Back in the day...I used to make story threads on the game board.  Rice Cube and Indy Gent were two of my favorite contributors...until someone got mad because they thought I was making racial jokes.  (not true)  
Well anyway, I was wondering if anyone feels up to starting a new story thread.  Yes, I'll let someone else start the story this time.

It all began so swimmingly here in Penguinville. Queen AmenRa was sitting pretty on the piano bench with her white bonnet and miniskirt. Her sister Crazy Raccoon Gurl was sitting there beside her trading jokes and good natured insults. Merry and Peregrine were tending to the veggie garden with Ortho and salt. Billy Florio was staring quizzingly at Merry and Pippin's house, wondering what genders they were. Billy's brother Mike was in the kitchen baking cookies for NbC, onaree, lanie and woops. While Indy Gent was wrting his scathing answer to the film "Hoosiers", Rock and Roll fan, 80s Rocked, and Rice Cube were busy setting up the brackets for the NCAA championship. Marian played 50s tunes much to the shagrin of neophyte Goreripper. Howard was outside hammering several posts about 2 inches from each other. Karen, Gis, Bobo and Philbo Baggins played Morningstar Cescent with maps in hand. And everyone wondered when Zella, Fuss Budget Van Pelt and Ceramics Fanatic were going to pop up next. 

The Queen marveled at Indy for remembering so many board members on just one post.  But then LyricBoy came along and sang to the entire crew, wishing that all their dreams come true (hey, I rhymed!)  His intentions were not to harm anyone, we all know, but this was an especially bad wish for the Queen and for Neo Matrix.  It was not a pretty sight for the Queen, as she was being chased by Simon Cowell trying to give her liposuction.  But Neo's reality dream was even worse:

Neo was being shadowed by Agent Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, and he needed to escape fast or else he would be assimilated into the Swedish meatball collective.  Meanwhile, the nefarious Emperor ChuckyG had just converted his 20000th parody subject...

Neo finally woke up from his reality dream, then woke up the Queen, who kissed him passionately. Then they made virtual sex by just looking at each other. Meanwhile, Hairspray fell behind on locking the Penguin Board Games after 20 pages of posting. Marian, Indy and Nally took advantage of the slipup, being careful not to go overboard and making a 21st page.  

Rice Cube, while browsing the chads, wondered how anyone could reach a consensus in a poll that has more than 10 choices...

After watching some questionable films in her human sexuality class, Hairspray finally locked up the expired threads and replaced Neo as the Queen's lover, for despite the sex being virtual, Neo had certain dysfunctions, and when he WAS able to do it, his outcomes were a bit premature...

LOL! ;D

Hairspray proved to be a better lover for the Queen anyway. The fact that Hair wore androgenous clothes and hair made it fun for the Queen to guess the gender of Public Enemy #2. However, the prudent Hairspray would never drop trough for the Queen, or anybody else, since Hair's only objective was keeping the royal jewels a secret. Meanwhile, Rice Cube gave up on trying to set limits on the chads and left that to Chucky and Hairspray.    

Enter the Queen's bf, who was shocked and appalled by her lude virtual behavior.  He was so upset, he began reciting his personal Shakespearean monologue.  It went a little something like this:

Oh boy, it's gonna be hard to write in iambic pentameter...let's try it anyway :P

Shalt thou sully thy name unto this place?
The foul penguins doth smudge thy fragile soul!
Return to the land of Doctor Evil
And that guy with the large unsightly mole!

;D

Along came Bobo, in a waistcoat, a bow tie, and a green pair of trousers, totally off-setting the mood.

He began to play a few of his favourites on the (so cunningly concealed) piano. Meanwhile, he had a cocktail and discussed with Rice Cube the dangers of playing Literati too often.

Nothing could prepare him, though, for what was going to happen next...

The Queen challenged him to a game of piano.  Bobo proved to be just as great a pianist as the Queen, which sent her into a jealous rage.  "OFF WITH HIS HEAD!" she shouted.
Rice Cube found this utterance quite humorous, for it caused him to remember the days long ago when he obsessed over his prized possession, the anteater.  Nevertheless he was determined to save Bobo from the Queen and her gang of college students.  So he...

..insisted on having a competition whereby the best person to play the piano would win his top prize.

Bobo stepped up to the plate, heckishly nervous.

Bobo and the Queen argued long into the morning about who was the better piano player. Queen retorted:..

"I'm the one with perfect pitch.  I can play any song by ear.  I invented the game of Exaggeration.  I know everything there is to know about classical piano.  And what can you do?"
Bobo was about to reply with the best argument yet, but along came...

..a flurry of mice.

"No! No! Stop them biting my fingers." said Bobo.

By the time they had finished, naturally they were tired of biting Bobo's fingers and moved on elsewhere.

So, the arguments about musical prowess continued.

"Absolute pitch?" Bobo snorted. "That's nothing. I can tell anything you want me to. Ask me to name that chord there." He closed his eyes, and asked Queenie to poke at the keyboard.

"B major seven.. flat nine."

Queenie didn't like to admit it, but she was impressed. Not only with Bobo's cheek at guessing the exact chord correctly, but also with his cheek at calling her "Queenie" and attempting to get away with it. QAR pondered long and hard.

LOL you guys! ;D

Quoting:QAR pondered long and hard.
End Quote

...long and hard as the barrel of Hairspray's....

...gun. :o ;D <Queen displays a vacant expression>

Hairspray came in with her gun and started charging about the place, spoiling Bobo and his finding anagrams within small pieces of paper strewn around the room in which he was sitting.

All of the while, the man with the large unsightly mole was being generally large and unsightly. His brain was now the size of the big mole on top of his brain, and he was covering himself in string.

He knew there was some kind of point to this somewhere.

Meanwhile, as he was composing a piece of music for three violins, a violoncello, a double bass, two violas, one saxophone, nine tubas, and a theramin, Bobo came upon a realization.

What he could see before him took him totally by surprise. It was...

Cooler heads prevailed. Indy and Rice Cube took away all of Bobo's letters and anagrams, thus preventing another Hairspray explosion. Queenie was carried away to her royal bedroom, where her sister Crazy Raccoon Gurl and Lanie read her lullabies. Later, CatwomanofV and Don Carlos spend their honeymoon in the bed next to the Queen, and the palace was certainly shakin', much to the Queen's chagrin. >:(  ;)

Meriadoc, attracted by the sound of the thundering suite, wandered in and realized that a lovely bygone venue had reared it's multifaceted head again, presenting opportunities for chicanery, hijinx and hot gay hobbit sex.

And of course, unlimited occasion to lovingly annoy the Queen.

Bored of writing the occasional parody, and yelling 'fool of a Took' at Peregrin several times a day, Merry welcolmed the diversion...

Once again, the Queen's boyfriend came showed up, this time dressed in his Othello costume.  
"Now what do you want?" the Queen asked him.  
"Some wild & crazy sex!!! That's what!"  So they got busy, despite the fact that...Othello...had forgotten his Shakespearean dialogue.  The others watched, shocked yet delighted by the two's nasty behavior.  Meriadoc's friend Aragorn was tempted to challenge Othello to a sword fight, but he and the Queen both said:

Then Iago, looking like a diseased Josh Hartnett who had just woken up from lying in a World War II German foxhole after 8 days of shelling, entered the room and pretended he was all that, and pined for Desdemona, who really should have slapped her parents for giving her such a Satanic name...

Othello and Iago were so happy to see each other after so long a parting.  
"Let's do what we used to do back in the day," said Iago.
"OK!" Othello shouted with glee.
So Othello began to play his guitar as Iago shrieked: "We love the sl*ts! Sl*ts are a dollar off..."
The Queen and all her ladies were OUTRAGED!  So they...

...thought it might be nice to have a dragon briefly in the production....

The Queen's dragon burnt the buns of of Othello and Iago. Hamlet and Ophelia were standing near, laughing their heads off, literally. The sight of rolling heads caused the Queen to yell, "Off With their heads!!! Whaddayamean they're already off?!!" Then Zella returned with Tantrum O'Neal's orange cones and the ashes of Tarzan Boy, who, as Baltimora, had succumbed to cancer. How sad! :'(

The Queen was so sad, she decided to go swimsuit shopping.  She bought an extremely cute suit, but it still didn't ease her pain.  So she went panty shopping...but that didn't help much idea.  Then she had a GRRRRRRREAT idea!  
"Of course!" shouted she.  "I'll just..."

Suddenly the Queen was interrupted again by the Hanging Chads board. When she saw her name on one of the "Favorite ojects beginning with "Q" (and then found out Indy voted for her), she started to do cartwheels in the store. Security kicked her out, but she didn't care. She was just glad to be a favorite "anything". ;D

She continued to do cartwheels until she ended up in the Land of South Park.  How enraged she now was!  Not only did she have to walk sideways, but now her chest had completely disappeared.
"DAMMIT!" she yelled.  "Now how am I supposed to wear my brand new swimsuit to the beach?"
"Don't forget to bring a towel!"  
Oh crap! And now Towelie was trying to offer her a joint.  But wait! What light through yonder...uh....whatever...breaks?  Of course! It's...

Juliette Lewis from Quentin Tarantino's movie, "From Dusk Till Dawn!"  See her wield a reciprocating drill/stake and puncture the hearts of many a vampire!  Scream in horror and wonder as they toss condoms full of holy water (how sacreligious!) to melt the undeads' very essences!

(Back to the story LOL)

Suddenly, 200 miles away, Ripp Penguin fell and landed on her beak.
"Owch!" she yelled. "That's the 12th time today! When will Penguin Comfort Pads be invented?"
"You know, they say the 13th time you fall, you will be killed by a Lion..." said Zella. She was walking up from behind. Ripp sighed and turned around.
"And the 14th time you trip, a buisness penguin will give you the slip! Yeah, I know that song, from the Lyrics man (I'm just changing the name the music man...). Pity no keyboards or PenguinPianos are here. We could have sung That song, what's it called, um, Lida Ivy? No, Lida Freesia? No, Lida Blackberry? No, Lida Rose - oh, yeah, but we're both girls, that rules it out too."
But suddenly Zella had an idea...

She went to petition QueenAmenRa for more safety precautions in Penguin Land.  However, the Queen was away on...vacation...and her fish, Moe Betta, was in charge.  
Zella said unto Moe, "O, thou almost great fish.  What shalt be done to ensure safety for my friend, Ripp, that she mightst no longer slip, and trip, and..."
But Moe interrupted her request to state:

..."How the heck did Zella get in this thread...?"

Zella, angry at Moe for his sarcasm, used the gelding shears on him, as the Queen and Ripp Pengiun cheered on. "Ah, that's mo' betta", exclaimed Zella. Billy F., holding his own piece, offered Zella a compromised. "I'll make everyone stop writing unflattering post about you if you tell me if Merry and Pippin are both female." Zella said, "I can't divulge that info, but I can tell you the Queen is attracted to you." And on that, he accepted with a smile on his face.  

Ripp Penguin started to wave her wings.
"You will all forget this whole story and think you are Blackie Boo. You will tell people your name. This will happen when I clap - *CLAP*"
It happened in a flash. Ripp didn't get effected but her beak turned a wild purple with pink polka dots. She liked it. She could change her colour now! But everyone else was effected.

"Dammit!" shouted the Queen.  "Where's the Mystic when you need her?"  
Unfortunately, the Queen's sister was long gone, to return to Penguin Land no longer.  So the Queen had to face the effected penguins, especially Billy F.,  alone.  Not even her boyfriend, Othello, would help her, as he was off in his own little Shakespearean land.  
So the Queen made the mistake of wearing her sexy new Easter dress as she confronted this confused penguin.  However, Billy F. had a surprise for her...

(keep it clean this time y'all  ;) )

He came up to her exclaiming:

"I have the conch! And it is the biggest conch you will ever see..."

(clean enough?) ;)

At this exclamation, the Queen went wild on Billy F.  Ripp Penguin suddenly turned opaque for some odd reason and tried to swipe Billy's conch. The Queen retaliated by stealing Ripp's cones and imploding them, much to the chagrin of Zed's minions (See, I didn't mention Zed.)  

Suddenly, the Raccoon burst into the thread, partly to make a cameo appearance, but mostly just to get a little bit of attention from the other board members.

~CRG~

Then the Queen appeared, having just returned from a partial viewing of "Seabiscuit."  That quote.  It kept ringing in her head.  
"...We can never know how high we are...," she mumbled to herself. "...Hell, I'm sober and I still don't know how high I am.  She knew something had to be done about it.  So she commissioned Othello, Iago, Steve Miller, Dave Chappelle, Rob Schneider, Mr. Z, and a few penguins to compose the next international weed anthem.  It went a little something like this:

"Hail, Hail Hail to the Weed
Don't need no vines, don't need no seeds
Can't kill it with Ortho, Roundup neither
When the cops find out, they all will seether.
Big ol' jet airliner
I not really a gigolo
I'm a black dude on Com Central
And I like Shakepeare tragedies
Darn it, I'm always last."

And it was downhill from there.

Ripp Penguin turned invisible and got her super zapper on. She zapped everyone who was in shooting range. Some people on the border of shooting range stepped back one large step. So did Ripp and she zapped them too. What no-one knew was that Ripp had a muscly husband. He came and punched everyone trying to hurt Ripp. Ripp was only having fun; it was a light that shone. It didn't hurt anyone. But suddenly, someone kidnapped Ripp Penguin and took her to the world of Faeries and Gorgeous Waterfalls. Ripp loved it and changed into a beautiful young woman. Suddenly, a hunky man came and they...

(don't be naughty. make your post clean! I dont wanna do anything disgusting with this hunky man. Oh, by the way it's Johnny Depp drooooool! Lol)