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Subject: Two cows politics
I got this idea from a bunch of websites. I don't know which origionally came up with the idea so I can't really site one. Don't cry "wolf" on this one, I didn't plaigerize.
What I did do is come up with my own "Two cow" metaphors for governments.
Socialism: You have two cows. So does everyone else.
Communism: You have two cows. Now everyone owns them. They are now the cows of the people.
Stalinism: All Ukranian cows are either shot or sent to Siberia.
Fascism: You have two cows. Para-military forces acting as personal thugs to said dictator beat you up, take your cows, give them to their boss and leave you for dead.
Bureaucracy: You have two cows. Unfortunately the records show that you only have one. You're going to have to sign here, here, here and here and you'll have to shoot the cow to rectify the error.
Capitalism: You have two cows. You buy a bull and begin to compete with your fellow farmers in the market. An increased volume of milk causes inflation and you lose all your money while people who own more cows dump their shares before it got ugly.
Corporate: You control 40% of all cow products in the United States. If the senator doesn't repeal a bill that increased sanitary regulations, you'll take your cows south of the border and leave thousands without jobs.
Democracy: You have two cows. You pick a guy who promised to give you more cows. He goes to war and takes one of your cows to pay for it.
Imperialism: You have two cows. Your government takes over the world. You still have two cows.
British Democracy (under Thatcher): You have two cows. The Tories tell you that cows are now obsolete. They take your cows and give you next-to-nothing severence pay.
Your turn.
Make up your own catagories if you want.
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
Actually Socialism should read: You have two cows. You work hard enough to earn four cows. Your two extra cows are given to the guy next to you who doesn't work. You feel cheated.
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
I work hard for four cows, my crippled neighbor gets two of them so he can support his family of five. I feel darn good. ;D
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
Quoting:
I work hard for four cows, my crippled neighbor gets two of them so he can support his family of five. I feel darn good. ;D
End Quote
You need more cows, so you earn five. Your neighbor now believes he is entitled to 50% of your new cow. So the government gives it to him without so much as a thank you. Thats why socialism (or as I like to call it "forced Charity") sucks.
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
Make up your own two cows thing about all of them then.
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
I liked the original website version of cow communism:
You have two cows. The government takes them and gives you milk. You wait in line for hours to get the milk. It is expensive and sour.
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
I like my definition of Imperialism. ;D It ain't nothin' to be too proud of, but I'm tired and I'm allowed to be a little less funny than the orgional.
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
Race Bannon had two cows- Race needs a bigger freezer. ;D
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
80s_cheerleader had two cows--she and her family had some good eatin' for quite a while ;D
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
I feel I have to post this one ;D (source unknown)
British Democracy:
You have two cows. You feed them sheep brains and they go mad. The government does nothing.
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
Quoting:
You feed them sheep brains and they go mad. The government does nothing.End Quote
Good thing the source was unknown, for the statement above is incorrect. So as not to turn this thread into an explanation about mad cow disease.... I'll take my leave.
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
Quoting:
Good thing the source was unknown, for the statement above is incorrect. So as not to turn this thread into an explanation about mad cow disease.... I'll take my leave.
End Quote
Err..yeah, it was a joke! ::)
I'll try another..
Surrealism:
You have two giraffes, the government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
Quoting:
Surrealism:
You have two giraffes, the government requires you to take harmonica lessons.End Quote
Now that was funny.
Don't hate me because I'm picky. ;)
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
Sexism (female): You have two cows. They are forever on the phone or in the bathroom.
Sexism (male): You have two pigs... and it goes downhill from there.
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
SIMPSONISM: Don't have a cow man!
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
Quoting:
SIMPSONISM: Don't have a cow man!
End Quote
Lets now forget- Cowabunga!
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
Religious cows....
BUDDISM
You have two cows. You do not desire their milk so you are not unhappy when it is unavailable. Your lack of desire and dependency on external sources of happiness is about to let you escape the cycle of life and suffering (so that you don't get reincarnated into a cow), but then the Chinese come and destroy or take away everything that's yours.
JEHOVA'S WITNESSES
You have two cows. You go door to door to see if anyone else's cows want to join yours.
JUDAISM
You have two cows. Their ancestors escaped slavery and went on to be mistreated and prosecuted throughout history. You give them a pasture, but then other animals fight over it
ISLAM
You have two cows. One refuses to join your jihad, so you kill it. The other wears a full-length burka so as not to excite any of the bulls.
HINDUISM
You have two well-fed cows. God forbid you touch them.
ATHEISM
You have two cows. The evidence is all around the farmyard, s**t everywhere, but you still don't believe they exist.
AGNOSTIC
You may or may not have two cows, it's really logically impossible to determine
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
Liberalism: You have two cows. They are free to go. You have no cows any more
Plagiarism: You have two cows. They are free to go. You have no cows any more
I'd have thought that "British democracy under Thatcher" would have been: "You have one mad cow"
European politics: You have two cows. Unfortunately, over-regulation means that they both die while you're filling in the paperwork. The cows in France seem to be doing OK, though.
Humourism: Two cows walked into a bar...
Jism: You have two bulls :o
Realism: You have two cows
;-)
Phil
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
Pessimism - You have two cows, both half empty
New Conservatism - You have two cows, no-one else cares
New Labour - You have two cows, a Third way and a new job for Peter Mandelson
McCarthyism - You have two cows, both are probably commies
Fortean - You have two cows, both are mutilated by aliens
Orwellian - You have two cows, who are watching you
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
Quoting:
I'd have thought that "British democracy under Thatcher" would have been: "You have one mad cow"
End Quote
rofl!
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
Quoting:
Orwellian - You have two cows, who are watching you
End Quote
I lost it on that one, funny! ;D
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
Conspirators take-
Two Cows are heard, one from the top floor of a wharehouse, the other behind a grassy knoll- never to be found!
Two Cows- Only one more needed to form the Trilateral Commission.
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
American: You have two of the best cows in the world. You make sure everyone knows it.
Canadian: You have two cows that are almost the same as the American cows except they are bilingual and slightly smaller. You don't brag about them. People like you more for it.
Iraqi: You have two Soviet-era cows that you use to terrorize your people. Everyone demands that you get rid of these cows. You shoot one and pretend the other one vanished. The United States shoots you and your family.
French: You have two cows. They have their faults. They're a bit lazy. They go on strike a lot but if you have a drink with them, they're all right. You don't want the United States to kill the innocent Iraqi cows. Your cows get made fun of and their milk is renamed "Freedom White Stuff".
Chinese: You have a sh*t load of cows. You abuse them. They don't produce much milk as a result. You wonder what you did wrong. You kill a few cows as a lesson to the others.
Clintonian: You deny ever owning any cows. Billions of dollars is spent to prove that you if fact had two cows. You admit it. Because you're so cool, you get off scot free.
Bushism: You gots two Nu-"Q"-lar cows.
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
Latin American-
Very vocal and proud cows. One cow insults the other and is challenged to a duel. They share a drink before the battle and decide they are the best of friends. Either cow will now die for the other. Viva La Vaca! ;)
Edited to add that no offense intended.
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
Cow Nationalism - You are subjugated and exploited by biped oppressionists who think they "have" you.
Subject: Re: Two cows politics
Quoting:
Latin American-
Very vocal and proud cows. One cow insults the other and is challenged to a duel. They share a drink before the battle and decide they are the best of friends. Either cow will now die for the other. Viva La Vaca! ;)
Edited to add that no offense intended.
End Quote
Perfect ;) But don't forget to add that the drink they consume is none other than "Bud Light" (in a can) 8)