List alphabetically ways to lose your job.

A... ALLOW your friends to come to your work place and have their band practice.

B

Bring your child to work, every day!

Call your boss @ 1am and demand a raise;carry on until he blows up :D

D

Drink beer to your heart's content

Erase everything on your bosses computer and try to lie and say someone else did it... When he checks the footage and sees its you,start laughing like a 2yo...

F

Failing to follow directions

Give your assigned work to someone else,tell them your sick of the boss giving the orders..... Goto his office and start commanding him.......

H

Holding out on important meetings because of "ADD".

Invite your friends in your band to come and practice every day..

J

Joke about your manager's pet hamster

Kick other people around the office,tell them your boss told you to do it........ When the boss gets there wearing a disguise,kick HIM w/o first finding out who it is;carry on like a 2yo :D

L

Lounge around like a lounge lizard

Messing around with the boss's wife

Nagging nonsense on the telephone

Opening a can of worms (so to speak) with the employees about the boss and then calling your boss @ 3am and telling him your on thier side... Call him all kinds of names;carry on :D

P

Precisely do that, open a can of worms in the office.

Quickly spread the trash all over the office and when your bosses BOSS comes in,tell him your boss did it as he was mad... WHEN THE BOSS'S BOSS MAKES YOU THE NEW BOSS,spill the beans....... :D

R

Recruit new consultants without the bosses permission.

Sneezing in your boss' face...several times.

Totally refusing to do a routine important task of the day.

Using the PC to download porn and/or weapons websites

Violate every company rule and when the boss calls you on it,laugh and tell him you will do as you please...

W

Working after hours without authorization

X-Rays, the misuse of

Yelling at everyone telling them the boss told you to....

Z

Zed noises from the committee room?

Annoy your boss while he is talking to his superiors.

Back all views towards bankruptcy

Coming to work about 4 hours too late without calling.

Daydreaming constantly

Eavesdropping on your bosses private call and accidently releasing the MUTE button while your laughing and saying mean things about the person he is talking to.. (His boss) -- Ah man!!

F

Framing the secretary

Giving eveyone a raise;forging your bosses name to thier stubs and then breaking the news to him days later.......

H

Hand in the notices for all the members of staff

Hehee that would surely do it ;D

Ignore your boss and do everything the way YOU WANT and when his boss comes in and says what a good job you did and gives you a huge raise,tell him you ignored your boss case he is an idiot,etc and did it your own way,carry on,etc......... (Tell his boss what an idiot he is also)

J

Join the same masonic lodge as your boss, and spread malicious rumours.

Klu Klux Klan demonstrations (at least I hope those bigots lose their jobs)

Leave all the work for others to do.

Make fun of your boss NOT KNOWING HE IS STANDING BEHIND YOU . Cut him down,etc....

N

Not turning up to work for over 5 years

Ordering co-workers to break office rules

Photo-booming the photocopier

Quitting (of course)

rubbing your nose and not washing your hands before handling food.

just started talking about all the clean food handling stuff today at training

Sitting on the company  toilet for all 8 hours of your work day

^only 8 hours?

Talking loudly ALL DAY and bothering everyone....

U

^only 8 hours?
Not enough time!

Talking loudly ALL DAY and bothering everyone....

U
Under performance at the team bonding meeting

Videoing yourself while posing on the photocopier

Wash your desk off,etc and put the dirt,etc collected into your bosses office all over the floor and threaten to report him for messiness if he doesnt give a hefty raise.......

X/Y

Yodeling obsessively, out of tune, at the coffee maker

Zooming around the manager's office

Ask your boss if you can leave at 3pm and when he says OK,leave at 12pm and demand a hefty raise ;D

B

Boast about your fictitious CV (resume)

Call your boss at 8pm to discuss a raise and other office stuff,when he says "See me about in the office tommorow" call him back at 3am crying and carrying on ;D

D

Do the boss' wife or daughter.

Eavesdrop on the bosses secret call about planning on stiffing the company and then when HIS BOSS is there playback the tape and then demand equal pay ;D

F

Fail to attend important office meetings

Give everyone a gift in your office and then go into your bosses office.... When he thinks your gonna give him one,give him hell instead. Start carrying on like a 2yo about how you dont like things,kick his trash can over,etc... until he explodes in anger ;D

H

Hate your co-workers and beating them up.

Ignoring the phone

Jewish epithets.

kleptomania

lap dancing on your boss' lap (women)

making fake phone calls to work colleagues

origami with important papers while on duty

making fake phone calls to work colleagues
naming names on new named customers

origami with important papers while on duty
pen-pushing on other desk

Quitting work early and then calling your boss at 3am and asking for a few days off WITH PAY!!

R

reading Fanny Hill out loud where the boss is still in earshot

Sing your abc's loudly in the office until all your co-workers complain to the boss and when he says something start singing to him while cutting him down ;D

T

tripping on LSD while in conference

Uninvite your bosses wife to an important meeting,make up an excuse so she doesnt come..... When your boss find out make up all kinds of lies you told his wife and she decided he isnt worth it ;D

V

Voicing out loud during the quiet hour

Waste time all day resulting in getting nothing done,then demand a raise ;D

X/Y

Yawning during a Zoom Conference

Zip around the office trying to get everything done,then forget to do the 1 important thing your boss said MUST BE DONE BY 3PM.. The next day when he finds out giggle like a 2yo and say "Im not your slave" then demand a raise ;D

A

Annoying higher management by commenting, not favorably, on their ties.

Bothering higher management by commenting, not fsborsbly, on their ties.

Correcting boss's mistakes, as far as questioning his spelling and grammar. ;D

Duplicating the boss's mistakes

Examining boss's private parts  :-* (looking at his johnson when he pees)

Forming a new political party during office hours.

Going somewhere that is not where you should be. (As in at the races).

Holding onto important financial office data for too long

Insubordination, especially in front of the CEO.

Jumping excessively on the photocopier

Killing anyone

Lycanthropy in the boardroom

Mumbling bad things about your boss...who is right next to you.

Naming one by one, previous staff colleagues that had been fired.

Offend everyone the worst way you can and tell them the boss told you to say this... When he questions you start laughing like a 2yo and walk away;Call him at 2am demanding a raise ;D

P

Pass the Dutchie 'pon the left hand side among the office staff.

Quit

Resign

Signing the manager's name fraudulently on official documents,