From the theatre of the absurd it appears that Andre Johnson's johnson has met its demise.  :\'(

http://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/2014/04/16/rapper-andre-johnson-cuts-off-penis-suicide-attempt/

Ummmmmm....wow

So he cuts off his penis then commits suicide? :o

So he cuts off his penis then commits suicide? :o


Well he apparently attempted suicide.

Well he apparently attempted suicide.


He could've saved his penis by storing it in a jar.

What's killling me about this, is this damn fool lived, so he will never hear the end of it. (Unless he does "succeed" next time.)

I've had some low points in life where I didn't want to see tomorrow, but NEVER did I say, "Hmm maybe I'll mulitate my genitalia, then off myself!" I mean...was this fueled by drugs or what?  :o

What's killling me about this, is this damn fool lived, so he will never hear the end of it. (Unless he does "succeed" next time.)

I've had some low points in life where I didn't want to see tomorrow, but NEVER did I say, "Hmm maybe I'll mulitate my genitalia, then off myself!" I mean...was this fueled by drugs or what?  :o


I mean, if you cut off your own penis, then how will women feel you up? ;D

I'm sure I speak for many here, but I had no idea who Andre Johnson was until I read this thread

I'm sure I speak for many here, but I had no idea who Andre Johnson was until I read this thread


You definitely speak for me here.

I'm sure I speak for many here, but I had no idea who Andre Johnson was until I read this thread


I bet you'll remember him now.

I'm sure I speak for many here, but I had no idea who Andre Johnson was until I read this thread


Isn't he a football player? ???

Isn't he a football player? ???


Nah. He's a rapper affiliated with the Wu Tang Clan.

I know about Wu Tang Clan, but I never heard of this guy. (Is he MJ, no...he's off my radar...)

But I'll damn sure remember him for this stunt!  :D

TMZ reports that the doctors were not able to reattach the severed part.  :\'( :-http://www.tmz.com/2014/04/17/wu-tang-cut-penis-affiliated-rapper-christ-bearer-andre-johnson/

Hopefully he just cut off a little bit...  :-\\

Hopefully he just cut off a little bit...  :-\\


Strange, he doesn't sound like the kind of guy who'd go off half-cocked.

They can't reattatch it? Damn it, they can grow human ears on the backs of rats and can't reattatch his severed member.

He'll want to kill himself now. I saw a program about a man whose penis got amputated by mistake and he was talking about how every day doing "number one" was like murder. That poor ignorant fool. He'll never get laid again, either.

They can't reattatch it? Damn it, they can grow human ears on the backs of rats and can't reattatch his severed member.

He'll want to kill himself now. I saw a program about a man whose penis got amputated by mistake and he was talking about how every day doing "number one" was like murder. That poor ignorant fool. He'll never get laid again, either.


Well maybe they can do some sort of reconstructive surgery like they do for female-to-male transgender conversions? ???

Probably won't work exactly like the OEM part but maybe it could suffice.

Bad thing for this guy, especially being from the rap world, is no matter where he goes it will be like "Hey he's the dude who cut off his schlong."  :-\\  There's no way he could go to one of those "combat rap" sessions because the opponent would always dredge up this story.

TMZ reports that the doctors were not able to reattach the severed part.  :\'( :-http://www.tmz.com/2014/04/17/wu-tang-cut-penis-affiliated-rapper-christ-bearer-andre-johnson/

Hopefully he just cut off a little bit...  :-\\


So that means he's only left with half a dick?

They can't reattatch it? Damn it, they can grow human ears on the backs of rats and can't reattatch his severed member.

He'll want to kill himself now. I saw a program about a man whose penis got amputated by mistake and he was talking about how every day doing "number one" was like murder. That poor ignorant fool. He'll never get laid again, either.


Well, that's his fault. Who in the hell told him to cut off his penis!  ::)

Well maybe they can do some sort of reconstructive surgery like they do for female-to-male transgender conversions?

Why? Did you ask him that he wants a vagina?

Why? Did you ask him that he wants a vagina?


No but I figured maybe they could make him a new Johnson to replace the original one.

So that means he's only left with half a dick?


I'm not sure; none of the news reports have mentioned how much he cut off.  Hopefully he left at least something to work with.  :-\\

Here's an article that talks about what might have gone wrong with the surgery...

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2014/04/18/rapper-andre-johnsons-failed-penis-reattachment-what-went-wrong/

Well it turns out the story is worse than originally reported, and this link kind of explains why the reattachment surgery failed.

The report goes on to say that he was using PCP ("Angel Dust") at the time.  :-X

Seems that first he cut off a piece, then he cut off, well, the *other* equipment down there.  Then he cut off the rest of what was left, essentially performing both a penectomy and a bilateral orchiectomy.

All using a serrated steak knife.   :o  The tissues would have been all tore up.

It's hard enough reattaching a single member.  But when you've cut it off in two pieces, it's pretty close to impossible.  :-\\

No but I figured maybe they could make him a new Johnson to replace the original one.


I don't know why not?

I'm not sure; none of the news reports have mentioned how much he cut off.  Hopefully he left at least something to work with.  :-\\

Here's an article that talks about what might have gone wrong with the surgery...

http://www.foxnews.com/health/2014/04/18/rapper-andre-johnsons-failed-penis-reattachment-what-went-wrong/

At least, he should keep his ball sack.

Well it turns out the story is worse than originally reported, and this link kind of explains why the reattachment surgery failed.

The report goes on to say that he was using PCP ("Angel Dust") at the time.  :-X

Seems that first he cut off a piece, then he cut off, well, the *other* equipment down there.  Then he cut off the rest of what was left, essentially performing both a penectomy and a bilateral orchiectomy.

All using a serrated steak knife.   :o  The tissues would have been all tore up.

It's hard enough reattaching a single member.  But when you've cut it off in two pieces, it's pretty close to impossible.  :-\\


Well, he certainly won't be in a porn video at any time.

I don't know why not?


Or maybe they could simply do a transplant.

Or maybe they could simply do a transplant.


But someone would have to pass away before you can transplant a penis onto some other guy.

But someone would have to pass away before you can transplant a penis onto some other guy.


Well people die all the time.  Or... maybe some dude who wants to do a male-to-female sex change could make a donation. ???

Just read on TMZ, after all they were able to restore Andre's Johnson.

Awesome news.  8)  :)

Just read on TMZ, after all they were able to restore Andre's Johnson.

Awesome news.  8)  :)


Now you can say he's finally got a penis.  ;D

Now you can say he's finally got a penis.  ;D


Yep. Has a twig, but alas, no berries.  :-that his procedure was done by "plastic surgeons". I wonder if this means his old one was reattached (he cut it off in two pieces with a serrated steak knife) , or if they had to cobble one together using other tissues? ???

Yep. Has a twig, but alas, no berries.  :-that his procedure was done by "plastic surgeons". I wonder if this means his old one was reattached (he cut it off in two pieces with a serrated steak knife) , or if they had to cobble one together using other tissues? ???


So you're saying he has no balls?  :o

So you're saying he has no balls?  :o


Yes, that would be the case.  When he had his uh, episode, he started whacking away in the following sequence:


Cut the end off of his winky
Then he cut off his 'nads
And finally, he cut off what was left of his winky


Man, that had to hurt, especially #1.  :o

Yes, that would be the case.  When he had his uh, episode, he started whacking away in the following sequence:


Cut the end off of his winky
Then he cut off his 'nads
And finally, he cut off what was left of his winky


Man, that had to hurt, especially #1.  :o


I think the tip would hurt more than cutting off the balls cause the balls are more flesh and skin.

I think the tip would hurt more than cutting off the balls cause the balls are more flesh and skin.


Well without his 'nads he's not gonna be able to get his freak on, unless he gets testosterone injections.

Well without his 'nads he's not gonna be able to get his freak on, unless he gets testosterone injections.


He's going to have to wait for someone to pass away before he can get a balls transplant.

He's going to have to wait for someone to pass away before he can get a balls transplant.

Do they do 'nad transplants these days? ???

Do they do 'nad transplants these days? ???


I guess it's for guys who need a pair of balls.