I was listening to the news this morning and heard something that made me LMAO. ÊA man walked into a restaurant last night and attempted to hold it up. ÊHe pointed a gun at the cashier. ÊShe was so flabbergasted that she couldn't get the register open. ÊJust to show her how tough he was, the man aimed his gun at the floor and fired it (you can see where this is going). ÊThe bullet ricocheted off the floor and into his butt. ;D He definitely got what was coming to him (minus the cash he was trying to score). ÊThis is one of about fifty "stupid criminal" stories I know. ÊWhat about you? ÊAny idiots in your area?

must be a Texas thing....last year, the school I was working at received a bomb threat. ÊActually, the whole county of schools did. ÊAll of the schools evacuated for several hours. ÊAfter all of the hubbub had calmed, we found out that the guy who phoned in the threat hitched a ride into town, made the call from HEB (for all the non-Texans, it's like the Piggly-Wiggly), and then waited for the police to dispatch to the districts. ÊWhile they were doing that, the guy proceeds to rob a bank. ÊIt sounds all ingenius at first, but then when he left the bank, he tried stuffing the money in his pants. ÊThe rest of it he just carried in his arms. Ê(Now, remember he hitched a ride). ÊThe police caught him running down a busy street with money flying everywhere. ÊBetter yet, he tried to convince them that the money was his.

My Mom worked as a teller in a bank that was robbed, on average, three or four times a year.  One day just before closing, a guy came in and approached her wicket, and tried to hand her a hold-up note.  She told the guy she was already balanced for the day, and he'd have to wait for the next available teller.  (Okay, so she gets honorable mention for not cooperating.  But she didn't get hurt.)  SO HE DID!  Mom pressed the alarm and called the police while the guy robbed the teller next to her, and proceeded to leave the bank.  By the time the police showed up they had missed the guy, so they started questioning the tellers.  When they looked at the hold-up note, they found that he had written it ON THE BACK OF HIS PAROLE NOTICE; he'd been let out of jail that morning.  They picked him up at his parents' place - the address he'd provided upon his release.

We had two guys here who tried to rob a petrol station by putting bags over their heads but they forgot to cut eye and mouth holes in them and passed out instead !!

How about these ones?

Forget Something?
Kentucky
Two men tried to pull the front off an ATM by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the panel off the machine, however, they pulled the bumper off the truck. Scared, they left the scene of the crime. Their bumper, along with their license plate was still attached to the ATM.

Forget Something …Again?
Indiana
A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the cash, the man fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.

Hefty Bag Holes
Unknown
A man went into a drug store and announced his intentions to commit robbery. He pulled a Hefty-bag over his face to conceal his identity. He did not, however, cut eyeholes in the mask and was tackled by a brave customer.

Bad Check
Texas
A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serving a prison sentence. He gave the court a check--a forged check. He was sentenced to ten years.

Wrong Time for 911
Unknown
A man successfully broke into the basement of a bank through a street level window. In the process, however, he suffered severe lacerations from the glass. Quickly he realized that he could not get any money; he could not get back to the window from whence he came; and that if he did not get help soon he would bleed to death. He located the nearest telephone and called 911 for help.

try this one on for size:
there was this naked guy running down the street.....  ;)

Eh monkey, can you hear voices?

If you live in England, like me, you'll understand that, if not, I doubt you will.

Um.......  nope.  Not in England, and have no idea what it's about or refers to.  Care to enlighten us?

There's this EXTREMELY funny comedian (and I mean, LMAO) from St. Helens, England, called Johnny Vegas. He does these advertizements on the British television channel ITV1 about their new ITV Digital service. This is one of the lines from the adverts, the "Monkey" in question being a hilarious glove puppet. You have to see it to know how funny it is, though.

Ah.  OK.  I understand now.  Mm-hmm.   :-/

Moving on...

Unless, of course, you know of a place we can view it online....

I don't think there is one. I've checked.

The adverts have been so popular they are getting their own T.V show apparently.15 minutes long with cameo apperances from famous people as the milkman or the meter reader.A whole range of merchandising is coming out soon too and no doubt then a website too ! I have pictures of the monkey up all over my kitchen he's so cool.Basically Johnny Vegas's character is really dumb and the monkey is really clever so you can imagine the scenario's   ;D

Sorry to get back on topic, but here I go.....I heard this on The Big Show With Johnboy and Billy, I believe:

A man went to a store to look for a new pair of jeans.  He found a pair he liked so much that he wore them out of the store and left his own jeans in the fitting room.   The stolen jeans were on sale that week for $9.99, and the crook had left behind $12.00 in the pocket of his own pants.   ::)  Who wants to go to jail over $10?  Reject!

a co-worker of mine told me about this one (too ridiculous).....
I think it was last year or so, but a guy went into a liquor store in a downtown area (these liquor stores look like a little booth....the cashier stands in a room behind a late of bullet-proff glass with a tray to put the cash/liquor in....looks like a theater box office).  Anywho, the guy pulls out a gun and tells the lady to give him a bottle of whiskey.  She looked at him and said, "Hell, no....you ain't even 21."  The would-be robber and her argued about it until finally the guy said, "look, I can prove it"  and slides his ID under the glass.  She said "Oh, so you are, and now I have your Id card."  He sticks the gun up to the glass to demand it back.  The lady told him it was bullet-proof glass and so the robber STUCK HIS GUN INTO THE TRAY to try to shoot her.  She, of course, grabbed his wrist and then the gun.   What a loser!  ;D