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This is a topic from the Penguin Board Games forum on inthe00s.
Subject: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: XenaKat13 on 06/21/03 at 11:44 p.m.
The other thread made it to 20 pages before we resolved all the dangling plotbunnies.
Let's continue here.
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Mike_Florio on 06/21/03 at 11:48 p.m.
do I get to be best man, or what?
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: XenaKat13 on 06/22/03 at 00:18 a.m.
Actually waiting on Rice....
He said something about a kidnapping earlier... :o
Maybe the wedding will involve different people than we think... :(
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Billy_Florio on 06/22/03 at 00:50 a.m.
meanwhile we returned to the search party that is being lead by former sitcom stars.....
after they finished fighting, they all refused to talk to each other, but sailed on.......they finally landed on an island...they looked around and figured that this must be the island that we are all stranded on.....as they moved in, searching for us, they incountered a commune...it was the land of old cartoon characters....there was Johnny Quest and Hadgii and Race Bannon (not the one from the boards lol ;D ) and Bandit, as well as Space ghost and Fred Flintstone, and Barney and all the other cartoon characters from 60s cartoons....they stayed there because Billy has lost track of all these stories......where did this wedding come from?
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Meriadoc on 06/22/03 at 00:53 a.m.
It is probably sleep deprivation from still being up at 3 a.m.... ;D
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Rice_Cube on 06/22/03 at 02:15 p.m.
Ares' trial defense team consisted of several well-known attorneys:
Johnnie Cochran--able to rhyme in Seussian style, even if he has to rhyme orange with orange!
Matlock--occasionally lulls the judge to relaxation while whistling the Andy Griffith jingle!
Perry Mason--for some reason, always appears in black and white!
Bill Cosby's wife on the Cosby Show--because she's just cool.
With a team like this, will the prosecution be able to gather enough leverage to put Ares away?
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Rice_Cube on 06/22/03 at 02:17 p.m.
For those of you who don't recall, XenaKat wrote:
Quoting:While Mikey was muttering something to himself about viagra, Ares was rendered immoble by Zeus.
"Ares there will be a trial. You have overstepped your bounds and brought the dead back to life. That is not your job." thundered Zeus.
"Will he be allowed to have people speak on his behalf?" asked XenaKat.
"Yes, but I warn you it will do him no good."
On the other side of the island, Merry, tied to Marilyn Manson's bed, trembled in fear. He did not know what was going to happen to him....but was sure he wasn't going to like it.
Just as Marilyn approached with the spatula in hand, grinning evilly, a shocked expression crossed his face...and he disintigrated into nothing.
"Oh good. I was not looking forward to that. That's not what I wanted at all". sighed Merry. "But now how do I get free?"
Hopping into the room, came a small group of Easter Bunnies of Pastelness. As they began nibbling at the ropes holding Merry, their leader, Flopsy, asked Merry for his help.
"The Dark Highlander, who sent the Marilyn Manson Devil after you is now dead, thanks to Good Rice Cube, XenaKat and Ares. But Ares is in trouble with the rest of the gods for bringing Pippin back from the dead. Would you please speak in his defense?" said Flopsy.
"Huh? Pippen dead! No!!! " shouted Merry.
"No...not anymore," said Flopsy. "Pippen is fine now. Also, there is going to be a wedding. We will be needing a Ring Bearer. Would you or Pippin like to have that honor?"
"Wedding? Whose?" mused Merry.
"Why....Ares and XenaKat of course...who else?" giggled Flopsy. End Quote
:)
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Indy Gent on 06/22/03 at 02:23 p.m.
But some of the other high priced attorneys: F. Lee Bailey, Alan Dershowitz, Lee Shapiro, Barry Shenk, Stanley Kahn, Keller and Keller, Ken Nunn, Arnie Becker, Bobby O'Donnell, and Christine Sullivan were left in the lurch. Ares thought his own mind would outdo the prosecution team of Marcia Clark, Chris Darden, Dan Fielding, Phil Garaci, Greg Garrison and Sam Waterston and Elizabeth Rohm from "Law and Order". "This is cinch", Ares grinned. "These losers never even convicted a cockroach."
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Billy_Florio on 06/22/03 at 07:25 p.m.
Quoting:
But some of the other high priced attorneys: F. Lee Bailey, Alan Dershowitz, Lee Shapiro, Barry Shenk, Stanley Kahn, Keller and Keller, Ken Nunn, Arnie Becker, Bobby O'Donnell, and Christine Sullivan were left in the lurch. Ares thought his own mind would outdo the prosecution team of Marcia Clark, Chris Darden, Dan Fielding, Phil Garaci, Greg Garrison and Sam Waterston and Elizabeth Rohm from "Law and Order". "This is cinch", Ares grinned. "These losers never even convicted a cockroach."
End Quote
lets not forget about Clarance Darrow or William Jennings Bryan..or their Inherit the wind counterparts, Matthew Harris Brady and Drummond (u cant remember his first name ::) )........
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: CrazyRacoonGurl124 on 06/22/03 at 08:57 p.m.
CrazyRaccoonGurl wandered aimlessy, wondering if this thread was the continuation of QueenAmenRa's story...???
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Mike_Florio on 06/22/03 at 09:01 p.m.
"I know how to help out Ares!" Mikey said to Jeff, and so he ran into the meeting room of the other side's attornys and got Elizibeth Rohm, and intraduced her to Billy. Once the viagra kicked in, Billy had finally gotten over Avril.
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Meriadoc on 06/22/03 at 09:16 p.m.
And speaking of Billy, Merry will offer Mikey 30 pieces of silver to do that sig change thing.... ;) ;) ;D
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: XenaKat13 on 06/22/03 at 09:24 p.m.
But Zeus would have no part of any attorneys.
"There shall be no persons at this trial who are not directly involved!!" he shouted. And he let loose with an enchanted thunderbolt.
But he missed.
Matlock, Claire Huxtable, and Perry Mason were given real lives in the real world, and everyone else was sent off into "Rerun Hell" for all eternity.
Zeus snapped his fingers. In the Hall of the Gods at Olympus were all the Greek gods and goddesses seated in a semi-circle around the room. There were also several Egyptian dieties, Hindu gods and goddesses (including Kali, destroyer of evil) and more than a few of the Discworld gods.
Ares stood immobilized in the center of the circle. Standing around him were XenaKat, Good Rice Cube, Billy Florio, Mikey Florio, Pippin, Indy Gent, Synchronos, the Avril Lavigne zombie, Jeff, Jonman, Cheerleader and Maria
"Ares, God Of War, you are here because you have overstepped your responsibilities as a war god and brought the dead back to life. That is not your job. We shall now decide your punishment," intoned Blind Io, Discworlds God of Justice.
"Wait, Please!" begged XenaKat. "Merry the Hobbit isn't here yet. He must be allowed to testify!"
"You dare insinuate that the gods are wrong!!!!! screamed Zeus.
"I'm not insinuating....I'm telling you...." snarled XenaKat, "that the gods can and do make mistakes. Remember that whole 'let's give the mortals free will' mess?"
"She's good" said Kali, Destroyer of Evil. "We must invite her and Ares over for coffee after this is over"
"Yes, my dear" said Shiva, god of the Circle of Creation and Destruction, (also Kali's husband) "She seems to be much like yourself. Perhaps she is a relative?"
"Maybe.....I do have some half-mortal sisters..." Kali mused.
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Rice_Cube on 06/22/03 at 09:41 p.m.
While XenaKat was discussing demigoddesshood with the Hindu spirits, Rice Cube searched for Merry, surrounded him with a hobbit-sized green energy football, and punted him into Olympus so he'd testify at the trial of Ares like a good hobbit should.
Dig?
8)
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Mike_Florio on 06/22/03 at 09:52 p.m.
Quoting:
And speaking of Billy, Merry will offer Mikey 30 pieces of silver to do that sig change thing.... ;) ;) ;D
End Quote
lol still thinking about it...
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Rice_Cube on 06/24/03 at 08:35 a.m.
In an effort to bump this baby up for XenaKat, Rice Cube the Good decided to zoom off in his emerald lightship and round up evidence and witnesses to absolve Ares of all crimes.
Rice Cube first went to Industrial Light and Magic to see if they had the videotape he submitted via ringcam that showed every last detail of the battle to the tiniest pixel.
George Lucas and Howard the Duck greeted him at the door, and invited him to Skywalker Ranch for some strumpets (::)) while they discussed copyrights and disclosure and all that other legal crap. As they viewed it on George's 128" big screen TV with layered surround sound, Rice Cube saw a ring's-eye-view of his fist slamming into Pippin (who was now resurrected) and the blood smearing away as the ring's auto-clean function kicked in.
"That's it," he mused. "This is what I need to show that the death was unwarranted and that Ares was in the right to bring him back."
Meanwhile, Howard the Duck kept mumbling about some kind of neutron disintegrator and how Tim Robbins was the worst actor of all time, even though he was actually kind of decent in Shawshank...
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Indy Gent on 06/24/03 at 05:12 p.m.
Ares piped up, "Holy Susan Sarandon! How dare you call Tim Robbins the worst of all time. Everyone knows that Stallone is the worst actor ever, if you call that acting." Angered, Rice Cube summoned Ares' ex-Persephone. "You tactless B****", cried Ares, as she slinked by in nothing more than a smile. "Admit it", smirked Persephone. "It turns you on, doesn't it?"
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Meriadoc on 06/24/03 at 10:09 p.m.
But little did anyone realize that IndyGent the narrator was really the evil Rice Cube in disguise. Because in reality, the true IndyGent was hopelessly stuck in bumper to bumper traffic on the Santa Monica Freeway in the LA game thread, while trying to find his way to Hollywood...
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Mike_Florio on 06/24/03 at 10:16 p.m.
Quoting:
But little did anyone realize that IndyGent the narrator was really the evil Rice Cube in disguise. Because in reality, the true IndyGent was hopelessly stuck in bumper to bumper traffic on the Santa Monica Freeway in the LA game thread, while trying to find his way to Hollywood...
End Quote
so all this time, it hasn't been indy?
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: XenaKat13 on 06/24/03 at 11:40 p.m.
Alas, it was the Ghost of Evil Rice Cube impersonating Indy Gent. But who was impersonating Persephone? Everyone knows Ares was never involved with her.....she was kidnapped and forced into marriage with Hades.
"Let the trial begin!" thundered Zeus. "It is obvious to everyone here that Ares, God Of War.....has over stepped his authority and brought the dead back to life...this is Hades's work. Ares is guilty. The sentence is complete oblivion!!!!!"
"Mighty Zeus!" shouted Xenakat. "You promised to allow us to speak in Ares's defense! You would not dare break a promise would you? How would the mortals who worship you react to that? I think they'd all defect to the Temple of Zombie Fred, who is known for breaking promises...and for his...uh....scent...."
"Very well...tiny mortal. But it will not change his sentence!!!!!"
"Wait". said Kali, Destroyer of All Things Evil, "Let them speak. She may not be totally mortal after all....she looks much like my long-lost-sister."
"Thank you, Lady Kali." and with that she asked Rice Cube the Good to show the video evidence of the accidental death of Pippen.
When all had seen it, XenaKat then said unto them: "Behold, the hobbit was killed inadvertantly in a battle to destroy the Evil Rice Cube and the Dark Highlander. And besides, as Merry here will tell you....Hades has no power over hobbits!"
All eyes then turned to Merry.....
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Mike_Florio on 06/25/03 at 00:15 a.m.
"but the highlander," Zues spoke, "you were in love with him?"
"Yes!" Xena answered, "were, but he was a mortal under a severe spell, Pippen was a hobbit!"
"You wouldn't have prefered your highlander friend over the hobbit?" Zues questioned, Xena shook her head.
"Well as the fact that a hobbit is not a mortal, Aeres must be set free!" Zues spoke, but then the great see roared, it was Posiden, and he was pissed. "Who dare let off a God for resorecting a mortal?" He questioned, "I did!" Zues answered, "very well!" Posiden siad, and a huge tital wave, the size of 10000 skyscrapers rose from the ocean and was headed right for the crew.
"Do something!" Xena yelled to Aeres, Ares looked foreward as teh counsil of Gods disapeared. The other mortals and hobbits were running already, as Xena and Ares stood out in the back and just watched the tital wave headed for them, what shall they do?
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: XenaKat13 on 06/25/03 at 01:37 a.m.
Without warning the world shifted and changed. All the gods, demi-gods and mortals were suddenly....elsewhere.
"Now what? wondered Ares, as he held XenaKat close by him.
"Relaxth, you are quite sthafe here," lisped a voice nearby. Ares recognized it as coming from Offler, the Crocodile God of Discworld. They were now in Dunmanifestin. As they looked around, XenaKat and Ares saw that all the exits were guarded by the most fearsome and frightening warriors known. Made all the more so by the fact that none of them were younger than eighty.
XenaKat recognized Cohen the Barbarian, Truckle the Uncivil, Mad Hamish, Boy Willie, Evil Harry Dread, Caleb the Ripper, and the dwarves, Butcher and Armpit. As this fearsome group had very nearly destroyed Dunmanifestin and Olympus only last week, it was obvious all the gods would respect them, and act like civilized creatures.
"What is the meaning of this!!!" roared Posiedon. "Where are we??"
Blind Io, Ruler of the Gods of Discworld spoketh thus: "You be quiet. You had your chance to speak at the trial. You chose not to. You have no right to bring harm to those poor mortals."
"A God of Olympus is forbidden to bring a mortal back from the dead!!!" screamed Posiedon.
"And if you had been listening carefully at the trial, Pippen the Hobbit is not mortal. Nor Zeus, was the Dark Highlander. No mortal can live to 400 years." stated Blind Io.
He then went on to explain that it was vitally important to establish exactly which gods were in charge of Hobbits. Those gods may not have a problem with Ares bringing Pippen back.
"Especially if it was for a good cause." chorused Urika,(Goddess of saunas, snow and theatrical performances for fewer than 120 people) and Topaxi, (God of certain mushrooms, and also of great ideas that you forgot to write down and will never remember again).
"I think," said Ares, that it has been established beyond the shadow of a doubt, that it *was indeed* for a good cause. Even my father Zeus, who hates me with all the passion a god can muster, has agreed to that."
"So it has..." simpered Libertina Goddess of the Sea, apple pie, certain types of ice cream, and short lengths of string. "Posiedon sweetie," and here Libertina's voice changed from the gentle tone she used on Ares to a snarling, man-hating growl, "while we are waiting to hear from the gods of the Hobbits, why don't you tell me why you have it in for Ares? And why you almost killed two dozen innocent mortals?"
Posiedon suddenly looked afraid.....Very Afraid.
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Billy_Florio on 06/25/03 at 10:08 a.m.
Quoting:
Ares piped up, "Holy Susan Sarandon! How dare you call Tim Robbins the worst of all time. Everyone knows that Stallone is the worst actor ever, if you call that acting." Angered, Rice Cube summoned Ares' ex-Persephone. "You tactless B****", cried Ares, as she slinked by in nothing more than a smile. "Admit it", smirked Persephone. "It turns you on, doesn't it?"
End Quote
wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.....as someone that knows Greek and Romen mythology very well, I might ask, Why on earth is Persephone with Ares?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!
Persephone was the wife of Hades, and daughter of Demeter (wait,..yeah, its Demeter)......Aphrodeiti (I hate spelling) is the lover of Ares (and Wife of Hepestus ...spelling...dangit!).......
so I ask again..where did Persephone come from?
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Meriadoc on 06/25/03 at 11:51 a.m.
That was merely the Gost of the Evil Rice Cube trying to trick us in the guise of IndyGent.....
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Rice_Cube on 06/25/03 at 11:56 a.m.
Of course, Rice Cube the Good was still hanging out on Skywalker Ranch stuffing his face with popcorn and the recently cooked Howard the Duck, who was pretty much useless anyway so they might as well have made him into fried duck.
Upon hearing of the return of the Evil Cube, Cube the Good flew back to the trial at Olympus. He discovered a holo-emitter projecting a false image of Persephone.
With a little detective work, he found that Persephone was indeed the one projecting the image, with the help of Evil Cube's technology. She had been getting tired of Hades lately, and it was a pain to ship all that Viagra into the underworld anyway, what with the skyrocketing tolls across the River Styx and the ungodly exchange rates. Persephone had hatched a plan to get into Ares' pants, and it was now up to Rice Cube the Good and XenaKat to stop her evil ways...
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Mike_Florio on 06/26/03 at 00:13 a.m.
Then Ares raised his sword adn stabbed Billy, killing him, just for fun...and there was much rejoycing...
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Rice_Cube on 06/26/03 at 08:33 a.m.
...so Rice Cube the Good gave Mike a Zoloft and some morphine and gave him a free gift certificate for anger management counseling to cure him of his homicidal rage ;D
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Billy_Florio on 06/26/03 at 09:46 a.m.
anybody mind bringing me back to life? ::)
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Rice_Cube on 06/26/03 at 09:48 a.m.
Quoting:
anybody mind bringing me back to life? ::)
End Quote
...so Rice Cube the Good told Ares that, since he's already in the deep doodoo anyway, might as well bring Billy back to life ;D
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Billy_Florio on 06/26/03 at 10:24 a.m.
thanks Rice
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: XenaKat13 on 06/26/03 at 11:32 a.m.
"No way dude. I'm not going through that again. But there is something I can do that won't get me into trouble
And with that, Ares snapped his fingers and produced a handful of sparkly Fairy Dust. He kissed the back of his hand and blew it over Billy.
Billy sat up and said, "uugghh. What just happened? Hey! I'm alive!"
"No, you're not. You are a Zombie. And I am not forbidden to create Zombies since your soul is still in the control of Uncle Hades. Have a nice trip!"
And Ares snapped his fingers again, splattering more Fairy Dust all over the place. Zombie Billy Florio and Zombie Avril Lavigne were on their way to the Zombie Master of Xanth to get married. ;)
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Rice_Cube on 06/26/03 at 11:38 a.m.
That out of the way, Rice Cube stopped at Olympus and realized that the trial had been relocated to some weird Turkish state, but when he got there it was over.
So he zipped around for a while, searching for Ares and XenaKat, when he happened upon Poseidon, who was looking very afraid. When Rice looked over his shoulder, EVIL Rice slammed him upside the head with a yellow sledgehammer construct and knocked him into the asteroid belt. Dazed, Good Rice started working his way back towards Earth...for Poseidon was now in a heapload of trouble...
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Billy_Florio on 06/27/03 at 07:09 p.m.
Since BIlly and Avril are Zombies, they only found it fitting to break out in song, singing a medely of "Time of the season", "Shes not there" and "tell her no".......
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Billy_Florio on 06/30/03 at 10:03 a.m.
Billy wondered what happened to the others?
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Meriadoc on 06/30/03 at 01:31 p.m.
Quoting:
Billy wondered what happened to the others?
End Quote
You probably don't want to ask that question. Your soul could be imperiled... :P ::)
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Zella on 06/30/03 at 02:26 p.m.
I feel rejuvinated, so I'll help out...
It seems that the hobbits were delighted beyond measure anticipating the ownership of a BillyFlorio zombie sex slave. Handcuffing Billy and Avril, they set out, and soon arrived at the post office. After a long wait in line (only three clerks and one out to lunch), they got Avril crated and shipped off to Berkeley for the exclusive use of the now absent Rice Cube.
Having disposed of that annoyance, and being rid of all further distraction, they hired a cab back to their exclusive beach house with the sauna, swimming pool and room for a pony... :)
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: XenaKat13 on 06/30/03 at 04:45 p.m.
But unfortunately, the cab was denied exit from Dunmanifestin. Truckle the Uncivil and Evil Harry Dread were given strict orders by Blind Io, Discworld’s God of Justice to let no one out till they had an answer from Middle Earth.
The hobbits returned to the audience hall to find that their box full of AvrilZombie had been returned for insufficient postage.
This caused her Husband…BillyFlorioZombie to be overjoyed by the return of his Zombie Wife.
Getting bored the hobbits were, and so was everyone else. Luckily, before anyone could suggest a game of charades, Gandalf arrived in Dunmanifestin.
“The gods of Middle Earth have declared that Ares has done no wrong,” he spake. “and in fact have done them a great service. The hobbits are very much needed, and as soon as they attend the wedding of Ares and Xena, Merry and Pippin must return to New Zealand to begin filming Return of the King”
Everyone cheered, and began planning the wedding. Xena wanted something short and simple. No wedding planners, no goofy dresses, no weirdness.
Pippen was to be the Best Hobbit, Merry the Ring Bearer, and Billy and Mikey were Bridesmaids….or whatever.
But where was Rice Cube?
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Rice_Cube on 06/30/03 at 06:33 p.m.
Rice Cube was in Switzerland, snowboarding on a glacier 8)
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Billy_Florio on 07/01/03 at 00:38 a.m.
bridesmaids???? How bout ushers? ;)
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Meriadoc on 07/01/03 at 01:20 a.m.
Suddenly the earth trembled. And a huge crevasse opened up....
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: Peregrin on 07/01/03 at 07:27 a.m.
Pippin slipped towards the yawming gap, only to have his/her slide halted by crashing into Evil Rice Cube, who was sent plummeting ass first into the chasm..... :(
Meridoc rushed to Pippin's side and cradled him/her, looked to the heavens and paid a debt of thanks for Cub'e's sacrifice ....
Subject: Re: Story Thread----The Trial of Ares
Written By: XenaKat13 on 07/01/03 at 08:39 a.m.
Quoting:
bridesmaids???? How bout ushers? ;)
End Quote
Because bridesmaids are sillier.
And goodness knows this story is far too serious now..... ::)