet those bullies all feel like a real bunch of morons now.  I saw a show on TV where there was this one girl who was really friendly with Christina when she was a kid, and they seem to be VERY good friends today.  I bet she gets EXCELLENT tickets.  8)
End Quote

While I wouldn't have bullied her, I have to say that it probably wasn't necessary to dress up as such a skank ho with the skank ho image to further her career, but really, what do I know?  :P

Quoting:

While I wouldn't have bullied her, I have to say that it probably wasn't necessary to dress up as such a skank ho with the skank ho image to further her career, but really, what do I know?  :P
End Quote

When she was a kid she did not do the skank thing.  In fact, I think the early bullying is part of why she does the skank thing.

It is her way of saying "I do not care what you think anymore".  :-/

Quoting:
Sometimes I think about those who used to bully me and what they would think if they saw me now. They would probably be jealous as all hell. I am VERY happily married (to a doctor, no less-as in PhD.  ;D), we are very comfortable financally that I don't HAVE to work, we travel, and we basically enjoy life. They are probably unhappy with their lives, if they are married, probably to some bum-or was married to some bum. Maybe they have been in and out of jail, etc, etc. Of course sometimes I think why should I even waste my time even thinking about them. They are deffinately not worth my time.



Cat
End Quote

I always wondered whatever became of the bullies who teased me 20 years ago? ???


Howard

Quoting:
Sometimes I think about those who used to bully me and what they would think if they saw me now. They would probably be jealous as all hell. I am VERY happily married (to a doctor, no less-as in PhD.  ;D), we are very comfortable financally that I don't HAVE to work, we travel, and we basically enjoy life. They are probably unhappy with their lives, if they are married, probably to some bum-or was married to some bum. Maybe they have been in and out of jail, etc, etc. Of course sometimes I think why should I even waste my time even thinking about them. They are deffinately not worth my time.



Cat
End Quote

Sounds like you got the last laugh.  Good for you.

I was picked on in Jr High by a girl who was a year ahead of me.  We would walk home through the cemetary every day (great shortcut) and she used to threaten to "bash my f'ing head into a f'ing headstone until I passed out" just because I walked with a friend of hers.  I told my sister (my mom was no help at all...she just said she couldn't do anything about it) and she ran into this girl at a party and basically told her to leave me alone or she would beat the tar out of her.  Never had a problem again.  Guess it also helps to have a big sister who is willing to stand up for you. :)

Quoting:


Sounds like you got the last laugh.  Good for you.End Quote

You got that right.  ;D ;D ;D

Quoting: Guess it also helps to have a big sister who is willing to stand up for you. :)
End Quote

Yes, it does. I have have a few of those myself.  :)




Cat

Quoting:


Sounds like you got the last laugh.  Good for you.

I was picked on in Jr High by a girl who was a year ahead of me.  We would walk home through the cemetary every day (great shortcut) and she used to threaten to "bash my f'ing head into a f'ing headstone until I passed out" just because I walked with a friend of hers.  
End Quote

See that girl was jealous I think that you were walking with one of her friends. I don't understand why certain people get mad if you chill with a friend of their's. What do they think you are going to steal thieir friend away from them or something?

Good to see you got your problem resolved though.

Quoting:
 I told him once, "What is it going to take?  Me to come down to school and screw you on your desk in front of the students?"  

End Quote

Now THAT would be a class NOONE wanted to miss.   ;) ;D

Quoting:


Now THAT would be a class NOONE wanted to miss.   ;) ;D

End Quote

I'm sure we'd really be the talk of the town then.  We'd probably make the front page of the paper.  HA   ;D

Quoting:
I have never understood why people bully others.  End Quote

It is my opinion that these people have low self-esteem. They need to criticize others to make themselves feel better about themselves. They need to bully others to feel in control of something. Bullies are usually cowards and if you call their bluff they back down. They usually pick on people they perceive as weak so their bullying will go unchallenged.

Quoting:My husband was also bullied a lot in school.  All the guys called him vicious names such as "queer", "fag", etc. just because he hung out with girls.  Well, he was learning what girls liked and didn't like.  I can definitely say he isn't gay.  He's far from it.  End Quote

HA!  I've been hanging out with girls since I was four years old, them bullies don't know what they're missing ;) :-* :D

Quoting:


HA!  I've been hanging out with girls since I was four years old, them bullies don't know what they're missing ;) :-* :D
End Quote

His take on the whole subject was, "You are the ones hanging out with guys.  What does that make you?"  He said he learned a lot about girls and what they wanted in a guy.

Quoting:
 Guess it also helps to have a big sister who is willing to stand up for you. :)
End Quote

Be glad you had a sis and not a brother.  I had 2 older ones who were 4 years ahead of me who basically told the ENTIRE football and wrestling teams that they would break anyone's neck if they even thought of dating me.  I found this out a couple years after graduation when I actually dated one of the players who was a sophomore when my bros were seniors.  Guess that explains why I only dated 1 guy from my school during high school ::)

Quoting:
Did anyone evr get teased by those FAT bullies?


Howard
End Quote

No I can't say I got dissed or made fun of by fat bullies. A couple of them were popular in school. Another one I guess just thought they were better than me.

Quoting:
As RocknRollFan said 'Bullies come in all shapes and sizes'. The two worst people for me was a hyperactive guy about 4 foot tall (if that) at the time. He was so unpredictable, he would come up to you and give you a punch for no reason whatsoever. The other one was normal build and he would try to knock me down with sarcastic barbs - of course, I usually sent a better one back to him.  ;D

Apart from that, nobody messed with me that much.
End Quote

Short guys can make the meanest bullies because some of 'em have something to prove.  I've heard it referred to as "Short Man's Disease."  I'm a short guy, and I've been accused of this.  I had a co-worker so mad at me over my aggressive behavior, he screamed, "you do it because you're a little man, and that's how you get back at the world!"
I was a lot angrier when I was younger, but I never thought it was about my height.  Maybe there was something to it.  Anyway, I've mellowed a heck of a lot since then!

Quoting:

Short guys can make the meanest bullies because some of 'em have something to prove.  I've heard it referred to as "Short Man's Disease."  I'm a short guy, and I've been accused of this.  I had a co-worker so mad at me over my aggressive behavior, he screamed, "you do it because you're a little man, and that's how you get back at the world!"
End Quote

The clinical term for this is for one to have a Napoleon Complex, named after the diminutive Emporer of France.

Quoting:
As RocknRollFan said 'Bullies come in all shapes and sizes'. The two worst people for me was a hyperactive guy about 4 foot tall (if that) at the time. He was so unpredictable, he would come up to you and give you a punch for no reason whatsoever. The other one was normal build and he would try to knock me down with sarcastic barbs - of course, I usually sent a better one back to him.  ;D

Apart from that, nobody messed with me that much.
End Quote

Lucky for you Bob,you had courage.Good for you,man. :D


Howard

Quoting:
I don't know why I always got picked on.Maybe I was a punk.Who knows? ???


Howard
End Quote

:'(I get teased because of my weight and my nervous tics. There are even people who would rather stand than sit next to me on a bus,because they are afraid that they might CATCH my 'disease'! I don't have a communicable disease,and I bathe daily and use deodorant so I don't smell like B.O.! ???

Quoting:

:'(I get teased because of my weight and my nervous tics. There are even people who would rather stand than sit next to me on a bus,because they are afraid that they might CATCH my 'disease'! I don't have a communicable disease,and I bathe daily and use deodorant so I don't smell like B.O.! ???
End Quote

This is the one thing that really bothers me.  I hate it when people get teased about their weight.  I'm overweight, too.  The thing is, not a lot of people in America are stick thin, but yet they act like it's a crime to be overweight.  

People talk about discrimination based on skin color, religious beliefs and gender, but they never talk about discrimination based on weight.  The sad thing is, it does happen.  I have been a victim of it, as I'm sure many others have too.

For example, here at the office I work in now, I am the one who has to do a lot of the heavy labor just because I'm the heaviest one here.  I guess they think that since I'm bigger it means I've got muscle too.  

Also, have you seen the choice in clothes for bigger people?  We like to dress stylishly, too.  Instead, the designers pick outrageous patterns and styles for us.  Granted, I know my dressing limitations.  I know I can't dress like J-Lo, Britney or Christina (not that I want to dress like her), but I would like to look like something other than a tent.  

People also say, well, just quit eating and exercise more.  Well, it's not that easy.  I've been on every kind of diet imaginable.  I've lost weight several times only to put it back on.  

I think the main thing is to learn to accept yourself and be happy with who you are.  I know that I'll never be a size 2 and I'm ok with that.  I have a family that loves me and that's all that matters.  Granted, there are some days that it bothers me, but for the most part, I'm learning to accept it.

I don't think it's right that people bully/make fun of you.  You seem like a good, fun person to me!  They just don't know what they are missing!  God made us all different for a reason and you are made just as He wants you to be.   ;D

Quoting:
Why do kids and ADULTS tease and/or bully?

Because of poor parenting.

Parents who teach their children about good moral values and all those millions of good things about feelings, people, life and the world turn-out good children who become decent, respecting adults.

Good parenting and lots of love goes a long way.
End Quote

True. But there's a delicate balance with that. Some parents wrap their kids up in cotton wool and never let them experience the real world, so when they become teenagers, they want to break free, as it were, and they do that by rebelling against EVERYTHING their parents taught them- even any good things. That could be why so many teens binge-drink and do drugs, and in some cases, commit violent crimes or bully others.

Quoting:


True. But there's a delicate balance with that. Some parents wrap their kids up in cotton wool and never let them experience the real world, so when they become teenagers, they want to break free, as it were, and they do that by rebelling against EVERYTHING their parents taught them- even any good things. That could be why so many teens binge-drink and do drugs, and in some cases, commit violent crimes or bully others.
End Quote

Here in the U.S., there's a lot of dopes who cut their teeth on American social Darwinism: "The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing," as one popular bumper sticker puts it.  So they go into the schools and playground, businesses and society feeling it's their obligation to destroy the vulnerable.

Quoting:


True. But there's a delicate balance with that. Some parents wrap their kids up in cotton wool and never let them experience the real world, so when they become teenagers, they want to break free, as it were, and they do that by rebelling against EVERYTHING their parents taught them- even any good things. That could be why so many teens binge-drink and do drugs, and in some cases, commit violent crimes or bully others.
End Quote

And those are the "MY child would never do that..." parents that I love soooo much  ::)


mod to add:  I think alot of it comes from jealousy or pure ignorance.  I have been called "ditzy" "stupid" etc. since jr. high school simply because I was a cheerleader.  In fact, hubby teases me about it to this day.  I've only recently gotten to the point where I say "Who gives a rat's behind?"  I KNOW I'm not ditzy or stupid and I'm sick and tired of "proving" such.  So, anyone can call me whatever they want, and I'm sure many of you do ;).  As my son would say "I'm rubber and you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you" :P

Quoting:
Lucky for you Bob,you had courage.Good for you,man. :D


Howard
End Quote

Ah cheers, Howard.  

You mentioned that maybe you were just a punk. Nobody deserves to get beaten up! It's not you that has to work out why you got beaten up it's the bullies themselves. A lot of them are screwed up and need to project the anger they feel unto others.

They feel comfort knowing they are not the only ones feeling sad and hurt. That is all, my friend.  :)

Quoting:

:'(I get teased because of my weight and my nervous tics. There are even people who would rather stand than sit next to me on a bus,because they are afraid that they might CATCH my 'disease'! I don't have a communicable disease,and I bathe daily and use deodorant so I don't smell like B.O.! ???
End Quote

It's impossible to defend people who tease because the victim is overweight but this bus circumstance. Could it be that these people who stand up may in fact just be allowing you more room on the seat so that you wouldn't feel cramped?

I know I have been hesitant to sit next to a fat person before not because I am afraid that may smell of Body Odour but purely out of seeking the other person's comfort.

Does anybody feel the same way or is this just me being over-polite?

Quoting:


It's impossible to defend people who tease because the victim is overweight but this bus circumstance. Could it be that these people who stand up may in fact just be allowing you more room on the seat so that you wouldn't feel cramped?

I know I have been hesitant to sit next to a fat person before not because I am afraid that may smell of Body Odour but purely out of seeking the other person's comfort.

Does anybody feel the same way or is this just me being over-polite?
End Quote

Why would you worry about body odours?  Do you have an idea that heavy people do not bathe as often as thin people?  >:(

Quoting:


Why would you worry about body odours?  Do you have an idea that heavy people do not bathe as often as thin people?  >:(
End Quote

re-read Bobby's post.  He said he didn't think they had BO.  but some people do think that.  I take it the phrase "you don't sweat much for a fat lass" isn't that common in the States.

Quoting:
The world needs more people like you Cat.  Not just for that reason, but because you're just cool all around.   ;D
End Quote

AWWWWWW, Thanks. That just made my day.  ;D ;D ;D


Cat

Quoting:


Ah cheers, Howard.  

You mentioned that maybe you were just a punk. Nobody deserves to get beaten up! It's not you that has to work out why you got beaten up it's the bullies themselves. A lot of them are screwed up and need to project the anger they feel unto others.

They feel comfort knowing they are not the only ones feeling sad and hurt. That is all, my friend.  :)


End Quote

Yeah,Bob,I was a punk :( :'( :( :'(


Howard

Quoting:
Well,I just made ammends with one of my bullies I used to go to school 15 years ago.His name is Oscar.I remember back in the late 80's,he used to steal my Brother's bike and snuck it in a forest park and My Brother couldn't even find it,eventually we did.Plus,on top of all the other problems Me and My Brother used to have with him.He never knew My Brother died.He was telling me now that he believes in God,carries around a small bible book with him and prays.What a phony baloney he is. ::) >:(What an act he puts on with me. >:(If one of these days he ever gets out of hand,I will call the Police from my Cell Phone and most definitely put his  in jail and keep him there until he's an old man.That's how much I hated him. >:(

Howard
End Quote

Don't be so quick to judge, Howard.  Some people do change for the better.  Just because a kid was a jerk as a kid doesn't mean they will grow up to be a bad person.

You should forgive him...you don't have to be his bud, but forgive him at least in your heart.  Harboring a grudge like that isn't good for your health and we would like to keep you around for a long time.  Okay? :)

Quoting:
Why do kids and ADULTS tease and/or bully?

Because of poor parenting.

Parents who teach their children about good moral values and all those millions of good things about feelings, people, life and the world turn-out good children who become decent, respecting adults.

Good parenting and lots of love goes a long way.
End Quote

When I posted this, I meant good parenting by normal, well balanced and stable parents; not the overbearing, controlling, psycho obsessive parenting that breeds the rebellious goons of which @ssKicker spoke.

I stand by my opinion that better parenting would help diminish the problematic kids/adults of the world.

Quoting:


Don't be so quick to judge, Howard.  Some people do change for the better.  Just because a kid was a jerk as a kid doesn't mean they will grow up to be a bad person.

You should forgive him...you don't have to be his bud, but forgive him at least in your heart.  Harboring a grudge like that isn't good for your health and we would like to keep you around for a long time.  Okay? :)
End Quote

I think he was a phony. Ok,Now that my brother has been dead for almost 10 years, just maybe he's thinking in his head that it's alright for me to kick the crap out of him now that his brother isn't here anymore to save him for harm and damage.15 years ago,I didn't know any better,I always went to my Mother & Father to save me,15 years later,he can kick me to the ground,stomp on my face,bleeding and I can call the Police from my Cellular Phone then he can run like a and get handcuffed cause this guy Oscar has had a criminal record,I believe.I was almost looking for his buddy to come out The door and start punching me like old time's sake for some type of revenge I think he must've haven't finished! But,who the hell knows if I'll see him again! I just don't care >:( >:( >:(


Howard

Quoting:

I think he was a phony. Ok,Now that my brother has been dead for almost 10 years, just maybe he's thinking in his head that it's alright for me to kick the crap out of him now that his brother isn't here anymore to save him for harm and damage.15 years ago,I didn't know any better,I always went to my Mother & Father to save me,15 years later,he can kick me to the ground,stomp on my face,bleeding and I can call the Police from my Cellular Phone then he can run like a and get handcuffed cause this guy Oscar has had a criminal record,I believe.I was almost looking for his buddy to come out The door and start punching me like old time's sake for some type of revenge I think he must've haven't finished! But,who the hell knows if I'll see him again! I just don't care >:( >:( >:(

Howard
End Quote

Oscar sounds like a real A-hole.  >:(  Karma has a way of catching up with those types.

I graduated from high school in a class of 200 kids, 100 boys.  Within 4 years of graduation, 4 of the boys (who were bullies) were dead by their own hands.  My Mom was always worried about all those suicides (4% rate is HUGE) but I told her not to worry because they were A-hole bullies and that their fate had finally caught up with them.

Quoting:
Why would you worry about body odours?  Do you have an idea that heavy people do not bathe as often as thin people?  >:(
End Quote

Please read the thread, LyricBoy. I was responding to Tony SN Jnr's post about people not sitting next to her as if she had a body odour problem.

Thank you very much for your quick defence, Karen.  :)

Quoting:
Yeah,Bob,I was a punk :( :'( :( :'(


Howard
End Quote

What does 'punk' mean in this context, Howard?

Quoting:


Please read the thread, LyricBoy. I was responding to Tony SN Jnr's post about people not sitting next to her as if she had a body odour problem.

Thank you very much for your quick defence, Karen.  :)
End Quote

I apologize, Bobby.  :'(  I re-read your post and see what you said now.

Darn Evelyn Wood speed-reading got me again.  :P

Quoting:
I apologize, Bobby.  :'(  I re-read your post and see what you said now.

Darn Evelyn Wood speed-reading got me again.  :P
End Quote

No probs. We all do it.  :D

Quoting:


What does 'punk' mean in this context, Howard?
End Quote

being the small tyke that I was,I guess. ???



Howard

Quoting:
He thinks carrying a small bible book and believing in God is gonna help him change his ways? I don't think so. >:( ???


Howard
End Quote

Howard, for your own health you need to let it go.  If you haven't seen him in a while don't let him bother you anymore.  It isn't good for you to hold a grudge.  If you do see him and you don't like him as much as you say then just avoid him.

Quoting:
He thinks carrying a small bible book and believing in God is gonna help him change his ways? I don't think so. >:( ???

Howard
End Quote

Believe it or not, some people do change, Howard.

Perhaps you should consider a self-help book to find a healthy way of dealing with your remaining anger and bitterness in reference to your past experiences. You may be able to find a way of making peace with it all, let it go, move on. It is often discovered that peace can be found through forgiveness.

Quoting:

Howard, for your own health you need to let it go.  If you haven't seen him in a while don't let him bother you anymore.  It isn't good for you to hold a grudge.  If you do see him and you don't like him as much as you say then just avoid him.
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It's amazing how you and I had the same thoughts about Howard's posts and posted them at almost the same time! :o

Quoting:


It's amazing how you and I had the same thoughts about Howard's posts and posted them at almost the same time! :o
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I guess great minds think alike. ;D

Quoting:
being the small tyke that I was,I guess. ???


Howard
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Oh I see. Forgive me for sounding pedantic, Howard. I hear the word 'punk' a lot in American films and I was sure they didn't mean someone who liked The Sex Pistols.   :)

Bizarrely enough Howard, like Dagwood and Hairspray said, some people grow up. Some bullies realise that what they did was wrong.

I will confess something, Howard and it was something I have only thought about recently. I was the eldest of four children and, at a young age, I used to 'bully' my siblings. I acted out on negative situations within my environment and my anger was focused on them. My behaviour was no excuse but I believe that was the case.

However, I have grown up and so have my sisters and my brother. I regret those days of 'totalitarianism' but I can't change it so I build on my relationships instead of tearing them down because of the past.

I hope you will find it in your heart to do the same, Howard. It won't be easy but I think you have the character to be able to find that 'peace' Dagwood and Hairspray talk of. With or without a bible in his hand this person is still human and all humans are prone to making massive cock-ups during their lives. Redemption is one thing that makes human's special.  :)

Quoting:


Howard, for your own health you need to let it go.  If you haven't seen him in a while don't let him bother you anymore.  It isn't good for you to hold a grudge.  If you do see him and you don't like him as much as you say then just avoid him.
End Quote

I'll try.It's not that easy. :-/


Howard

Quoting:


Believe it or not, some people do change, Howard.

Perhaps you should consider a self-help book to find a healthy way of dealing with your remaining anger and bitterness in reference to your past experiences. You may be able to find a way of making peace with it all, let it go, move on. It is often discovered that peace can be found through forgiveness.
End Quote

But you know Spray,he could turn heel,In My Opinion.You never know.he could have some wheels turning up there. >:(


Howard

Quoting:


Oh I see. Forgive me for sounding pedantic, Howard. I hear the word 'punk' a lot in American films and I was sure they didn't mean someone who liked The Sex Pistols.   :)

Bizarrely enough Howard, like Dagwood and Hairspray said, some people grow up. Some bullies realise that what they did was wrong.

I will confess something, Howard and it was something I have only thought about recently. I was the eldest of four children and, at a young age, I used to 'bully' my siblings. I acted out on negative situations within my environment and my anger was focused on them. My behaviour was no excuse but I believe that was the case.

However, I have grown up and so have my sisters and my brother. I regret those days of 'totalitarianism' but I can't change it so I build on my relationships instead of tearing them down because of the past.

I hope you will find it in your heart to do the same, Howard. It won't be easy but I think you have the character to be able to find that 'peace' Dagwood and Hairspray talk of. With or without a bible in his hand this person is still human and all humans are prone to making massive cock-ups during their lives. Redemption is one thing that makes human's special.  :)
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This Oscar guy wanted to exchange phone numbers BUT I don't know yet.I'll have to see If i want to or not.chances are,I'll probably wind up giving in. :)


Howard

Quoting:

This Oscar guy wanted to exchange phone numbers BUT I don't know yet.I'll have to see If i want to or not.chances are,I'll probably wind up giving in. :)

Howard
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Howard,

If this guy still seems to YOU like a creep and he makes you feel uncomfortable, I would not share phone numbers with him.

It is one thing to "forgive" somebody and an entire other thing to become their friend.  There are people in my past that I have "forgiven", but at the same time I am not sending them Christmas cards or having them over to see the football game on TV.

That's my $0.02 on this issue.

Quoting:


Howard,

If this guy still seems to YOU like a creep and he makes you feel uncomfortable, I would not share phone numbers with him.

It is one thing to "forgive" somebody and an entire other thing to become their friend.  There are people in my past that I have "forgiven", but at the same time I am not sending them Christmas cards or having them over to see the football game on TV.

That's my $0.02 on this issue.
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As hubby says "You can forgive, but you'll never forget"

I agree with what ^ said, to me, it's those who make a blatant point of telling you that they are "born again" that you have to watch out for.  I mean those who used to be "bad" who are now "reformed".  There are some who are truly genuine, but in my experience, those people who feel the need to keep repeating it seem like they are trying to convince themselves as well.

Quoting:
Another thought on "Oscar"...

It has been MY Experience that people who are overt Bible-toters or who absolutely "must" tell you that they are "born again" tend to be people to distrust, and they have a track record of hurting people.

I am not "dissing" people who read the bible or who are "born again", just commenting on the ones who seem to feel the need to cram it down everyone's throat.

I've known many "overt" religious people in my life and they turned out to be the biggest bunch of greedy, treacherous, buddy-screwing dirt bags known to man.  You could always count on them to abandon friends in time of need.

On the other hand, my best friends are also religious people but they are not the type who are "advertising" the fact.
End Quote

But,what if he was lying about the bible preaching,you think he would do that or not? ???


Howard

Quoting:


As hubby says "You can forgive, but you'll never forget"

I agree with what ^ said, to me, it's those who make a blatant point of telling you that they are "born again" that you have to watch out for.  I mean those who used to be "bad" who are now "reformed".  There are some who are truly genuine, but in my experience, those people who feel the need to keep repeating it seem like they are trying to convince themselves as well.
End Quote

those bullying days I will never forget,that's for sure.I wonder whatever became of another bully that used to beat the snot out of me,Eric Freud? ???


Howard

Quoting:



those bullying days I will never forget,that's for sure.I wonder whatever became of another bully that used to beat the snot out of me,Eric Freud? ???


Howard
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You got bullied by a guy named Freud?  Poetic injustice if I ever heard it.
I don't care what became of the clods who used to pick on me, I'm just glad those days are OVER.  However, I have the occasional nightmare that I have to go back to high school, junior high, or even the to my old job at the grocery store I worked at when I was a kid!  Hello, Nightmare caterers?  Could I have some werewolves and vampires over here instead?
:o

Quoting:



But,what if he was lying about the bible preaching,you think he would do that or not? ???


Howard
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Most people don't, but you never know.  If you just randomly ran into him one day and haven't seen him since, I'd say not to worry.  If you keep running into him, I'd say give him a chance.  Keep in mind, though, that some people think that just because they're "saved" it means they don't have to change their behavior.  They kinda use it like a "get out of jail free" card.  I'm not saying he's like that, I don't know him, but you never know.

Quoting:

But,what if he was lying about the bible preaching,you think he would do that or not? ???

Howard
End Quote

I do not know Oscar, but yes it is possible that he is lying.  I mean, look at all the Mafia dons who go to church every sunday and who give lots of money to the church.  The rest of the week they are out killing and stealing.

Jimmy Swaggart was out 'hoeing around while he was preaching on National TV, and so was Jim Baker.  The pastor of my church was preaching on Sundays and running an illegal gambling business during the week.  Another priest who was a former pastor of mine finally confessed to stealing $1000/week CASH from the collection (for 20 years) and had a woman and a gun collection on the side.

Deeds, not words, determine who is a good person.

Quoting:
Keep in mind, though, that some people think that just because they're "saved" it means they don't have to change their behavior.  They kinda use it like a "get out of jail free" card.  End Quote

This is the drawback of the popular "born again" movement born of Southern Baptism.  It over-emphasizes a "personal relationship with Christ," and de-emphasizes good works, charity, and community involvement.
I'm not demonizing fundamentalist Baptism in particular.  All philosophies of faith have their weaknesses.
The problem with fundamentlism is its tendency toward an Ayn Rand attitude.  If you're in poverty or in pain, it's because of your own moral failings, so, hey, not my problem, pal!
That's not what the teachings intend, the problem is with people, not epistemology.  A pr*ck with faith is still a pr*ck.

Bakker and Swaggert were sleazy, but the more vile abuse of faith belongs to the bigtime Christian right power brokers--Robertson, Falwell, and the Grahams.

Quoting:

This is the drawback of the popular "born again" movement born of Southern Baptism.  It over-emphasizes a "personal relationship with Christ," and de-emphasizes good works, charity, and community involvement.
I'm not demonizing fundamentalist Baptism in particular.  All philosophies of faith have their weaknesses.
The problem with fundamentlism is its tendency toward an Ayn Rand attitude.  If you're in poverty or in pain, it's because of your own moral failings, so, hey, not my problem, pal!
That's not what the teachings intend, the problem is with people, not epistemology.  A pr*ck with faith is still a pr*ck.

Bakker and Swaggert were sleazy, but the more vile abuse of faith belongs to the bigtime Christian right power brokers--Robertson, Falwell, and the Grahams.
End Quote

Please don't judge all Christians based on a few that have messed up.  I'm not applauding their choices, but they are human and humans do make mistakes.  There was only one perfect on this earth.  I'm a Christian and I do still make mistakes.  I also don't use my salvation as a pass to do anything I please.  Granted there are some who do.  

Classifying all Christians this way is like saying all people on welfare are lazy bums and trashy or that all black people are in a gang and shoot people.  We know that isn't true.  It's the like the old saying goes, "one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch."

Quoting:

This is the drawback of the popular "born again" movement born of Southern Baptism.  It over-emphasizes a "personal relationship with Christ," and de-emphasizes good works, charity, and community involvement.
I'm not demonizing fundamentalist Baptism in particular.  All philosophies of faith have their weaknesses.
The problem with fundamentlism is its tendency toward an Ayn Rand attitude.  If you're in poverty or in pain, it's because of your own moral failings, so, hey, not my problem, pal!
That's not what the teachings intend, the problem is with people, not epistemology.  A pr*ck with faith is still a pr*ck.
End Quote

You hit the nail on the head, Max.  I would add yet another dimension to your comments.

Somewhere around the 1960's and early 70's,  the whole "do not judge lest ye be judged" doctrine became twisted into "anybody can do what they damned well please so who am I to criticize as long as they claim to be Christian".

Final judgement is left to God, but in our lives we have to make choices as to how we raise our children and with whom we allow them (and ourselves) to associate.  We have the full right (and I say, obligation) to teach our children that hoeing around, not being there for our children, treating women like trash, and so on is wrong and that they should not associate with people who do these things.  That's "action" in support of "faith".

I agree with you fully.  A pr*ck with faith is still a pr*ck.  And I would add that someone who does not call out a pr*ck and who associates with them is a pr*ck-enabler.

Quoting:


Please don't judge all Christians based on a few that have messed up.  I'm not applauding their choices, but they are human and humans do make mistakes.  There was only one perfect on this earth.  I'm a Christian and I do still make mistakes.  I also don't use my salvation as a pass to do anything I please.  Granted there are some who do.  

Classifying all Christians this way is like saying all people on welfare are lazy bums and trashy or that all black people are in a gang and shoot people.  We know that isn't true.  It's the like the old saying goes, "one bad apple can spoil the whole bunch."
End Quote

Well said, Onaree.

Maxwell, most Christians believe that the personal relationship with Christ is the most important, but part of being a follower is helping your fellow man.  We are taught to help others who are down....in fact, I don't know of any with the attitude you talked about (devaluizing helping fellow man).  

One other question I have...what is it that the Grahams have done to make people so against them?  I can see the others you have mentioned but have seen nothing of the sort from the Grahams.  Just wondering as you are the second person today I have heard that was against the Grahams.

Quoting:


Most people don't, but you never know.  If you just randomly ran into him one day and haven't seen him since, I'd say not to worry.  If you keep running into him, I'd say give him a chance.  Keep in mind, though, that some people think that just because they're "saved" it means they don't have to change their behavior.  They kinda use it like a "get out of jail free" card.  I'm not saying he's like that, I don't know him, but you never know.
End Quote

I occasionally run into him in Subways but I never saw him with a bible book in his hand. ???


Howard

Quoting:


I do not know Oscar, but yes it is possible that he is lying.  I mean, look at all the Mafia dons who go to church every sunday and who give lots of money to the church.  The rest of the week they are out killing and stealing.

Jimmy Swaggart was out 'hoeing around while he was preaching on National TV, and so was Jim Baker.  The pastor of my church was preaching on Sundays and running an illegal gambling business during the week.  Another priest who was a former pastor of mine finally confessed to stealing $1000/week CASH from the collection (for 20 years) and had a woman and a gun collection on the side.

Deeds, not words, determine who is a good person.
End Quote

Maybe he's trying to forgive himself from those days when he beat the crap out of my Brother and I back in the late 80's-early 1990's. :-/ ??? I would also like to ask him if he could hook me up with a girl one day,maybe that day we'll become good friends. But,You never know. :-/


Howard

Quoting:



But you know Spray,he could turn heel,In My Opinion.You never know.he could have some wheels turning up there. >:(


Howard
End Quote

I feel that if people have a problem with WHO and WHAT you are,especially if they consider you "flawed"-that's THEIR problem! I think,although there are ways I can improve myself,I'm basically a GOOD person. You are GOOD ENOUGH too,Howard,don't let people get you down!

Quoting:
I agree with you fully.  A pr*ck with faith is still a pr*ck.  And I would add that someone who does not call out a pr*ck and who associates with them is a pr*ck-enabler.
End Quote

Fair enough but if you see that a person is genuinely making the effort to change their ways, shouldn't we make allowances for when that person occassionally enters pr*ck 'mode' regardless of faith/motivation?

Maybe being a pr*ck is a hard habit to break . . .  ::)

Quoting:

I feel that if people have a problem with WHO and WHAT you are,especially if they consider you "flawed"-that's THEIR problem! I think,although there are ways I can improve myself,I'm basically a GOOD person. You are GOOD ENOUGH too,Howard,don't let people get you down!
End Quote

Maybe Oscar isn't a bad person after all.I just never saw the good in him. :)


Howard

Quoting:
Maybe Oscar isn't a bad person after all.I just never saw the good in him. :)


Howard
End Quote

Well done Howard. A more optimistic way of looking at it. Sometimes being cynical can damage yourself rather than anybody else. It's something I contend with everyday.  :-/

Quoting:


Well done Howard. A more optimistic way of looking at it. Sometimes being cynical can damage yourself rather than anybody else. It's something I contend with everyday.  :-/
End Quote

maybe I'll take him out to lunch or dinner one day. :)

Howard

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maybe I'll take him out to lunch or dinner one day. :)

Howard
End Quote

Make sure it is in a public place that you are comfortable with.

Quoting:


Make sure it is in a public place that you are comfortable with.
End Quote

This is probably the first time that I've had a bully as an ally.We'll see what happens. :-/


Howard