Happy Birthday, xX07-GhostXx!!!  Enjoy your birthday!  :)

Happy Birthday, xX07-GhostXx! Where have you been?

Thanks, you two!

I'm very stressed nowadays, to answer Voiceofthe70s's question. If sleeping on a couch counts as homelessness, I am still homeless. It would mean that I have been homeless for longer than a year, if motel and hotel stays also count.

I need to share some things that happened on the day that my prefrontal cortex was scheduled to be fully developed. I remember Slim95 getting asked if it felt any different on that day of his own, compared to when he was just 24.

It might be a warning people should pay attention to in case I do anything heinous and people can only assume later on that this was my account.

Whenever I was put in a mental hospital in 2023, I was forced to take antipsychotics I didn't need. Fathers should not be how my father was... Ignoring the signs of sibling abuse, and likely calling the police on said abused children later.

I was not held at gunpoint, but they told me they would inject it in me if I didn't swallow. I didn't want to die through having it all throughout my blood, instead of just localized, so I took it.

Another inmate told me "you might want to get a lawyer in case something like this happens to you again. Meds people don't need will screw with their brain."

I believe him.

My ability to sympathize with those I don't have emotional bonds with took a hit, although maybe not a major one. My brain tells me, "It is not safe to sympathize with these people," in non-extreme circumstances.

I don't believe I am harmful. Even if all of the trauma I have been through made my conscience heavily wounded, and not just wounded, there was a voice that came into my head yesterday that said, "You should never harm anyone. They might be , and you just do not realize it."

Physical sensations I got, probably at least one hour apart for each:

1. A patch felt like it got applied to a part of my brain partly behind my left eye, and partly behind an area above my left eye.

2. I felt a thin layer, roughly brain-shaped, seem to mold or harden around what my brain already was.

3. I felt emphasis in an area behind the upper half of my forehead. I was watching Netflix and, when I slowly nodded up and down, the sensation that I was carrying heavy equipment up there, such as a CRT monitor, could be felt.

4. Do you know the kinds of pins you put in cloth-formed "tomatoes"? It was as if I could feel two of them get laid, balls facing my hairline, each on different sides of the line separating my brain's two hemispheres. I could feel the needles, too, except the points. It probably felt like they were a half-centimeter apart, and were at the very front of my brain.

5. A curving line of energy could be felt going from a place inside my head located above and behind my left ear, to a place probably at the left side of my prefrontal cortex. It felt like it was in an outer layer rather than a deep part of my brain.

Mental sensations:

1. On April 4th: I don't know what time of day I'm born, so I'm worried throughout most of the day that something will make my memories go away. My father is colder than me but not as cold as my brother. Am I going to lose almost all of my childhood memories like he said happened to him? Not that he said anything was wrong with him, but he's said he barely remembers his childhood before he disowned me.

I'm also worried that I will somehow lose my Emo identity.

2. On April 5th: I'm calmer. I know I'm an adult by now. I'm still Emo. Probably always will be. I kept at least a lot of my memories even if I somehow forgot some without realizing it.

---

Please do not view me as a threat. I took a risk just saying my ability to sympathize with ordinary people took a hit. I would not want anyone to go through the trauma of my childhood, except for the people who did it to me.

If I am viewed as a threat, here are other things that might have made me colder, so that people can at least take advice on how to treat kids even if someone deletes my account (other than sibling abuse, antipsychotics I didn't need, and a cold and distant father):

1. Some people in the mental health field acting like the sibling abuse was nothing.

2. Inconsistent communication with my father when he wasn't distant. Getting yelled at for, doing what he said.

3. Chemical agents other than the antipsychotics. I smoked something that likely had K2 in it when I was 13. Horrifying experience.

4. Malnutrition that comes with the homelessness I experienced from 2023 onwards might have done pruning to my brain.

5. I was so stressed from what other family might do to me, that I was numb to my Mom's death for months.

Seriously. I should have just been adopted into a different set of parents. Even if it meant I never saw my Mom again. I have that perspective now that she is dead. She was at least decent compared to the other two, though, so I still love her.