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Subject: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
I wonder if anyone can suggest anything on how to deal with a predicament I'm having at work at the moment.
I recently moved into a new office, where I thoroughly enjoy the work and have a great rapport with the whole team, including the manager. However, a new girl started in our office last week and I'm finding it difficult to cope with her! She is 12 years older than me (I'm 21), and she criticises everything I say and do! If I say that I like anything, she'll instantly say she dislikes it. Also, I was sitting humming to myself earlier, and she said "Have you ever heard the phrase annoying idiot??!!"
Sorry to treat you guys like a problem page, but I would really appreciate some advice on dealing with her! I don't want to rock the boat too much ,as I really enjoy this office and would like to make a career in it, has any of you ever experienced anything like this?
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
It's a difficult situation to win, because if you run to the boss, you look like a tattle-tale (and if he/she does say something to this woman, she could just become more sneaky about it), and if you say something back you sink to her level and if you don't say anything but show that it bothers you she will continue. If you think she's someone you can sit down and talk with about it, go for it! Some people don't realize what they are doing is mean-spirited unless someone else points it out. It sounds like she is trying to establish herself into the pecking order and since you are probably one of the youngest (if not the youngest) people in the office and female too, you look like easy pickings.
Myself, I would deal with it with humor, but with an edge. When she says something like "Have you ever heard the phrase annoying idiot??!!" I would reply with something like "I'm sure you know that meaning inside and out." but in a chipper voice. (If you go this route, you might want to keep somekind of a document of things she says to you in case she ever goes to the boss since some people cannot handle what they give out).
Another way of dealing with it is whenever she says something to you that is tactless, just smile and say, "Thank you, your opinion means so much to me." and walk away.
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
Quoting:
I wonder if anyone can suggest anything on how to deal with a predicament I'm having at work at the moment.
I recently moved into a new office, where I thoroughly enjoy the work and have a great rapport with the whole team, including the manager. However, a new girl started in our office last week and I'm finding it difficult to cope with her! She is 12 years older than me (I'm 21), and she criticises everything I say and do! If I say that I like anything, she'll instantly say she dislikes it. Also, I was sitting humming to myself earlier, and she said "Have you ever heard the phrase annoying idiot??!!"
Sorry to treat you guys like a problem page, but I would really appreciate some advice on dealing with her! I don't want to rock the boat too much ,as I really enjoy this office and would like to make a career in it, has any of you ever experienced anything like this?
End Quote
First and foremost, you don't ever need to be apologetic to me about asking for help here. This is quite a place and I've enjoyed all the support :) The problems you're having sounds like you may need to go to someone on the team and ask thier advice...preferably somebody with more standing than the little b*tch. I wouldn't confront her directly as you might be playing right into her hand.....let me know how things are going ;)
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
Thankyou so much, that is great advice!
I loved your suggestions, Whimsys Ghost, and will be trying them out! And thanks a lot for your suport, RockandRollFan, I'll keep you updated.
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
Quoting:
Thankyou so much, that is great advice!
I loved your suggestions, Whimsys Ghost, and will be trying them out! And thanks a lot for your suport, RockandRollFan, I'll keep you updated.
End Quote
Hey, does this mean you didn't like my advice :-http://us.i1.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/i/mesg/emoticons/03.gif
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
Quoting:
Another way of dealing with it is whenever she says something to you that is tactless, just smile and say, "Thank you, your opinion means so much to me." and walk away.
End Quote
I'd wholeheartedly agree with that one: what you don't want to get into is some kind of catty sparring match to see whose claws are sharpest (unless, of course, you're naturally good at that kind of thing).
I also think that RnRF's suggestion of asking for the same sort of advice informally from a friendly colleague would help: both for moral support and as a potential witness should you need it.
Phil
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
You could kind of put her on the spot and say something like, "Why do you always have to make some diorogotory remark?"
Cat
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
You don't have to like anybody at work.You like who you want to like.That's basically it.
Howard
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
There are two things to do-
One- Talk with the manager just to make it known that there is a problem. This is important because if she is so rude to you likely she is rude to others. Also, if you respond and it comes to a conflict the likely reason for it has been established. CYA is important, she has a dislike or resentment for you and could very well approach the manager first in which case your a disadvantage.
Two- Be nothing but pleasant and professional to her, not responding to the goading or intimidating behavior usually ends it, that and you risk less of your own professional route.
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
If you are 21 and she is 33, then she probably sees you as some sort of sexually younger female threat. That and if you are the youngest then she probably does see you as the easiest target to go after. This seems to be a really nasty woman to start picking on people on her first week of the job, I mean she's the new employee!. Some people. ::)
I don't know what kind of employment this is, but if it is an office enviroment where everyone generally acts mature and proffesional....then you might consider taking it to the manager. You said you have a good rapport with the manager and everyone else, so that may be something. If you are working in a less proffesional place, say like retail (department stores, electronic stores, other stores, etc,)....then taking problems to the manager is not always the best of ideas. I worked several retail jobs, retail employees tend to be on the young side and still immature and a couple of times I took problems I had with co-workers to the manager and supervisor and they just didn't want to handle it. Their typical response would be "I don't have time to babysit all you guys, deal with it". It's their responsibility to make sure their employees are functioning well and the place is civil, but often they take the lazy way out and don't want to deal with it. This can be especially true if the place encourages cutthroat competition of some sort. Or the few times the manager would tell the other person what the problem was, they would do it in a stupid way that indicated they didn't take it seriously and that I was being a problem to them for making them confront this other employee. In these less proffesional places like retail, if the manager is kinda of young and immature themselves then they may start treating you like an idiot too, for the mere fact that you can't get along with this nasty, rude and disruptive employee. I've run into that problem and I've witnessed several other people run into this problem. It's a reality of some workplace enviorments.
But if you are in a more proffesional enviorment like a buisness office, with more mature folks, and the manager/supervisor seems cool....then by all means go for it and take it the problem to him or her. This woman sounds like a world class jerk.
Best of Luck, and keep us updated on how things go for you.
:)
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
Your co worker may get worse or dry up and blow away like poo in the wind ;). Good thing is you are only 21 and in 5 years or 6 months you'll maybe be in another job somewhere. However, expect another jerk to materialize wherever you go, asi es la vida (so is life). We all have to learn to get along, and you'll do okay.
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
Hey,that's coworkers for ya! I deal with the same crap just like you and for 4 freakin' years in that workshop! >:( ::)
Howard
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
Quoting:
I wonder if anyone can suggest anything on how to deal with a predicament I'm having at work at the moment.
End Quote
You gotta love these kinds of people. There are jerks and then there are a$$holes. The latter just don't get it... ever. These special individuals may require more drastic measures.
I would get her credit cards and anonymously subscribe to the raunchiest gay-lesbian porn you can legally find and put it in her name but address it to her neighbours (as if the mag got the wrong address). That way she can cancel her "accidental" subscription but by then the damage will have been done. <evil grin>
http://home.cwru.edu/~jms55/calvin-hobbes.jpg
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
Does she behave like this infront of anyone else or only when you are on your own? I think the suggestion to talk informally to someone else in the office is a good idea .It's important to keep a diary of occurances so should it get worse and you need to complain in the future or should she decide to try complaining about you you've got evidence.I too am convinced that she is trying to establish her place in the office and sees you as younger and also fairly new so therefore an easy target.Watch her closly too see how she plays the rest of the office,you may get an idea of her game plan or just see that shes doing it to others too. The main thing to do difficult as it may be, is not to rise to it as she may just get fed up and give up.Thats what happened to me a few years ago.Everytime my collegue was obnoxious I was super smarmy and nice, and occassionally sarcastic in a sugarsweet way.It wasn't easy I admit though the consolation was you could see it was driving her nuts not getting the expected reaction !She basically tried harder and harder to get a reaction and wasn't so careful infront of others and soon gave herself away.
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
Kay. In a way it's a good thing that she has opened herself up (nasty remarks, criticisms) because it implies that she is jealous of you, she is the one biting. She seems to be going through some effort to make your life that little less comfortable.
If she is jealous (which she would never admit) then the insults are coming directly from her insecurities. You just happen to be the unlucky person she is directing them at.
Just to add, I had a problem with a person higher-up who insinuated that I was a homosexual. I was speechless and so complained to the manager. It turned out that six other people had complained about him as well.
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
Ye Gods! Haven't I worked with these types of morons before...?!!
Kay, you will no doubt meet these people time and time again as you go through your working life...to me, it sounds like the woman (assuming she's grown-up enough mentally to be called that...) is attempting to gain the upper ground by intimidation...
And believe me - if this is left unchecked, this will eventually mutate into bullying...no-one deserves either...
Through experience, I find that bleating to your managers will do no good, unless things have reached an extreme...best not let it go that far...instead, along with some of the excellent responses listed above, try a swift and mildly derogatory "Get A Life...", or better still, if it can be done, a huge dose of ignoring...
As soon as these people sense that you're uncomfortable, they'll push the limits further...painful as it seem, this pond-life has got to realise one way or the other that she's not going to be able to do what she likes to you...
Do not, under any circumstances, let her intimidate you...
And do keep us posted on how things go...ATB
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
Cheers everyone!! I had a word with my manager yesterday and he was great and very supportive.
He too has come to the conclusion that she is jealous!! I have decided to ignore her as best I can and hope for her b*tchiness to subside, but if it gets any worse, I can rely on my manager to step in.......... :)
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
That's excellent news, Kay - good for you...!
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
Good for you Kay. Just a bit of advice, keep documentation of all nasty interaction you have with her-dates, times and what was said. You may not need it but if you do, you will have it.
Cat
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
That's a great result. Going to a manager means you are not going to put up with it. :)
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
Sometimes I just wanna punch the nasty people out!
And I have a foul mouth! >:( ;)
Howard
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
Hay Kay (that rhymes),
Now that you have gone to your boss and got some support, why not take her aside and calmly and nicely ask her what her problem is? It may not be jeolosy but insecurity. I would also suggest that a hostile reaction will only make things worse. Take the high road, be cool, but be assertive.
Good luck ;D
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
Quoting:
Good for you Kay. Just a bit of advice, keep documentation of all nasty interaction you have with her-dates, times and what was said. You may not need it but if you do, you will have it.
Cat
End Quote
excellent advice Cat.
Kay - does your workplace have a Human Resource /OH&S /Harrassment Officer ? So hard to know what you guys call it over there. Next time this girl hassells you - pick up you phone and dial that area (or even just pretend to) and say "Hi I would like some information on harrassment and bullying in the workplace". Leave some brochures on the subject lying around on your desk.
Ask your boss to hold a team meeting and get him to raise bullying in the workplace as a subject for that days discussion. He doesnt need to mention names. He can say that he is going to cover various harrassment subjects over coming weeks.
She will get the hint !
In my workplace our bosses are required to cover these subjects at least monthly in team meetings - it just reminds people of where they stand in certain situations and helps them to realise they are not being stupid and overreactive etc. And sometimes it makes the bully take a look at their own actions and wonder to themselves if they took things a little too far.
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
One good thing about this that I've noticed in other areas...when you start writing as soon as she starts bullying...SHE will feel nervous, and watch her mouth.
Quoting:
Good for you Kay. Just a bit of advice, keep documentation of all nasty interaction you have with her-dates, times and what was said. You may not need it but if you do, you will have it.
Cat
End Quote
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
I deal with morons everyday! :P >:( ::)
Howard
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
Hay Kay (that rhymes),
Now that you have gone to your boss and got some support, why not take her aside and calmly and nicely ask her what her problem is? It may not be jeolosy but insecurity. I would also suggest that a hostile reaction will only make things worse. Take the high road, be cool, but be assertive.
Good luck
Thanks, DC, thats really good advice. I will try to have a word with her today. Also, BrianMannixGirl, we don't have a designated harrasment officer here, but we do have a "Staff Care" system which deals with such things, so I can use your suggestion on them!!
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
Hope it all works out for you Kay. I had to put up a harrassment case for bullying against my female boss last year. My entire team got together to do it when we realised it was happening to all of us. She has been demoted now and will never be allowed to be a team leader again. Sometimes you simply have to do something about situations like this - rather than hope they go away - I know I did that for over a year before I had the courage to see the harrassment officers.
Subject: Re: Advice on dealing with nasty people, please!
Quoting:
Hay Kay (that rhymes),
Now that you have gone to your boss and got some support, why not take her aside and calmly and nicely ask her what her problem is? It may not be jeolosy but insecurity. I would also suggest that a hostile reaction will only make things worse. Take the high road, be cool, but be assertive.
Good luck
Thanks, DC, thats really good advice. I will try to have a word with her today. Also, BrianMannixGirl, we don't have a designated harrasment officer here, but we do have a "Staff Care" system which deals with such things, so I can use your suggestion on them!!
End Quote
No problem Kay. I hope it all works out. I have had similar situations. Please let us all know how it goes. We do care. Again, good luck.
DC