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Subject: Really bad pun thread
In honor of my father (the master of terrible puns), I am christening this newest thread with one of the worst puns I've ever heard.
Some people have hairdos. You have a hair don't! :-[ :P :-/ ??? ::) :'(
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
She was only the caveman's daughter, but nobody knows what Dinah saw (boom boom) ::)
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A bicycle can't stand on it's own because it is two - tired.
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Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
I have one thing to say to all of you, Get thee to a punnery. ;D ;)
Cat
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
"A cannonball took off his legs, so he lay down his arms"
(Example of a pun from my junior encyclopedia)
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
During his college years, God spited idol-worshiping Egyptian restaurateurs by eating copious amounts of Ra men.
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You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish. (REO Speedwagon)
Ooops! :-[
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Everyone in the bar is depressed. We need morale
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I went camping last week. It was intense.
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I've got a photographic memory that was never developed.
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I magician was walking down the street when suddenly he turned into a bar.
A guy turned and ran into a bar... it hurt.
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Painting: You must believe me! I was framed!
Me: And now you'll be hanged!
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When is a door not a door?
A: When it's ajar.
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A horse walks into a bar. The barman says "Why the long face?"
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Two peanuts were walking down the street and one was a salted.
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A builder squirted foam up a cop's trousers. He was arrested for insulating a police officer.
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A lumberjack was arrested for attacking a superior conifer.
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
From the book I'm reading at the moment:
Q: What's ET short for?
.
.
.
A: Because his legs are so small
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
#1: Can I borrow a potfore?
#2: What's a potfore?
#1: To cook things in, silly!
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What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick
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Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road ?
It wanted to lay it on the line ;D
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
Two pieces of string go into a pub and one of them tries to buy a round of drinks. "I'm sorry" says the bar man "but we don't serve pieces of string".
The second piece of string ties himself in a knot and then unravels a bit of the top of his string. He then goes to order the drinks. "Are you a piece of string" asks the bar man suspiciously. "No, I'm a frayed knot"
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
While we're at the pub.....
A horse walks into a pub and up to the bar to order a drink, with that, the barman enquires 'Why the long face...' :P
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
Quoting:
A horse walks into a pub and up to the bar to order a drink, with that, the barman enquires 'Why the long face...' :P
End Quote
...do I get a feeling of deja vu, here? ;-)
A famous 19th century punster whose name escapes me was asked to make a pun...
"'pun what subject?" he asked
"The King"
"But the king is not a subject, he is the King"
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
Quoting:
...do I get a feeling of deja vu, here? ;-)
End Quote
Ooooops ! It pays to read past posts..........sorry Philbo :-[
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
Hey, does anyone know who won the Kentucky Derby?
A: Charlie Horse (Person jabs elbow into the other's side.)
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A kid threw a clock out the window because he wanted to make time fly.
Cat
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
People complained about the noise of tennis star Elena Sharapova because she was making a racquet.
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
Quoting:
A kid threw a clock out the window because he wanted to make time fly.
Cat
End Quote
Did you know that same kid threw out a stick of Land O' Lakes to make a butterfly?
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
Quoting:
Did you know that same kid threw out a stick of Land O' Lakes to make a butterfly?
End Quote
Have you ever seen a horse fly or a house fly? ;D
Cat
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
Well I have seen an apple stalk and a picket fence
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Have you ever see the roof of your mouth?
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
Quoting:
Have you ever seen a horse fly or a house fly? ;D
Cat
End Quote
How about a dragon fly? Have you heard a rubber band? Or seen a needle wink it's eye? (But I be done seen 'bout everything, when I see an elephant fly.)
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
Quoting:
How about a dragon fly? Have you heard a rubber band? Or seen a needle wink it's eye? (But I be done seen 'bout everything, when I see an elephant fly.)
End Quote
(I was thinking the same thing. ;))
Have you ever heard a tree bark, or have seen when a kitchen sinks?
Cat
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
Or the difference between mashed potato and pea soup?
(A: anyone can mash potato ;-))
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The Germans must have cruel and ill-mannered children. Their parents keep saying they're the brat wurst.
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
Quoting:
The Germans must have cruel and ill-mannered children. Their parents keep saying they're the brat wurst.
End Quote
No wonder they're such sour krauts (am I allowed to say that in this PC world?)
Phil
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
Why did the idiot put lipstick on his forehead ? He wanted to make up his mind.... ::)
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and did he put mascara on the pillows when he wanted the bed made up?
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Rich Little must have wanted to make a good impression on the President.
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Guy goes to a fancy dress party in the nude piggybacking a girl. Host says "What are you supposed to be?" Nude man replies "a snail" points to girl on his back "that's Michelle" ;D
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The conductor wanted to perform "Messiah", but I don't think he can Handel it.
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(True story) This sweet old man picks up left over bread and produce for deer that he has on his property. We call him our "Dear deer" man. ;D
Cat
Subject: Re: Really bad pun thread
I suppose if he wrote poetry to them, you could call him the "Ode deer" man, too...